June is Coming

Wedding season, gentlemen. Maybe you’re scheduled to be the groom.

Maybe a man you care about is scheduled to be a groom.

Maybe a woman you’re "seeing" or "with" is expecting you to be her date for a wedding or weddings.

Obviously, the first situation is the most dire.

Practical Advice for Men Avoiding Relationships

Hey all free men! Are you dealing with family, "friends", coworkers, and fellow congregants who insist you should "settle down" or "grow up" or "man up" or "get serious"* and find a "nice woman" and marry her? Are they doing even worse by actually trying to fix you up with someone?

If telling them you never want to get married is either not something you want to do for whatever reason, or hasn't worked, try cutting them off at the knees by insisting any woman you could be with has to fit the following profile:


[NOTE: Are there great women who don't meet the criteria below who can be fun at dinner or parties, or good coworkers, or good friends, or good neighbors, or successful? Yes, but that doesn't mean they'd make a good wife or you'd want her as a girlfriend. That's what we're talking about here. This message is for men who want to avoid marriage and relationships in general.]

Cause and Effect - Rejecting Your Man

Ladies, if you're married or in a relationship with a man in which you are expecting sexual exclusivity, it is important for you to know something in case you haven't picked up on it before or nobody else has told you yet.

If your man has a libido, and you sexually reject him, that rejection will usually have unpleasant consequences unless the rejection is very rare. What counts as "rejection?" It can range from repeatedly delaying or declining some form or all forms of sex to refusing to try things in which he's expressed interest. Rejection includes him not even bothering to ask/try because he has good reason to believe he'll be shot down. It also includes letting yourself go to the point he loses attraction.

The consequences are likely to be one or more of the following, in no particular order:

1. He will be less motivated to do things for you. This ranges from chores you want done that he doesn't care much about to anniversary celebrations, vacations, and expensive gifts.
   
   
2. He will be less open with you about his feelings, desires, fantasies, and thoughts.
   
   
3. He will cut back on other forms of affection and intimacy. This might mean spending less time with you, less touch, fewer compliments, etc.
   
   
4. He will be irritable, grumpy, or snarky.
   
   
5. He will occupy himself or numb the pain with substances (food, alcohol, tobacco, cannabis, etc.) or more hobbies/more time on hobbies that don't involve you.
   
   
6. He will masturbate (more), and that masturbation will be likely to involve porn (visual and written), videos and images of exes or other people he knows, memories and fantasies of exes, fantasies of other people, etc.
   
   
7. He will get it elsewhere.
   
1. Ongoing affairs
2. Flings
3. Hookups/One night stands/Booty calls
4. Sex worker
5. Sexting/Video chat/chats/online forums/apps
    
8. He will leave.
   

He might not think "Because she won't do this, I'm going to do that." Maybe he will, maybe it will just be what happens without him actually thinking it through. I'm not saying these things are all right or justified. Nor am I saying you should do things you don't want to do. I'm not denying some men behave this way even if you're a great lover. I'm simply informing you of reality: men react in these ways to sexual rejection by a woman they expect to be their lover. Don't expect he'll warn you about these things ahead of time or tell you after the fact, even if you ask him directly. What's his incentive to tell you?

You might not care. You might have things the way you want them. But you're most likely delusional if you think there is no consequence you don't like when you reject him.
 
If you can't handle this, it might be a good idea not to ask for, or agree to, a supposedly exclusive relationship. Or, resolve to be a good, enthusiastic, available lover to him, because if you've picked a good man and you treat him right, he's not going to leave or go elsewhere, and he will do what he can to meet your needs and desires.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 7

 


Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here.


Why aren't you married/Why don't you want to be married?

One problem with these questions is that they are asked as though marriage is the default. It isn't. One must do a series of voluntary things in order to be married. If someone doesn't do those things, they won't be married. Once you realize that the default is being unmarried, deflecting these questions becomes easier.

Yet again, there are several ways of answering this, depending on your situation and your interactions with the person who is asking.

A) I was born without a wife.

B) Marriage is voluntary. I am naturally free. The real question is "Why should I get married?"

C) I don't have compelling reasons to marry.

D) I don't voluntarily sign terrible state contracts.

E) I haven't found a compatible woman.

F) I don't want to inflict myself on someone.

G) I have too much respect for the independence of women than to do that.

H) I refuse to perpetuate such misogynistic patriarchy.

I) Just lucky, I guess.

J) (Turn it around.) Why did you marry?/Why are you marrying? (They will usually cite something they could have had without a terrible state contract. It's up to you if you want to point that out or not.)

