I'm a 27-year-old professional who works long hours at a hospital.
She probably doesn't remember Anita Hill, because she is too young.
Dating isn't easy for me, so I decided to try an online service.
That's understandable, given the hours.
My first time online I recognized a co-worker I see on a regular basis and have always exchanged smiles with, but don't know personally. I wrote him a message just to say hi.
BZZZZZT WRONG! Well, since you're female and most of HR is female, you have nothing to worry about. But you shouldn't have done that.
I didn't say I was interested in him. I never heard back from him.
He's trying not to get fired and sued.
Since I sent that message he has checked my profile several times.
He shouldn't do that. He's risking his job, his finances, and putting your employer at risk.
But when he sees me in the hallways, he turns red and now just gives me half-smiles.
He should ignore you completely.
I was waiting at the elevator with him the other day, but he was so embarrassed by the silence that I bailed and took the stairs.
That was merciful of you.
He continues to smile, but I'm not sure what to say to him the next time I see him.
Nothing. Do not interact with him at all. Unless you want to get him fired and score some money from suing your employer.
I think it's rude that he didn't reply to my message -- even with a "See you around!" -- but I'm too embarrassed to do or say anything when I encounter him.
Yeah, well, welcome to the world creating by laws, courts, lawsuits, and employer policies. Never mind that people have met their spouses on the job. Now, whether or not a man keeps his job or an employer has to pay out is entirely up to the whims of a woman. Man A can say X, Y, and Z to a woman and get fired. Man B can say the exact same thing to the exact same woman and get laid. It is all up to her whims. It doesn't matter if you wouldn't get the man fired or sue your employer - the fact is, you can. And some women do. Besides, you might become one of those women if you dated him and then he dumped you. It is just too risky for men. This is what we're doing to our brothers and sons, as well as our sisters and daughters who would, in the past, find a good husband on the job.
Men used to say X, Y, and Z to each other and there was no problem. Now, if a woman overhears them saying that to each other, they can get fired.
Dear Abby responded:
The next time you run into him in the hall, just say hello. If he has any manners at all, he'll return your greeting and it may melt the ice.
Easy for you to say, DA. You don't have a penis (as far as I know). It's not about manners. It is about survival. Enjoy the world that lawyers, juries, "sensitive" men, and anti-male feminists (not all feminists are anti-male) have created. It's great, isn't it?
Not to mention that the dude might be embarrassed to know that a co-worker is aware that he is using a singles service. As everywhere else in life, there is a double standard in play here. She is using the singles site, so she's empowered and taking control of her choices in potential mates. He uses the singles site because he is socially awkward and too much of a loser to meet women "the normal way".
ReplyDeleteIt's been my observation that guys don't like to have it widely known that they are on one of those sites, least of all to have it known at work. For all he knows about this person, she could be a gossip who would spread "Guess who I found on a singles site?" all around to his co-workers.
She may have thought it harmless to send him a greeting, but she shouldn't be so put off that he is now stand-offish. It needn't mean that he is seeing false encouragement in her actions, but for her to expect some sort of reciprocative dialogue from his is really too much. It isn't him that's being rude...it's her. As usual, Dear Abby gets it all wrong.
Good points, Curiepoint, although I'm not sure what you're age range is, but the letter writer is in her 20s, and as far as I can tell, there isn't really a stigma anymore about using those services for that generation. EVERYTHING is done online, after all.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm wrong. There might be a stigma of being a "player", too, since guys will use online services, especially ones that tell you what zip code or city someone is living in, to make easy, nearby scores.
On the more serious services that require payment (and perhaps a long application) to participate, you'll usually find significantly more women than men, which could be a function of the marriage strike, whether formal or informal.
Good points yourself, Ken. The age thing escaped me. Maybe her profile reeks of entitlement, also very common amongst the twenty-something crowd. I speculate of course, but whatever the reason she needs to not fixate on his lack of action or reciprocation. It's hard to discern what she really wants, and that would be enough to put me off.
ReplyDelete