There’s Nothing Wrong with Online Dating

People still bag on online dating and matchmaking as if it is somehow fundamentally different from other ways of finding companionship, as if there is no difference between what amounts to the old newspaper personals (like on Yahoo.com) or advanced matchmaing sites like eHarmony.com

There was a time when most of the people online were tech nerds and women “on the edge”. Frankly, most of the women online back then were not very attractive, to put it politely. Not that the men were studs, either, but the men had a marketable skill, something that makes them attractive to women looking for a serious partner. Men really don’t care all that much what a woman does for a living, unless he can cite it as evidence to other guys about how hot she is, or unless he wouldn’t want to be married to someone in that profession – like a stripper.

Anyway, I find the present-day dismissal by some of finding a partner online to be outdated.

Dating or finding a partner is a process that has a history of changing with technology. In the U.S., when most people lived in agriculture-dominated and rural areas, men would court women by going to the home in which they lived – usually their father or brother’s home – and spending time there, often with other family members of hers present. With the automobile and the population shift to dense urban areas, it was easy for couples to get away from their families and find entertainment in town, and to find a secluded place to be alone.

And if you don’t think that “the pill” changed dating, you are fooling yourself.

So, with the rise of user-controlled online communications, it is no surprise that such technology is also having an impact on how people find each other, especially now that most adults are online.

And really, why is this alternative dismissed by some? What are the other ways people find partners?

Let’s see… courting is out in most places, and very few people go the arranged marriage route.

There’s the workplace, but the risks of raising favoritism and sexual harassment issues are very real – especially for men, as most of the people who investigate alleged sexual harassment and discrimination are women, and if a dating situation goes badly, how good is it for everyone to have those people working in the same place?

Church, temple or synagogue can be a good place, especially since it is more likely you will be religiously compatible, but this carries the same risk of awkwardness as workplace dating.

Many people meet through a common activity or hobby. This can be a great way to meet someone. But it still carries a the risk of the awkwardness factor and splits within that enthusiast community, and people who are fundamentally incompatible can still enjoy the same activities.

There are people who like to set up two of their friends, which can also carry the awkwardness factor. Plus, when a woman sets her friend up with a guy, she is telling them both “I’m not attracted to him, but you may be.” With reminds me that men can't date their female "friends", because if they are "friends" in the first place it is because the woman is not attracted to him.

Some people are set up by family members. For a lot of people, this spells disaster. Some people “steal” their date from a family member, which of course is a recipe for an even bigger disaster. Hey, but at least they didn’t discover each other online!

Bars and clubs can be a great place to meet someone – as long as you are just looking for a casual good time. But there are guys who don’t like to waste their money buying booze for a woman and all of her friends, or have no interest in “dancing”. And really, why is this any better than finding someone online? You both like to party. So what?

Finally, some people meet on the street or in transit, like on a flight. Again, why is this better than finding someone online?

Finding someone online can carry the benefit of more readily determining that someone has common goals, values, interests, likes, and dislikes as you. Yes, people online can be lying about themselves. No, communicating online is not the same thing as face-to-face interaction. So what? People you meet the other ways lie about themselves, too, and in either case it is up to you to figure it out. E-mails and instant messages aren’t supposed to replace face-to-face interaction any more than a phone call or snail mail is.

Let me be clear here. I’m referring to finding someone online, not the mistake of thinking that you are “dating” someone if you’ve never met them face-to-face and don’t see them regularly face-to-face. Online communications are only a tool in finding someone and a help in staying in touch. Once you have found someone who might be right for what you need at that time, it is up to you to actually date them. If that is how it goes, there is nothing wrong with “online dating”.