Keeping Boundaries As a Free Man

If you are a Free Man, meaning you don't have a wife and don't live with a woman, I implore you to enjoy your freedom. I also urge you to keep your freedom. 

That might sound easy. I mean, don't you have to decide to move in together and don't you have to ask a woman to marry you?

Sure, but it gets more complicated than that.

Some women literally scheme to get pregnant even though you've made it clear you don't want to have children. Some women incrementally move-in-by-stealth. Some women nag and nag and nag (and even get your family to join in) to get you to "propose".

You need to keep boundaries in order to stay a Free Man.

AVOID POP DNA TESTS. Don't buy them for your family, either. You can't stop them being foolish and taking them, but avoid taking one yourself. No good will come from one of those. The only time you should take a DNA test is through the advice and arrangement of your lawyer.


Monk or Ghost

This is the the most extreme way of staying a Free Man without literally going off to be an isolated hermit. Some men decide to avoid women as much as possible. They don't date, they don't have female friends, they don't work for or with women, and they don't have any professional or financial connections to women (for example, they refuse to have a woman as an accountant or doctor). That is extreme, but for some it works.


Stay Present But Independent

This is the less extreme way. You can still participate in society and interact with women. You just need to be persistent and firm in keeping yourself independent. Let's consider how to do this.

Part of Running Game is Saying No

Men who think they have to jump through hoops for women in order to get what they want from women, saying "yes" to what a woman asks of them, have been misled.

In general, NO works much better.

"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 3

Part 1 of This Series

Part 2 of This Series

Women usually know within the first five minutes of meeting a guy whether or not they'd ever have sex with him. But it isn't like they'll tell the man. That would be upfront and honest.

Unless they are asexual or something is wrong with them, men want sex. Depending on their morals, religion, strategy, etc., they might be willing to wait for sex. They might want sex AND [fill in the blank... marriage, family, etc.]. But we all want sex. If we didn't, we likely wouldn't have asked the woman to date, meet us, or let us come over.

"But women want sex, too" you might object.

Yes, most women do want sex, at least for part of their life. But the average woman doesn't want sex as much as the average man. The average man also wants sex with a wider variety of women than the variety of men women want to have sex with. The worldwide history of humanity demonstrates this. It is beyond the scope of this posting as to why that is. But it IS the case. A man would have sex with just about every woman he sees who isn't absolutely hideous.

So... in general, it is the man's role to pursue the sex, as he is more likely to want it, and intercourse doesn't happen if he isn't turned on. (Please note, I'm referring to the initiation of the relationship. Once a sexual relationship is established, of course it's great with most men if the woman takes the initiative sometimes.)

The man wants sex. Otherwise there wouldn't be a date. The woman may or may not want sex. She might be going on the date for freebies, attention, to affirm to herself or signal to others that she's desirable, leverage, or many other reasons instead of wanting sex with the guy. If he runs game, he will either smoke her out as not wanting sex with him, or he'll get to the sex with less effort/time/money/emotion than the man who doesn't run game.

She might want sex upon meeting him, but if she finds out something about him - and it depends on the woman what those things might be - she might not agree to sex. So, for the man who is primarily looking for sex, the less he reveals about his true self, the better. That's the case for most men. There are exceptions (very wealthy men, for example). She doesn't need to know any more about him because he's not there to live together, get married, and have children. He's there for sex. If she finds him attractive enough to have sex with him, between his physical appearance, his behavior with her, and what she thinks she knows about him, he doesn't want to say or do anything to change that.

But if she doesn't want to have sex with him, he wants to find that out as soon as he can so he can stop wasting time, money, and energy. She can be upfront and honest and tell him that right away.

Why would a man have an obligation to spend more effort/time/money/emotion than it takes for him to get what he wants? In these sorts of relationships, it is up to the individuals to seek out what they want, to initiate what they want, and to either agree to, or decline, what the other person initiates. These are not marriages. They are dating relationships, hookups, booty calls.

If the woman doesn't like what he's doing, she is entirely free to stop seeing him. She can be upfront and honest and tell him that it is her intention that she's not going to have sex with him (or have sex with him anymore) unless he spends more time and money on her, agrees to an exclusive girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, or whatever. Maybe he'll agree to wait or change the relationship. Or maybe he'll carry on as he has, and she will still allow him to show up for a booty call, despite what she's said. If she stays true to her word, he can either agree to the terms or move on.

