A Success Story

Let's get something straight right away. I'm still of the conviction that sex is for marriage.

Today’s Dr. Laura Show e-mail of the day comes from "Kelly" and is titled "Waiting Made It Better". I don't know if that’s Kelly's title or the title given to the letter by Dr. Laura or someone on her staff.

When my husband and I began dating, we were in our forties. Unfortunately, in our age group, sex is an expectation of even the most casual of dating.

That's an expectation of any age group from 16 years-old on up.

I knew I had a keeper when at the very beginning of our relationship, he agreed to wait until our wedding night!

Many women "knew they had a keeper" due to a similar agreement, only to find out that they married a man who has little to no interest in having/ability to have sex with her or women in general. This could be due to impotence, or trauma, hormonal problems, or a disorder, or only having attraction to children or males or inanimate objects. And then what? Well, many people who insist only having sex in marriage also insist on not divorcing. So you they find themselves enduring a lack of this kind of affection for the rest of their lives. That is more tolerable if someone is paying your way through life, but for men, it is less so.

This was made all the sweeter as we had both previously been married so we knew what comforts and pleasure we were missing.

So it isn't like they were curious and pent-up virgins. It's one thing to "wait" when you've had it as a regular part of your life before. It is another thing to wait when you've never had it, and we shouldn't pretend it is the same thing.

We celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary this past Valentine's Day.

That's smart on his part - getting married on February 14. It cuts down by one the number of "special days" he has to make a big deal about. He gets even more points if he Kelly's birthday is December 25. If you're going to get married, guys, find a woman whose birthday is either 2/14 or 12/25 and get married on the other date.

We have a marriage that is not only passionate and getting more so each year, but we have peace in our home and the loving, trusting, never-going-to-leave-you-no-matter-what relationship we've always dreamed of.

If she's implying that he's:

• loving
• trustworthy
• never going to leave her no matter what

...because he was willing to wait, well, that isn't necessarily the case, as many women who married men who waited with them can testify. Also, "never-going-to-leave-you-no-matter-what" can be a very a problematic attitude. I made vows to my wife, but if she gets to strike three as far as risking harm my children, than I pray I have the guts to leave her.

Getting back to the title of the letter and her comment that "this was made all the sweeter". The fact is, we don't know. We have no idea what it would be like if they hadn't waited. She might be just as happy with everything now. And yes, things might have been not as good. We don’t know. What we do know is that for that amount of time, which they are never getting back, they weren't enjoying sex. We make these claims, implicitly or explicitly to younger generations that if they just wait, things will be great. It isn't necessarily so. There are real people out there who waited and have found things are not great - they may be awful. I'm glad things are great for Kelly and her husband, and wish them a long and happy life together, but it doesn't always so the same for everyone, and they're only five years in anyway and things could be very different in another five years. We can still make the case that waiting is the right thing to do without fostering unrealistic expectations that will leave some people confused and bitter.

Something to See

In recent years, I’ve complained much about my marital situation on this blog. However, there are a few common complaints many husbands have that I don't have.

• My wife has not gained weight. She may even weigh less right now than when we married. She could stand to gain some weight, actually.
• My wife has not chopped off her hair. Yes, she gets the rare haircut, but she doesn't have her hair shortened too much.
• My wife also stays "groomed" the way I prefer.
• She has not frumped out/butched up on what she wears.

I'm going to stop here, because I want this post to be entirely positive. Notice that these are each, at least in part, visual. That is important to most men.

Calm Waters For Now

Things have been "good" the last few weeks or so with my wife. Prior to that, I was heading in to a few days off, and she picked a fight with me and I figured she was setting up her excuse to avoid affection and to sit in bed all day until I returned to working. But inexplicably, she woke up the next day and wanted a hug. Nothing had really changed in our discussion. She had not accepted any of my answers to her questions, and yet here she was, wanting a hug.

So, what typically happens, I oblige and then I’m happy the active, open hostility has subsided, but in the back of my mind, I know it is only a matter of time until she has another round of being actively, openly hostile towards me, quite possibly without any discernible trigger. Like I said, since that last round things have been "good". I use quotation marks because it is a relative description. If you would have described my life now to me when I was deciding whether or not to ask my wife to marry me, I would have ran the other way.

