Being Older and Childfree

Ever obsessed with getting other people to marry or remarry and have children and completely baffled that there are people who want a different life from his, Dennis Prager asked (rhetorically, not as a call-in topic) during Hour 1 of his Wednesday, May 22, 2024 radio show what childfree people think as they get older.

I’m not childfree. I invite anyone who is “older” and childfree or has heard from someone who is, to leave a comment.

I’ll give a few examples of what I’ve heard:

Wow, I am enjoying retirement so much. Staying childfree allowed me to retire, and do so with enough money and freedom I can do the things I want.

Thank goodness I don’t have to deal with problematic children or grandchildren, like my classmate, who’s always talking about the drama she’s going through.

It’s great having the house I want and having it the way I want. It’s clean, orderly, set up for adults, and not all run down and dirty.

So glad I didn’t have to pay for college and weddings for kids and grandkids like my coworkers did. They’re still working while I’m retired.

Go ahead and add what you’ve thought or heard.

One Way to Warn More Men

If you identify at all with MGTOW or agree with me that most men should stay Free Men (avoiding legal/financial entanglements with women) or at least avoid marriage, one way to get our messages out to more men is to use established platforms, such as online discussions, comments sections, and call-in shows (like talk radio).

Getting a single sentence broadcast can help change lives for the better. If you can red-pill just one man or boy listening, it makes a positive difference. Any show doing an hour or whatever of "open lines" or allowing “talk back” of messages recorded using their app (no set topic) is an opportunity, but especially shows or spaces talking about relationships, dating, family, or marriage.

I wrote an extensive open letter to Dennis Prager, but I'd never call in to his show, for reasons, but you might be able to [at this time, he’s not doing live shows other than tsking some questions from paid subscribers on occasion]. Although I'll be using Dennis Prager and Dr. Laura as examples, you can adapt these tactics to any call-in show, preferably one that puts "live" calls on the air. Note that Dennis Prager does live question and answer chats on Facebook [he did.. he might resume as he recovers from his spinal injury] and Dr. Laura's show has a Facebook page where she allows comments and discussions on things she posts, which are often about relationships and marriage. You can adapt these messages for any forum, social media, or comments area. 

Don't Go Further Down That Ladder

During his Male-Female Hour on Wednesday, January 25, 2023, Dennis Prager again tried to fool men into legally marrying.

This time, he did it under the guise of asking people who lived together before marriage what the difference was after they married.

Except he didn't leave it at that.

He asked men if they really want to go through life saying "This is my girlfriend" instead of "This is my wife."

See, he has an emotional fixation or being married and being a husband that he picked up very early in his childhood, and so that's a compelling argument to him. People who think through it rationally might say, "Yes, I'd rather keep saying that." or "We can all each other whatever we want. Nobody in our life ever asks to see a marriage license or wedding photos. So I can call her my wife without getting a terrible state contract."

He added that adults have wives and husbands, children have boyfriends and girlfriends.

Says who??? Again, this is his emotional fixation at work. Dr. Laura callers make a point of calling their spouse their boyfriend or girlfriend. (There are some things I would PAY to hear Dennis Prager and Dr. Laura discuss together.)

He said getting married is announcing to the world that you are committed.

Here comes one of his favorite phrases: "So What?"

Most people understand and accept that people who are living together, even people who aren't living together but consider themselves a couple, are committed in the sense that, unless they have indicated they swing or whatever, they are off-limits to new love interests. If one is being invited to an informal engagement, the other is being invited unless it was planned as "no partners."

As Dennis knows, anyone can divorce at any time. Getting legally married is committing to nothing more than a shift in wealth - usually from a man to a woman. That's the only commitment.

People can make an announcement of their commitment without a ceremony, without a terrible state contract.

Dennis asked what the argument for NOT marrying is if you've been living together for years, but he kind of answered his own question: the state contract is terrible.

He argues that living together unmarried is different than living together married. If he wasn't emotionally fixated on being married no matter how many divorces you've had, the answer is in his declaration: living together unmarried is different than being married. Some people are going to prefer living together unmarried. We all know Dennis doesn't. But most men don't have the emotional fixation he does.

Kudos to the last caller, who said his faith took him away from remarrying after his wife and the mother of his children divorced him.

As I've made clear repeatedly on this blog, I think shacking up generally a bad idea (although, there are situations in which is preferable to legally marrying.) So, I'm not defending unmarried cohabitation. Rather, I'm tired of Dennis Prager trying to fool men into legally marrying. He wants men to go further down that ladder. I don't.

