Biblical Manhood Blog Gets Mothballed

I'm sad to see another good blog get mothballed.

There now plenty of blogs and other online places that defend men and masculinity - but some (not all) by attacking women as a group.

There are places that tell men gpod reasons why they should not get married - but many of them encourage men to go ahead and fornicate.

There are "father's rights" and "men's rights" bloggers.

There are plenty of "Christian" or "conservative" blogs encouraging men to marry and procreate (and casting suspicion on those who don't), and blaming men for most, if not all, of the sufferings and discontents of women, and placing (almost) all of the blame on husbands for anything a woman sees as a problem in marriage.

But Biblical Manhood has been a thought-provoking place that first and foremost called on men to follow Christ. The blogger skillfully applied the Scriptures to defend masculinity, men, and being unmarried, often exposing the problems in some of the statements made on some major Christian websites and some cultural problems in general.

I hope the blog is left intact, unlike some other good ones that have been deleted. I will be moving it in the column on the right, since it will no longer be updated.

Keeping a blog going can be challenging. We all should have our priorities, and when blogging interferes with more important matters, or the topic has run its course, then stopping makes sense. But that doesn't stop me from missing some bloggers who have left.

Check Out the Mysterious Mrs. B. Roth

I got tagged/awarded by The Mysterious Mrs. B. Roth. I generally do not follow along with these chain things, with rules like these:

1) Add the logo of the award to your blog.
2) Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.
3) Nominate at least 7 other blogs (or whatever random number you want :)
4) Add links to those blogs on your blog.
5) Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

But I did want to call your attention to her site and "award" her back.

She wrote about this blog:

A strange little cubbyhole, try Everything Must Go! Ken likes to deconstruct advice columns and provides, free of charge, very useful bits of dating and marriage tips. Fearlessly weighing in on adult topics without becoming crass or puerile, I find his messages useful and entertaining.

High praise, indeed. Thanks!

I have been interested in what females really think since at least adolescence. The male mind and the female mind do work differently. I used to secretly thumb through my sister's Seventeen magazines to try to get some idea. But whether it is Seventeen or Cosmo, you're still only dealing with a handful of women, who are essentially speaking on the heavily-edited commercial public record to please advertisers.

I do have my wife's brain to pick now. But more perspective can be good. Through Mrs. B. Roth's blog, I get to see the thoughts and experiences of a wife and mother with children a little older than mine. She's a good writer who gives an authentic glimpse into motherhood, marriage, and domestic management, and living out a religion that is somewhat different than mine. I'd rather read her stuff than a celebutant’s blog any day. Indeed, someone who has never been to America could learn much more about what it is like to live in America by reading her blog than they could by reading the New York Times.

I really need to add her to my blog roll on the right. I need to update the blog roll anyway. Heck, I need to update the entire blog.

Some other good sites are already there in the blog roll. One I check with regularity is Biblical Manhood, which is written by an unmarried, male follower of Christ. As he says:

This is a blog about "biblical manhood." I am not here to give Bible-believing men a list of do's and don'ts. Plenty of others already make a living doing that. My intention is provide a scriptural response to anti-male sexism. My intention is to proclaim the truth to the status quo and defend those who have been denied a voice for far too long. In this, I believe I am following the example of my Lord and Savior.

He also links to some other great places to get real male perspectives. You may not be aware of it, but most mainstream media, especially television, is primarily geared towards the sensitivities of women, which are different than those of men. This is because so much of the media is heavily dependent on advertisers, and women are by far the ones doing most of the consumer spending. (Hey, my wife is a darn good shopper so I'm happy to leave most of that to her!) Workplace cultures are also mostly geared towards the sensitivities of women now. The same goes for most of academia and most churches and Christian media, which is what makes Biblical Manhood such a fascinating read. With so many boys being raised without a father in the home, with fewer places for them to go for unfettered socialization with men, with the general bent toward female sensitivities, and with willfull anti-masculinity found in mainstream culture, it is nice to have someplace to go for a different perspective, perhaps a place that a young man may find out that he can be a follower of Christ without being a wimp or always peeing sitting down.

Dr. Laura, Governor Spitzer, and Media Distortions

The blogosphere continues to fill up with angry reactions to what Dr. Laura Schlessinger said on the Today Show, or more often, reactions to misinterpretations of what Dr. Laura said on the Today Show.

These anti-Dr. Laura reactions tend to fall into three categories:

1) How dare she blame Governor Spitzer’s wife for his use of prostitutes!
2) How dare she blame wives for their husbands cheating!
3) I hate Dr. Laura! I don’t really care what she said, I just like bashing her!

I need not deal with #3.

Regarding #1, as Dr. Laura has explained, and as I wrote before, her comments were NOT about Governor Spitzer. Anyone who continues to promote this lie is spreading bogus gossip.

Regarding #2 – this isn’t really true, either. Nowhere does she condone infidelity or excuse anyone for engaging in it. What Dr. Laura said (and has consistently taught) is that if a woman chooses a decent guy to marry, and she keeps him satisfied (emotionally and sexually), which is not complicated, then he will not stray. Now, there are bloggers out there who still are upset with her for that claim. They seem to deny that wives have any power to keep their husband from cheating. Well, that is true - if you married a bum. But not all men are bums. (Some women tend to take the position that all men are bums, but they can change one to being okay through highly limited access to their magic vagina.)