This is a dance. Men will dance in a way that gets them what they want. It's generally women who either reward the dancer or not.


Part 1 of This Series

Part 2 of This Series

Part 4 in This Series

Why Men Date Single Mothers

Inspired by this comment, I'm going to explain why some men date single mothers. For some men, more than one of these reasons will apply. These are in no particular order.

1) It never entered his mind that there are alternatives. He's taking what he thinks he can get or what has been offered to him. He doesn't realize that with a little game, he could find women who are childfree, and how much better for him that would be. He could even be desperate. Maybe he thinks that, if he has kids, he should date women with kids, but having his own kids should be all the more reason to NOT date a woman who also has kids. Meanwhile, the fact is, there have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all.

2) It's what he knows. He was raised by a single mother, and this is what he knows. He might even be trying to fix what he saw was wrong with his own childhood. He's going to be a better man, in his mind, than his biological father was, or the other men his mother dated.

3) He's playing Captain Saveahoe. He wants to feel like a rescuer, like a hero, like somebody needed him, so he's "saving" a woman in distress.

4) He's looking for a mother. He actually identifies with her children. He figures she's already used to taking care of dependents, and he wants her to take care of him.

5) He wants kids, and he doesn't have viable sperm or doesn't want to further his own genes. Rather than adopt, he's going with a ready-made family.

6) He has a cuckold fetish. He gets off on raising the biological children of other men.

7) He's a predator. He's hoping to (continue to) "have sex with" (abuse) at least one of her kids, with or without her. Think about pedophiles. If they have an option of a woman with kids or a woman without kids, guess who they're more likely to choose?

It's important to keep in mind that television shows and movies are FICTIONAL. You may have watched shows and movies in which a guy dates and even marries a single mother and everything turns out great. Yeah, that's extremely rare. Literally. The vast majority of times, things will NOT be great. 70% of marriages in which there are prior children divorce, and that's just divorce. It doesn't even count the terrible marriages which never legally divorce.

Dating a single mother is usually going to be trouble; it will almost certainly be extra work for less reward. Marrying one is even worse than marrying a woman who doesn't have kids yet.

There ARE alternatives, guys! Let me say it again: There have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all. Get a vasectomy and date younger women.

You can find childfree women even if you're not rich, even if you're older, even if you're out of shape or not attractive, and even if you have children of your own. All you need to do is run some game.

You are NOT obligated to date or be with a woman with kids. In fact, the way I (and people like Dr. Laura) figure it, you're morally obligated to AVOID dating single mothers.

If you're dating or with a woman with one of more children, here's how to get out.

You can leave comments below, but this is also a good place to comment.

Keeping Boundaries as a Free Man

Staying a Free Man as a Churchgoer

Some of you attend a church or an equivalent. If you don’t, or you don’t care about staying a Free Man, skip over this entry.

Some of this might be adaptable to you if you attend a synagogue, temple, mosque, stake, Kingdom Hall, or some other congregation, but I’m most familiar with Protestant churches, especially of the “evangelical” variety.

Boundaries

Dr. Laura mocks callers who use the word "boundaries." She says "Boundaries are what keep cattle in one place." This despite her own program's buffer featuring her talking about "retreading a tire" when she is in no way referring to dealing with an actual tire.

Less frequently, she'll say that boundaries don't stop other people from doing anything.

While she might dismiss "boundaries" as "psychobabble," it's a frequently used (often correctly) and understood term.

When someone "has boundaries," it isn't about controlling what other people do. Rather, it is all about what the person who articulates the boundary (whether only in their own mind, or voicing it to others) will tolerate, and how they will react if the boundary is violated.

Let's consider an example.

Joe decides he has a boundary that he will not allow his sister to criticize him for being a free man. At a family gathering, his sister bashes him for being unmarried. Joe politely excuses himself and leaves early.

Did the boundary stop his sister? No, but Joe didn't stick around for more abuse. That was setting and using a boundary.

Let's consider another example, one that Dr. Laura can really get behind.

Jenny establishes a boundary that her difficult mother can't stay with Jenny, her husband, and their kids. Rather, her mother can stay in a nice nearby hotel when she visits. Jenny's mother asks, "When I come for the visit next month, how about I stay with you?"

Jenny says, "Sorry to disappoint you, mom, but we need our privacy. That hotel chain you like has a nice hotel just a couple of miles away." That was setting and using a boundary.

