In a previous posting, I mentioned how I committed my wife. They didn't see a reason to keep her past the 72-hour hold, so out she came. She even joked about the experience. I couldn't laugh about it.
We discussed what needed to change about our lives to avoid getting to this point again.
And then I realized I had made a tactical error by not being the one to be hospitalized first. All of the changes we discussed are going to make things easier for her, but many of them are going to make things more difficult for me. As it was, before all of this happened, my father had expressed concern that I was going to wind up in an emergency room, as he did right before my mother gave birth to their third child.
We've put some of the changes into practice. Others we haven't. For example, we're still in the process of finding a marriage counselor (she wasn't happy with the one we went to last year). I'm not really sure what a marriage counselor can do.
The marriage counselor can't make my wife's physical condition, which I was mislead about, get better.
The marriage counselor can't find more time. In fact, the counseling is going to mean out time will be even more taxed.
Perhaps we're going to pick the kind of marriage counselor who is going to tell me to take on even more of a load? What am I going to do? Explicity say in front of my wife and the counselor that I've been a victim of fraud, and there's nothing I can do about it now because I don't want my kids to have a broken home, and after my kids are grown, the laws & courts would ---- me over too much for me to want to initiate divorce, seeing as how I will have been the sole income earner and we will be long past the magical ten-year mark?
The other day, my wife was looking for a home video and she was struck by how nice her breasts used to be. Actually, they've never been spectacular, but I was fine with that. Breastfeeding and a lot of pumping and starving herself (not while pregnant or breastfeeding, thankfully) took a mighty toll on her breasts. So now, or the first time, she's talking about getting implants/enchancement surgery sometime in the vague future. Geez. Look, I'm the kind of guy who still wears glasses because I'm too cheap to pay for laser eye surgery. I pointed that out to her. If I haven't spent the money on that, why would I want to spend the money on fake boobs? I also told her I was fine with the way she is. Really, what's been my alternative? Tell her she needs to have her breasts done and thereby further reduce the frequency of my access to her body? I also asked her who she is trying to attract. She already has me. She insists it is for her own image. I cited what Dr. Laura says... it is OK if it is to "fix something that was broken", not to turn perfectly fine B or C cups into something larger.
The rest of this is about marital sex, if you don't want to read, don't click through.
Finally... on one recent day, I knew we were going to have the house to ourselves when my wife returned. so I showered, shaved, and was ready to scoop her up in my arms and make passionate love to her. But when she got home, she asked for "twenty minutes" to decompress. Those minutes turned into the hours, and then, later when were both tired and ready to go to sleep, the fun began. And then the fun stopped. Why? Because I want us to have more foreplay.
Yeah, that's right. The man wants more foreplay.
When she has an orgasm, my body reacts because it turns me on. This was never a problem in past relationships because whichever woman I was with, this would happen. But my wife has difficulty. So I feel like a selfish jerk. So, in order for things to work right if she's not going to get there, I need more foreplay, the kind that makes me believe she actually enjoys lovemaking. Otherwise, I'm not going to be able to sustain it. Futher adding to the problem is that once any of her body's lubricant gets on me, that part of my body will not be touched by her mouth again, so there's no going back for more of that form of foreplay (that is something else that was never a problem in past relationships).
So after we hit an impasse because things didn't go perfectly according to her script, she started talking about how her not climaxing isn't my fault - her condition is spreading and getting worse, making it harder for her to orgasm. She also mentioned the medications being a problem (which I'd already figured.) So, she said, nothing I could do would feel good enough, but she wants to take care of my needs. Greeeeaaaaaaat. That's the wrong thing to say to me. Well, actually not, since it was the truth. The real error came when she presented herself as ready to be a mother and a wife, at least a wife to me. If I was some selfish guy who didn't give a damn about my wife's pleasure, then this wouldn't be such a problem. But I really hate feeling like I'm adding a chore to her day. Also, it sucks big Godzilla balls because now one of my favorite and best ways of showing my love for my wife is gone, or is going to be rare. And, her overall condition getting worse. How long will it be before I have to take on more and more responsibilities? Again, this isn't something that happened after we got married. It is something she knew, or should have known before we even met. She sould have either found someone who WANTED a wife who was going to be physically depenedent on him... or worked and saved up money and did whatever she could to purchase future care for herself.
I got up out of bed and went to be alone for a while. When I did return to bed, I didn't sleep well.
The next morning, she asked me not to be mad. You know, because I'm not allowed to have my feelings. I told her I wasn't mad, I was sad. A little bit later, she said that she thinks she didn't communicate well and asked me to tell her what I'd heard her say. I told her that she'd told me that nothing I could do when it came to sex was going to make her feel good anymore. She offered a different phrasing that pretty much said the same thing.
Nothing like picking someone up to ask if they are OK so you can knock them down again.
Attention unmarried men: This can be your life, too. All you'll have to do is sign away half of everything you'll ever earn! WHAT A DEAL!