Dr. Laura is Wrong About Prenups For First Marriages - GET ONE!

Well, it happened again. [This entry has been bumped up from May 2018.] While I agree with Dr. Laura on so much, one thing I definitely disagree with her on is the issue of prenuptial agreements for first marriages. While she urges prenups for "second" marriages when at least one potential spouse has children, she is vehemently against prenups for childless people entering into a first marriage (people shouldn't be marrying if they have minor children).

A woman called in on yesterday's show (April 30, 2018) who sounded happy with her boyfriend, but when the topic of marriage came up, he stated he'd want a prenup. Dr. Laura told the caller (and, as a result, listeners in the same situation) to dump the boyfriend.

This is rare bad advice from her that she gives consistently.

Finding a match for marriage is difficult. The caller (or a listener) could be throwing away a perfectly good match and will now seek out a man who will be willing to sign really bad contracts. Is it really a good idea to enter into a financial partnership (marriage) with someone willing to sign bad financial contracts???

The fact is, the courts already have a prenup for you. It is based on family law in your state. You might as well be encouraged to come up with your own customized one before a marriage license is issued.

Getting a prenup is no more a sign that someone is planning for divorce than homeowner's insurance is planning for your house to burn down. We buy insurance and prepare in other ways for all sorts of things we hope don’t happen or we plan the avoid. Why let the state, which doesn't care at all about morality or how either spouse behaved, decide for you, when you can decide – somewhat – for yourself?

"Ah, but this is different because you can resolve to not leave your spouse and treat them well so they won't leave you."

Let's be real.

It's Not Just Divorce

Comments continue to be left at YouTube on the two worst Prager University videos (most of their videos are great). We've already analyzed the two videos, "Be a Man, Get Married" here, here, and here, and "The Sexiest Man Alive" here. But you can go check out the comments for yourself.

The misleading "married men are better off" stuff is still being left in the comments, between the comments that expose the serious flaws in the videos.

It's not just divorce, or if she cheats. It's today's "marriage" itself as offered by our laws and culture, and most of today's women, that are problematic to the point that marriage is a bad deal for men. The sacrifices, compromises, obligations, and risks are too significant without any guaranteed benefit. This is especially so for a man who doesn't want children, but even a man who wants children has to consider whether it is worth it to have children under such conditions, with a woman who'll have parental rights as opposed to a surrogate.

And if we're honest, most men aren't in a position to be good husbands and fathers.

But yes, on top of that, the possibility of divorce can't be left out of consideration.

Dr. Laura likes asking a similar question about possible marriages with minor stepchildren involved, so I'm going to ask one. If you had the choice to board an airplane or not for a VOLUNTARY trip that isn't necessary and will have little or no benefit, and there was a 33% chance (that's a 1 in 3 chance) the airplane was going to crash and kill you in a painful way, would you get on that airplane? What if, by getting on that airplane, it was MORE LIKELY THAN NOT you'd either be painfully killed or seriously injured? Would you get on that airplane?

No rational person would say yes. But that's what men are doing when they marry into a first marriage with no child of his own to a childless woman. It's even worse if one or both of you has been married before and/or have at least one child.

Grampa might have been married for life, and claimed to be happy, but he married in a different era.

Ask yourself...

Why do I need someone else living in my house and messing it up?
Why do I need more and larger bills?
Why do I need someone around yapping, nagging me, complaining to me, and arguing with me?
Why do I need someone else's problems?
Why do I need someone else's annoying family and cackling friends in my life?
Why do I need to invite the government into my home and financial accounts?
Why do I need someone else around that I constantly have to entertain and take care of?
Why do I need someone else passing judgment on my family and friends and causing problems between me and them?
Why do I need to make a woman my default medical decision maker when I'm not able to communicate AND simultaneously make her my default beneficiary?
Why do I need someone who is going to hinder my ability to earn?
Why do I need someone who isn't as successful at increasing wealth having an equal say in what happens with my income?

You don't. So don't do it.

It's Not Too Early to Form Your Holiday Game Plan

Free Men, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to pandemic limitations.

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the pandemic conditions cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. As much tragedy as there has been, the pandemic will ultimately be a bump in the road of life. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Avoiding Rattlesnakes is Good Sense

I saw a tweet go by from The Good Men Project. The headline was "5 Fears That Keep Us Single". The implication, given the account, was that if men want to be good, they should be in an exclusive relationship. I reject that. [This entry is bumped up.]

