Keeping Boundaries As a Free Man

If you are a Free Man, meaning you don't have a wife and don't live with a woman, I implore you to enjoy your freedom. I also urge you to keep your freedom. 

That might sound easy. I mean, don't you have to decide to move in together and don't you have to ask a woman to marry you?

Sure, but it gets more complicated than that.

Some women literally scheme to get pregnant even though you've made it clear you don't want to have children. Some women incrementally move-in-by-stealth. Some women nag and nag and nag (and even get your family to join in) to get you to "propose".

You need to keep boundaries in order to stay a Free Man.

AVOID POP DNA TESTS. Don't buy them for your family, either. You can't stop them being foolish and taking them, but avoid taking one yourself. No good will come from one of those. The only time you should take a DNA test is through the advice and arrangement of your lawyer.


Monk or Ghost

This is the the most extreme way of staying a Free Man without literally going off to be an isolated hermit. Some men decide to avoid women as much as possible. They don't date, they don't have female friends, they don't work for or with women, and they don't have any professional or financial connections to women (for example, they refuse to have a woman as an accountant or doctor). That is extreme, but for some it works.


Stay Present But Independent

This is the less extreme way. You can still participate in society and interact with women. You just need to be persistent and firm in keeping yourself independent. Let's consider how to do this.

Home Security

I previously wrote an entry on managing danger that focused on being out and about. What about home security?

Like so many other things in life, if you remain a Free Man, home security is less complicated. You only have to worry about your own protection and you don't have to worry about protecting anyone else, save your temporary guests.

If you have the means, having 24/7/365 armed security on-site is going to provide the most security. Few people can have that, though. Likewise with living in a walled, gated compound.

The bad news is, if someone really, really wants to get into your home, they can, especially if they are people of means. The good news is it is becoming easier and easier to increase your home security, which will discourage potential malefactors, buy you some time to protect yourself if they are getting in, and can capture evidence for prosecution.

What you should do depends on things like where you live, what is in your home, and who might try to get into it and why. If you live on a rural farm it's a far different matter than living in a major city or an adjacent suburb.

Privacy For Nuclear Families and Empty Nesters

Dr. Laura has this thing in which she says once the youngest kid is 18, they should be be out. She's also against adult siblings and elderly parents moving in to a husband & wife home or even onto their property in a separate dwelling. She says this is because the husband and wife need their privacy.

I scratch my head with this one. Almost everything Dr. Laura says makes a lot of sense, especially when you know her reasons. I don't recall hearing her reasons for this.

The grown kids should be out, from what Dr. Laura has said, for their own good. They need to spread their wings and get the hang of flying on their own. Adult siblings, like everyone else, should be able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and live independently. As far the the elderly parent, I can't help but wonder if this is somehow related to Dr. Laura's own personal experience.

She doesn't say that, though. She says the husband and wife need their privacy.

I can understand that some people want their privacy. They want to live alone with their spouse and nobody else. Fantastic. They should have their privacy.

But she makes it as a blanket statement for everyone.

What if both spouses sincerely WANT the sibling or the parent(s) there?

My guess is that Dr. Laura's position is that, deep down, the unrelated spouse can't possibly want their sibling-in-law or parent-in-law living on the same property.*

When the Neighbors Put on a Show

GETTING AN EYEFUL IN OHIO, who lives in a home and has a son who is under 2, wrote in to Dear Abby:

After living here for a while, we noticed that the neighbors behind us have a large window in their shower, and they tend to take a lot of nighttime showers. (I'm sure you can see where this is heading.)

It turns you on?

For a long time, we chose to ignore it, but my motherly instincts are getting the better of me now. I can't help thinking of the day when my son is old enough to realize what he's seeing.

Ah.

My husband and I have been debating whether to tell our neighbors we can see them showering.

They probably know. They might like it. Why else would they have a big, uncovered window in the shower? It's not hard to cover the window. Or am I more aware of sight lines than people in general?

Don't bring it up to them, unless you want to pay them a compliment or hit on them, which I don't recommend.

Sometimes they get pretty carried away in there.

I would hope so.

Should I tell them we can see everything? And if so, how do I go about it without causing them to be embarrassed, ashamed or angry?

There's no telling how they would react for sure. I've always been aware of my surroundings when having some form of sex. I made a point of closing the blinds at one girlfriend's condo. I'd like to say I did that because I'm not an exhibitionist - it was more a matter of knowing on some level that I was doing something wrong (fornicating). There were a couple of times she closed the blinds as a way of initiating.

Isn't there a room of your home suitable for your son that doesn't face that window? If not, consider shutters/shades/blinds or remodeling. On planting trees/bushes in the way.

Given the Biblical prohibition against "adultery in the heart" I can't justify it, but being brutally honest about myself, I'd probably watch. Aside from male sexual nature, there's the curiosity factor.

Dear Abby's response was wrong. She told them to write a note proposing working on a solution together.