Dr. Laura tells her callers and listeners to use boundaries all of the time. She just doesn't use the actual word. She has boundaries. For example, she will not argue or debate anything she says on her program.

Boundaries are wonderful things. I urge my readers to set boundaries:

• Don't marry
• Don't date women with minor children
• Don't date coworkers
• Don't date virgins
• Don't take unnecessary DNA tests
• Don't donate sperm
  
• Don't socialize at work
• Don't let the women you're dating know where you really live, work, or what your real name is
• Don't buy expensive gifts for the women you're dating
• Don't loan anyone money you can't afford to lose forever
• Don't pass up a better job out of what you'd call loyalty to a boss or employer 

All of those are boundaries, and I encourage people to have many more. Most people should have their own additional boundaries depending on what they want and what bothers them.

Boundaries are not requirements for OTHER people. They are something YOU put in place for YOURSELF. "If X, I will Y."

"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 1

A woman created a Twitter account apparently to respond to what I say in posts like this one, in which I encourage men to avoid being with a woman, on certain days/times of the year, who is thinking of you as potential husband material, or who you've been seeing on a regular basis.

This woman said:

"If you're noticing a girl likes you enough to be developing feelings for you and actually wants to spend time with you she at least deserves to not be strung along. It's pretty amazing how callously some men treat some women."

And:

"I’m just saying be honest and up front about not wanting a relationship so she is privy to what your intentions are."

By telling men to get scarce and avoid being with a woman he's been seeing during those days, I'm encouraging men to prevent or stop her from thinking of him as someone who is going to be part of her life with her friends and family, or thinking of him as shackup or husband material.

I'm addressing men who do not want to be married and do not want to even live with a woman. Ideally, these men are only seeing these women for dates (visits or booty calls) that don't involve meeting her friends or family.

If she's thinking it's more, or hoping for or wanting more, that's her problem. Nothing more should have been inferred.

Avoiding the woman during those times avoids leading her on!

It's up to her whether not she will see him again if he asks to see her after those days have passed.

There is far more to write about this, but I'll save that for another entry or two or three.

Part 2 of This Series

The Independent Man

This is the time of year Americans celebrate Independence Day.

But so many people are needlessly dependent.

They are dependent on a spouse.

They are dependent on government.

They are dependent on a substance humans don't need to consume to live.

They are dependent on one or two employers.

Some level of interdependence is necessary for most people. If you don't grow all of your own food, housing, and clothing materials, you trade in order to have those things.

And not everyone can be cut out to be their own boss.

But right now, I'd like to acknowledge and celebrate the Free Men who are independent.

They are free to do what they want because they don't have a spouse, "exclusive" relationship, shared financial accounts, or dependent children.

They don't share their residence with anyone, especially not a woman.

They aren't addicted to booze, nicotine, or other recreational substances.

They have maintained enough health that they aren't dependent on caretakers and aren't restricted from normal life activities.

And they're either retired and/or wealthy enough to no longer have to answer to a boss, or they are their own boss.

Your independence is inspiring. More people should be doing what you've done and are doing. Enjoy your life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

Don't Oppress Or Burden Women

Before the wave of feminism that grew in the 1960s and 1970s, women who were housewives were oppressed and depressed from having to tend to a husband, the children, and home, while being treated as less than human since she couldn't have assets and accounts without her husband's participation or approval. Many of these women wanted careers, but were prevented from having them. Some of these women wanted to freed from servitude to a man or children, but they didn't have real options.

And those are just the white women with high earning husbands. Women of color had to have jobs on top of all of the rest of the stuff.

Now, although they can have careers and bank accounts, so many women are with men who don't contribute enough at home, don't do enough of the emotional labor, sexually harass and rape their wife, fiancee or girlfriend, and are terrible lovers.

Men are a burden on women. Women don't need men. Women don't like husbands.

These are things you'd know if you were enlightened by social media or certain college classes, movies, or books.

Guys, STOP IMPOSING UPON WOMEN. Respect their independence, autonomy, and capability. Do not move in with them. Protect a woman from her own temporary miscalculation by refusing to her let move in with you, don't impregnate them, don't propose marriage to them, and don't marry them. It's OK to be available to them, temporarily, when they want you around, but don't burden any woman by staying with her or being demanding of her time. Never be so cruel as to make a woman a housewife or stay-at-home mom. If that's what a woman says she wants, she clearly must be suffering from the inadequacy of our mental health system or misleading patriarchal indoctrination; don't take advantage of her!

