Letter to Dr. Laura Asks Where the Good Men Are

Subject: What Has Happened To REAL MEN?!
Date: 2006-08-11

Quotes:
>>I'm a 35 year-old single, smart, witty, attractive woman who chose to sign onto the "online dating scene" six months ago.<<

You certainly sound confident. I'll automatically buy that you are "a 35-year-old single" woman. Whether you are smart, witty, and attractive - I don't know. Maybe you come across as stuck-up, self-important, and arrogant in person.

>>I've been on two different sites (one that Dr. Phil McGraw endorses!) & have gone out with about 15 "men" over the last 24 weeks.

I can't tell you how let-down I've been by the majority of "men" I've met.<<

What, they didn't call you back?

>>I'm very curious to know your opinions/thoughts not only on online dating but...really...on what you believe has happened to REAL MEN?

By a real man I mean one who actually calls and PLANS a date.<<

What about you? Can't you call and plan a date? I agree that someone asking for a date should plan ahead, but is there any reason why you can't do likewise?

>>I've had numerous men call me at 6pm to meet them at 8pm. On the same night!<<

Okay, so it sounds like you were one of their back-ups. They were planning on dates with women they found more attractive, but those plans fell through, and so they called you. If these guys just want sex, then I agree 8pm is bad. They should have asked you to meet them for drinks a little later than that.

>>A real man, to me, is one who drives to PICK ME UP.<<

What, so now a date is your chauffer?

>>I've had numerous men ask me to either meet them 1/2 way<<

What's wrong with that?!? If they've never met you before, it is a good idea for your safety AND theirs. Wake up, sister!

>>or, worse, come to them!<<

Yeah, that's not good. These guys should not let you know where they live, or you might show up when they are busy with another date.

>>Many of them start talking sex during the first conversation.<<

So? If you don't like that, then these men are not for you. Why do you think that every man is supposed to be for you? Get up and leave (you see, you can if you bring your own car). That way, you don't waste your time with a man who is upfront and honest about his desire for sex, and he can save his time for a woman who will accomodate him.

>>Too many of them have NO CLUE as to how to treat a lady.<<

Maybe. Or maybe you aren't coming across as a lady. A lady is more than just a woman who saves sex for marriage. Keeping your knees together doesn't automatically mean you are a lady.

>>Many of them believe strongly that a woman should pay "their share." I tell them that I am NOT A LIBERAL FEMINIST so don't expect me to behave like one. I also have told them that I DO NOT think men & women are "equal." Because I don't!<<

Ah HA! Now the truth comes out. She's mad because she's not getting free meals, drinks, and entertainment out of these guys. Traditions, customs, and manners usually have a root in something practical. The tradition of the man paying for date comes from a time when women lived at home until married and did not make their own income. Unless you are living in your father or brother's house and busy with domestic chores instead of income-earning, then stop whining and trying to have your cake and eat it too - and PAY YOUR SHARE. Why is your time more valuable than his? Why should he pay for you? Women who get paid for simply spending time with a man are prostitutes, escorts, strippers, and therapists. Unless you are one of those, pay your own way.

Whether you like it or not, you are in competition with women who will pay their share.

>>I've found that when I let these men know my "rules" upfront, they drop off the face of the earth.<<

Good! They don't waste any more of your time, and you don't waste theirs. See how that works?

>>"Plan a date at least a few days ahead of time." "Call me when you say you will call." "I prefer that you pick me up rather than me coming to you." Are these confusing to men nowadays?! They seem to be because of all 15 men I've met, I dated ONE for about a month & when he found out I wasn't going to stay overnight with him, he ALSO dropped off the face of the earth. I don't understand their thinking Dr. Laura.<<

Men and women think differently. Those men (like almost all healthy men) want sex. Unlike some other men, these men are not willing to wait for marriage to get it, and they don't have to in today's world. Since you aren't going to give them easy sex without all sorts of strings attached, these men are going to women who give them less of a hassle. Yes, it means fewer free meals for you. Boo hoo hoo. But if you stick to your principles, you are more likely to find the rare man who is compatible with you.

I suggust presenting your rules upfront in your online dating profile, and stress that you are serious. That way, you will severely cut back on your interaction with men who do not follow your rules.

>>I BELIEVE all of the liberal feminists have practically ruined dating for those of us who don't believe the way they do.<<

This is very true. The fact is, men have been told over and over again that women want to be treated the same as men, and women are fornicating with men on the first, second, or third date. This makes it easier for men who don't truly share your values to avoid living by them. On the bright side, that means you find a man who is acting according to your values, it is more likely he trily believes in them, and isn't following them only because he has no real choice.

>>NOW...I state in my profile online that I want a MAN WHO IS CLOSE TO HIS FAMILY. I want a man who has cleaned up his past. I want a man who still believes in CHIVALRY.<<

That's all good, and I hope you will likewise be up to treating his family pleasantly, agreeing to his decisions, supporting him emotionally and socially, turning from a restrained maiden while dating into a diligent and enthusiastic wife in the bedroom, keeping the home clean, doing the laundry, cooking the food, etc. If he is going to be asked to keep up his traditional role, you should be ready to keep up your traditional role.

Except for the paying for dates, I'm all for what this woman wants. However, I also recognize that in today's world of rampant divorce, alimony, women feeling entitled to anything they want, and casual sex, that people have more choices about how they are going to live. If you think it is hard for to find a good man - well, it is at least as hard to find a good woman. In today's world, a woman can sit at home doing nothing, cheat on her husband, give birth to another man's child, leave her husband, take half of everything he has AND have him pay to support a child that's not even his, and not suffer social consequences. A man can respect a woman's insistence that they "wait" for sex, and she can be getting a booty call on the side. I can see why some men do not want to bother with marriage.

Only if they find the right woman should they get married.