UPDATE: Since I originally wrote this, I have learned that couples who cohabitate unmarried have more sex than married couples. That’s statistically, as groups. Individual situations can vary.

Are There Really Seven Million American Men Refusing to Work?

Senator Josh Hawley was on Hour 2 of the Tuesday, June 20, 2023 Dennis Prager Show to promote a book. [This entry is being bumped up because I just saw the claim in the post title again -things haven’t changed in years?]

Senator Hawley and Mr. Prager were lamenting the "crisis" that supposedly seven million able men of employable age are NOT working in the USA, and that is supposedly NOT including men who are on Unemployment. Of course one of the biggest problems they see with this is that women don't want to marry guys who aren't gainfully employed, because Heaven forbid women not get whatever they want and some people NOT marry.

The assumption is that these men are sitting around playing video games, watching adult media, and getting high.

Curiously, there were no figures provided for women who aren't working to provide as a comparison. That's because it is OK for women not to work. It's not OK, in the minds of some people, that a man doesn't work.

It is unlikely that there are really seven million men who are perfectly healthy who are sitting around just doing whatever they want and nothing else even though they're financially dependent on family, a girlfriend, a wife, etc. There might be a few men doing exactly that, but if I was a betting man I'd bet that almost all of those 7 million men have one or more of the following going on:

• Undiagnosed/untreated/unregistered physical and mental disorders
• Homeless
• Retired, even if unofficially and early
  
• Stay at home dad or house husband (yes, some women agree to this, and some men are with other men who agree to it)
• Helping to care for younger or disabled siblings, elderly or disabled parents
• They own enough (investments, real estate, etc.) they don't need employment
• They have their own business but haven't officially registered their business
• They work gigs
• They buy, sell, and trade without being registered as a business
  
• Under the table work
• Work in the family business, off the books 
• They consider themselves artists and are supported by others enough (even if just their parents) they don't need a registered job
  
• They're getting their education
  
• Black market
• Going through the criminal justice system
  
• Traveling or exploring
• Working on their skills outside of formal education
• Jobseeking while not formally on Unemployment 

Obviously, men being in some of those categories is a bad thing, but for other categories, it's not a problem at all.

The fact is, the overwhelming majority of men who play games, watch adult media, and/or do drugs are employed. Most of them are married or in some form of romantic or sexual relationship.

If a man has gotten the message that he's not needed or wanted in workplaces and doesn't want to sign a terrible state contract, and he's found a way to stay off the public dole that isn't destructive, good for him. I don't see a need for him to change to please a Senator, a talk show host, or a woman.

The Senator claimed this has been building for fifty years. Now why would that be? What happened 50 years ago? Hmmmm…

He also says America needs you to get a job and start a family. How about... America needs you to not be dependent on government. We don't need every man out there to start a family. Want more men to marry? See what I wrote here.

Who Is Right About Staying Together For the Kids - Dr. Laura or Dennis Prager?

Dr. Laura's priority is the well-being of minor children. She has experience as a marriage and family therapist, although she's far more experienced as a radio talk show host and author dealing with family problems, moral dilemmas, values, ethics, and more.

Absent actual abuse, she tells married parents who want to divorce to wait until the youngest child is 18 years old, up and out of the home. Her reasoning is that this avoids breaking up the child's home and bringing chaos into their lives while they are minors.

Dennis Prager, who says people should divorce instead of living in misery, says that it can be worse for the children to be in their (adult) late teens or early twenties and then have their parents split, because then the now-grown children think of their family life as fake or a lie, and they can still get extremely upset about the divorce.

It should be noted that Dennis Prager, who has no formal experience as a marriage and family therapist and has written much less on parenting/family and spends fewer talk show hours discussing those issues, has had more children than Dr. Laura and one more divorce than her (Dr. Laura was not a mother when her first marriage ended).

It's one of the things I would very much like to hear these two radio talk show host veterans discuss directly. I doubt that will ever happen since their shows aren't part of the same company. Also, because Dr. Laura refuses to argue/debate on her show, and my guess is that would also include any other show as well (this is probably one big reason she didn’t appear anyone else's show for many years, except for one on the same channel as hers - on which she doesn't argue.)

Unlike either of them, I would advocate most people avoid this question entirely by not marrying.

An Answer to Dennis Prager's Question

Dennis Prager, who, perhaps, prioritizes promoting marriage over everything else, used his Wednesday, June 29, 2022 "Male/Female Hour" to talk about ultimatums to marry.

Men, if she gives you such an ultimatum, do NOT give in.

Dennis Prager asked "What's the rational response to 'If you love me, you'd marry me.'?"