Avoid mansplaining at work and in your personal life.

Stop bothering women. Leave them alone. Date when they come to you, but keep those dates short.

Respect women, guys!

"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 4

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Let's flip this around. Are most women upfront and honest when it comes to dating? Ladies, if you're going to be honest with yourself, can you really say you are upfront and honest all of the time? What about your friends? Sure, you don't date them, but from what they've told you?

Are any of these things upfront and honest?

• Fake breasts
• Padded/pushup bras
• Fake eyelashes
• Fake nails
• Fake hair color
• Weaves, extensions, wigs, anything that makes it look like you have more/nicer hair than you do
• Makeup
• Pretending to like something about us or what we like that you really don't
• "Oh him? He's just a friend." [...who has had his penis inside you.]
  
• "I'm on The Pill."
• "I'm unable to get pregnant." or "It will be really difficult to get me pregnant."
• "I've never done that/this before."
• "I'm not like that." [Something he wants that you do with other men.]
• "I'm not like that." [Something he doesn't want but you will bring.]
  
• "We're pregnant."or "This baby is yours." [He didn't get you pregnant.]
• I need a man who is X, Y, Z." [When she has sex with men who are none of those.]
• "Friends first." [She has had sex with plenty of men who never became a friend.]
• "I need to be romanced, pursued, won over." [Except when it comes to the booty calls and hookups.]
  

Have you ever said to a man, being honest, "I will let you take me out, but I'm not going to have sex with you, even though I have sex with other men"? Hardly any, if any, woman who behaves in such a way will actually say that to a man. Why? Because it doesn't get her what she wants. Well, that's why men say or don't say certain things, too.

Why should men be upfront and honest when dealing with women who walk all over men who are?

There's still more to come in this series.

Part 1 in This Series

Part 2 in This Series

Part 3 in This Series

Part 5 in This Series

Learn to Say No

Something any adult needs to thrive and to protect themselves is to learn to be comfortable saying "No."

You do not need to, nor is it healthy, to try to satisfy every request that anyone brings to you. Some religious people mistakenly think that if someone comes to them with a request, they are supposed to say yes, or at least find a solution for them. But that's not what the Lord does. The Lord often tells people "No." If you're ever going to parent, and most of you shouldn't, you'll have to say "NO!" quite a bit.

Do you ever find yourself agreeing to someone else's request or demand, only to regret it later or even immediately, or looking for ways to back out, or simply not showing up?

There are two relationships a man can have that make saying "No" extremely difficult:

1. His relationship with his wife

2. His relationship with his boss

Both have to do with his financial well-being. His wife can take away over half of everything he's earned (and his children!). His boss can fire him.

Men can avoid or mitigate this problem by saying no to marriage in the first place, and by being self-employed or at least having an Emergency Fund.

It should be easier to say "No" to anyone else, whether the person at your door, on your phone, or in your inbox claiming to be a salesperson, the panhandler on the street, the traffic cop who asks to check inside your vehicle with no probable cause or warrant, relatives, neighbors, someone you're dating, and just about everyone else.

People do need cooperation, so of course there are times you should say "Yes" even if it wasn't your idea, or isn't exactly what you want to do right now, because it is the right thing to do or because it will help you reach your other goals. But there we be times when you'll need to say "No" to avoid people walking all over you, or overextending yourself, or moving further away from your goals, or giving up your dreams, or any number of other reasons.

The more self-sufficient and independent you are, the easier it will be for you to say no. If you can walk away from something and be happy or at least content or satisfied, or more than you'd be if you'd said yes, that's a great place to be.

Two Types of No: No as in "absolutely not," and no as in "sweeten this deal and maybe I'll say yes." Let's look at both of those.

Dennis Prager Discussed Virginity

During his Male/Female Hour on his Wednesday, March 29, 2023 program, inspired by a previous caller, Dennis Prager asked callers about whether virginity was important in looking for a spouse and why. Dennis, who is in the middle of writing commentaries on the Torah (the first five books of the Bible), says while he thinks ideally intercourse should be saved for marriage, he "doesn't have the understanding that it is important in choosing a wife." Uh, well, I'll have to look up how he explains the Torah passages that have been cited as saying otherwise.

