Tuesday, February 07, 2017

It's National Masochistic Self-Destructive Male Week!

Well, that's not what they're calling it. Leading up to one of the worst days of the year, marriage pushers have decided this (February 7 - 14) should be "National Marriage Week USA".


So of course, they're marriage marketers are trotting out the same misleading statistics and fairy tales.

A good example is Sheila Weber's piece I found at Fox News.

The misleading headline is "Better Sex, Better Health, More Money: What Men Really Get Out of Marriage".

More than ever, today’s young men question the value of marriage to increase their happiness and well-being.
Of course they do. Men eventually catch on. We see what is going on around us. We see what has happened to our fathers, our uncles, our brothers, our friends. We see what happens to them when they marry. We see what happens to them when they get divorced. We see when something is a bad deal. We see the brides, who literally the day after the wedding, chop off their hair and start gaining weight. More men are opting to live a better life than that.
The U.S. marriage rate has dropped dramatically (from 70 percent in to 50 percent in four decades) and marriage is getting replaced with new habits of long-term dating, late marriage and long-term cohabitation.
Better get used to it.

I’ve watched my husband of 36 years, my son (married at age 28), and my son-in-law (married at age 25) easily embrace the contradiction to that joke -- that in fact marriage deeply enhances their lives and they would rather be married than single.
1) That's what they tell you. How likely would they be to tell you the truth if it is different?

2) Maybe you're not the typical American woman? Maybe your daughter and your daughter-in-law are not the typical American woman?

2) Maybe your husband, son, and son-in-law had no game, didn't have their acts together, and/or had moral qualms with unmarried sex? Recognize that the overwhelming majority of Americans will engage in fornication without much, if any, guilt.

3) The FACT is, legally marrying brings the state into your relationship and removes most power a man has in the relationship and most control he has over his own life.  Everything good a man may get out of marriage is provided at the voluntary generosity of his wife, who can end that generosity at any time and for no reason, and not only not suffer social or financial penalties for doing so, but be REWARDED for doing so.

Young women have their own reactions toward marriage, but a new study on “Men & Marriage” sheds fresh insight on the attitudes of men towards marriage. “Science could not be clearer:  on average, men enjoy more money, better sex, and better health when they are married,” cite Institute for Family Studies researchers Brad Wilcox and Nicholas Wolfinger.
Ah, our old friends. Yes, well, we've dealt with these claims thoroughly already. Correlation is not causation. What woman is going to pick a poor, frigid, sickly guy to marry??? These stats are arrived at by including LOSERS who couldn't attract a wife AND DIVORCED MEN, who have been worked over by the family courts. When you compare INTENTIONALLY unmarried men who never married to married men, you'll find something different.

And they have to spend FAR MORE than that on stuff they wouldn't if they were unmarried and childless. AT LEAST HALF of everything a married man earns is legally his wife's. So an unmarried man can earn 51% what his married counterpart does and still be ahead.

When all of the smoke and mirrors are removed, marriage pushers have little ability to provide men with a real, good reason that's a personal benefit for them to marry.

The report, “Men and Marriage: Debunking the Ball & Chain Myth” found that:
·  Married men earn between 10 and 40 percent more than otherwise comparable single men.
·  That the quality of married sex trumps the quality of unmarried sex.
·  Men who get and stay married live almost 10 years longer and are more likely to experience better physical and emotional health.
Fake news? See this for more about married sex.
Better Health:  “Simply put,” the report says, “the companionship, the support, and even the nagging that men get from their wives in marriage translate into better physical health.”
Men can get that without legally marrying. They can also schedule their own health appointments.
The report notes that a majority of first divorces are initiated by women and so it offers some advice for men. 
Don't get married to start with!
“Men who do their best to hold down a stable job, who don’t abuse drugs or alcohol, who are sexually faithful, who attend religious services regularly with their wives, and who make a regular effort to be emotionally engaged in their marriage are less likely to divorce.”
Got that guys? 1) Stay stuck in your lousy job (and hope the almost-inevitable doesn't happen: layoffs). Your wife and kids will be depending on you, so forget about finding a better job, or your dream career. It's too risky and you'll have big bills to pay! 2) Don't "abuse" alcohol... which probably means whatever your wife considers to be too much. You should probably do the other things anyway.

And what are the odds that men who do those things are deep into religious subculture that strongly condemns divorce and would probably lose his entire extended family, his job, and everything else if he got divorced?

Recognize that having a successful marriage takes work, but that effort is worth it.
Not for everyone! Consider keeping your life easy and simple by staying unmarried, rather than adding more "work" to your life by marrying.
As we begin National Marriage Week USA (Feb. 7 to 14th), men should know that there is a path to greater happiness, wealth and well-being. 
Yes, there is! Men can be very happy, wealthy, and have much well-being by avoiding marriage, avoiding shackups, and avoiding knocking women up!
Guys, take heart – you may think marriage is just the “ball and chain,” but it can make your life better!
We can win the lottery, too!

And so we have another round of  trying to get men to sacrifice themselves for what will likely be a losing effort, and doing so my appealing to a man's self-interest or selfish side. That is not the way to go! When you do that, you end up with more bitter husbands and fathers who have the impression they were lied to. Don't do that to women!
Want more men to marry? Stop blowing smoke. Either 1) Be honest and appeal to their sense of masochistic self-sacrifice or, 2) change marriage laws and courts and how our culture treats husbands. Good luck with that!

The FACT is, happily married men are in the distinct minority. Even many who say they're happy have simply decided  to accept that they should give up on their dreams and have forgotten what freedom was like.

Any man thinking about marrying should go through this checklist. It would be nice if, in addition to this very blog, they could get confidential, honest talk from many husbands who don't have ulterior motives.


  1. Ha ha! I knew Brad Wilcox would appear in this somewhere. No matter how much this "men benefit from marriage" crap is debunked it always seems to rise again to new life.

    1. Yes. Thanks for commenting, Peter.

      The fact is, these studies can never tell you how any given person's life would be different if they had chosen differently. The closest they can get is to compare identical twins who were raised together, but even then it is still speculation.

      These studies almost never can establish causation.

      And even these studies separate out divorced men rather than counting them as "not married", they never separate out INTENTIONALLY unmarried men. There has to be enough of those now to be able to do some research.


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