Here it is. Put on your glasses, Dennis. Look closely.

"If you love me, you won't encourage me to enter into a terrible state contract that is detrimental to me."

There it is. That's the rational response.

It is rational to refuse to enter a terrible contract.

A man and woman can love each other, still commit to each other, still share their lives, still take care of each other and do everything good any other couple does, without that terrible state contract.

They can even draw up legal contracts, if they'd like, including cohabitation agreements (never do it without a lawyer, guys).

Dennis Prager also said he can't think of any reason to not marry someone you've been with for years. I know Dennis Prager is a better thinker than that. Here you go.

An open letter still awaits. I've been listening to Dennis Prager and reading his writings for years. I have yet to hear or see him fully address why the benefits unique to marriage outweigh the unwanted obligations and disliked limitations of that bad state contract.

Stay free, men!

Dennis Prager Again Tries to Get Shackups to Marry

Dennis Prager decided to revisit last week's Male/Female Hour with a continuation of the topic for that hour yesterday, Wednesday February 1, 2023, which was about living together vs. being married. [This entry has been bumped up.]

He said he is puzzled by women who want to live together but not get married.

A caller had her screening statement read by Dennis on the air, even though he didn't take her call. She said her married friends have said that "marriage is the death of romance." While people will think that means the man stops pursuing the woman, I think the truth of it is more that most women think they are settling; most women want the same small group of men, and most can't have one them. Marrying kills their "romantic" fantasy that they'll end up with someone "better" than the guy they're with.

In addition to that, any woman who earns more or thinks she will earn more has reason to avoid legally marrying. There are also women who don't want the state further involved in their lives, and women who do not want what they see as a religious ceremony.

But back to "marriage is the death of romance." Dennis said no, having children is the death of romance. He's expressed that multiple times before, and he is someone who urges people to raise children. Take note, guys! Don't ignore the truth, even when said "in jest."

The first caller who got on the air said it was the women he's with who had been reluctant to get married. He mentioned she had been married before to a wealthy executive. Dennis was either too fixated or didn't want to ask, but to me, that sounds like she was getting a lot in alimony, which would end if she married. What Dennis did say was "Ask her, if not for the financials, would you marry?" HUH?!? That's like asking, "If there was no soccer ball involved, would you want to play soccer?" Marriage is primarily financial. It's a wealth transfer mechanism.

As he often does during the last segment of an hour, Dennis read the screening info of the callers rather than actually taking the calls. The last one said "The marriage contract is stacked against men." Too bad that caller didn't get on the air, but kudos to them!

During the hour, Dennis did bring up a question he plans to use as a future topic:

"Why do men fear marriage?"

As I've said before, fearing rattlesnakes is good sense. It is logical. But "fear" might not be the right word for this. Men have evaluated the situation and are increasingly choosing wisely.

• The state marriage contract is bad.
• Today's social marriage contract is bad.
• Most marriages fail, and divorce often screws men over.
• Wives are burdened by and resentful of their husbands.
• More women don't truly want to be wives.
• Fewer women are prepared and willing to be wives.
  
• Men can have everything in life they want to without marrying.
• Being free is the default. Men lack compelling reasons to give up their freedom and power.
  

It's not "Why do men fear marriage?" The question should be "What compelling reason do men have to marry?" Dennis cites "reasons" he finds compelling, but he mostly finds them compelling because he developed, at a very early age, an emotional fixation on being a husband. Most men aren't going to find his reasons compelling.

Again, Dennis, you need a marriage striker on your show. It would be clarifying,

Dennis Prager Doesn't Understand Putting Financial Stability Before Getting Married

On the Male/Female Hour of his show today (Wednesday, February 3, 2021), Dennis Prager again took the opportunity to try to sell people on marrying by bringing up how people, especially men, will say they don't want to marry until they have financial stability, and claiming he's never heard a good explanation for that. [This entry us bumped up because it is still relevant.]

I was hoping for some callers would do what I recommended here. One sounded like he might. [Dennis isn’t doing his show since he had a spinal cord injury.]

I wish I could call in, but I can't. At least not yet. 

Most men shouldn't marry at all, but if they are going to do something so foolish, they should definitely not marry until they have financial stability. There are many reasons this is so. In no particular order, here are just some reasons as to why:

• Marriage is difficult enough. It is even more so when you're poor. Finances are one of THE most common reasons spouse fight and people get divorced. 
• People trying to reach financial stability have less time and energy to spend on a spouse.
• Men who are better off financially can get a more attractive wife.
• Why should you take on another person's debts? Why should they take on yours?
• Wealth acquired before the marriage can be more easily protected from divorce than wealth acquired during the marriage.
• Most women want to marry a man who can support them.
• If kids are a possibility, it is best they have a parent raise them, not have both parents unavailable and tired out from working jobs.

