One Way She Makes My Life Better

One thing that makes a great marriage is when the spouses are frequently thinking about how to make the other's life better. Not in a controlling way, but in an assisting way.

In my bachelor days, I was generally careful with my money, but I had to keep my shopping time to a minimum. There was one supermarket with a pharmacy I'd frequent, a membership warehouse, and specialty chain grocer. That was the bulk of my shopping for groceries and most other things. I would sometimes use the coupons given with my receipt, but that was about the extent of my coupon shopping.

My wife is cheaper than me. She's very careful with money, and that is one of the reasons I married her. She's not bringing in any income directly; it is all through her support of my career (packing me lunch, washing my clothes, finding and wrapping gifts for my associates, etc.). However, as a good shopper she is stretching the dollars I earn in ways I wouldn't if I was a bachelor.

In recent months she has become extremely adept at stretching our dollars. She keeps track of deals, coupons, and incentive programs. She will spend several hours each week on those things, then shopping at various stores. There's little store loyalty or brand loyalty – she usually goes where she is going to get the lowest price on a given item (and she makes sure it rings up correctly at the register) or the greatest return (credits or dollars off for future purchases). She doesn't buy stuff we don’t need – this is all stuff we will use.

It is quite a tale when she returns and goes over the receipts, giddy and proud of her skills. She'll walk out of a store with several bags, spending under ten dollars or leaving with more dollars in credits for the next visit than she spent on the current visit. Reviewing the monthly credit card statement, I'll see charges for two bucks or less when I know she got out of that store with a bagful of items. It's all honest and by the rules, but if everyone did it, the stores or the manufacturers would go broke. The stores and manufacturers know that very few people will shop the way my wife does; they count on it.

When it comes to larger purchases, my wife researches them thoroughly.

It's great not having to do the shopping myself and knowing that we’re not spending any more than we need to.

That's an important way my wife makes my life better.

You Should Be Saving, Not Spending More

This LiveScience.com story says that a recession may cause women to splurge on shopping like they are addicts looking for a fix.

In times of crisis, women are more likely to take a shopping spree than in normal times.

That doesn't bode well for her personal finances, or for those of the guy who is paying her bills.

A new survey finds almost half of UK women are frightened or scared by the recession, and 45 percent felt their financial situation had taken a hit. A full 75 percent said they would be making cutbacks.

Yet 79 percent of them said they would splurge to cheer themselves up.

And what about eating more bon-bons? Nothing like adding extra weight to go along with your extra debt!

Of the 700 women surveyed, 40 percent said depression was an excuse to overspend; 60 percent said "feeling a bit low" was a good enough reason.

They are wrong. Browsing is one thing. Buying is another.

"This type of spending, or compensatory consumption, serves as a way of regulating intense emotions," said Karen Pine, a University of Hertfordshire professor and author of "Sheconomics" (Headline Publishing Group, 2009).

What's wrong with sex – if you're married, or exercise or a non-destructive hobby?

The problem is likely not confined to women.

They have to throw that in to avoid charges of sexism.

A 2006 study in the United States found 6 percent of women have it so bad they are labeled compulsive buyers, but so are 5.5 percent of men.

So more than one out of every 20 people you come across is labeled a compulsive buyer. What about the people who aren't labeled "compulsive" but either are compulsive or are otherwise buying stuff they don't need or can't afford? Does anyone believe that just as many men fall into that category?

Pine says this compensatory behavior could become more pronounced in a recession. People use drugs and alcohol similarly to regulate emotions, Pine explains, but she thinks shopping is increasingly employed by women for this purpose. And, paradoxically, worrying about money could lead women to spend more, she said.

I'm sure if any single guy is reading this, he'll feel really motivated to find a woman with whom to join finances.

"Or, perhaps worse still, if they can't spend we might see an increase in mental health problems such as anxiety and depression."

Oh, great. You get to choose between dealing with more debt or more emotional difficulty.

One of the things I think a couple should do when a marriage proposal seems eminent is get full access to each other’s financial records – credit report, credit card statements, bank statements, investment accounts, etc. That will make it easier to tell if there is a spending problem, or any number of other problems. Full disclosure should be a stipulation of the pre-nup.