Most men don't have a good reason to marry. When men stop accepting without question that marriage is a must and a if not married, a man must seek to get married, and flip things around to place the burden where it belongs, which is on the marriage seller, most of the marriage marketing campaign crumbles.

Part 8

What Is the Marriage Strike?

 
The Marriage Strike is refusing to legally marry (or, refusing to legally marry again), and usually it also involves refusing to socially marry. More and more men are refusing to marry. That is a fact.

Why join the marriage strike?

There are many reasons, not all of which need to apply to you:

• You don't want to marry.
  
• Marriage is a bad deal for most men.
• Marriage is a bad state contract.
• Marriage brings the government further into your life. 
• Most marriages fail.
  
• Current marriage culture is misandrist. 
• Most marriage counseling, therapy, and popular advice is misandrist or otherwise terrible.  
• Men are punished for being husbands.
  
• A lack of wife material women.
• A lack of accountability for wives.
• Marriage doesn't help you reach your goals.
• Marriage brings guaranteed limitations, obligations, and risks with no guaranteed benefits you can't get without marrying.
  
• You prefer to retain power over your life. 
• You prefer to live alone.
  
• You prefer to stay free.
• You can't be sure the woman you'd marry isn't being trafficked into marriage. 
• If you're a Bible-following Christian, you can't be sure you wouldn't be unequally yoked if you married.
  
• And many more!
  

Do Married Men Get It More and Better?

Marriage sellers will often say married people have more and better sex than unmarried people.

Unmarried men should not fall for this.

Stop reading now if you don't want the brutal truth.

Are There Really Seven Million American Men Refusing to Work?

Senator Josh Hawley was on Hour 2 of the Tuesday, June 20, 2023 Dennis Prager Show to promote a book.

Senator Hawley and Mr. Prager were lamenting the "crisis" that supposedly seven million able men of employable age are NOT working in the USA, and that is supposedly NOT including men who are on Unemployment. Of course one of the biggest problems they see with this is that women don't want to marry guys who aren't gainfully employed, because Heaven forbid women not get whatever they want and some people NOT marry.

The assumption is that these men are sitting around playing video games, watching adult media, and getting high.

Curiously, there were no figures provided for women who aren't working to provide as a comparison. That's because it is OK for women not to work. It's not OK, in the minds of some people, that a man doesn't work.

It is unlikely that there are really seven million men who are perfectly healthy who are sitting around just doing whatever they want and nothing else even though they're financially dependent on family, a girlfriend, a wife, etc. There might be a few men doing exactly that, but if I was a betting man I'd bet that almost all of those 7 million men have one or more of the following going on:

• Undiagnosed/untreated/unregistered physical and mental disorders
• Homeless
• Retired, even if unofficially and early
  
• Stay at home dad or house husband (yes, some women agree to this, and some men are with other men who agree to it)
• Helping to care for younger or disabled siblings, elderly or disabled parents
• They own enough (investments, real estate, etc.) they don't need employment
• They have their own business but haven't officially registered their business
• They work gigs
• They buy, sell, and trade without being registered as a business
  
• Under the table work
• Work in the family business, off the books 
• They consider themselves artists and are supported by others enough (even if just their parents) they don't need a registered job
  
• They're getting their education
  
• Black market
• Going through the criminal justice system
  

Obviously, men being in some of those categories is a bad thing, but for other categories, it's not a problem at all.

The fact is, the overwhelming majority of men who play games, watch adult media, and/or do drugs are employed. Most of them are married or in some form of romantic or sexual relationship.

If a man has gotten the message that he's not needed or wanted in workplaces and doesn't want to sign a terrible state contract, and he's found a way to stay off the public dole that isn't destructive, good for him. I don't see a need for him to change to please a Senator, a talk show host, or a woman.

The Senator claimed this has been building for fifty years. Now why would that be? What happened 50 years ago? Hmmmm…

He also says America needs you to get a job and start a family. How about... America needs you to not be dependent on government. We don't need every man out there to start a family. Want more men to marry? See what I wrote here.

Marriage Sellers Should Start a Fund

There are many reasons people are on a marriage strike, whether they call it that or not.

One big reason is the enormous financial costs, limitations, and risks.

Marriage sellers, like Dennis Prager and so many others, are extremely concerned about plummeting marriage rates. That means they should be motivated to actually do something other than lamenting reality.

Here’s one thing they can do.

They can reduce the financial negatives.

