One Flesh Or Not?

Dr. Laura will often tell wives calling in (and thus wives listening to her show) that it's not a big deal for a husband (and father of minor children) to enjoy adult media...

...as long as he's not doing it instead of being with her and the adult media doesn't feature children, small farm animals, men (gay porn), or barely legal adults.

This has to greatly upset the portion of her audience that has bought into the anti-porn panic/hysteria about how it turns brains into mush and turns men into serial killers, or women who consider to be a form of infidelity.

But what about the other end of this spectrum? Dr. Laura, like a lot of other relationship experts, says it's a problem if he's using such media instead of being with his willing wife. This appears to be a presumption that his body and sexuality belong to his wife.

Disconnects When It Comes to Discussing Marriage Online

There are a couple of common disconnects with people who try to counter me in discussions on Twitter/X about marriage and being a Free Man.

1) They accuse me of being an incel or lonely, dateless, can't get a wife, etc. It takes two seconds to check my profile and see that I'm married. It's especially stupid because my personal status has nothing to do with whether I'm writing the truth or not, or whether it is a good point or not.

2) When I say legally marrying is detrimental to most men, or there's no benefit for them to do it, or ask someone to cite a benefit for a man, responses (the ones who don't try to divert, anyway) often cite something men can get without legally marrying, and often without socially or religiously marrying.

The lack of reason and logic, the use of fallacies, the bad mind reading, and the hallucinations are quite sad. I'm not obligated to defend an argument I don't make. I welcome legitimate disagreement and discussing the differences. When someone libels me, however, I will usually block them.

Why Married Men Should Have An Affair

I'm for harm reduction.

Most married men want sex more than their wife, and many of them get rejected, some more often than others. Now, many men in that situation turn to adult media (porn), as we know they should never pester their wife. However, considering everything I've seen from people and organizations like Laila Mickelwait, Justice Defense Fund, Exodus Cry, Fight the New Drug, No Fap, Your Brain on Born, Daily Wire, National Center on Sexual Exploitation, churches I have attended, and so many more, - it's clearly less harmful to have an affair with someone you know, like a neighbor.

Here, I'll demonstrate:

Porn: Addictive
Affair: Not addictive

Porn: Often necessitates time in rehab
Affair: Need for rehab much less likely

Porn: Causes some men to spend hours and hours in isolation
Affair: Usually doesn't take up that much time and isn't in isolation

Porn: Multi-billion dollar industry
Affair: Eh, maybe some gifts here and there

Porn: Rots brains
Affair: Doesn't rot brains

Porn: Causes sex trafficking
Affair: Doesn't cause trafficking

Porn: Causes unrealistic expectations in young men
Affair: Causes no expectations in any other young men

Porn: Damaging to real sex
Affair: Is real sex

Porn: Is filmed rape
Affair: Not filmed, not rape

Porn: Supports "revenge" porn, uploaded nonconsensually
Affair: Doesn't support revenge porn

Porn: You can't be sure the performers consented
Affair: You won't be doing anything without her consent

Porn: You can't tell if the performers are really adults
Affair: You know she's an adult

Porn: Is violence
Affair: Not violence

Porn: Turns people into rapists and serial killers
Affair: Doesn't turn people into rapists and serial killers

Porn: Causes ED
Affair: Doesn't cause ED

Porn: Performers are abused
Affair: You won't abuse her

Porn: Performers get injured
Affair: You won't injure her

Porn: She's only doing it because she's desperate for money
Affair: Don't give her money so you are making sure she just wants sex for the sake of having sex

Porn: Some performers abuse substances
Affair: You can choose to only have an affair with someone who is sober

Porn: Kids find it
Affair: You won't let that happen

Porn: Constant novelty
Affair: Just one person

Since I'm reliably assured that porn is "adultery, infidelity, cheating" and many ministries I know of spend far more time talking about the evils of porn than having sex with a neighbor, and considering everything I've observed as stated above, clearly the less harmful option is to have an affair, especially if it avoids marital rape.

...Right?

(I've never had an affair and I don't advise it.)

