Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Dating Without Marriage in Sight

Good Catholic Husband Matt Walsh commanded people not to date if they don't want to get married. Dr. Laura has often told men they shouldn't be dating unless they're prepared to pay for a wife and kids. And she's also said people shouldn't marry until their late 20s. So I guess that means no dating for her followers until then. Here's Wash's column at Daily Wire.

It’s no secret that my generation is extremely delayed in the marriage department.
That's the first line. I wasn't aware there was a requirement to be married by a certain age.
The average age of marriage is now 27 for women and almost 30 for men.
That sounds about right.

Some Millennials would like to be married but they just have no idea how to get from Point A to Point B.
Really? They don't know where a church or courthouse is?
And you can hardly blame them for the confusion because the dating scene is rife with people who appear to want a romantic relationship but have no interest in commitment or love or sacrifice, or any of the things that ought to define such relationships.
Ah yes. Commitment. Really now. And do take notice. Sacrifice. Oh, how you'll sacrifice.

I do agree that people who truly want marriage and people who just want to play should avoid each other.
Sometimes it's hard to identify these types until you've already wasted several months dating them.
"Wasted". You see, companionship is a waste without a state license.
I call it a dating scene but there really is no dating scene anymore. Most people don’t know what a date is, and aren’t sure if they’re on one when they’re on one. They just kind of drift from one coupling to the next. They don’t have boyfriends or girlfriends, they just have partners they vaguely “hang out” with. And probably have sex with.
From a secular standpoint, what's wrong with that? Doing away with the theatrical dressing of what's going on is a good thing.

But these relationships — if you can call them relationships — don’t have any clear purpose and they aren’t headed to any particular destination.
What's wrong with that? Have you stopped in the middle of hanging out with a friend and asked, "Hey, where is this relationship going?" Of course not. Because you enjoy each other's company. And that's enough.
People these days are allergic to “roles” and “definitions.” A man in his twenties doesn’t want to be considered someone’s boyfriend because he’s afraid to enter into something that comes with its own set of rules and responsibilities.
"Afraid". Not necessarily, no. They just see it as pointless to do things they don't want to do and don't have to do. Hey Matt: Pay for my dinner and concert tickets. Whatsamatta? You afraid???
He doesn’t want to feel like he’s a part of something that he cannot define and that may impose certain standards on him.
Here's the standard: Do they want to be around each other?
He would rather just be Some Guy who happens to be hanging out with Some Girl. He feels freer that way. There is less expected of him.

Notice how Walsh keeps taking about his obligations. Nothing about hers.

Of course, the role and definition that he most fears is marriage.
Why would someone ever "fear" something that brings them guaranteed limitations, obligations, and considerable risks, but no guaranteed upside?
He doesn't realize that pretty much the entirety of human civilization, up until 12 second ago, looked at it the other way round: marriage was the foundation, the starting point, of adult life. The cornerstone, not the capstone.
Life has changed. Someone who gets married young is far, far more likely to divorce.

I've often heard it said that this philosophy of casual dating is "less stressful" and "more fun." I don't see any evidence of this.
This means either Matt never did it or he's deluded or lying.
It seems to me that we Millennials are incredibly stressed out and incredibly obsessed with our own stress. I think I know why: anxiety comes from the unknown, the ambiguous, and modern life — especially modern dating — is all about ambiguity.
Oh yeah, that has to be it. It couldn't possibly anything else.
It's defined by its lack of definition. Nobody knows where they’re going, what they’re doing, or why they’re doing it.
Not so! There are plenty of MGTOW, Leykis 101, Biblical Manhood, and marriage strikers who know exactly what they're doing and why. Walsh must think anyone who isn't getting instructions from Rome has no direction in life.
And it turns out that there's a serious psychological price to pay when you run through a series of temporary flings and meaningless hook ups, investing yourself and your heart into relationships that are not designed to go anywhere or result in anything.
I'm paying quite the price for getting married.
You end up feeling cynical, suspicious, untrusting, confused, and, most of all, lonely.

Cynical? Suspicious? Untrusting? COMPLETEL JUSTIFIED.

Confused? Lonely? Not at all.
Maybe it’s time to bring back courtship.
Courtship is like dating, except it has a purpose.

Dating always has a purpose. You just don't approve of some purposes.
Courtship is like a job interview, and the interview process need not last very long.
Except that the "job" is me doing the work and paying someone who is under no legal obligation to do anything, and I can't fire without losing half of my assets, considerable additional expense, and lifetime payments.

Matt then goes on to describe some of his experiences, as though that's how it is for everyone.
A few months into it, I proposed. We were married about a year after first meeting each other, which is only “fast” by today's standards.
This is extremely irresponsible. What do you want to bet they did it that fast because they "waited"?
It could have been faster. I knew within two weeks that I would marry her.
This is called self delusion.
If a man isn't willing to take his relationship with a woman seriously, he should end it immediately and retreat from the dating scene entirely.
No. He simply should not promise anything he's not going to deliver.

People date for many different reasons. Even people who want to get married should date many people to get an idea of the kind of person they're likely going to function well with.

Our friend (if I may be so bold to call him that) DarthW commented:
"But these relationships — if you can call them relationships — don’t have any clear purpose" - Yes they do have a purpose: to have fun, enjoy one another's company, and sex. One thing with conservatives is they assume you have to live by the Judeo-Christian ideals of courtship to be "conservative". But many of us don't and won't. I won't ever marry, but I will have sex and relationships, and be conservative. 
I know a couple guys that are happily married, and I know dozens and dozens of men and women who are married and don't really like it, or, mostly, are divorced. So, I won't take the risk of someone walking away with what I own, and I won't apologize to other conservatives for believing marriage is silly in this day and age.
For those of you in a happy marriage, that's a great thing for you, but understand not all of us measure the success of our lives by being in a marriage, especially when the majority end in divorce or both spouses live a sexless, friendless existence.

sounds like you're trying desperately to convince yourself that your marriage is working, Matt
Hmmm. Misery loves company.

If you're so inclined, click through to comment at the Daily Wire. Or comment on Walsh's Facebook page.

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