Is There An Obligation to Complete A Date?

A video when viral, with a woman saying she met with a man for a first date, and after seeing her, hugging her, and spending a very short amount of time with her, he asked her to step outside of the restaurant they’d just entered and he cancelled the date. According to her, he said he wasn’t feeling it.

She concluded the video by seeming to blame being overweight.

Maybe that was it, although I’ve seen claims she has pictures on her account that make it clear she’s big, so he had to have known before. Pictures can do that but still be misleading, though.

There’s so much I don’t know that matters to whether he did the right thing or not. The video isn’t long enough to begin to answer several questions.

Maybe it was something she was wearing, her makeup, her hair, or something she said or did? Maybe the hug? Just like some women do, there are guys who pay very close attention to EVERYTHING and are very particular about red flags, turn offs, etc. It could be as simple as she didn’t let him open the door of the restaurant for her. Maybe she was texting. Maybe she’d just been dropped off in front of him by her teen child he didn’t know existed.

It’s also possible the guy had some sort of mental or emotional problem.

He was almost certainly being honest when he said he wasn’t feeling it. If he thought there was a possibility of that changing, he would have likely continued with the date.

So many people say he should have continued with the date.

I tend to disagree, but overall context matters.

First, though, is the question: If he was obligated to continue the date, what exactly does that mean? Was he obligated to share a meal with her on his dime, being polite, friendly, engaged in a conversation, and going at a reasonable pace, and then wishing her well when they were both done and the check was paid?

If I was the guy and had done things the way I was raised, I would treated her to a good time as best as I could for a first date but not have done anything to lead her on (like kissing her or giving her compliments that weren’t sincere), made sure she got home safely, and after considering it for a couple of days to make sure, I would have given her sincere compliments and the “But…” and let her know it wasn’t going to be a match. Who knows? Maybe she would beat me to it.

Conversely, a man who is running game well would have avoided a meal date entirely. If they were instead meeting for drinks, and he was running game, yes, he should have ended it like that if he didn’t find her attractive. (The video appears to have been made immediately after the aborted date, and it appears it was still very much daylight outside, which isn’t recommended when running game.)

But there are questions.

Who set up the date? Traditionally, men ask for the date. But maybe she asked? If she asked, there is little question he had no obligation to go through with it even after meeting up.

There’s more of an obligation if he was the one who asked her out. But this is a bit of a game. Men are expected, most of the time, to ask, even when it’s clear they both want to meet up.

Did she communicate any expectations for this date? Was she expecting him to take her somewhere else after the meal or whatever? Had she indicated she expected sex? (Yes, some women do that.)

These are, essentially and presumably, strangers. He might have had a feeling he was somehow being set up or taken for his wallet, his DNA, false accusations, whatever.

Men are still generally expected to pay for dates. And time is money. It could be argued he was being responsible to abort the date. I guess we might say that consent to meet up for the possibility of a date isn’t consent to go through with it. His body/time/money, his choice. Can’t consent be revoked at any time?

Plenty of fat women get dates, get boyfriends, get married. True, they don’t have the same options women do if they’re not fat. That’s just a fact of life. Just like how short men don’t have the same options as taller men (but we all have more control over our weight than our height.) But there are fat women who marry, and even some, probably, who are happily married. My advice to this woman, if she keeps getting rejected because of the fat, is to find out how other fat women got what she wants. That might not be possible, if all the men she wants are attracting women they prefer more than her. She might have to “settle,” which is already what most women who lock in with a guy think they’re doing.

Or, lose the weight. I know that’s extremely difficult for some people, and there will still be guys who’ll reject her because she USED to be fat (it leaves marks and loose skin, there’s a likelihood she’ll get fat again). But it will improve her dating position, her employment position, and likely her health.

Can you imagine if a man posted a video like that? Complaining that a woman who’d met him for a first date quickly aborted the date? Especially if he finished it tearfully attributing it to his fat?

I saw a woman claim women don’t act like how the man acted. But women do allow a guy to pay for the date knowing she doesn’t want him, send him on his way without so much as a kiss, and then plenty of those women will text a bad boy to come over and hook up.

Dating, especially if you’re looking for “the one,” is extremely tough. It’s much less of a problem for someone who is running game.