Rather than further repeat myself more, see what I wrote here and go ahead and look through the Dennis Prager tag on this blog. 

Dennis Prager, being unmarried is the default. MEN DO NOT NEED A REASON TO AVOID MARRIAGE. Instead, they need a good reason TO get married, and most men don't have one!

Translating Happy Hubby Talk

[Bumped up.] Recently I considered what I'm sure I've realized before... that many men who say how great and wonderful marriage is either had no game as bachelors or felt guilt about fornicating. A lot of them are, and always have been, nerds. They couldn't get laid when they were younger, but once some woman figured that she'd better cash in her aging chips and look for "security" and a "good provider" (someone who'd actually be able to pay her way through life) and that she could settle for a nerd because he would have a dependable high salary and probably wouldn't whore around.

Dennis Prager's Obsession With Marriage Clouds His Thinking

Dennis Prager is has an extremely strong emotional fixation on marriage. He's so worried that someone might have a great life without being married that he wants everyone to get married before that can happen, and if that marriage fails, to get married again, as soon as possible. Lather, rinse, repeat. He apparently dismisses or refuses to accept that there are valid reasons someone might not want to legally marry, much less marry at all. This is one reason he's in his third marriage.

He advocated for marrying again with his Wednesday, July 27, 2022 "Male/Female Hour," which he calls the most honest talk in media about the subject of men and women, even though he's never had a marriage striker on during that hour.

His advocacy for signing that terrible state contract was presented as a discussion about whether or not people who are dating each other rather than married or at least engaged can require the same level of fidelity as being married (or engaged). He thinks even if someone has been dating just one other person regularly for years (maybe even shacking up or with kids together - he never addressed that) there is no obligation to NOT date them as a new dating partner. Because, you know, the new love interest might marry them, and that's what REALLY matters to Dennis Prager, even though, quite obviously, the marriage might not last.

Now, I am of the mindset that nobody should assume monogamy, and I'd advise most men decline to agree to monogamy unless they're foolish enough to marry or raise children. But I must reply to some of Dennis Prager's statements.

We Are Not Going Back

During the first hour of Dennis Prager's Monday, August 19, 2019 show, toward the end of that first hour, he said he "doesn't understand" waiting to marry until establishing or gaining success in your career (succeeding professionally/financially). He claims it isn't rational, and it isn't what people did in history. "Why can't you work on your career while married?" he asked. [This entry is bumped up, and some details of my life might have changed since.]

He says things like this because he is a marriage-seller and because he has no idea what it is like to be a young person today, trying to make their way in this world. He's made it clear that he buys into the idea that man isn't really a man unless he takes on the burden of supporting a wife and children, as if women still don't have access to employment, property ownership, and personal finance. 1) If someone is working on career success, marriage, especially with children, is an enormous disadvantage. Even putting aside the emotional drama and turmoil a wife and family can bring, a spouse and children put a demand on time; there will be days you'll be late for work, or have to leave early, or not be able to work at all due to family matters. You'll get calls and texts that demand your immediate attention, taking you away from whatever you're supposed to be doing. Also, these days, establishing yourself in a career often means long and odd hours, extra days, networking at lunch and happy hours, business travel, moving, and changing employers. None of these are friendly to family.

Childfree People Are Happy

Guess what? There's a study showing that childfree people are happy.

Thank you to Dennis Prager, whose angry ranting about this alerted me to its existence. [This entry has been bumped up from June 2021.]

New research from Michigan State University psychologists examines characteristics and satisfaction of adults who don’t want children.

That really bothers Dennis Prager and others, for various reasons - that there are so many childfree people and they are happy.

As more people acknowledge they simply don’t want to have kids, Jennifer Watling Neal and Zachary Neal, both associate professors in MSU’s department of psychology, are among the first to dive deeper into how these “child-free” individuals differ from others.

Thank you to the Neals!

“Most studies haven’t asked the questions necessary to distinguish ‘child-free’ individuals — those who choose not to have children — from other types of nonparents,” Jennifer Watling Neal said. “Nonparents can also include the ‘not-yet-parents’ who are planning to have kids, and ‘childless’ people who couldn’t have kids due to infertility or circumstance. Previous studies simply lumped all nonparents into a single category to compare them to parents.”

That's SO important!!! The same thing happens when all "unmarried" people are lumped together. Find out how men who intentionally avoid marriage are doing.