Given the ages of our kids, my wife could definitely work at least part-time, but she "can't" because of her physical condition. The thing is, she can drive and use computers for hours on end, so yes, she can work. Ah, but being a full-time Wife and Mom means she'll have time and energy for me and the kids and to make a pleasant home. At least... that's what people like Dr. Laura and other advocates for SAHMs say all of time. However, that's not how things are actually playing out. My wife is doing laundry more again, which is good, and she does some of the shopping, which is good. But the house is a mess, she rarely cooks (on the bright side, I know she's not secretly drugging me and she can't consistently drug my kids behind my back), and the sex is pretty much just mercy sex once every two or three weeks. She did change her medications so that she can now achieve orgasm again, but so far, the frequency of sex hasn't increased as a result. I do gently try to initiate, but there's usually some way that gets shot down: "It would be better tomorrow..." and then usually it doesn't happen the next day: "I’m not feeling well"; or she picks a fight, or she's gets on the rag.  It's pretty easy to deflect when you limit the opportunity to once per week, knowing that at least one week every month will have a period and refusing to do anything while on your period.

In my wayward youth, I enjoyed actually sleeping with the women with whom I was fornicating. We'd cuddle and spoon. I can't recall if I've ever done that with my wife. She usually comes in to go to sleep long after I do and I get up long before she does, and even if we go to bed at the same time, cuddling is out because of her physical condition and her preferences regarding body heat. We have a king sized bed and we keep to our own edges, and the dog sleeps between us, usually pressed up against me and growling loudly whenever I stir.

Most attempts I make to take my wife out for a date are shot down.

Maybe once a season, I get to hang out with some friends.

As with many other men who have found that marriage itself has been and overall detriment to them, I do find much joy in my children. As difficult as they can be, I enjoy their excitement to see me, playing with them, teaching them, and giving them hugs and kisses, and watching them grow. I feel horrible that they have a mother who can't or won't fully mother them (to the point my daughter tries to take on a motherly role quite often), a mother they worry about, and a mother who may have passed along some negative traits I was unaware of that might manifest as the kids age. On the other hand, they wouldn't have existed if I wasn't married to their mother.

I realize my life is better than the lives of billions of other people in the world. It just isn't something I would have chosen if I had known a few more facts. Hopefully, my wife's condition will not significantly deteriorate from where it is now. Hopefully, I won't come down with heart disease. Hopefully, none of us will get maimed or killed in an accident. Hopefully, these will be all be true long enough for my kids will grow into well-adjusted, independent adults.

Then, the next thing to which I look forward to is retirement. Maybe I'll get to that before I die.

Self Improvement Met With Hostility

Here's an update on my fabulous life as a married man.

These days, when things are "good", it is only relatively so. "Good" means my wife is not being actively and openly hostile towards me. "Good" means my wife has thrown something into a pot to make a delicious dinner, and has actually done some laundry. It might even mean a few minutes of mercy sex! (Three week gaps seem to be the norm now.)

But then, out of the blue, things will turn bad.

This latest time was supposedly because...

For years now, my wife has been trying to drug me. This has continued even though with therapy and a new attitude and expectations, my behavior has generally and considerably improved. It has been a long, long time since, in a fit of extreme frustration, I have shouted loudly at my wife or the kids. I'm not perfect, of course. There are still times I am grumpy or sigh or get sarcastic, but I'm better and continue to get better. Still, I had to use a bargaining chip with my wife to keep the family together and told her I'd ask my therapist for an M.D. who could give me a medication. I did. We went to visit him. He realized I wasn't going to feel free to talk with my wife in the room, so he sent her out. He didn't give me much time. He prescribed a med. So, he wasn't telling me I should take that med, but he was making it possible for me to take it.

My wife picked it up from the pharmacy as fast as she could.

I read what the med mainly treats. I don't have those symptoms. I read what the side effects were. I don't want those. So, I pocketed the med and didn't take a single dose, but rather continued to "improve" my behavior. (I'm not really sure 'no longer caring' is an improvement for a married father, but that is the approach I took.)

My wife was pleased with me. She told me she noticed my improved behavior, and I let her believe I was taking the med.

Of course the refill time came around, and she asked if I was going to get a refill. I told her I would handle it.