"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 1

A woman created a Twitter account apparently to respond to what I say in posts like this one, in which I encourage men to avoid being with a woman, on certain days/times of the year, who is thinking of you as potential husband material, or who you've been seeing on a regular basis.

This woman said:

"If you're noticing a girl likes you enough to be developing feelings for you and actually wants to spend time with you she at least deserves to not be strung along. It's pretty amazing how callously some men treat some women."

And:

"I’m just saying be honest and up front about not wanting a relationship so she is privy to what your intentions are."

By telling men to get scarce and avoid being with a woman he's been seeing during those days, I'm encouraging men to prevent or stop her from thinking of him as someone who is going to be part of her life with her friends and family, or thinking of him as shackup or husband material.

I'm addressing men who do not want to be married and do not want to even live with a woman. Ideally, these men are only seeing these women for dates (visits or booty calls) that don't involve meeting her friends or family.

If she's thinking it's more, or hoping for or wanting more, that's her problem. Nothing more should have been inferred.

Avoiding the woman during those times avoids leading her on!

It's up to her whether not she will see him again if he asks to see her after those days have passed.

There is far more to write about this, but I'll save that for another entry or two or three.

Part 2 of This Series

To Whom Does Your Body Belong?

What are the possible answers?

• God
• Your church or equivalent (NOT to be confused with God)
• The State (government)
• Your parents
• Your spouse/partner
• Your children
  
• Yourself
  

How you answer this question will influence how you live. And while I insist most men should never marry, they should definitely not marry a woman whose answer to this question isn't the same as his. Of course, like so many things, a woman can CLAIM to think the same way he does on this, but her actions might indicate different. People in general might switch back and forth on this.

Few people, especially those who aren't active duty military, will say that their body belongs to the state, but they often think and act like it does.

Many conservative Christian "influencers" will say that our bodies belong to God, but God delegates them to our spouse when we marry.

Think about this, and whether or not your actions line up with your thinking.

If you're married, and you believe your body belongs to your spouse, do you really act that way? Does your spouse think and act like their body belongs to you?

There Are Rare Circumstances in Which Using Daycare Is The Best Choice

People shouldn't have children unless they are prepared to raise them. Raising them means having them with a parent until they go to Kindergarten at age five or six, then having with a parent before and after school. School doesn't end at 6pm. Dumping a kid in daycare is almost always a result of choices.

A good daycare is, of course, better than being with an abusive parent, but even then, it would be better for the kid to be with grandparents or aunts and uncles.

Let's consider the other rare circumstances in which daycare is the best choice.

 

A) The other parent killed themselves, or abandoned the family (and there were no signs either of those was a likely possibility before making the children) and they're not paying enough support to allow the other parent to be with the kids; B) and there wasn't enough in funds or other assets and no way/time to work to avoid having to leave the children for work; C) and there's nobody else, like good, reliable grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc., to care for the child while the remaining parent is at work.

For 99 percent of the kids dumped in daycare, the circumstances weren't anything like that.

Unfortunately, there's no way to be certain the other parent is going to be around, present, and either able to care for the children well or provide enough income, for the duration of raising the children. People can try to set things up that way. They can try to choose wisely, treat kindly, and all of that, and have things like life insurance. They can try to only make children with someone who is already wealthy and set things up so the children will always be taken care of regardless of whether there is a death or the relationship ends. But most people aren't that wealthy, certainly not when they are 40 or younger, and there's no fail-safe way of ensuring things will work out. It's always somewhat of a gamble to have children, even for someone who tries to make the odds be in their favor as much as possible.

You can have a great life insurance policy on your income-earning spouse, and if they commit suicide you're SOL. Maybe there was no sign they'd do that when you had kids with them, but they suffered a trauma after you had the kids and eventually they did themselves in. Or maybe the trauma leads to them abandoning the family to live on the streets, jobless.

So, there can be circumstances in which daycare is unavoidable.

But "We want to live here, in this house, with these investments" or "I deserve my career" aren't those circumstances.

If you don't have children yet, think about these things very carefully.

Analyzing Dennis Prager’s Marriage Preaching Again

Hardly a day goes by that Dennis Prager is hosting his main broadcast program that he doesn’t try to sell marriage or lament that marriage rates are down. 