Anyway, as often is the case with these things, the link was to something what was posted months ago, in this case it was posted in November 2017. The article was originally from a matchmaking/dating website, so that tells you right there what some of the problem with it is going to be. What's more is that it was written by a woman.

But I didn't know that when I saw the tweet.

It made me think. What "fears" keep men single? Having a fear isn't necessarily a bad thing. People should fear live rattlesnakes to the point that they stay away from them. Fangs full of poison are usually going to be metaphor instead of fact when it comes to women, but yes, men do have some fears that rightly have them avoid relationships. Here are some:

One More Reason to Limit Relationships

Here's another reason for men to avoid marriage and keep relationships (with women) limited if even bothering with them at all: The Permanent Record. [This is an entry from a few years ago, bumped up.]

Oh, you may think she subscribed to "forgiveness" or even "forgive and forget". But very few women actually do. All it takes is for them to get angry enough, or be hit with the wrong hormone, and things you thought you'd "worked through" together and put behind you as a couple will come back to haunt you. Since nobody is perfect, some of these things could be actual screw-ups on your part, but others will just be matters of taste or things you were right to do (or not do) that she didn't like. It could even be your tone or how you did something.

I was thinking about this because my wife responded to something I told her that should have been good news with a very cold dismissal of indifference, citing that we had to cancel certain plans she'd been excited about a year ago. Never mind that if we had gone through the plans, we'd have several thousand more dollars in credit card debt now.

It hit me that I'm going to be hearing about this literally for the rest of my life. She's going to bring it up over and over again and let it cloud all sorts of things.

Never mind that I make well above the national median household income. She's expensive, and she herself has said so. I refuse to liquidate our retirement savings to sustain a lifestyle that is beyond our means. I don't want to take more tax hits on income on which I've already been taxed and we need MORE retirement savings, not less. It's bad enough we're not putting more away now.

The fact of the matter is, my current income would be more than enough to provide me with a comfortable life, all the involvement in my hobbies I'd like, and a comfortable retirement. This would be the case even if I never increased my income other than along with inflation.

But it's not just me. It's my wife, our kids, and my wife's brother and his wife.

So think about that the next time someone tells you married men are better off financially.

And let The Permanent Record be another reason NOT to marry. If you insist on being in a relationship, when the record becomes too much to deal with, it is time to move on and clear that space in your life for someone fresh. It'll take time for that new record with a new woman to get bad. And the previous woman won't have to deal with you anymore, so you'll be saving her aggravation, right? The Permanent Record is just one of many reasons to keep relationships casual, rather than forming a legal corporation with a woman.

Why Health Matters in Relationships

My marriage has a serious birth defect.

It is that I needed and wanted a wife who was functionally healthy, I made that clear, I thought that's what I was getting, and instead I got a wife whose physical health is deteriorating and who has a history of serious mental illness, and who didn't reveal those things to me.

Stop Child Abusers

Child abuse happens everywhere, regardless of demographics. What's worse, some child abuse is captured on video and uploaded online for perverts to enjoy.

That's one reason I implore people not to waste their time, money, and energy trying to stop CONSENTING ADULTS from making erotica and CONSENTING ADULTS from viewing erotica. All of those resources should be directed at preventing child abuse (and the abuse of adults) and locking up those who perpetrate it.

Train Wreck Thrills Dennis Prager

Dennis Prager was so thrilled with an article that he happily read it and touted it on his radio show, had the writer on his show, and linked to the article on his website. Dennis Prager was downright giddy about it.

Turns out this guy is his friend. Now, I don't expect Dennis to trash his friend, especially on the air. Instead, he simply should not have mentioned the article. But Dennis couldn't help himself, because he's so obsessed with advocating that people marry and have children that he lauds it even if it is clearly a train wreck.

Dr. Laura and Dennis Prager would both be called conservative talk show hosts. Yet I  think Dr. Laura would, in most of my points below, agree with me. If Dennis' friend had called Dr. Laura on the air and proposed what we'll see below, Dr. Laura would have probably ripped him a new one.

Enough intro.

Joel Alperson wrote at Medium "How to Marry and Have Four Newborns at 60."

Right off the bat, that's a huge NOPE!!!

A Chinese woman in her late 40’s and an American man of almost 60 were finally living their dream.

Over ten years of age difference. Not good. Of course Dennis, being married to a woman 15 years his junior, has no qualm about that.