A few more weeks down the line, now, she wanted clear, committal answers from me about whether or not I was refilling the med and taking it. I wasn't smart or fast enough to handle the situation better. She questioned my masculinity. I finally told her I'd never taken a single dose.

THAT is what started the last bad period. She was, and is, furious. Except when she's asleep, she has constantly been hostile towards me and verbally attacking me. I've tried to engage as little as possible. I've asked her what was more important, that I improve my behavior or that I be drugged? She knows she loses that one, so she's switched it to repeating over and over again that I lied to/deliberately deceived her, and has started to say I haven't gotten any better (unfortunately for her, I've kept all of her messages where she was praising my improved behavior). She has told  me she can't trust me about anything about this, she has been insisting I answer direct yes-or-no questions about all sorts of things including whether or not I've ever had a physical or emotional affair during the time we've been together (absolutely not). She says she can't trust that I'm actually going to therapy, that she can't trust that I don't have STDs, that she can't trust I actually got a vasectomy... on and on it goes. She's declared our marriage will be sexless. I managed not to retort with sarcasm asking how that would actually be much of a change.

Reasoning with her is ineffective.

I really hate spending my time reading her angry, immature, delusional, belittling messages and having to respond to some of them. Too much of my life is being wasted doing that.

I've said we should resume going to family therapy. She was sour on that idea. Hey, I'd rather not go, either, but that's like saying I don't want to go to the ER. I'd rather not have been in an accident in the first place. She recently went and saw a therapist herself a grand total of one time, probably just so we could  tell a social worker she was getting help after Strike Two.

I've pointed out to her that she recently told me she was going to start taking her meds as prescribed, rather than sporadically, and I'd assumed before that she already had been. So where does she get off being so upset that my behavior has improved without a med?

I'll tell you how.

Tom Leykis Doesn't Really Know All That Much About Religion

But then neither do a lot of religious people.

Tom Leykis is an Atheist.  He makes no pretense of being Agnostic or anything like that. He states that there is no God, not that there might not be a God. He does admit his Atheism is a belief, but he falsely claims he doesn't try to get people to adopt his belief system.

The first two hours of his Thursday, January 8 show was the topic "Religion: Stupid". It was inspired, it sounds like, by the Islamist terrorist attacks that just happened in France.

1) His lumping of all religions together is like someone lumping all audio content shows (radio, podcasts, etc.) together and saying something like "Stephanie Miller did something terrible, so all audio content shows are stupid!" If Leykis wants to debate whether philosophical naturalism or a belief that there is a supernatural existence makes more sense, that's one thing, or debating the benefit of religious community, or ritual, or whatever, fine. But to lump all "religions" (by which he seems to mean anything that isn't Atheism or Agnosticism), which are highly diverse in beliefs, practices, and historical behavior, and then demand that someone has to defend them all, is an invalid exercise. I'm not obligated to defend belief systems and practices that are often exactly opposite of mine.


2) He repeats the common falsehood that there has been more death and destruction in the name of religion than anything else. First of all, "religion" is too broad a term. See #1. I know he doesn't consider Atheism a religion and since Atheistic rulers have been the biggest mass murders in history, then no religion can be.

I Want You to Want Me

"Glen"  has Dr. Laura's e-mail of the day:

I have been married for 27 years.

Much longer than me.

And the time is coming up quickly on the one year anniversary since my wife and I have had sex.

And I thought once every three weeks, which is our frequency these days, was bad!

I totally accept 100% of the blame for this. You see...I stopped asking to have sex. Since then...nothing.

What I came to realize is that my wife has no interest in me sexually. And at this point the most un-appealing thing to me is to be with someone who is not interested.

I identify with this man very much. That is very much how I feel.

I can't imagine ever being intimate with my wife again. It's kind of sad...funny...frustrating...that the one person in this world I find more attractive than anyone else, doesn't want to be intimate with me.

He goes on to say:

All I think about is being with someone else. In fact it is kind of like hating your job. I was always taught to keep the bad job until something else comes along. I guess I am waiting for that something/someone better to come along.

That is where we differ. Yes, I'd want sex. No, I would not want another relationship - ever. I'm a loyal guy anyway, so I'm not going to ever jump ship because some other woman comes along. I may jump ship, but the only way I'd ever get into another relationship is if I would be a kept man. Otherwise, I do not want the risks or all of the trouble.