“We were most surprised by how many child-free people there are,” Jennifer Watling Neal said. “We found that more than one in four people in Michigan identified as child-free, which is much higher than the estimated prevalence rate in previous studies that relied on fertility to identify child-free individuals. These previous studies placed the rate at only 2% to 9%. We think our improved measurement may have been able to better capture individuals who identify as child-free.”

More people are going to opt to be childfree.

Given the large number of child-free adults in Michigan, more attention needs to be paid to this group, the researchers said. For example, the researchers explained that their study only included one time point, so didn’t examine when people decided to be child-free — however, they hope forthcoming research will help the public understand both when people start identifying as child-free as well as the factors that lead to this choice.

A trip to the mall or supermarket can be enough, or any public restroom where a kid who's being potty trained is being resistant.

Here's the link they want included.

Dennis Prager, Devout Christians, and Divorce

As I've pointed out before, Dennis Prager is not a hypocrite on divorce. His critics love to point out he's been divorced twice (so far), but Dennis has never said people shouldn't divorce. He does say people should marry and that if it is miserable or the contract, as he sees it, isn't being upheld, they should divorce (so they can marry someone else).

The problem is, the company for which Mr. Prager, a believing Jew, primarily works in radio, Salem, is a Christian company, quite aligned with Evangelicalism. While it still happens a lot, divorce is strongly discouraged in Evangelicalism and it is looked down upon. Mr. Prager says he doesn't understand why it is looked down upon and discouraged. Evangelicals and similar believers cite Jesus' words in the Bible (Matthew 5:32 and 19:9) that divorce is only permitted in the event of "marital unfaithfulness" or "sexual immorality" depending on which translation is being used. In this case, "marital unfaithfulness" is referring to sexual matters, not simply being a bad spouse. What exactly is entailed in "sexual immorality" is debated, although Evangelical leaders will usually (publicly, if not in personal behavior) define that as "having sex with anyone other than your spouse, including threesomes and swinging with your spouse, and looking at porn."

Porn Panic From the Right

Dennis Prager talks about panics from the Left. Here an example of panic from the right, as expressed in two essays, which are very much like countless other essays and commentaries throughout the years.

"Susan" wrote on her blog at the URL https://thesparrowshome.com/pornography-is-destructive/ under the title "Hugh Hefner, Dennis Prager, and the Destructive Nature of Pornography" in October of 2017:

Hugh Hefner died last week. While I don’t revel in his death, the phrase ‘good riddance’ did cross my mind.  Hefner contributed heavily to bringing pornography to the mainstream, making it more easily accessible and normalized. Grieving his death never entered my mind.

If it hadn't been him, it would have been someone. Have you ever taken a real art history course? Or seen early movies, before the "code" days?

The Happiest Years of Your Life?

During his Happiness Hour on Friday, November 1, 2024, Dennis Prager asked callers what the happiest years of their life have been. It was prompted by a text he got from a friend saying the happiest years of his life had been when they were in college together, which was a long time ago.

It got me thinking.

I wrote out an autobiographical essay, breaking my life down by certain periods.

Rather than bore you with it, I’ll bottom-line what my trip down memory lane reinforced to me.

• Marrying was a biggest mistake I’ve made, by far.
• Bad thinking is a problem (see immediately above).
• Life is short.
• While it’s good to do things with the future in mind, allow yourself to enjoy the moment and smell the roses sometimes, without worrying too much about the future.
• Perspectives, mindsets, and goals change (which is another reason not to marry).

Beyond the trite “You can choose to be happy!”, what most people mean when they refer to the happiest time in their life is that they had comfort, pleasure, joy, hope, some sense of belonging and security, and they were meeting their obligations well with little frustration and without tough choices; they weren’t dealing with much unpleasantness. If someone has ever had such a time in their life, they’re very fortunate.

That will usually be tied to certain aspects of their life.

Environment. Where they live, where they work and/or go to school, where they spend the rest of their time are what they feel are good places.

Health. Their physical and mental health and abilities are good. Mental health includes accepting themselves; not giving up on improving themselves, but not hating themselves.

Worldview. They feel at peace with, or even joyful, in their worldview and beliefs about reality, the spiritual, and their place in the universe.

Family. Whether their parents/grandparents/siblings or their spouse/kids/grandkids, things are generally well with them or the person is at peace about them/not having them. Family members aren’t dying, being prosecuted or incarcerated for serious crimes, or going through divorce.

Education/Work. They can be proud and feel like they are doing well and doing good.

Finances. They’re not struggling.

