Good Luck Finding Someone, Snooping Lady

I'll start off  again with my usual disclaimer about Dr. Laura: I love her show (obviously, since I listen to every minute of it), I think she's awesome, and I think she's done and continues to do a whole lot of good for people.

In the first hour of yesterday's (Tuesday, July 17, 2018) show, Dr. Laura gave answers to a woman who'd called in that seem very confusing when considering answers she's given to other women who had similar concerns. This was about the woman being concerned that the man she's with views "adult media". As I've pointed out before, her answers are different to women who are married-with-kids than to women who aren't married. I don't recall what her answers have been to women who were married and childless.

This call came about 31 minutes or so into the podcast of the first hour.

Ten months into a relationship, this caller went on a getaway with her boyfriend. As she was looking at pictures of the trip (which I inferred meant it happened AFTER the vacation), the caller saw some "pornography" on her boyfriend's phone. So she later returned to looking through his phone in order to see if she could find more.

This time, Dr. Laura didn't bother to ask what she asks married-with-kids women:



Does he do this instead of being with you? Instead of taking care of the kids? Instead of working?

Is it of men, women, men and women together, kids, small farm animals?

We know from other calls that if it is of men, Dr. Laura will say the guy is gay. The only "acceptable" answers are "women" and "men and women together", but not the all-so-popular-these-days "stepsibling" or "MILF" porn or anything involving BDSM or whatever.

But Dr. Laura didn't bother to ask.

Why?

Because, I write cynically, since the man isn't her husband, he hasn't paid enough to have the privilege of viewing adult media.
Dr. Laura instead asked, "Do you really want a man who keeps virtual sex that convenient to him?He's on a vacation with you, and he still keeps virtual sex that convenient to him. Does that bode well for marriage when things get a little dull? Do you think I think there's a purpose in discussing it with him?" I know Dr. Laura has a smart phone. But she does say she doesn't understand technology very well. That might be at play here. It is entirely possible that adult media (which was likely pictures, or perhaps even videos) has been on his phone since before we ever started dating this woman. Or he might have put it there after the vacation. Most guys aren't going to think, "Hey, I'm going on vacation. I'm going to remove all imagery of nekkid women from my phone!" He might not have even looked at the imagery for the past ten months. Or, maybe he has. And where does she think men normally view this stuff? Only on a desktop computer? What I thought was hilarious was that Dr. Laura went on to dismissively say that if the caller talked with her boyfriend about it, he'd just say a bunch of things that Dr. Laura expressed in a mocking tone, even though they are the very same things she's told married-with-kids women who call with the very same concerns: everyone does it, it doesn't mean anything, I only look at it sometimes, I love you, it's healthy and innocent... She even tells some married women they should consider watching with their husband, which I know has to draw the ire of the listeners who are devoutly religious conservative women who say it will turn their husbands into serial killers. If this call had been from a wife who has kids with her husband (provided it was the first marriage and there were no prior children), I have no doubt Dr. Laura would have old her it was no big deal She went on the ask the woman who called what SHE does when she's bored; does she masturbate to porn? This, despite the fact that Dr. Laura knows and often says that men and women are very different, including about how they react to adult media. She might as well ask a male caller, "Do you masturbate with a vibrator?" She then went on to say that the caller should find a man who does the same things she does when she gets bored. Then the caller mentioned (again?) that she's 35. So, Dr. Laura is telling this woman, who was probably fornicating with this guy but is bothered that he enjoys seeing depictions of nekkid women in sexual situations, that even though that's apparently her biggest concern about this man, that she should dump him and find another guy. Most likely, if she does find another guy, it will be one who does the same thing as this boyfriend, but hides it better. Dr. Laura also tells people to spend two years dating and to have intense premarital therapy for six-to-nine months before marrying, and that 40 is getting too old to have children. And don't forget the man she finds has to meet some very narrow boundaries. That means there's a good chance she's telling this woman to forget about having children. It would take me too long to figure out and fully explain here what Dr. Laura's apparent formula for responding to "Is it OK if my man looks at porn?" as I have done with "Do you have a commitment?" But it appears that a guy looking at imagery of nekkid women (he doesn't know) in sexual situations is not egregious enough to break up a family, but is bad enough to end a dating relationship. But why would she tell any wives to consider watching with their husband (or note that some sex therapists have couples watch) if it is bad? Ponderous... Maybe it depends on what she's eating during the breaks? This guy will be better off if a woman who is that concerned leaves him, especially since she was snooping through his things. Heck, he's probably better off never marrying anyone. The woman, on the other hand, if she wants to get married, and especially if she wants to have children, will likely NOT be better off having dumped this guy. Her clock is ticking and she's already past her window for cashing in her chips at the height of her relationship market value.
It's really no skin off of Dr. Laura's nose, though. It's always safer for her to say a dating couple isn't a match. If they break up and have miserable lives after that, it can be blamed on a million other things than Dr. Laura's advice.

Every once in a while, I think Dr. Laura gets it wrong, or I wonder if there is an inconsistency in what she tells the audience/callers. Fortunately, she gets things right so much of the time and does so much good for people.