The first or one of the earliest callers was a woman whose son is 40 or almost 40, says he's intentionally kept this virginity, and he wants to marry a woman who has, too. Dennis asked if the son really does want to get married, and the caller related how her son had talked about wanting to be a husband and father, but some of the women he was interested in weren't interested in him, and vice-versa.

When Dennis found out that the caller was divorced from her son's father and is remarried, to a man who was also previously married, Dennis said "So it doesn't matter!" and encouraged her to point out to her son that she wasn't a virgin when she married a second time and neither was her husband.

What does Dennis mean that "it doesn't matter."? Any two people who are currently unmarried and aren't too closely related and are old enough to legally consent can get married. It doesn't make it a good idea! For all we know, the caller's marriage is terrible, or it will soon be. (Of course, that doesn't seem to be a problem for Dennis... divorce is no big deal to him other than it means people won't be married for a period of time.) People who beat each other can get married. Does that mean someone shouldn't seek to avoid a spouse-beater? There are always people who marry despite problems and red flags. It doesn't mean they should!

It's not unreasonable for someone who is looking to marry for the first time to want someone who has had the same lifestyle as them.

Dennis is so emotionally fixated on the idea that everyone should be married that he thinks people should abandon their standards.

He went on to encourage the caller to ask her son if God wants him to stay unmarried rather than to marry a woman who isn't a virgin. Dennis referred to "It's not good for man to be alone," which is from the Torah (and I argue is collective... none of us are alone now), but what about what the rest of the Torah says about choosing a wife???

Now, let's be clear here. I never had virginity as a requirement for a wife. If I got trapped in some silly "alternate life" movie that had me unmarried and I HAD to marry, I'd AVOID virgins. My advice to any man who is foolish enough to marry is to marry a woman who can at least pretend to want sex with grown men. Virgin women over a certain age are really skilled at NOT having sex. And I warn women that men who are willing to "wait" might be gay, asexual, low drive, pedophiles, or dealing with some psychological problem.

But if a man or woman insists her spouse be a virgin, I don't try to talk them out of that, or any other standard they might have. Because I think it's fine for people to never marry.

One caller came close to articulating a logical reason clearly, but I don't think Dennis got enough good responses on the program.

It is important to note that the caller who inspired the hour was looking for women in their early 20s. He wasn't looking for a 45 year-old virgin. And based on what people have said, they want to marry a virgin because...

• That is what their religion teaches and they want someone who demonstrates adherence to the religion
• They see virginity as a special gift and if they're going to marry someone, they think they should be the ones to receive (and, as the case might be, reciprocally give) that gift
• If both of them are virgins, they will be at the same level of (lack of) experience
  
• They see it as a sign of self-control that will make it more likely their spouse will remain faithful and endure times in which there won't be sex
• They believe it reduces potential problems with jealousies
• They don't want their spouse remembering past experiences
• They don't want their spouse making comparisons to past lovers
• They don't want to be with someone who has "a reputation" or is the subject of gossip
• They don't want to bump into their spouse's past lovers
• Some people believe that people, especially women, have a hard time bonding well with a spouse if she has previously bonded this way with others
  
• Some women get bored of sex, and so her being a virgin means it will take longer for her get bored of sex with him
  
• Men don't want to pay or pay more for what other men have gotten for less or free
• Some men see it as problematic for their wife to have had another man's cells/DNA inside of her
• STDs
• Virgins haven't had abortions
  
• Virgins don't have any biological children somewhere out there
  

I find some of those reasons to be silly or downright contrary to facts, and you likely do, too, but since Dennis asked the question, I wanted to provide the answer. Those aren't MY reasons, but reasons I know others have.

I wouldn't advise a man look for a virgin to be his wife. But I wouldn't advise most men look for a wife. Men who are just looking for hookups, booty calls, or even just "a girlfriend" should avoid virgins. Sex is a learned skill.

Why Wait?

Dr. Laura's blog was updated with an entry with the title "Why Wait to Have Sex?"

People who engage in sex before or within the first few weeks of dating have lower levels of relationship satisfaction, communication and stability than those who wait longer.

The claim here is the first few weeks. So, a month in is good?

Why?

Because people who wait are so happy to be having sex that that they'll accept a lot of crap.

Because casual sex is lust over love. Without a foundation, the excitement of the passion wanes, and the relationship crumbles.

Not if they enjoy the sex a lot and are compatible. They have both "lust" and love after a while.

Most women want the first time they have sex with a man to be mind-blowing, special and something that brings them closer together.

