A Free Man Calls Dr. Laura

As you know if you read this blog, I'm married, and I'm a father, having had children with my wife. I got married because I wanted to, and I have children because I wanted to.*

On yesterday's (Wednesday, November 1, 2017) Dr. Laura Program, which I love, I think it was the first call that she took that had me wanting to scream.

The caller was a man of about 30 years of age, who has a girlfriend who is 29. He's never wanted children. The girlfriend indicated she has wanted children, but was willing to not have children for the right relationship.

Dr. Laura sometimes seems to be one of those people that dismisses anyone who doesn't want children as immature and selfish. She questioned the caller as to why he doesn't want to have children. The problem with asking him that was 1) it is irrelevant WHY... that's his consistent position and that's all that mattered to the call, and; 2) it's the wrong question because the default is NOT having children. If you wake up, eat, drink, work, sleep, and go through your life, you don't end up with children... UNLESS you DO something with someone else to MAKE them. So the question isn't why someone doesn't want to have children, but why another person does. Most people can't give a logical, reasonable, coherent, unselfish reason why they want to have children. The caller said he doesn't want to have children because he wants to travel a lot and enjoy the finer things in life.

Dr Laura was right when she said the girlfriend would (odds are overwhelming) want children around the time she hits 35. That's not really an obligation on the caller, however. He should make it clear to his girlfriend he's never going to have children, get a vasectomy and ensure his sperm count is zero, and keep in mind that the girlfriend might leave him in about six years (that's always a possibility anyway). If the girlfriend still wants to see him for now, that's on her.


But there were problems with how Dr. Laura handled the call. She said (I may not have the exact wording right, but the message is precise) that the caller shouldn't even marry because no wife is going to want to travel instead of having children.

WHAT?!?


There are plenty of women who've 1) married, and 2) chosen not to have/raise children. Granted, that's not the majority of wives, but they're not so rare.

Then she went on to say he shouldn't even be dating because he shouldn't get married.


Again, there's no law, rule of etiquette, or moral requirement that dating has to be for the purposes of marrying. Dr. Laura herself even tells unmarried parents of minor children to date casually (and never bring their new lovers into the lives of their minor children).

She went on to say that he's in his "boy phase" and not yet in his "man phase", which is complete crap. I  mean, maybe he is, but that can't be discerned from what he said. Plenty of mature, responsible men prefer, or would prefer, to enjoy more financial security, wealth, and the things that come with it rather than being fathers. Conversely, it is immature to say "I should have children because I want the experience and maybe I'll regret it if I don't, and it's what people are supposed to do and it is what my parents did and they want me to do the same."

All that being said, I hope he does follow the advice of getting a vasectomy and not marrying. He should date if he wants, but he could travel even more and enjoy the finer things in life even more if he avoided exclusive relationships and taking women along on his travels and to restaurants and the like. Dr. Laura was right to tell him if he wants companionship doing these things, he should do them with a male friend. She said that to have him avoid getting a woman hopeful he'd want to be a father after all, but I think it's good advice because he's not going to have to pick up the tab for his male friends.

*****

*I was defrauded due to my wife either lying or being delusional. If I could do it again, I wouldn't have married her, or anyone.