Don't Try This at Home (or Wherever There's a Road)

Angel Jennings reports at LATimes.com:

A teen in the Sacramento suburb of Natomas sustained life-threatening injuries after being run over by a car while lying in the street, authorities said.

Did he trip? Had he been assaulted and left in the street?

The 16-year-old was in the middle of the road wearing headphones about 7 p.m. Tuesday when the Chevy ran him over on Regginald Way and Taylor Street, Fox40 News in Sacramento reported.

The driver, apparently not an illegal alien with no license and no insurance, actually stopped and called the police! Yay! No charges have been filed against the driver, who is probably traumatized.

The teen was being treated at a hospital for critical injuries considered life-threatening.

As far as I can tell, there are three possibilities here:

1. The teen is a potential Darwin Award candidate who was simply being stupid.

2. The teen was intentionally trying to commit suicide.

3. The teen was assaulted and left in the street, or suffered some sort of medical issue such as seizure, and fell down in the street (though the text of the article probably would have mentioned something about that).

It's a terrible situation no matter what, but I somehow feel numbers 1 and 2 are worse, and at first glance, I was sure it was #1.

If it was 1 or 2, then you know what we need? A National Office of Not Being Human Roadkill, perhaps with a Czar or Secretary cabinet position. We can tax gasoline even more to pay for it, and then when those revenues take a dip, we can raise incomes taxes to keep such a necessary office and the people who've been retired from it for 40 years fully funded. We'll have public service announcements, printed warnings, education programs, and we'll have to teach in our schools about prominent people in history who have been hit by cars. Or maybe not.