Men want that, too.

However, there is no love or commitment early on in a relationship, so none of those needs are met.

That doesn't follow. People can have mind-blowing, special sex that brings them closer together without love and commitment.

I find it remarkable how many women would not entrust their apartment keys to a guy they just met (even if it’s just to water their plants) and yet, give no thought to exposing themselves to STDs and unplanned pregnancies.

If they have your keys, they can steal from you for a while without you even knowing. They can squat in your place and it can be a long ordeal to get them out. Some women actually enjoy sex, and don't see it as something a man does to them, but something they do with a man. But yes, STD tests, contraception, and vasectomies can be great things, and some people having sex on a first, second, or third date use those.

Contrary to what you see in the movies, people simultaneously orgasming 20 minutes after meeting each other rarely happens in real life.

Most married people don't experience simultaneous orgasms, either.

First-date sex is usually awkward, and it runs on his timeline — if you get my drift.

So now it's two dates in, rather than a month.

Also, some guys gladly engage in cunnilingus, fingering, etc. until she has at least one orgasm. Even on a first date.

Plus, there isn’t that much warm-up because there isn’t that much caring to give you a warm-up.

How would Dr. Laura know this? And again, the experience of many people goes against this.

Nothing has changed in the double standard. The more sexual partners a guy has had, the less he thinks of women and the sex he has with them. Guys know that the quicker they can get you to bed, the less wifey material you are. You may be humping for a few years or even shacking up, but there’s no true emotional bond.

Except for the millions of people for whom that hasn't been the case. There are couples who seem to have great marriages lasting decades who had sex on the first date. Everyone knows someone like that. I do.

Dr. Laura will tell female callers who've had unmarried sex "He's telling all of his friends he did!" These days, SHE probably told his friends. And hers. Like it or not, times have changed.

Men don’t value what they don’t have to work hard for.

How hard did most men have to work for their mother's love? And yet they value it tremendously.

If you want a healthy relationship, you should charge a high price for sex - the price being attention, care and commitment.

For Dr. Laura, a "commitment" means having a terrible state contract, joint finances, monogamy, and a bunch of other things that must all be together. In her mind, people can be together for ten years with the same goals and treating each other well, and it's not a commitment unless they have a state license and joint finances. Also, people shouldn't marry until after being together regularly for two yeas. There's a lot of room between a month and two or three years.

While she doesn't admit it, Dr. Laura borrows from materialism and religion for her secular program.

Materialism says men should pay - literally pay - for sex, because of supply and demand. This is why Dr. Laura says an unmarried man having sex is "getting sex for free." He hasn't signed over at least half of his income to the woman with whom he's having sex.

Religion: "This Scripture or this Prophet says unmarried sex is wrong."

She struggles to explain why people should save sex for marriage without citing either of those.

She didn't bring up abortion. Like STDs, unwanted pregnancies are a risk with sex. From a purely rational perspective, people should avoid sex if they aren't prepared for, or haven't taken steps to prevent, unwanted conception, spreading STDs, or catching unwanted feelings.

I'm not here to tell you to have sex before you marry, much less sex a few dates in. (Many of you will do it anyway.)

But I am here to tell you there's no way you should sign a terrible state contract unless you have experienced sexual compatibility and chemistry with that person, unless both of you don't care about sex (and you can't really be sure they don't). Actually, you shouldn't sign the terrible state contract regardless. But you shouldn't make vows, a joint residence, joint finances, or children with someone unless you know they can fulfill you in that way.

So, stay free.

Comment Here on Dating (or not) Women With Minor Children

There are so many comments that have been left on my blog's most popular entry that I'm encouraging people to comment here instead, so your comment doesn't get lost in the shuffle. The topic: I discourage men (and women, for that matter) from dating women with minor children. You might disagree with me. Maybe you have stories to tell. This is the place!

I urge people not to add chaos to their child's life. Don't date single mothers, or mothers of minor or dependent children!

And before you ask again, here is something I wrote to a widowed mother.

Disagree? Agree? Do you have success stories? Horror stories? Comment below! BUT PLEASE DO NOT USE PROFANITY (CUSS WORDS) in your comment or I probably won't publish it. This is acceptable: "That's bull****!" Writing out the word in full is not acceptable. No F word. No C word. No S word. No D word. You get the idea.

