Wife Is Itching to Tear Down Her Husband

Dear Abby can be a great column to check regularly to be reminded why you don't want to marry. DONE WITH IT IN MAINE wrote to tell the world how awful her husband is. 

I have been married for 14 years to a man a lot of people in our town think has no flaws.

That's how the letter starts. Everyone knows he has flaws. But he's respected. And that's driving his wife nuts!

He helps a lot of people, and he is also a pastor,

Pastors are supposed to help people, yes.

but he ignores me and takes me for granted, personally, emotionally and sexually.

Maybe he does. She doesn't explain how, other than what she says below, so it is hard to tell. Does she not take him for granted? I bet she takes his paycheck for granted. She probably takes for granted that he'll do things for her like driving her places.

He'd rather watch TV until he falls asleep on the couch.

He's rather do that than what, exactly? Sounds like a tired guy.

He looks at pornography online, and I catch him often.

She catches him! Let's assume he's actually looking at pornography, although her definition might be different than mine. He's like most men in that regard. But if he's looking at it instead of making love with her, I have to ask why? Maybe he doesn't have the choice to make love with her? She could be freezing him out, and when the guy looks for relief, she gets indignant and jealous of pixels. He's probably sleeping on the couch per her decree.

Even if he's busy at work, he finds time for everybody but me.

He's a pastor. They don't have it easy. What exactly would time for her look like? She doesn't say.

He always has excuses.

You mean he explains why he does what he does? That bastard!

Since I married him, I have supported him and have gone the extra mile in all aspects -- his work, church activities.

Would that be his perception?

I have waited on him and made sure all his needs were met.

Have you?

Now I have reached the end of the line, and I want to leave. But if I do, people who know him will make me the villain.

That would be highly unusual. It's possible, but unlikely he has kept a solid façade all of these years, with people not being able to see what a dutiful wife she's been. And why does she care so much what people think? She doesn't think much of the people in the church, if I'm reading between the lines correctly.

Although we still live under one roof for financial reasons,

Of course. Meal ticket. 

now I separate myself from him, look after him less and sleep in another room with my dog.

Kinky.

Seriously, it's possible the guy is a neglectful jerk. That's possible. It's also possible this woman is a terrible wife and he's just trying to tolerate her.

Dear Abby's response was terrible.

Stop being afraid of being labelled a villain and offer your husband the option of couples counseling to see if the two of you can reconnect.

Probably a waste of time and money. If she's really a sweet, respectful, affectionate, available wife and he's acting as she really portrays, then there really isn't hope. And if she's an entitled shrew, she's probably not going to see that. Nowhere in the latter does this woman mention having a friend, to whom she surely would have complained. That might be a clue.

Take into consideration that there may be more involved than you are aware of (ED problems, another woman). If your husband refuses, and you haven't already done so, confide what has been happening in two or three close female friends. They can then spread the word that there is more than one side to the story. Then talk to an attorney.

She just told her to gossip and disrespect the guy.

DO NOT MARRY, GUYS!!!

This guy might be in a denomination that pretty much requires pastors to be married. Sad.