Wei (my wife) was a perfect fit and throughout the nine years she worked for us, there was never a flirt or hint of anything romantic between us. That was more my doing than hers.

After all, she wasn’t Jewish (and I wanted to have a Jewish family), she was an employee, she lived in China and was married. What’s more, it was around the time I hired Wei that I met the woman I would marry.

So this a second marriage (at least) for each. Most second marriages divorce. Different country, different culture, was an employee, different religion... how many red flags can there be?

But, as life is rarely predictable and sometimes horribly unfair, this seemingly impossible-to-marry single, who married for the first time at 47, saw his marriage end in divorce after only seven years.

That was to be expected since you married at the first time at 47.

I was shattered. The part of my life I most wanted was now over.

After finally starting a race that almost everyone else I knew was running, I found myself behind the starting line again.

Getting married and popping out kids is a race?

But it’s funny, things can happen when one is running out of time. As options narrow, choices that once seemed crazy can seem perfectly reasonable.

That's called desperation.

Who would help me start my search for a wife in China? It was Wei.

The woman who became his next wife. Conflict of interest?

It was only after months of meeting other women in different parts of China, usually after Wei had traveled to, yes, meet and pre-qualify them, that I finally noticed her.

This isn't romantic. It's a mess.

After over ten years of employing her, I told Wei that of all the women I had met in China, the one I most wanted to be with was her. She was stunned — both for the reason I expected and for one I hadn’t: she had committed to marry another man.

I felt even worse when she added that she had been interested in me for years. But, like a professional poker player, she’d had no “tells”. She never betrayed her feelings even slightly.

This is so painful!!!!

But Wei’s marriage was troubled from the beginning. Though married, they lived in different cities, seeing each other and communicating with one another rarely. The last straw was when Wei learned her husband was communicating with other women via a Chinese chat service.

Is she bad at picking men? Or does she neglect them?

She separated from him and virtually all contact between them ended.

That what she told you.

It was after this separation and her plans for a divorce that we started talking about our future together.

Why include a detail like this? Maybe you're protesting too much?

Given that a divorce in China can be appealed and the extreme acts some in China will take to save face, Wei’s escape ultimately involved her hiding from her husband for almost two years.

Yeah, this is a way to start a marriage.

Another challenge was how we could quickly have the two or three children we wanted (yes, we have four . . . remember that part about life being unpredictable?). As Wei was still living in China, we chose to have our children in Asia.

Remember, she was in her 40s. He was in his 50s. They rented wombs, which, especially in other countries, can be fraught with ethical issues.

And as she was too old to have them naturally, we used surrogates. The laws surrounding this type of childbirth forced us to operate in multiple countries.

Maybe that should have been a clue!!!

A friend helped us find two surrogates — in Thailand of all places. And the embryos were implanted in Cambodia (don’t ask about the room where I gave my sperm sample. The awful porn DVD they were playing was, to put it mildly, not helpful).

So it was ALLEGEDLY his sperm. Has he done a DNA test? Whose eggs were used? Another ethical consideration.

How many human beings were discarded in this process? ("Extra" embryos)

As their due dates approached, the surrogates traveled to China where our children were born. You’re probably thinking, “Wasn’t there an easier way to do this?” Maybe, but I don’t regret our choice because the result was four happy, healthy children.

You could have adopted embryos or born children, you know, instead of intentionally creating children whose parents will be elderly before long.

The moral of this story? Actually, there are three.

Don't marry. Don't have kids. Avoid working with women.

The first is that fear can destroy one’s life and it had seriously compromised mine. It was fear that kept me from confronting my dad over the very poor relationship we had.

Oh, hello.

Don't Fall For the Fundraising Ploy

Let's look at the legal/political and cultural track record of the "religious right," shall we? Mind you, I'm in agreement with Evangelical Protestants when it comes to theology, and, in a lot of respects, how to live. The "religious right" tends to be comprised of people who identify as some variation of Christian or what are seen as related faiths, including Mormonism, and some Jews, mostly Orthodox and some Conservatives, who are politically active and try to align their political positions with their faith.

They've had a little success with restrictions on abortion, but essentially elective abortion has been broadly legal for 47 years, and many ardent pro-life religious conservatives are saying they just want it to go back to the states, which means just about anyone who wants an abortion will still be able to get one even if it is taken away from the federal level.

They've also had some success with limiting sex ed in public schools. That's a battle that continues.

