Being His Lover - Part 2: He Wants To Satisfy You

In Part 1 of this series, I explained that, if most relationships with a man, being a good lover is important and it can be easy.

But it's not all about him.

Unless you chose poorly, your man wants you to be sexually satisfied. He wants to rock your world.

But men are not mind readers, so you have to clearly tell us or, even better, show us what you want, what gets your toes curling, what makes you feel loved. (If you don't already know, you'll need to think about it and also probably get to "know" yourself much better.)

We will do it!

Constructive encouragement and clever redirection will help. Criticism or complaining will destroy. Penises don't take criticism well, and men generally have fragile egos when it comes to sex.

Is he doing something you don't like? Is there something you'd rather he be doing at that moment? "Beg" for him to do X, which gets him to stop doing Y without you saying "Don't do Y!" Or tell him, "What will really drive me wild right now is if you..."

"Yesss!" is great. Examples:
"Yes, just like that."
"Yes, don't stop!"
"Yes, a little higher."
"Yes, a little lower."
"Yes, a little to the side."
"Yes, a little faster."
"Yes, a litter slower."
"Yes, a little softer."
"Yes, a little harder."

After everything is over, like the next day or something, reinforce for him what you liked. "Thank you so much. It was especially great when you..." You might also say, "I'm a little curious. Maybe one of these days we could try..."

We also don't want to be selfish, so if it is one of those occasions you're unprepared or unwilling to let him "get you there" but you still see the benefit of "taking care" of him, tell him that in a way that doesn't make it sound like sex is a burden or you're not interested or he's unattractive to you. That can be something like saying in a sultry voice, "Ooh, I want to do this so bad. Just let me do this, this time while you just relax and enjoy." If he thinks you enjoy doing something sexual to him for the sheer sake of him enjoying it, that's a turn-on and a great feeling to a man.

Rejection hurts. It can ruin your relationship. If he's feeling horny but you are not in the mood and he's not going to be able to get you into the mood, instead of "Ugh, not again!" it would be much better to say and do something like "Hey, stud, how about you relax and let me..." You can fill in the blank. Of course there will be times in which any form of sex is not going to work for you at all, and if you married a good man, he will accept that. It is best if you reassure him you love him and love what you do together even as you "postpone" a session.

If he can't tell if you still need to orgasm, you want (another) one, he's probably done, and he doesn't have the presence of mind to ask if there is anything else he can do for you, you can try "I'm enjoying this so much, let's keep going." Show him/tell him what to do. "I need your talented tongue..." or "I need your fantastic fingers..."

I come (no pun intended) from the school of "she comes first." Hopefully, you can get him to adopt that if he hasn't already. The only drawback to that is that if it is one of those times you don't want to try or you know it's not going to happen, he has to switch to accepting that he gets it without you getting it. The problem with male physiology is that unless we're in an extremely, extraordinarily arousing situation, we lose our erection after orgasm and lose our interest for a bit, almost like some women apparently feel for the rest of their live after they eat their wedding cake (or, after they're done having kids, or have hit menopause). But we can be back to being erect and eager in a short amount of time, especially under the right circumstances.

Positive reinforcement and playful redirection are your friends. He's not a mind reader. He wants to please you. But you have to let him, and you have to show him how.