Lois E Brenneman, MSN, FNP
...has been leaving thoughtful comments here on this blog.
One such comment was after this blog's most popular entry, which has literally hundreds of comments, so it was easy to miss. So, I offered to post it as an entry. I want to make it clear that these are the opinions of Lois E Brenneman, not my opinions.
= = = = =
The key to a successful relationship - whether marriage, cohabitation or simply dating - is integrity
1. Don’t expect more from someone than what you are willing to give to them
2. Be clear and honest about what you are willing to do and what you expect from the other individual - no “hidden agendas”
3. Look for fairness and equity when resolving disputes. Don’t look for solutions which benefit only yourself at the expense of the other person.
4. Strive for a relationship where both individuals benefit from being associated with one another - try to create dynamics where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
5. Don’t expect perfection from your partner and realize you have your own set of flaws. Life is not a bed of roses - there will be ups and downs. Try to meet the other person’s needs to the best of your abilities - don’t only look out for your own needs.
There is no “magic formula” or written in stone “set of rules.” They key is to conduct yourself with integrity and expect integrity from your partner. Whether someone is a single mother or otherwise is not significant. The relevant factor is how you both conduct yourselves within the context of the relationship. I have been married for 25 years and it is a solid, healthy marriage. It is not all hearts and flowers and there have been good times and bad times. We are there for each other when the need arises. I was never looking for someone to take care of me. Rather, I was looking for a partner in life and, in return, I strive to be the best partner I can be with respect to my husband. I try to accommodate what is important to him. He has been there for me when I have needed him.
The most important factor leading to the success of any relationship is to put the other person’s needs ahead of your own (within reason, of course). When both parties do so, the relationship works. When it comes to dating and/or marriage, integrity matters above all else. If you are only seeking to have your own needs met - without regard to how doing so impacts the other person - the relationship will fall apart - guaranteed. It is but a matter of time.
= = = = =
There you have it.