I don't know if there is any area where they've had more success than religious freedom, but they haven't gotten everything they've wanted and, if we're honest, this wasn't just their cause; there has been broad public support, including from many people who aren't religious, for some basic religious freedom; it's an enumerated Constitutional right.

That's a small list of victories. The list of legislative and cultural failures is far longer.

As much noise as they made about these things, these people were not able to stop:

• Sex, violence, raunchiness, and anti-Christian themes in music, video games, and media in general


• Widespread acceptance and use of sexual toys and aids (and yes, they did try)


• Mainstreaming of sexy lingerie (Victoria's Secret shops in malls, complete with easily visible ads and displays?)


• Decriminalization and widespread acceptance/destigmatization of fornication


• Decriminalization and widespread acceptance/destigmatization of unmarried cohabitation


• Legitimizing and widespread acceptance of out-of-wedlock parenting


• Widespread acceptance and practicing of casual sex, booty calls, hooking up, friends-with-benefits


• Women in more military roles


• "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" for LGBTQ people in the military


• Replacement of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" with further acceptance


• Adoption of domestic partnership laws for same-sex couples


• Legalization and widespread acceptance of same-sex marriage


• Adoptions by same-sex couples


• Reproductive technologies and programs such as surrogate gestation, in vitro fertilization, sperm donation, egg donation, freezing embryos
  
  
• "Death with dignity" options for assisted suicide


• Increasing acceptance of transgenderism, genderfluidity, nonbinary identity, gender nonconforming, and increasing legal protections thereof


• Gay-Straight Alliances and similar organizations in schools


• Sex week at colleges


• LGBTQ representation in media and theme park events


• LGBTQ pride representation by large companies with prominent brands


• Gambling (lotteries, casinos, etc.)


• Increasing marijuana legalization


• Barring of creationism/intelligent design in public schools


• Denial of public education vouchers

Try as they did, they also weren't able to prevent Bill Clinton from getting elected (defeating Reagan's former VP and incumbent President George H. W. Bush) and re-elected, prevent Obama from getting elected (defeating a ticket with Sarah Palin) and re-elected, prevent Trump from getting the GOP nomination, nor the election of Joe Biden, nor have they been able to stop the House and Senate, over the recent decades, from going Democratic some of the time. 

So what makes them think their latest push will work?

The push I'm talking about is a recent call by a few elected Republicans followed by dutiful columnists, to try to "fight" "porn". It's especially ridiculous considering there is very little agreement on what would constitute victory (what does fight really mean) and what counts as the kind of porn that must be fought.

Thanks to This Anonymous Commenter

I wrote here about how marrying was the biggest mistake I've ever made. There are great comments at the bottom of the entry.

A new anonymous comment was left recently, and I want you to see it.

You might as well put no date on this - it's timeless and true. Insane custody battle with ex-wife and final focus on my kids took a chunk out of me. Fast forward, haven't talked to my youngest for 2 years (she lives with mom and her 72 year old boyfriend (she's 57)) and just reconnected with my oldest. Almost remarried last year until the shrieking started and I ended it, narrowly escaping another lifetime of torment.

Anonymous, I'm so sorry about all that crap you've been through. I hope your comments and my postings can help prevent someone else from going through such awful stuff, and I'm glad you did avoid making another serious mistake.

Don't get married if you're a man. Just don't.

Excellent advice.

Most men can have full, happy, worthwhile, productive lives without legally marrying. Marriage is NOT to a man's benefit if he's a breadwinner. Most marriages fail. There's simply no compelling reason to take the risks and obligations, and many reasons not to.

He also provided two great links. Read them, especially if you are man who is planning to marry or ever just open to marrying.

Here they are:

https://philip.greenspun.com/blog/2015/09/21/burning-man-attitudes-toward-marriage-and-children/

https://web.archive.org/web/20120310135102/http://themenscenter.com/busterb/dont_get_married.htm

Dennis Prager Show on College Dating

Recently, Dennis Prager covered the topic of how college students/young people interact when it comes to sex or attempted romance. He has an intern from Harvard on-air weekly during this summer. She described that most of her peers haven't been on actual dates in the last year or two (even before lockdowns).

What they would do is talk with a prospect at a party, and then go somewhere somewhat private for a hookup. (Please note, she wasn't saying she did these things, but that is was common with her peers.)

She pointed out, including with actual texts, that women her age think is is creepy for a man to ask a woman out on a date.

Of course this bothers Dennis Prager, who wants men to ask women out, romance them, marry them, and make babies with them.