Love and Sex. They feel good about their situation as far as dating, relationships, etc. For some people, that’s going to be completely abstaining. For others it will mean playing the field, and for others it will mean what they think is a great marriage.

Friends. They feel like their interaction with friends are going well. Like love and sex, that can look very different depending on the individual.

Hobbies, interests, activities. Basically, what people choose to do outside of their survival obligations. This is their recreation, play, or passion. If they feel like these things are going well, going their way, that can bring happiness.

For me, and I suspect for almost everyone, there was no “golden years” period when “everything” was great. That’s not to say I haven’t had a great life. I’m aware there are billions of people wishing they’d been living a life like mine. But someone can, for example, have an exciting romance and a new job they love, and yet someone close to them is dying. There’s almost certainly going to be “something” that is painful, unpleasant, etc., and hindsight can put things into a context of realizing your happiness was short-sighted or out of ignorance, or that you had it good, even much better than now, and you didn’t appreciate it at the time.

So “happiest” is a relative term. I can tell you when, say, I felt happiest in my family life with the family I created. But it doesn’t mean the other areas of my life were their happiest. Plus, it turned out I was delusional. Ignorance is bliss, right?

Childhood summers were great. I loved being out of school, having freedom, being able to ride my bike all over town, swimming, body surfing, etc. If I had to pick the happiest time in my life it might be; for example, the summer I was 10. The summer I was 16, my last summer of freedom, was pretty good, too. Still hadn’t ever had even a real kiss, though.

Marriage sellers like Dennis Prager and Focus on the Family want you to think you’ll be happiest with a spouse and kids. For some people, that’s probably true.  

With the right wardrobe, lighting, makeup, and photographer, my wife, ours kids, and I could pass for one of those Focus on the Family brochure families in a snapshot, smiling and laughing and everything is HAPPY. But I now realize nobody has that life for more than a few moments here and there. I also realize that the churches I’ve attended in my adulthood and the ministries I’ve attended teach as though the Christian Bible has far more clear limits on relationships and sexuality than it does.

Maybe I could have been happier if I knew “then” what I know now. Maybe I’d be happier now, having made different decisions and taken different actions?

I’m generally happy, or at least content. These days, if my wife gets into one of her “moods” (which risks being a psychotic break) or one of our kids has a meltdown, that’s going to make things miserable for me. I don’t get enough time for my interests, my friends, my parents and siblings. I’m not working my dream job. My home is not even approaching the level of my childhood home in its great location, features, and condition. While my net worth on paper is much higher than it used to be, I was better off financially when I could make my decisions alone and was earning significantly more than I needed for my lifestyle. At this point I doubt I’ll ever have a sex life again that is as good as the sex life I had certain years before I married.

Perhaps the best time of my adult life was in the time between when my last exclusive girlfriend decided we were no longer a couple (but would still call me over for sex) and when my to-be wife and I became a couple. If only I had accepted that I could thrive being free for the rest of my life and orient my life around that. I quite possibly could have bought a better home during the crash and also have landed a dream job.

Overall, life isn’t terrible. But this is not the happiest time in my life. I have many blessings, to be sure. I don’t take them for granted.

Dennis Prager on the Burned "Excuse" For Not Marrying

Dennis Prager has one of the best talk radio shows and writes some of the best columns and books. [Update: He is recovering from a serious accident and isn’t doing a show currently.] He is generally a social conservative. He's a religious Jew, and if I understand correctly, he aligns most of all with Conservative Judaism. While many social conservatives rail against divorce, Prager does not. Nobody can accuse him of being a "hypocrite" for being twice divorced. (He is currently married.)

I haven't heard him or anyone else explain why he has been through two divorces, and I wouldn't expect him to. For all I know, he was a great husband in both cases and his wives simply decided to leave. I have not heard him talk about the conditions and results of his divorces, either.

Prager unabashedly promotes marrying.

Here's a disagreement I have with him.

He scoffs at the fear of divorce preventing people from (re)marrying, citing that we don't stop driving because of getting into car accidents.

Well, putting aside that some people do stop driving because of an accident, let's explore this analogy. I've heard Prager cite this analogy when addressing that a man who has been burned by divorce himself - rather than citing the divorce of his parents or siblings or friends - and is reluctant to remarry. I've never heard him ask if the person who is reluctant to remarry has minor children. Chances are, they do.

"Second" marriages with minor children have a 70% divorce rate, and that's only counting the ones that end in legal divorce, not the ones where couple is miserable (or the husband is) or separated or the marriage would have ended in divorce if a spouse hadn't died before it could happen.