My wife has recently switched her depression medications. She made it clear that the only reason she was going to switch was to get some sex drive back and regain her ability to have a orgasm. From the way she said it and the words she used it was very clear that she doesn't care about sex and it doesn't bother her that she hasn't wanted sex or had orgasms. She isn't switching for her benefit, she is switching for mine. However, in saying that, she mostly removes the benefit to me, and so it defeats the purpose.

Sad.

I repeatedly and explicitly told her to take whatever medication was best for her. I don't want her back on the medication she was on when she last tried to kill herself quickly (as opposed to slowly, which she does by what she does and doesn't do in daily life).

This is all crap I specifically did NOT want to deal with, which is why I made it clear I wanted to only date-for-marriage someone who was healthy. It's too bad I trusted people to be honest rather than being suspicious and demanding records.

Does It Ring True?

Professor Mike Adams, who I think is generally awesome when it comes to his columns and cleverness and his work fighting back against Leftist fascism in academia, has a column today comparing shacking up to marriage, with the title "The Ring Makes All the Difference". It plugs a book by Glenn Stanton called The Ring Makes All the Difference. He then goes on to list "ill effects" of shacking up.

Before we start, I want to make it clear that I think shacking up is a horrible idea. However, I'm at the point where I think marrying usually isn't a good idea, either.

In marriages, male-female ratios of violence are roughly equal – with women and men just as likely to initiate violence against their spouses. However, in cohabiting relationships, men are far more likely to initiate violence.

Uh, so what do you mean? Getting married makes women just as violent as men?

Hey, Man, Should You Get Married?

I've added a page with a quiz to help men figure out if they should get married.

Will Tom Ride Off Into the Sunset?

Although I disagree with him on certain very important fundamentals about life, the universe, and everything, I have long said that Tom Leykis is an excellent talk show host and there are many things about which he is right and makes a lot of sense. I admire what he has been doing with his venture, the New Normal, and especially what he's been doing with his flagship program, The Tom Leykis Show.

He clearly enjoys doing his show, but he does not want it to be some hobby he pays for. He wants his business to be profitable, and he's set a rapidly-approaching deadline to make it happen. He's even made it possible for his listeners and other observers to know how close he is to reaching his goal by earlier announcing a minimum number of subscriptions he needs to secure and giving updates on how many more need to be secured to reach that goal.

A certain amount of transparency is one of the things that makes his venture different from terrestrial radio.

If his goal is not reached and he isn't able to wave a profit statement in the air and mock the big radio companies who are billions of dollars in debt, his announced plans are basically to stop producing his show and to spend more time enjoying life in other ways. He's been fiscally responsible enough and had a lucrative enough contract when he worked for corporate radio that he can afford to do that.

Crunching Some Numbers

The biggest deficiency in my overall fiscal responsibility has been not having a formal budget. I realize this is a big, big deficiency, but I've always been in the habit of not using credit cards that charge fees, always paying off credit cards so as to accrue no interest, paying bills on time, saving for the future, etc.

When I first was working full-time, I had enough to cover my expenses and put some money away in a Roth IRA, but I realized I needed to earn more, and since I wasn't getting any traction in entering my goal career, I took a job my university degree allowed me to take because it was a university degree, not because of what I'd studied. I was able to do that while still keeping my other job, but on a part-time basis. I hadn't expected to be able to keep my old job, so that was "extra" money. For the first time since becoming an adult, I no longer had to worry about money. Yet, I was still frugal. In addition to contributing to my Roth IRA, I had paid off my car early and saved up roughly one year's gross salary. Heck, I was working too much to spend the money anyway.

And then I got married and paid for most of the wedding and a honeymoon.

And then my part-time job ended.

And then we had kids.

Strike Two

Time for an update on what's been going on with my marriage. If you've been to this blog multiple times before, you might be fine skipping the background.

Are These Double Standards or Not?

I'll get back to blogging about my marriage and life sooner or later. For now, it is time for another entry dealing with things said by my favorite (and I'm NOT being sarcastic - she's awesome) talk show host.