On Monday, March 4, 2024, during Hour 2, at 15 minutes into the podcast hour, he was lamenting that the Left destroys everything. He cited as a “proof” that “25 percent of Americans age 40 have never been married, the highest percentage in history.” (Good work, men, but we need that number way higher.)

He went on to cite an article about Taylor Swift and her burly boyfriend, saying women want a men who’ll protect them and provide for them. “It’s built in.” (This is a polite way of saying “gold diggers,” though Swift specifically doesn’t need anyone else’s money.)

He talks about Adam and Eve, trans women in sports, and then says maybe there will be pushback against “a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” 

“It’s a lie that women don’t need men, and men don’t need women. We are built, created to need each other. ‘It’s not good for man to be alone.’ It’s not good for women to be alone. There are exceptions. But overwhelmingly a man needs a woman and a woman needs a man.”

But life has changed, Dennis. People can thrive and have great, full lives living in a their own residence. And we’re not alone. There are 8 billion living people. 

“When men marry, they earn more, they’re more responsible, they drink less, they cavort less,” and he repeats “more responsible.”

Women tend to marry men who do or will earn more. But most of what a married man earns isn’t his. It legally goes to his wife, who’ll make most of the purchasing decisions.

By implication, Dennis is saying that if he hadn’t married; he’d be making less money, irresponsible, drunk, and cavorting. Except I know never-married men who are very responsible, don’t get drunk, and enjoy their life. This is a bit like saying, “People who take the train tend to travel from here to there.” OK. But people can fly now, or drive if they prefer. It’s not like having a nag with the proverbial loaded gun to your head is the only way.

“Ask almost any man who got married.”

Ask divorced men. The ones who haven’t killed themselves. Yet.

Hey Dennis, we can ask college grads if college made them better. Almost all will say yes. And yet you dismiss that. Who wants to say that they made a huge, costly mistake? 

“And women need men just as much. Many women go a little nuts - the staggering irrationality that has take over in so many cases of females in our society is proof. Men without women are wild. And women without men are often irrational.”

Dennis clearly has far more married women listeners than unmarried women. Otherwise he wouldn’t say stuff like that on the radio.

There are never married men who aren’t wild, but are very responsible.

There are never married women who are clear, rational thinkers.

Find out why, and see if that can be taught. No need to urge people to sign a terrible state contract.

I note that Dr. Laura says men need women far more than women need men. It’s one of many things I’d like to see her and Dennis discuss. But, she prefers complete control of her appearance in media and won’t argue or debate.

This Guy Wants Husbands to Pretend They Have Power

I generally think it is a good thing if someone tries to make existing marriages better. Really. I want to get that out right here upfront.

Let's take a look at this tweetstorm. Here's the TL;dr: Husbands, choose to be happy and content.

Over the past decade, I've met with dozens of men in failing marriages.

Most married men are, or will be, in a failing marriage.

If you want to be happy in a marriage that lasts, here's what you need to know:

Hmmm....

1 - They no longer believe they need what their wife offers.

Most men don't need what their wife offers. They never did. Don't believe me? When a man complains that his wife doesn't do something, if enough people hear it, he will always be told he can live without it, or that he can do it himself. No matter what it is. Sex, encouragement, companionship, cooking, cleaning, laundry, whatever. If a man can live without it, he doesn't need it. And there are men who aren't married, including some who never were married, who are doing well.

Wedding China

I don't know how long it has been a tradition, and I don't know if it is falling out of favor now, but when we got married, my wife put a china set on our gift registry. Having a china cabinet, full of china, is important for some women.

So we have a dedicated cabinet, a china cabinet, full of expensive china.

We've been married "a long time" now. How often do you think we've used that china?

Go ahead. Take a guess.

...

If you guessed ZERO, you are correct.

It just sits in the corner of the room, collecting dust.

I found out after we married that one of my wife's family members told one of my family members people shouldn't bother buying the china for us, because it would never be used. That person was right. The people who spent the money on that could have bought us gifts we actually would have used.

This is just one of many ways modern marriage and wedding culture is impractical.

Avoid it, guys!