Mistaken For a Cougar

HAPPILY MARRIED MOM IN OHIO wrote in to Dear Abby:

I'm an athletic, youthful-looking 58, and my son, "Barry," is 24.

Good for you.

We go out alone for dinner quite often because my husband (Barry's father) doesn't enjoy eating in restaurants.

Good.

My problem is the angry stares my son and I get from younger -- and older -- women who mistake me for a "cougar" out on a date with my "cub."

There's nothing you can do about it, other than calling him "son" loudly enough in conversation so that these other people hear you (of course they might still assume it is a date and be even more hostile). If you are in public, you have to deal with the public. Or choose restaurants with booths that have more privacy.

The other night when I left our table to use the restroom, a woman approached Barry, told him he was "disgusting," and asked, "Why don't you date girls your own age?"

Really, what is disgusting about a younger man having dinner with an older woman? If you think that is disgusting, is it also disgusting if the sexes are reversed? If you say it is disgusting because it must be about sex, then don't kid yourselves – most dates these days are about sex.

As far as the second sentence, I can think of several responses...

"Because they do rude things, like approach strangers trying to enjoy a dinner with a parent and insult them."

"Because they're too easy."

"Older women know what they are doing."

"Because I want to talk about meaningful things like the world situation, and it is very hard to find an unmarried 24-year-old-or-younger woman these days who pays attention to such things – watching MTV doesn't count."

"She likes me for my personality/body/staying power in bed, not my wallet. She has her own money."

They won't be likely to know what to say after that.

He informed her that I was his mother, but even if I wasn't, it was none of her business.

You're right.

Another time, a girl Barry's age asked him why he was out with "an old hag" and said, "How can you want her over me?"

He could have said, "I don't have to choose. Meet me later." But then again, after she called his mother and old hag, why would he want her?

But something else comes to mind... why would this woman's son tell her these things? If someone called my mother an old hag while she was in the restroom, I wouldn't tell her that when she came back to the table. Maybe he's making it up?

This happens every time we go out.

That's suspicious. Or you are exaggerating.

Interestingly, young men who have commented thought it was "awesome" that Barry could be out with a cougar.

Exactly.

It's only the females who have a problem with us.

What, are you telling me men and women are different, and sometimes it is women that make life difficult for other women, especially when it comes to relationships? Naaaah.

Sounds like jealousy on the part of these other women. Dear Abby agrees.

I've written before about some of my experiences with significantly older women. My wife is five years younger than me - the only serious girlfriend I ever had who was more than a year or two younger than me. It wasn't like I wasn't attracted to younger women. I just don't think they were as attracted to me. I had a habit winning women over with my personality, my humor, my voice, my conversation. Younger women (meaning early 20s) are about partying and money.

Sometimes, when I was out with the older women, people would react - but that comes with the territory. It is a little more accepted these days.