Create a fund. Pledge to cover at least the following:

• The difference between the income the lower earning spouse brings to the marriage and the costs they bring to it
• Marital counseling/therapy
• Family law/divorce attorneys, from prenups to separation agreements and divorces
• The lost income when a someone can’t take a promotion/job because their spouse discourages it
• Any lost income as a result of the spouse wanting/causing someone to miss work
• Replacement costs of assets lost in a divorce and reimbursement for relocation 
• Any alimony/support
• Reimbursement for paternity fraud costs 

This is just dealing with certain financial concerns. It doesn’t address loss of freedom, loss of sex when someone is expected not to have sex with others but is rejected by their spouse, and countless other reasons people are refusing to sign that terrible state contract.

Come on, marriage advocates! Put your money where your mouth is.

Offer this fund to someone reluctant to marry.

Mothers Day is THIS SUNDAY May 12

Don't forget the mothers in your life, unless they've torn up their mother card.

Don't forget people like your stepmother, if you're trying to keep peace with her/your dad and she expects to be celebrated by you, even if she tore up her mother card.

And those of you who are foolish enough to be in a relationship with a woman who is a mother, you'd better do something for her, unless you want a fight.

Don't expect much reciprocation in June if you're a father or have taken on the role of a father.

Are You Worried About Lower Fertility Rates in Your Country?

Then YOU have more children, OK?

Stop trying to convince people who aren't enthusiastically seeking to have (more) children to pop out babies.

If you're so concerned, you have more children. You pay to raise them. You make the sacrifices. After all, it's worth it, right?

See these posts:

We Are Not Going Back

Having A Family Doesn't Guarantee Happiness

Is It Now Irresponsible To Have Children?

Why Are They Surprised?

The Costs of Raising a Child

Oh No! Not Lower Fertility Rates!

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 6

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here.


It sounds better to say "This is my wife" instead of "This is my girlfriend."

This is another assertion of made by marriage sellers that requires you to simply accept and agree in order for it to work. It's based entirely on personal preferences. In contrast, Dr. Laura, herself a marriage seller, has encouraged her married listeners to think of, and call, themselves their husband's girlfriend or their wife's boyfriend.

For people who say this, like Dennis Prager, it is based on his emotional fixation on marriage. My own convictions have me reacting almost entirely in the opposite way, meaning I feel better when a man introduces me to his girlfriend than his wife. When he introduces me to his wife, I usually feel sorry for him, and when he introduces me to his fiancee, I want to pull him aside and warn him.

So, again, there are several ways to respond to this.

A) That's your personal preference. My preference is different.

B) It sounds even better to say "I get to do what I want to do."

C) Men who run game don't introduce their dates at all.

It is amazing that people like Dennis Prager want to you sign a terrible state contract because he thinks it sounds better to say "wife" instead of "girlfriend."

A word of caution. Yes, you can call a woman your "wife" even though you're not legally married to her. Depending on where you live and the other things you do, though, that might put you into the same legal/financial jeopardy as getting legally married. So, "girlfriend" is definitely better.

Part 7

The Sight of Human Skin Doesn't Harm Human Brains

Cathy Reisenwitz has a video and an excellent written commentary about adult media.

A 2020 study showed that ~70% of people watch low amounts of porn with no discernible negative ramifications. Around a quarter of people watch a lot of porn with no measurable downside. And around ~5% of people watch a lot of porn, and it seems to cause or exacerbate problems for them.

Five percent. You can find five percent of people for whom watching a lot of sports is problematic. The problem isn't what they're watching. Compulsive/problematic media viewing is a symptom of a problem. Porn isn't the problem.

Problematic porn consumers are more likely than average to show symptoms of hypersexuality, depression, boredom, and low self-esteem. They’re likely not getting their basic psychological needs met.

They have problems. And they watch porn. Porn isn't the cause.

And this study builds on other research showing that feeling guilty about watching porn is a high predictor of having a “porn addiction.”

"Porn addiction" isn't a scientific term. It's a term used by salespeople and the people they've duped, and people who are trying to shift blame for their problems.

In fact, another study showed that men who look at porn more often who are in relationships have more sex with their partners. Women who look at porn more often have more partnered sex whether or not they’re in relationship, have better sex, and have more sexual flexibility.

Antiporn crusaders count viewing porn itself as misogyny and violence against women, so of course they dispute these findings.

Porn use is associated with decreases in violence against women. Men who look at more porn are actually less sexist than men who look at less of it.

This sort of thing never dissuades the antiporn crusaders. 

Every study I’m aware of that purports to show that porn is harmful either: 

1. Fails to correct for the fact that people who feel ashamed of themselves for watching porn are far more likely to report “problematic” porn use, regardless of how much they watch or how it’s otherwise impacting their lives

2. Misrepresents MRI results to show spurious findings

3. Fails to establish causation. People already at risk of becoming sexual abusers are more likely to watch a lot of violent porn. But there’s no evidence that watching a lot of violent porn causes the average person to be more likely to perpetrate sexual violence. In fact, there’s a lot of evidence in the opposite direction.