Life on the Carousel

In an effort to discourage what they see as unfair competition, people like Dr. Laura will tell unmarried women something like:

 "The more sexual partners a woman has before she marries, the less she'll enjoy marital sex."

How exactly is that determined?

We can't compare people to themselves. No one person has had both experiences - having many sexual partners before marrying and having few or none before marrying. So how can anyone know?

This is how it is determined. Usually among other questions, they ask women who are or were married:

• How satisfied they are/were with their marital sex life
• How many partners they had before they married

Then, they notice that there appears to be some correlation.

Let's be clear about a few things though.

1) This is based on self reporting. People who have had few or no sex partners before their marriage have nothing for comparison. It's like giving a starving person plain rice. How happy is that person going to be with rice? Very! As far as sex, it's basically saying "I like sex" or "I'm happy with our sex life" even if they're having sex four times per year.

2) Who has few or no sex partners before marrying? Very religious people. Many of them consider it a sin or even a "negative confession" to say that they are anything less than thrilled with their marital sex life. Also, some unattractive women don't attract many sex partners. Of those who do marry, they're probably going to be happy.

3) There are many women who saved sex for marriage and then had a terrible sex life.

4) There are women who had "many" sex partners before marriage and have a great marital sex life. They tend to be women who like sex a lot and have a high drive.

5) What people who use this tactic are advocating is that you make vows and sign a state contract with someone before finding out if you're sexually compatible. It is VERY different to have no sex at all before marrying and to get very sexual with one person before marrying them. The latter often get lumped together with the former, even though with the latter, if they realize they're not sexually compatible, they are far less likely to marry in the first place.

6) It means something that the people who use this tactic don't apply to anything else. If a woman never goes to a nice restaurant before she marries, won't that make the experience of going to one with her husband that much more special? So an unmarried woman should decline offers to go to a nice restaurant, right?

There are many women who get bored of sex. If those women have had many sex partners before they married, then they might hit that wall of boredom earlier in their marriage. Incels and some others (like Dr. Laura, "purity" purveyors) say a woman's ability to bond, and thus enjoy sex more, gets damaged more the more sex partners she has (like a piece of tape that gets reused and reused loses effectiveness). But for any individual woman, there's no assurance that she'll enjoy sex a lot if she's waits and she won't enjoy it much if she doesn't.

Again, these studies never separate out women who have decided not to marry at all, are enthusiastic about sex, and don't have moral qualms about unmarried sex. Some of them enjoy sex very much. I know my first serious girlfriend enjoyed sex a lot even after having many partners. Or at least she was very effective at pretending to.

"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 2

Part 1 of This Series

Short answer: Because that doesn't get them what they want. 

Longer answer:

Letting things go unspoken, letting women continue with their self-created delusions and misperceptions, engaging women by running game gets men what they want.

Let's consider a very familiar scenario.

It’s Not Too Early To Form Your Holiday Game Plan

Free Men, and men who want to be, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You know how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Unmarried Men: You Need to Get or Stay Scarce Until At Least February 15

Unmarried men, if you've been staying scarce for the last month or two when it comes to any woman who was thinking of you as husband material, keep up the good work!

For those of you who spent December and the holidays with such a woman, you really need to get with the program NOW!!!

You DO NOT want a woman trying to make you her husband, and so you need to get or stay scarce. Be busy. Be "sick."

There are ads on television, radio, and websites/apps right now trying to get men to plan romantic evenings and buy expensive items because February 14 exists. NO NO NO!!!

Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive to a woman.

Now Is the Time, Guys

Here in the USA, Thanksgiving is on the way (11/22!!!), and then it'll be Hanukkah, Christmas, Festivus, New Year's Eve/Day, and then Valentine's Day.

Thanksgiving, even more than Christmas Day, is when family gets together. We get two straight days as official holidays, attached to a weekend.

This is where the pitfalls are for a man who wants to be or remain free.

If you spend time with her family/friends, or she with yours, she'll be thinking you are the one she's going to attach to for the long haul. She might even be expecting a ring, or if you've given her one, talk of a wedding. Certainly she'll be expecting expensive gifts and having you jump through a bunch of hoops.

Avoid all of that.

Who needs that expense? Who needs the drama? Who needs a girlfriend who wants to be your fiancee? Who needs a fiancee who wants to be your wife?

You don't want to spend time with her family and friends, or have her spend time with yours. You don't want her getting the idea that you're serious. You need to be a free man.