Recently, a woman called Dr. Laura to ask about having an open or polyamorous marriage or relationship. Dr. Laura asked if the woman's boyfriend of husband was asking for it, but that got shot down immediately by the woman saying it was what she wanted. This was clearly a Clueless Caller type #2 from my Dr. Laura Show Bingo.

Actually, I think Dr. Laura was very gentle with the woman, while still making it clear that since typical marriage vows include "forsaking all others", having sex with anyone other than your spouse (even with your spouse participating, present, or your spouse's permission) is a violation of the "sacred" vows. The caller probably had a specific third person in mind, but I don't recall she indicated whether the third person was a woman or a man. Since Dr. Laura doesn't believe bisexuality exists, if the caller had mentioned it was a woman, Dr. Laura would have told her she's a lesbian. Anyway, so the part of the vows (assuming someone even says them) including "forsaking all others" mandates sexual exclusivity. I agree with that. Here's where the possible double standard comes in. Most people who say that vow also vow "until death do us part", but Dr. Laura apparently considers that vow less sacred, at least if the married couple has no minor children together. See #15 on the Bingo sheet.

This previous entry (see #7 and #11) touches on these issues.

The other possible double standard comes with how people meet the person they're dating. Dr. Laura is, how should I put it, less than impressed with online dating/matchmaking services. She flat-out tells people not to use them. A caller toward the end of the second hour on Thursday, 11/20/2014, had been dating a guy for only a month after finding him through a dating website. Let me repeat: only a month. Dr. Laura told her it was mandatory she meet his friends and/or relatives before having another date with him. And yes, while Dr. Laura advises people looking to date (which means for Dr. Laura someone looking to get married) tell the people they respect and admire in their life, whose judgment they trust that they want to be formally introduced to quality people. The possible double standard is that I've never heard her tell someone who met their date at work, or at the gym, or anywhere else that didn't involve first making contact online, that they had to meet their date's family or friends by one month in.

I agree that, if you're looking for a spouse, it is very important verify the person is who they represent themselves to be, and it is important to meet their loved ones or anyone else who is going to be a regular part of their life and see the interpersonal dynamics at work. Meeting someone through an online connection doesn't make it more or less necessary.

So... what do you think? Are these double standards? Are there logical explanations for them not being double standards? Again, I agree with the underlying principles of the importance of monogamy and really knowing who a person is.

Haven't I Seen This Before?

There is so very much to tell you, dear reader.

For now, I'll leave it at this:

My wife is talking exactly like a textbook American Wife About To File For Divorce. Of course I'm busting my ass trying to make things better and hoping like crazy that divorce doesn't happen, because I don't want to shuttle my kids back and forth and I do not want to pay for two households for the rest of my life. Right now, she says she wants what basically amounts to a co-parenting roommate situation. Of course, you and I know what she wants can change for the worst at any moment, for no reason other than a hormone being released into her system. It's like strongly suspecting you know the awful end of a movie or video and hoping you're wrong and watching exactly what you don't want to happen, happen - in slow motion.

I am now more strongly on the side of encouraging most men to join the marriage strike.

Go back and read past entries (the "Me" tab might help) to understand some of the issues involved.

A Shack-Up Honey Calls My Favorite Talk Show Host

Upfront: 1) I love Dr. Laura's show, books, website, and Facebook page, and I almost always agree with her and recognize that she's helped millions people. 2) I agree shacking up is bad and I strongly advise against it.

Almost 32 minutes into the third hour of her show on Tuesday, Dr. Laura took a call from a woman who said she is in an eight-year relationship and they've been "living together" for three, and she described her relationship as great all around and in glowing terms, even using the words "respect" and "sacrifice", but she was saying he deflects talk of marriage with "it isn't the right time".

(I wonder if that woman can explain why she even wants to bother to get married in honest terms that doesn't involve a series of parties in which she'll be the focus or community property. But I digress.)


This prompted Dr. Laura to tear into her about shacking up. "In my day, that wouldn't have flown." Well, right, there were a lot fewer people shacking up back then, but women also had fewer real choices in life. A sexual harassment lawsuit also wouldn't have flown, for example.  Dr. Laura talked about how she shouldn't "hump him, clean for him, and be his companion unless he's willing to lay down his life" for her.

The Back Door and Sexual Orientation

If you can't tell from the title, his entry is going to deal with some very "adult" topics.

