Sensational Headlines Might Mislead

Law enforcement agencies are government departments, dependent on taxpayer money, and like getting credit for good deeds.

News media likes sensational headlines because it gets them clicks and viewers.

A lot of people have conspiratorial and crisis thinking, meaning they are sure there's a crisis going on, and it is the result of a vast conspiracy.

Every once in a while, there will be a headline like this:

"68 Missing Children Recovered From Human Trafficking Operation, [Law Enforcement Agency] Says"

That makes it sound like there was a building with 68 children inside of it, where strangers would go and pay money to sexually abuse them, maybe "buy" them to take home.

Shocking, right? How evil!!!

Except... that's not really what happened. And thank goodness it isn't.

Are Pixels to Blame For a Decline in Marriage Rates?

That favorite villain of so many, "porn", is implied in recent news reporting to be a culprit in the marriage rate decline. [This post has been bumped up from earlier publication.] See the headline of Paul Bedard's article at The Washington Examiner for one example: Shock study: Marriage rate declines with porn use, threatening economy, society

Yes, yes, out of everything that has happened, let's blame pixels.

Pornography is replacing the desire among young men for marriage, according to a new study that finds males are chasing “low-cost sexual gratification” on the web over a wife and family.

Once again we see that people think men are supposed to pay a lot of money to have orgasms.

There's so much to be said, and so little time. 

1) Are there some men who say, "Hey, who needs marriage when I can watch porn?" There probably are a few - a very few. Let's think about those men for a moment. If a man who would and could otherwise marry is looking at porn as a replacement for marriage, that means the only thing he thinks women bring to marriage is visual/auditory sexual stimulation, or he thinks the other things women bring to marriage do not outweigh his costs for getting and being married. Do you think it would be a good idea for such a man to get married?

2) However, there are other men who use porn because they haven't married (yet). They want the stimulation, they're not getting it from a wife, so they view porn.

3) There are unmarried men who do not view porn, or at least only incidentally view it. Some of these men never want to marry (again).

4) There are married men who view porn. Some of those men are satisfied with their sex life with their wife, some of the wives are happy with their sex life, and in other cases, he's viewing porn because his wife is sexually rejecting.

5) There are men who marry, and marry at the same age they would have with or without porn, who viewed porn all along.

6) Men can get sexual gratification without viewing porn and without being married. Whether it is masturbation or a girlfriend, or a shack-up, or a booty call, or a friend-with-benefits, it is very easy for an unmarried man to get sexual gratification these days without viewing porn and with little time, money, emotion, or effort spent.

Dr. Laura, Governor Spitzer, and Media Distortions

The blogosphere continues to fill up with angry reactions to what Dr. Laura Schlessinger said on the Today Show, or more often, reactions to misinterpretations of what Dr. Laura said on the Today Show.

These anti-Dr. Laura reactions tend to fall into three categories:

1) How dare she blame Governor Spitzer’s wife for his use of prostitutes!
2) How dare she blame wives for their husbands cheating!
3) I hate Dr. Laura! I don’t really care what she said, I just like bashing her!

I need not deal with #3.

Regarding #1, as Dr. Laura has explained, and as I wrote before, her comments were NOT about Governor Spitzer. Anyone who continues to promote this lie is spreading bogus gossip.

Regarding #2 – this isn’t really true, either. Nowhere does she condone infidelity or excuse anyone for engaging in it. What Dr. Laura said (and has consistently taught) is that if a woman chooses a decent guy to marry, and she keeps him satisfied (emotionally and sexually), which is not complicated, then he will not stray. Now, there are bloggers out there who still are upset with her for that claim. They seem to deny that wives have any power to keep their husband from cheating. Well, that is true - if you married a bum. But not all men are bums. (Some women tend to take the position that all men are bums, but they can change one to being okay through highly limited access to their magic vagina.)

Some of these people seem to want to deny that women should have any responsibility for the condition of their marriage. Strange, really, especially when it comes from people who claim to be feminists and for women having power. They think women don’t have the power to choose a decent guy to marry, or to make a happy marriage – yet most of them want(ed) to get married anyway.

Some of these bloggers dismiss a husband’s need for sex. True, he doesn’t need sex in the same way that he needs food, water, and air, but one of the main reasons a normal, healthy man gets married is for sex. If he’s not getting enough from his wife, he has much less incentive to care all that much about his marriage, or staying faithful to his wife. He is much more responsive to temptation. Many of these same female bloggers had no problem fornicating with their man as often as he expressed any interest… before they got married. But once they have that man’s signature on the contract, they suddenly stop caring as much about keeping him interested or satisfied. They expect that the threat of alimony will be enough to keep him in line. This is one reason why more men are delaying marriage or refusing to marry at all.