4. Mislabels porn

5. Is otherwise shown to be faulty. 

 

When you hear of studies that claim to show adult media as physically or mentally harmful, you should keep in mind that there is an abundance and extreme variety of porn, so studies focusing on one particular kind may not be indicative of anything else. Also, such studies usually don't control for masturbation. There's also the very basic consideration that apparent correlation doesn't establish causation.

There are many studies on "both sides," but most people can't sort through the details of studies. Think carefully. Porn is, usually, depictions of nudity and sexuality. Do you really think depictions of human beings in their natural state or engaged in reproductive behavior would be physically or mentally harmful to the observer? How exactly would that make any sense from either a naturalistic, evolutionary perspective, or if you believe in some form of Divine creationism? Wouldn't that mean having sex with your spouse with the lights on would be harmful?

Reisenwitz's commentary is definitely worth a read, and touches on religion. I note that Jesus is never quoted as telling any woman to cover up. Instead, He told his followers to pluck out their own eye or cut off their own hand if they have a problem. Antiporn crusaders claim to be concerned about abuse of women and children but many of them never say one word about churches where women and children have been raped. What do you think Jesus finds more disturbing: an erotic performance on video, or a member of the clergy raping a congregant?

Dennis Prager talks about panics pushed by the Left. These antiporn crusades are a panic pushed largely from the Right (and also from the Left by certain misandrists).

Why Romance Doesn’t Cure Dead Bedrooms

 

When a husband complains about a dead bedroom, chances are he will get advice telling him to be more romantic. Usually, he’s already doing that, or doing it in so far as his wife allows.

Sadly, it usually won’t cure a dead bedroom.

That’s because the reason she is rejecting or sexually starving him isn’t because of a lack of romance.

What does romancing a woman do?

• It signals his interest.
• It signals his willingness to back up his interest with effort and investment.
• It’s one of many ways to create a bond.

A husband has already done those things on an ongoing basis in extremely significant ways.

This isn’t to say a husband shouldn’t romance his wife. If she wants romance, he should romance her. Because spouses should do certain things for and with each other because the other spouse enjoys that.

A wife isn’t rejecting her husband because of his lack of interest, effort/investment, or bonding. If he didn’t have interest, she wouldn’t have the opportunity to reject him!

She’s rejecting him either because she already has a bond with him and figures she doesn’t need to please him anymore or she is trying to severe their bond. She is sabotaging their relationship. What she wants matters, what he wants doesn’t. She’s exerting control. Her motivations to have sex with him are outweighed, in her mind, by reasons to avoid sex with him, no matter how irrational her thinking. 

Some women deny this because they have a high drive. They insist the husband must be a terrible lover. But many women don’t have a high drive, at least not most of the time. There are husbands who are very romantic and great lovers and are still rejected so that they are having sex infrequently if at all. The average husband is more than willing to do what a wife tells or shows him she needs sexually. But she does have to tell him (sweetly/kindly) or show him.

This is not about women who have some condition or injury that has them in a lot of pain. Of course there are certain things they won’t be doing or won’t be doing often. This is referring to women who, for example, collect and store resentments and decide to punish their husband even if he’s a good man. Nobody’s perfect, and as that record of mistakes or wrongs gets longer and longer, his sex life suffers.

Sometimes, a husband and wife in a dead bedroom might have sex after romance. But generally, romancing a rejecting wife will not cure a dead bedroom. Nor will it that the husband takes on more of the chores.

It’s just one of many reasons more men are joining the marriage strike.

Don't Watch Adult Media, Run Game Instead

If we take the claims of professional antiporn crusaders seriously, it is far better to have casual sex, especially if tested for STDs and using contraception, than it is to watch porn.

According to the professional antiporn crusaders, nobody should watch porn because among many other evils, porn:

• Is addictive
• Causes depression
  
• Conditions viewers to prefer images to sex
• Causes misleading expectations about sex
• Causes men to assault partners by beating and choking them
  
• Is often "revenge porn"
  
• Causes ED
  
• Inherently causes trafficking
• Causes child abuse
• Is violence
• Causes rape
  
• Is rape
• Encourages/causes pedophilia/child rape
• Causes brain damage
  

So clearly, the answer is to get tested, get a vasectomy, and have sex instead of watching porn. The best way to get a lot of sex when you want it is to run game.

Of course, many of the antiporn crusaders will tell you they're against premarital sex. I am, too, because if it is premarital, by definition it means they get married, and most men shouldn't marry.