So my favorite female talk show host I frequently write about on this blog, whose show and books and website and Facebook page I think are generally great, took a call in her third hour on Monday's show from a wife concerned because her husband of seven years wants her to use a "strap-on" on him.

Both the caller and the host went right to "He might be gay," with the host advising that the caller go through his computer with him to see what's on there.

I think a little more nuanced approach was in order.

My Wife Wants to Know Where the Money Went

Last year, we got a little money from the sale of a property.

Now, we're "struggling" with a lack of cash. I use the quotation marks because we have several accounts intended as various retirement accounts to which I've been contributing. Some experts say "pay yourself ten percent first" and we're doing more than that as far as putting money into those accounts.

I bring in more than the average income for where we live.

But we are struggling to pay off our credit cards every month so we don't get charged interest or fees (which we've successfully avoided, as usual).

So where did the money go? Well, we've had higher than "usual" expenses for the last 18 months or so. My wife and I listed some of them to each other. The one thing she didn't bring up that I'm not going to bring up is... HER MEDICAL EXPENSES. Which... is... one... reason.. why... it... is... such... a... problem... that... she... wasn't... honest... with... me... before... we... married... and... kept... lying... at... least... until... earlier... this... year... long... after... we... brought... children... into... this... mess.

Now, my wife has access to all of our accounts. She can see this stuff for herself.

Our vehicles are not new, and so they require a lot of upkeep (but at least there are no payments). Her dog is quite expensive with the vet visits, many of which could be prevented if my wife took care of her own dog. There's therapists. Yes, multiple. There was a problem with the house (the house she loved so much when it was time to buy but now admits was a mistake) and that problem had to be corrected and THAT took the biggest chunk of the money. The insurance company didn't help, but after they dropped by for a visit they did demand some tree trimming - $$$. The electric bill for the house is ridiculous because of inefficiencies. We spent more on gasoline, since some of her family moved further away and it was important for her to visit her family and mine with the kids so that she would have help with them.

Paying other people to look after our kids in ways that my wife was supposed to is also very expensive. Some of the money went to cable and other expensive entertainment we no longer buy. There was a trip out of state (complete with our kids) for a funeral, a trip in the state, and more recently, airline tickets we can't use right now that will cost us to change or cancel and the leftover money we don't get back but can theoretically use in the future. Right. There have been HUNDREDS of dollars spent on our kids' birthday parties, and let's not forget Christmas! There are new activities and sports for the kids, we each "need" iPads. We've also "needed" replacement iPads after unfortunate effects of gravity.

I also started up monthly payments into an additional insurance/retirement thing that benefits my wife and kids, not me in the slightest. Maybe I shouldn't have done that!

And maybe if my wife prepared meals more than once every week or three, we'd spend less money on fast food.

So yeah... where did the money go?

It's Deja Vu All Over Again

I dislike when talk radio broadcasts and/or their subsequent podcasts do not make it clear (or even hide the fact) that they are rebroadcasts.

I get that some might not do it because it hurts ratings. After all, if someone has already heard that segment, hour, or entire show, they might not listen to it again. I've caught myself listening until there's a call I remember and then I stop, so that tactic has worked on me. However, when they'll clearly note it is a "best of" sometimes, but not other times, I wonder why they can do it those sometimes and then they don't do it that other time.

I subscribe to Dennis Prager's podcasts and Dr. Laura's podcasts. I can listen to Prager live for free, but I don't have satellite radio so listening to Dr. Laura is another matter. I listen to every NEW hour of Dr. Laura. So when a "best of" is noted in the podcast listings, I don't brother to listen. I can see why Dr. Laura might want me to listen to the same hours again, since she does do "in-show" commercials. The breaks are cut out of the podcasts and I'd fast forward through them anyway. They get my subscription money either way. Sometimes the "best of" shows are labeled as such (both in text and in the introductory audio itself), and sometimes, annoyingly, they aren't. Dennis Prager's "best of" and guest hosting hours are always labeled as such. The topics of the hours are also listed, so I can decide if I want to bother to download them or not in the first place. Since they get my money anyway and Prager does NOT do "in-show" commercials and the podcasts cut out the breaks, it doesn't make a difference to them.