Women and men are different. A woman has no idea what it is like to be a man, or how a husband needs sex. Some wives understand that much, and thus make an effort to tend to him, even if she’s not “feeling it”. Women who do this often do end up having fun and enjoying the moment – and with a happier, more attentive husband, and having to deal with more of those pesky orgasms. Other women simply dismiss that they should tend to their husband’s needs. They belittle him when they do this. It’s sad, really. And while it is breaking his vows for him to stray, wives are also breaking their vows (usually) when they fail to love, honor, and cherish, which includes making love when your spouse wants it.

The News Isn't Always Accurate

This story names the wrong David as having gotten booted from American Idol last night. What makes it even a bigger mistake is that the David they say got booted is the presumed frontrunner.

Not that any of this this really matters.

Dr. Laura and Disgraced Governor Spitzer

Have you ever interacted with the news media? Have you ever been an in-person eyewitness to/participant in an event that was later recounted in a newspaper article? If so, you’ve probably noticed that the news media doesn’t always get everything exactly right. Quotes get butchered. Some details get left out. Headlines are misleading.

Dr. Laura appeared on NBC’s the Today Show to promote her new book. They asked her for her opinion on why men cheat. She explained her position that if a woman chooses a good man to marry, and she treats him the way a man needs to be treated, then he’s not going to cheat. The Today Show, their cohorts and MSNBC, and others immediately turned this into “Dr. Laura Blames Governor Spitzer’s Wife For His Use of Whores”. But, THAT IS NOT WHAT SHE SAID. It just makes for good copy.

Immediately, the bloggers jumped on this – you know, the ones that hate Dr. Laura because she thinks women hold some responsibility for their own happiness, parents should actually raise their own children, sex is for marriage, and because she used to say, back in the 1990s, that homosexual acts were against the teachings of the Bible. How dare she!

In addition to going bonkers over her assertion that women should choose their husbands carefully and then treat him kindly, many of the bloggers and commenters brought out the same old, tired attacks about Dr. Laura’s past, things her adult son may or may not have put on MySpace, her relationship with her mother, that she told military spouses/families not to whine to their spouses who are serving in a war zone (misrepresented as “military families should never complain about anything to anyone), and the very, very tired old “Letter to Dr. Laura” regarding homosexuality and the Bible.

It looks like it is fun to knock down straw men, or to not deal with the issue at all but rather dismiss someone’s opinion by saying something nasty about them. Apparently, nobody who has ever made mistakes can ever point out that something is right or wrong or give any helpful advice, even if they've turned their lives around and have undergone a religious conversion and a whole philosophical conversion.

But getting back to the original issue… Nowhere does Dr. Laura excuse men for their decisions to commit adultery. However, she recognizes that if a wife isn't living by her marital vows (which are more than just "forsaking all others"), THEN a man is more likely not to live by his, either.

A lot of the whiners want to believe that women have no power in their relationships, or no ability to a choose a decent man. It is easier to bash Dr. Laura than admit that some wives may not be treating their husbands right, or may have chosen a man who was poor husband material. (A lot of women mistakenly think they can change the man, as if their vagina is magical.)

I do think cheating is wrong and should not be excused. But if the refrigerator is empty, a lot of men are going to hit the drive-thru. I really don't get the prostitute thing, myself - nowadays, it is so easy to find women who will gadly jump right into bed with you, especially if they think that you are rich and powerful, as Spitzer is.

Speaking of power, many of the hate-filled bloggers have complained that Dr. Laura places a lot of responsibility on women. When women call Dr. Laura, she tells them what THEY can do to make things better. She can't very well tell their husbands what they can do if they aren't on the phone with her. When a man calls, she tells him what HE can do. It isn't a matter of bashing either sex, but she does recognize that men and women are different (shocking!). You see, dealing with reality is much more effective than denying it, and then being bitter and angry when things don’t seem to be working out the way you want.

And lets not forget that there were *women* willing to have sex with a married man for money. Do they not have any responsibility for this?

Really, “men = bad, women = good” is getting really old, and so are the rantings of people who are spreading false witness against a radio show host/author. Spitzer did a horrible thing. But there are men who are in marriages where their wives have broken their vows to love, honor, and cherish, or what-have-you, yet all that seems to matter is if the husband has broken his vow to "forsake all others."

Don't want to put in the effort to find a good, husband-material (that involves a lot more than simply how much money he makes) man and treat him the way he needs to be treated? Then don't get married.