But this is the world as it is now.

Decent men who are willing to ask a woman out and pay her way through an evening of dinner and entertainment and conversation are seen as creepy.

Meanwhile, men can get sex easily, without spending any money at all, without having to plan and execute a date.

Learn from this, guys.

Don't be creepy!!! Do NOT take her out to dinner and a movie. Do NOT ask to meet for lunch of coffee. Don't send her gifts.

If you want to meet up, ask her what time she's having dinner. Then, add 90 minutes to the time she gives you and tell her you'll meet her for drinks at that time, or you'll bring some wine to her place, depending.

If there isn't an available woman in your contacts that you haven't seen already in the last week, try hanging out in a hotel bar. DO NOT approach women. That would be creepy! Rather, look like you are waiting for a buddy or watching the game the have on the screen. Hot women hate to be ignored. If one approaches you, take it from there.

Long live equality and liberation!

Marriage Sellers Try to Fool Husbands Again

The marriage sellers at Institute for Family Studies are trying to fool husbands into telling their wife about their porn viewing preferences.

“One day when my husband left the house, I built up the courage to search our Internet history. What I found was a stark reality. I felt sick and numb, until the pain and the anger finally rolled in. I can handle a lot of things—but lying isn’t one of them.”

So she'd still be happy if she hadn't snooped, right? How about how violated he feels?

What have we learned from this, guys?

1) Don't marry or even live with a woman.

2) If you're going to ignore that first point, cover your tracks.

In a nationally representative study of couples in committed relationships, 37% of men reported more pornography use than their partner believed was occurring.

Emphases mine.

What that tells us is when the men know how often then can expect sex, 63 percent are viewing porn less or the same amount as their partner believes. Basically, 2/3rds. A significant majority.

In casually dating relationships, 43% of the men reported using pornography daily or every other day, while none of their partners reported awareness of that level of use.

One thing this tells us is that avoiding a "committed" relationship allows men much more privacy. It also tells us 57 percent of men who are in causal relationships aren't even viewing porn as often as every other day.

Notice we aren't told how often the men in supposedly committed relationships are viewing porn. Just that a minority of them are doing it more often than their partner thinks.

Viewers may reason that their private behavior concerns only themselves or hide their activity to prevent negative reactions from their partner.

And they are right.

However, openness and honesty in a relationship—transparency—is about more than pornography itself.

Oh?

You look terrible in that.

It's not what you're wearing that makes you look fat.

You look like crap in general these days.

We don't want to watch your stupid shows.

We don't want to deal with your parents or siblings.

We don't want to deal with your friends.

We're tired of making a big deal about February 14 and our anniversary.

We mind a lot that you stopped doing that thing in bed.

How's that for honesty? And don't think I'm unaware that most women have terrible truths to say to men, too. We know you think you settled.

One of the vital elements of relational well-being is secure attachment, or a partner’s ability to view the relationship as safe and dependable.

How is that possible when most relationships end?

Besides being a matter of relationship ethics, keeping intimate information and behavior from one’s romantic partner, especially when it touches upon the sexual realm, can erode relationship trust and couple intimacy, jeopardizing secure attachment.

Oh, that's a hoot. Like she's really told him everything about her sexual experiences.

Sustaining secure attachment requires openness, honesty, fidelity, and trust.

OK, then most people aren't going to have sustained secure attachment. Most don't.

With men three to four times more likely to view pornography alone and leave their partners in the dark about it, pornography use is known to specifically impact the attachment trust of female partners.

Men are visual creatures. Women are far more likely to use a vibrator alone. Is it wrong for women to use vibrators alone and not volunteer to their partner how often they do?

Pornography’s scripts of eroticism, objectification, promiscuity, and misogyny combined with secrecy can significantly impair attachment for both partners.

Oh, yes, it's the secrecy that makes it bad. It would all be fine with this folks if men watched porn but were upfront transparent about it, right?

Give me a break.

There's nothing wrong with eroticism. It's the whole point of porn!

"Objectification" is one of those words most people don't even really know the meaning of. All media objectifies.

Promiscuity? Ah, so, they'd be just fine with porn if the characters were all married to each other? Again, give me a break.

Misogyny? Sure, if you define that as women doing things men like.

As many as one-half of women in romantic relationships disapprove of pornography to some degree

Some because of articles like this. All the more reason to stay a Free Man.