I try to listen to Michael Medved if my schedule permits and the topic of the hour interests me. Often his "best of" shows are NOT labeled, and again, that's annoying but at least I'm not paying to hear him. I also listen to Tom Leykis for free, again, if the topic interests me. I NEVER listen the last Wednesday of the year when he has that ridiculous "Ask a Mexican" guy on. That guy is NOT Mexican, as far as I know. If you're born in the USA, you're an American. That guy calls himself a Mexican anyway, then breaks out the fake accent for certain words, and last I heard, kept talking about Orange County as being some horribly racist place (so racist most of the "minority" populations keep growing there). So there's three hours I never hear.

Stand to Reason has free podcasts (STR is listener-supported) of its weekly show. Usually, if the broadcast show is a repeat or a lecture the host made elsewhere rather than the talk show, they won't bother to put it out as a podcast, and that's great by me. STR also lists the topics of the podcast and where in the podcast they start. VERY convenient.

I've fallen way behind on Bible Answer Man podcasts, which are free (listener-supported) and are made of the broadcast talk show. Again, they list the topics and so there have been episodes I haven't bothered to download. However, if I recall correctly, the text describing the podcasts doesn't usually note when it is a duplicate (because the broadcast was a rebroadcast).

The bottom line is that I wish all broadcasts of podcasts of radio/audio talk shows would make it clear before I bother to listen or download if they're a best of. If I missed the original, I just might listen.

Tying the Hands of Parents Behind Their Backs

If you're looking to have as little government involvement in your life, then you have another reason to NOT have children.

Having children means the government will have a foot in the door of your home. Even if you avoid government schools and send your kids to private school or you homeschool them, all it takes is for someone to report being concerned about your children to get the government involved in your home, even if there is not even a hint of abuse or neglect of your children. It can be someone in your extended family. It could be some stranger in the parking lot of a supermarket. It could be a neighbor.

Even if the police or social workers, after getting into your private life, determine everything is fine for your kids, there will now be a file and a record of them having gotten involved, and you're on your way to losing the benefit of the doubt.

The recent high-profile case of a National Football League player apparently repeatedly striking his young son with a switch is an extreme case. I'm not talking about something as extreme as that. How about a light swat in the tush with an open hand? Some people consider that abuse.

So there's the...

When the Chickens Come Home to Choke

Warning: this entry deals explicitly with adult matters such as masturbation and marital sexuality.

Opening the Vent

According to the always-reliable Wikipedia, I, by myself, make a little more than the statewide median family income, which is more than the median household income.  I’m not sure what constitutes a "family" vs. a "household", but there you go. It's even better when comparing to the medians for my city. Aside from a mortgage on my wife's part, neither of us came to the marriage with debt. Yet here we are, struggling financially. What I mean by that is we're not saving as much for retirement as I think we should and we have almost no spare liquid funds unless we want to cash in some of our retirement investments, which I don't think would be a good idea. We're not currently giving to our church. We had a vacation (the first "real" one in quite some time) planned but we had to cancel/postpone it and now we're trying to deal with losing some of the money we already put into it.

So when my wife informed me we were finally, after months of her writing an e-mail to set something up, going to be meeting with someone from our church, I thought back to that e-mail, and due to that I figured this meeting was mostly going to be about finances and what disability aid or programs they knew about, since my wife is disabled (even though she was able to work full-time before we married). I felt kind of silly seeking help from others when I make more the median for our city, but I agreed to go anyway.

I ended up wishing it had been about money.

I should have been tipped off that the meeting wasn't quite going to be what I thought, since the night before, my wife actually gave a slight indication that she was looking forward to sex, and it had only been a week since the last session.

In the meeting were the woman to whom she wrote, and two men. One of the men I recognized as someone who does things like give the "sex talk" session of the church's premarital counseling (which we'd been through), during which he tells the couples considering or planning marriage that marital lovemaking is given to us to enjoy in many ways and many places. Basically, he's there to tell people that sex is allowed once they're married, and it doesn't have to be the missionary position.

But back to the meeting. In the meeting, we focused on:

• That my son loses his temper, like I do, and I should be open to being drugged and having my son drugged.
• That my daughter is a messy hoarder, like I am.
• That our house is a mess and we could use some help having it organized and cleaned.

I felt like I'd been ambushed.

Let's go over each of those.