Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Deserving

A female relative of mine who recently divorced her (most recent) husband and has spent a lot of time over the years as a single/divorced mother recently had this as her status update on a social networking website:
Every woman deserves a man who calls her baby, kisses her like he means it, holds her tight like he never wants to let go, doesn't cheat, wipes her tears when she cries, doesn’t make her jealous of other women, instead makes other women jealous of her, is not scared to let his friends know how he really feels about her, and lets her know how much he really loves her.... Re-post if you agree.

Every woman? Really? Even those women who murder their own husband and kids? What if she is a horrible woman and treats men like crap?

Notice that the wording is not "everyone woman deserves a husband".

I think I've seen this status update posted before, including by women who make the kinds of choices that allow men to treat them like crap. You know the type... they will sing along the loudest to "I Will Survive" and still go on to jump into bed with jerks. Women may say they want one thing, but often treating them a different way gets a guy what he wants. Sometimes, the more of a jerk a guy is, the more a woman will keep having sex with him and doing anything else he wants.

As for jealousy – some women are especially insecure and jealous, and nothing a man does will change that.

I do believe in the inherent worth of every human being, including every woman. Even those girls who are still in their mother's womb have inherent worth. But I also believe in personal responsibility, and that there are things some women do to bring crappy guys into their lives and drive away loving men. I also believe a relationship between a man and a woman is a two-way street.

If I were going to post an equivalent of the status update, it would be:
Every man deserves a woman who respects him to his face and behind his back, doesn’t cheat, doesn’t sexually reject him but is an enthusiastic lover, keeps herself together, doesn’t make him jealous of other men, instead makes other men jealous of him, sends him off to have time with the guys with a smile instead of eye-daggers, lets him do things for her, doesn’t treat him like one of her girlfriends, tells him what she needs instead of expecting him to read her mind or decipher hints, is not scared to let her friends know how she really feels about him, and lets him know how much she appreciates and respects him...Re-post if you agree.

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