A Review of the Dr. Laura Show Podcast - UPDATED

I've been a listener of talk radio for a long time. Currently, there are three radio talk radio shows for which I listen via their paid subscription podcast of the shows. These are supposed to be their regular daily (weekday) shows, minus the breaks.

All of these shows air Monday through Friday. This time, I'm reviewing the Dr. Laura Schlessinger Show podcast.

Overview

The show runs live on SiriusXM 111 from 11am-2pm Pacific Time. It's a call-in talk show, although Dr. Laura will often read letters on the air. Less frequently, she will monologue, and when she does, it is usually to start the show and won't last more than 20 minutes, usually a lot less. It might be about the news or a movie she watched or competitive sailing or her dog, or a list of tips or just about anything. The bulk and core of the show, however, are the calls.

With very few exceptions, the calls are about morals, values, ethics, dealing with anxiety or other unwanted feelings, and behaving better and more effectively when it comes to dating, relationships, marriage, parenting, work, family, neighbors, staying healthy, etc. Dr. Laura's priority is what's best for children. The calls are NOT about politics or the news, other than "How do I deal with anxiety over what's happening in the news?" or "My brother hates me because of my politics." Callers are also not allow to address or reference another caller other than to say "Their call prompted me to call in." Dr. Laura WILL NOT debate or argue - about anything. The show is there for her to get her messages out, and as she admits, sometimes she can't help the caller at all, but rather the caller serves as a warning to listeners about what NOT to do.

Are You A Free Man? Celebrate and Cherish Your Independence

Independence Day is upon us in the USA.

If you are a Free Man, celebrate and cherish your independence.

Whether you are a Free Man or not, encourage other men to stay free.

What Is MGTOW?

MGTOW is Men Going Their Own Way.

It is a classification or description of a diverse spectrum of men who have consciously decided to avoid legally marrying, depending on a woman, or having a woman depend on them. 

Men take this approach out of self defense; for preservation and protection. They see legal marriage or relationships in general in today's culture as too risky for men, laden with obligations and sacrifices with little to nothing to be gained by them. MGTOW seek to disengage or minimize involvement in systems and situations in which they think men are at a disadvantage.

Just about anyone who would consider himself as MGTOW would also not cohabitate with a woman. Most would avoid exclusive relationships entirely. And many avoid any ongoing interdependent interaction with woman. (This isn't to say such men necessarily shun their mothers, sisters, etc. This is mostly about romantic/social relationships and often professional relationships.)

It is too simplistic to say it is a reaction to feminism. Many MGTOW fully support equality for women under the law, in as much as it is possible. MGTOW a reaction to what is seen as misandry in our common systems and culture, especially our family laws and courts. In fact, some MGTOW could claim also to be feminists is that they support women being equal under the law, strong, and independent.

MGTOW isn't an organization. There are online forums, bloggers, and vloggers who identify as MGTOW, but there isn't a formal movement. Individualism is common among MGTOW. Men who identify as MGTOW might date or not, might be promiscuous or virgins, might have a religion or not, might be politically affiliated or not, might espouse an overall political philosophy or not, might believe in conspiracy theories or not. Some have previously been married, some are fathers. Some have never been through the wringer of family courts, but you don't have to be hit by a bus yourself to know you don't want to stand in the street.

There are no identifying qualities of a MGTOW man, aside from his self-identification as such, other than a rejection of current marriage laws and dominant cultural expectations for romantic relationships.

Why Are They Surprised?

On Monday, December 30, Michael Medved sounded like he was baffled as to why more and more Americans are placing having (more) children on a much lower place on their list of priorities. Or, at least, he sounded upset. [This entry has been bumped up from 1/1/2020.]

He really needs to have someone who is proudly child-free on the show; someone who can articulate well why they don't see a need for themselves to have children or to encourage others to have children. I'm not talking about an abortion advocate or a population hysteric. Just someone who recognizes that the world has changed and children do not fit into their plans.

Being an observant Jew (of the more conservative - small "c" bent), Medved has no doubt been steeped in a subculture that encourages members to produce as many new congregants as they can (though perhaps not as strongly as Roman Catholicism or Mormonism). More individually, he's a grandpa. The days of struggling to actually raise children is a distant memory for him. Experiences as a  non-custodial grandfather are very different than those of a parent.

Children change EVERYTHING.

Are Pixels to Blame For a Decline in Marriage Rates?