If she's asking or even just hinting that she wants to move in together, get engaged, get married, have a kid, or even just "define the relationship" or has asked, "Where is this going?", now is the time to become really scarce or outright ghost her, at least until February 15. If she has a birthday or your "anniversary" with her is in late February or early March, extend the break until after that. It will save you so much time, money, and hassle. 

You shouldn't have a girlfriend at all, but if you do, you need to take evasive action NOW. Especially if you're living with her or she's got at least one minor or dependent child.

Please see something I wrote before about dealing with the holidays.

A Waste of Human Potential

People can be convinced to do just about anything, given the right conditions. You don't have to be stupid to allow yourself to fall into a trap. In fact, it often takes someone of high intelligence to be convinced to do some really bizarre things (think cultists who commit suicide together). Check out this Associated Press story by Jeff Karoub about Steven Demink, a very evil man who convinced some mothers to do some evil things. Please don’t think I’m excusing the mothers.

In real life, Steven Demink didn't have children, a college degree or a lasting career. Online, prosecutors say, he presented himself as Dalton St. Clair, an attractive single father and psychologist — a fantasy image authorities say the Michigan man used to persuade mothers across the country to commit unspeakable acts on their children.

Demink, 41, of Redford Township [Michigan, I’m thinking], preyed on single mothers for more than a year, prosecutors say, convincing them to sexually assault their children as a form of therapy. After pleading guilty Monday to six charges related to the sexual exploitation of children, Demink faces 15 years to life in prison when he is sentenced in June.

How was he able to do this?

Demink's alter-ego was a single father of a 14-year-old girl, prosecutors said, and he posted pictures of male models as his headshots.

It's a good thing he really didn’t actually have children.

In some cases, court documents say, Demink promised the women a date if they followed through with his directions.

Playing on desperation for a walking ATM can get you far.

Since authorities arrested him in October, seven children were rescued and at least three mothers have been arrested. Prosecutors say all of the children are now safe.

Isn't that a little like saying that an arson burn victim is now safe because she is no longer on fire?

Authorities say Demink chatted with mothers from New Hampshire, Florida, Idaho and elsewhere, persuading them to engage in sexual acts with their children and send images via e-mail or through a live web stream. The children ranged in age from 3 to 15.

Of course Florida had to be part of this. So many strange stories involve that state.

Demink told U.S. District Judge Gerald Rosen that before his arrest, he worked as a car salesman for about six months and before that for about five years at a local bank.

As if people didn't hate bankers and car salesmen enough already.

He said he completed a U.S. Customs and Border Protection training program in 2002 and worked for the Immigration and Naturalization Service for about a year.

That explains a lot.

As part of his plea agreement with prosecutors, seven charges against Demink were dropped.

I'm assuming the plea agreement was meant to spare victims a trial?

In one case, Demink started online chats with an Oregon woman about the sexual development of her 8-year-old autistic son, according to the plea agreement. He told her to engage in sexually explicit conduct with her son as a way to teach him about sex, prosecutors say, and she did so while Demink watched on a web camera.

You wonder how someone could fall for this, but people fall for all sorts of foolishness. I'm sure if we could be taken through how this happened step by step, we'd have a better understanding of how the mother could have suspended her judgment enough to do this. A lot of it could be the power we give to psychologists.

A Teton County Sheriff's Office report from December 2009 said the Idaho woman met "Daltonst28" on an online dating site called singleparentmeet.com. She told police she performed sex acts on her young son as directed by her online male friend.

The woman's mother, Eileen Schwab of Idaho, said she knows little of how Demink convinced her daughter to follow his orders. She said her daughter was "depressed and lonesome" after her divorce.

Good for Schwab. She decided to protect her grandchildren and the children of others over her protecting her own daughter from legal consequences.

Demink's attorney, Timothy Dinan, said his client "has expressed a lot of remorse" for what he did and has taken responsibility by pleading guilty.

He's probably just sorry he got caught. What a waste of human potential.

I'm glad law enforcement isn't letting the mothers off of the hook. I do wonder if the charges would have been the same and if the news article would have been the same if the sexes were switched - if this had been about some women convincing single fathers to molest their daughters.

Learn how to think clearly, critically, and discern. Don't blindly accept whatever "experts" tell you. Ask them to explain how they came to their conclusions. Some very intelligent and educated people have believed some very wrong things. Look for contradictions. And if something doesn't pass the smell test, think very hard more than once about it.