Some of these people seem to want to deny that women should have any responsibility for the condition of their marriage. Strange, really, especially when it comes from people who claim to be feminists and for women having power. They think women don’t have the power to choose a decent guy to marry, or to make a happy marriage – yet most of them want(ed) to get married anyway.

Some of these bloggers dismiss a husband’s need for sex. True, he doesn’t need sex in the same way that he needs food, water, and air, but one of the main reasons a normal, healthy man gets married is for sex. If he’s not getting enough from his wife, he has much less incentive to care all that much about his marriage, or staying faithful to his wife. He is much more responsive to temptation. Many of these same female bloggers had no problem fornicating with their man as often as he expressed any interest… before they got married. But once they have that man’s signature on the contract, they suddenly stop caring as much about keeping him interested or satisfied. They expect that the threat of alimony will be enough to keep him in line. This is one reason why more men are delaying marriage or refusing to marry at all.

Women and men are different. A woman has no idea what it is like to be a man, or how a husband needs sex. Some wives understand that much, and thus make an effort to tend to him, even if she’s not “feeling it”. Women who do this often do end up having fun and enjoying the moment – and with a happier, more attentive husband, and having to deal with more of those pesky orgasms. Other women simply dismiss that they should tend to their husband’s needs. They belittle him when they do this. It’s sad, really. And while it is breaking his vows for him to stray, wives are also breaking their vows (usually) when they fail to love, honor, and cherish, which includes making love when your spouse wants it.

Dr. Laura and Disgraced Governor Spitzer

Have you ever interacted with the news media? Have you ever been an in-person eyewitness to/participant in an event that was later recounted in a newspaper article? If so, you’ve probably noticed that the news media doesn’t always get everything exactly right. Quotes get butchered. Some details get left out. Headlines are misleading.

Dr. Laura appeared on NBC’s the Today Show to promote her new book. They asked her for her opinion on why men cheat. She explained her position that if a woman chooses a good man to marry, and she treats him the way a man needs to be treated, then he’s not going to cheat. The Today Show, their cohorts and MSNBC, and others immediately turned this into “Dr. Laura Blames Governor Spitzer’s Wife For His Use of Whores”. But, THAT IS NOT WHAT SHE SAID. It just makes for good copy.

Immediately, the bloggers jumped on this – you know, the ones that hate Dr. Laura because she thinks women hold some responsibility for their own happiness, parents should actually raise their own children, sex is for marriage, and because she used to say, back in the 1990s, that homosexual acts were against the teachings of the Bible. How dare she!

In addition to going bonkers over her assertion that women should choose their husbands carefully and then treat him kindly, many of the bloggers and commenters brought out the same old, tired attacks about Dr. Laura’s past, things her adult son may or may not have put on MySpace, her relationship with her mother, that she told military spouses/families not to whine to their spouses who are serving in a war zone (misrepresented as “military families should never complain about anything to anyone), and the very, very tired old “Letter to Dr. Laura” regarding homosexuality and the Bible.

It looks like it is fun to knock down straw men, or to not deal with the issue at all but rather dismiss someone’s opinion by saying something nasty about them. Apparently, nobody who has ever made mistakes can ever point out that something is right or wrong or give any helpful advice, even if they've turned their lives around and have undergone a religious conversion and a whole philosophical conversion.

But getting back to the original issue… Nowhere does Dr. Laura excuse men for their decisions to commit adultery. However, she recognizes that if a wife isn't living by her marital vows (which are more than just "forsaking all others"), THEN a man is more likely not to live by his, either.

A lot of the whiners want to believe that women have no power in their relationships, or no ability to a choose a decent man. It is easier to bash Dr. Laura than admit that some wives may not be treating their husbands right, or may have chosen a man who was poor husband material. (A lot of women mistakenly think they can change the man, as if their vagina is magical.)

I do think cheating is wrong and should not be excused. But if the refrigerator is empty, a lot of men are going to hit the drive-thru. I really don't get the prostitute thing, myself - nowadays, it is so easy to find women who will gadly jump right into bed with you, especially if they think that you are rich and powerful, as Spitzer is.

Speaking of power, many of the hate-filled bloggers have complained that Dr. Laura places a lot of responsibility on women. When women call Dr. Laura, she tells them what THEY can do to make things better. She can't very well tell their husbands what they can do if they aren't on the phone with her. When a man calls, she tells him what HE can do. It isn't a matter of bashing either sex, but she does recognize that men and women are different (shocking!). You see, dealing with reality is much more effective than denying it, and then being bitter and angry when things don’t seem to be working out the way you want.

And lets not forget that there were *women* willing to have sex with a married man for money. Do they not have any responsibility for this?

Really, “men = bad, women = good” is getting really old, and so are the rantings of people who are spreading false witness against a radio show host/author. Spitzer did a horrible thing. But there are men who are in marriages where their wives have broken their vows to love, honor, and cherish, or what-have-you, yet all that seems to matter is if the husband has broken his vow to "forsake all others."

Don't want to put in the effort to find a good, husband-material (that involves a lot more than simply how much money he makes) man and treat him the way he needs to be treated? Then don't get married.