That favorite villain of so many, "porn", is implied in recent news reporting to be a culprit in the marriage rate decline. [This post has been bumped up from earlier publication.] See the headline of Paul Bedard's article at The Washington Examiner for one example: Shock study: Marriage rate declines with porn use, threatening economy, society

Yes, yes, out of everything that has happened, let's blame pixels.

Pornography is replacing the desire among young men for marriage, according to a new study that finds males are chasing “low-cost sexual gratification” on the web over a wife and family.

Once again we see that people think men are supposed to pay a lot of money to have orgasms.

There's so much to be said, and so little time. 

1) Are there some men who say, "Hey, who needs marriage when I can watch porn?" There probably are a few - a very few. Let's think about those men for a moment. If a man who would and could otherwise marry is looking at porn as a replacement for marriage, that means the only thing he thinks women bring to marriage is visual/auditory sexual stimulation, or he thinks the other things women bring to marriage do not outweigh his costs for getting and being married. Do you think it would be a good idea for such a man to get married?

2) However, there are other men who use porn because they haven't married (yet). They want the stimulation, they're not getting it from a wife, so they view porn.

3) There are unmarried men who do not view porn, or at least only incidentally view it. Some of these men never want to marry (again).

4) There are married men who view porn. Some of those men are satisfied with their sex life with their wife, some of the wives are happy with their sex life, and in other cases, he's viewing porn because his wife is sexually rejecting.

5) There are men who marry, and marry at the same age they would have with or without porn, who viewed porn all along.

6) Men can get sexual gratification without viewing porn and without being married. Whether it is masturbation or a girlfriend, or a shack-up, or a booty call, or a friend-with-benefits, it is very easy for an unmarried man to get sexual gratification these days without viewing porn and with little time, money, emotion, or effort spent.

What's Going on With PornHub?

Have you heard that PornHub (and parent company MindGeek) are in trouble or that the company is uniquely problematic? Check out this Twitter thread for a crash-course on what's going on.

Welcome Reddit People

Thanks to the person who linked to this popular entry of the blog in the MGTOW Reddit.

I'm a married father. Marrying was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I encourage men to remain what I call Free Men, and be responsible, productive citizens, and to avoid being used and abused. If you agree, consider spreading the word.

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The Marriage Strike Really Bothers Prager

Dennis Prager again used his "Male-Female Hour" today to advocate people marry, or as I put it, enter into a Mexican Standoff with the state. The way he did this was asking people who'd been together for a while without being married to call, including if they had eventually married and to say whether or not it made a difference. The "funny" thing is he wanted to know if it felt different, he said, but later he dismissed the feelings of people in long term relationships who didn't feel like marrying. [This entry has been bumped up.]

I've previously discussed his rejection of the "I was burned by marriage before" reason for not marrying (again). Very similar to that, he derided the feelings of people who say they don't want to marry because their parents had a bad marriage. He again compared marriage to driving, saying that if your parents had been in a bad car accident, would that mean you'd never drive? Well, for some people, yes! But does he really want to equate marriage with driving?

There's a big difference. People grow up under their parents' marriage. The live in it. They see other people driving all of the time. They don't see the marriages of other people as intimately as they see their marriage of their own parents. Their parents' marriage is the most prominent experience with marriage, by far. It's completely understandable that they don't want to marry if their parents had a horrible marriage.

What if every summer while growing up, the family vacationed for two months in the same vacation home, and the kid hated those two months? How likely would they be to want to go the trouble of buying a similar vacation home in the same neighborhood to live there as an adult? And that's just two months a year. Their parents' marriage was something that had an effect on them every day.

When Prager says he doesn't have any respect for someone who says they don't want to marry because of their parents marriage, I am prompted to give a reply Prager previously found to be lifechanging:

SO WHAT?

So what if you don't respect them? Your respect and five dollars can get them a decent hamburger.


There's another difference between driving and marrying.

Driving gets someone to someplace they want to go. It can help them earn a living, visit their doctor, and do all sorts of practical and enjoyable things.

Especially for a man who is already getting everything he wants from a relationship, marriage gets him nothing. It doesn't take him anywhere he wants to go.

Growing up under a bad marriage can be very damaging to someone. Does Prager deny the impact marriage has on children?

Prager has clearly felt compelled to marry, so much so that he's in his third marriage. And it bothers him that are so many other men who don't feel like they have the same obligation.

Is this a matter of misery loves company? Is this a matter of Prager feeling like men should pay for sex and it isn'r fair that there are men who aren't, or are paying less?