Let's say that in buying and driving your first car, that no matter how good you took care of it, no matter how much test driving* you did, no matter how well you drove, it didn't stop someone else who was driving it from crashing it. As a result of that accident, you lost custody of your children, you had to leave your home, you had to pay for two legal teams, you lost half of everything you'd earned, you had to make ongoing payments to the person who crashed your car (and rather than being appreciative and apologetic, that person constantly badmouthed you to anyone who'd listen), and you had to pay a percentage of your salary to children who now hate your guts. You can even remove some of these results from consideration.

Let's say there was a 70% chance of  the same thing happening if you bought another car and let someone else drive it (which is what breadwinning men do when they marry). Would it be a good idea for you to do that?

Now add in that you can either 1) get everything you got by buying and driving your own car without doing so, or 2) live a nice life without those things.

Would it really not be valid to be "afraid" or reluctant to buy another car that someone else could drive?

Prager does acknowledge that some men are unfairly screwed over by family law and courts, and he regularly discusses the difficulties between men and women. But he has this thing about how you should fully experience life, and about how marriage makes people better, and that a guy isn't a real man unless he's supporting a wife. This is despite his insistence that dependency, when it comes to government programs, hurts people. As far as fully experiencing life and making people better, there are people who have, intentionally or accidentally, been left in a wilderness and have had to struggle to survive and make it back to civilization. That was a life experience. That made them a better person. Should we all do that, too?

Prager, at least weekly, says that happiness is a moral obligation. For some people, avoiding remarriage helps them stay happy.



Dr. Laura has taken a different approach. She strongly discourages people with minor children from remarrying, But if someone doesn't have minor children and is reluctant to remarry because of being burned in the past, or is already remarried and is not feeling secure in the relationship because of what a different spouse did in the past, she will point out that they aren't with the same person. True, but there commonalities in the laws, and courts and culture. It's a little like saying "Sure, someone stole your car when you were in that other city, but you're in this city now, with different people." It's not irrational to think there's a good chance the car may be stolen. That's one reason we have insurance. When it comes to remarrying, the best insurance is not to do it at all.



*Test driving can mean any number of things: dating, courting, fornication, shacking up. People can "test drive" without fornicating or shacking up, but others do test drive with those things. I don't recall if I've ever heard Prager's view on the moral status of intercourse, other forms of sexual interaction, or literally sleeping together. But let's not deceive anyone. There have been people who've shacked up and later decided to end their marriages, but there are also people who didn't even fornicate who've gone through divorce, too.

Who Tells You to Get Married?

Dennis Prager urges men to marry, and marry young, and if they get divorced, to marry again. This sadistic and/or masochistic call is something he seems to bring up as often as he can.

But after all of this time of paying attention to him, it finally occurred to me he must not spend much time with his wife.

Yes, his radio show is only three hours [update: two hours], Monday-Friday. However, there's preparation for that, and he is usually not doing the show from home, which means there's commute time.

We also know that he:

• Meets with sponsors of his show 
• Records advertisements
• Has involvement with Prager University, including recording "1 every 10 of the videos"
• Meets with Prager U donors
  
• Does "fireside chat" videos
• Does a podcast with a 22 year-old woman, as he frequently reminds us
• Does other media appearances, such as radio and television
  
• Travels frequently, as in just about every week or multiple times per week, and his wife is likely not with him for all of his travels 
• Gives speeches and other in-person appearances (one of the reasons he travels so much)
• Writes a regular columns
• Writes books
• Reads books (granted, some of these can be done on his flights)
  
• Responds to some messages he gets at his website
• Exercises regularly at a gym and has a personal trainer
  

And we don't know what work/activities his wife has that take her away from him.

To me, this looks like a situation in which Dr. Laura would say "You don't have a marriage because you're not spending enough time together." But regardless of Dr. Laura's opinion, men who are told by Dennis Prager to get married (or, married again) must keep in mind Dennis Prager probably isn't spending all that much time with his wife.

It reminds me of when Roman Catholic priests, all unmarried, urge men to marry.

Very few husbands are going to be doing the amount of traveling Dennis Prager does. They're going to come home from work and have to deal with orders, nagging, complaints. Most will not amass the amount of wealth he has. Good for him for traveling and amassing the wealth he has. But when he tells men to do something that's going to mean dealing with a wife much more than he deals with his, those men need to be aware of where he's coming from: he's not spending as much time with his wife as they will with theirs, and he had an early indoctrination into an emotional conviction that all men should aspire to be husbands and they are somehow failing if they aren't a husband.

UPDATE: Dennis Prager has said on his radio program he prefers to go to restaurants than eat at home. Most listeners of his aren't going to be eating out nearly as often as he does.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Dennis is recovering and adjusting to an accident that has paralyzed him. My prayers for him have shifted accordingly. Obviously the accident has completely changed his life.

Men and Women Do NOT Need Each Other

No, Dennis Prager, men and women do NOT need each other.

Pathological as he is, Dennis Prager raised the issue again during the weekly "Male/Female Hour" on his program, on December 6, 2023.

He said he doesn't know (heterosexual) men who say men don't need women. He must be ignoring or selectively forgetting some of his mail.

A man can live his entire life and thrive without a woman. A woman can live her entire life and thrive without a man. There are people who are doing this right now. There are people who've done it.

No individual person needs to reproduce. But yes, both a man and a woman are needed for reproduction ...for now. Science is rapidly ending that.

Sex? Clearly sex isn't a NEED, because many husbands are living without it. And many people say people should wait until they marry to have sex, and some of those people also say people shouldn't marry before they are 28. So sex may be a very strong WANT, but it isn't a need. And again, science/technology and art are making better and better masturbation aids, to the point in which it may become difficult to distinguish it from sex. Also, people can and do have sex without living together or being in an ongoing relationship that involves anything other than sex. I'm sure that's not what Dennis is talking about.

The government needs people to pay taxes, especially for their ponzi schemes. But male taxpayers don't need any of the taxpayers to be women, and vice-versa.

There are still some jobs for which it is very hard to find women to do them. But again, technology is making that less and less the case, and for now it means that women need men, not "a" man to herself. For this, men don't need women.

Dennis can’t even say men, or, more precisely, boys, need women for breastfeeding, as he has been a staunch denier of the need for breastfeeding.

People CAN live happy fulfilled, productive, honorable, worthwhile lives without ever living with the opposite sex, without working with them, and without having any as friends.

Men and women don't need each other.

Dennis Prager’s Status

Dennis Prager suffered a spinal cord injury in an accident in November 2024.

He has now stated he’s paralyzed, which I think was something left unsaid until recently.

I listened to every minute of his radio program via the paid subscription when it was on the air. It has been off the air since his accident (he had guest hosts at first, if I recall correctly, until his company shuffled the lineup).

He was fairly busy in addition to the radio program, with writing books and columns, his PragerU, public speaking and appearances, endorsements, and other video and audio media he’d do (the Dennis and Julie podcast, Fireside Chats, etc.).

I expect he will not be returning to doing a daily radio program. Not because a paralyzed person can’t do radio - they can, although for all I know he has difficulty breathing - but because even before the accident he was feeling the limits of his time. Based on things he’s said over the years, I’d think completing his Rational Bible series and other writings, along with planning the future of PragerU, take priority.

I pray he has many good years still ahead of him.

While I agree with most of his opinions and positions, I contend his highest priority is telling men to marry and have children; I have many posts here arguing against many of his claims in that area and my position is most men shouldn’t legally marry.

I have been reluctant to make new posts along those lines referencing him, and bringing past entries referencing him that are still relevant back to the top of the blog.

I might only focus on what others in the public square are saying, or I might resume referencing Dennis Prager’s fixation. But if I do the latter, I didn’t want to do so without first pausing to offer my prayers for him here and acknowledging that he’s not in the same position he used to be to clarify and defend his positions.

To What Should Males Aspire?

I heard Dennis Prager ask to what men would aspire if not marriage and raising a family. He's repeatedly said that guys are not real men if they aren't husbands and fathers. This is something heard from various corners of our culture, along with other assertion of what makes a guy a "real man". [This entry has been bumped up.]

Notice you never hear what makes a real woman. You never hear "What a real woman does, is..."

What is a guy if he isn't a real man? An artificial man? A transgender man? Of course, that's not what people are talking about. They are saying a "real man" as opposed to a man who is somehow lacking, or, as they might say, a "boy". There's nothing wrong with boys, at least not beyond the general thing of humans being fallen creatures. Again, you don't hear this with women. Women will refer to each other and themselves as girls and nothing negative is meant by it.

A real man is any adult human male who isn't fictional. For example, Prince Charming is fictional. Christian Grey is fictional. Jack Sparrow is fictional.

If there was such thing as a "real man" as opposed to an adult male who isn't a real man, that real man wouldn't give a piece of dung what other people say makes a real man. because when someone says, "What a real man does, is...",  what they're saying is "What I like men to do is..." Because real men urinate unless they have kidney problems, real man have weaknesses, and real men mess things up sometimes. But you'll never hear "What a real man does is urinate." But it's true.

Getting back to Prager's question...