Ah, Malaysia

A group of women in Malaysia is making headlines because the group has said women should give it to their husbands good, and let him run the show. Associated Press writer Eileen Ng reports.

As a new bride, 22-year-old Ummu Atirah believes she knows the secret to a blissful marriage: obey her husband and ensure he is sexually satisfied.

Well, yes, unless her husband is a complete idiot. My wife obeys me. And guess what? I obey her, too. We don't treat each other like children.

Ummu and some 800 other Muslim women in Malaysia are members of the "Obedient Wives Club" that is generating controversy in one of the most modern and progressive Muslim-majority nations, where many Muslim Malaysian women hold high posts in the government and corporate world.

The new club, launched Saturday, says it can cure social ills such as prostitution and divorce by teaching women to be submissive and keep their men happy in the bedroom.

Well, it would certainly cut down on the number of men seeking divorce. In the USA, women are far more likely to file. As far as prostitution, There are some married men who go to hookers because the wife will not meet a reasonable sexual request. However, there are plenty of men who go to hookers for other reasons, such as not being married and lacking game, having a fetish for hookers, or having some sort of fetish that is difficult to fulfill in with an "unpaid" partner, etc.

"Islam compels us to be obedient to our husband. Whatever he says, I must follow. It is a sin if I don't obey and make him happy," said Ummu, who wore a yellow headscarf.

I'm sure there are Muslim women (and men, for that matter) who swear up and down that this is false.

The club, founded by a fringe Islamic group known as Global Ikhwan, has been dismissed by politicians and activists as a throwback to Medieval times and an insult to modern women of Malaysia.

I'm still not seeing what is so bad. Well, except for the fringe Islamic thing.

But the group's activities, which previously included the setting up of a Polygamy Club, show that pockets of conservative Islamic ideas still thrive in Malaysia.

Ah. But are they touting one husband-multiple wives polygamy with this particular program? And have they written in to Dear Abby?

Despite the group's conservative Islamic background, Rohayah Mohamad, one of the founders of the club, openly talks about the virtues of marital sex even though most of her colleagues are shy about the topic.

"Sex is a taboo in Asian society."

Oh yeah, right. Asians never ever talk about sex. Right.

"We have ignored it in our marriages but it's all down to sex. A good wife is a good sex worker to her husband. What is wrong with being a whore ... to your husband?" she said.

Whores charge.

Okay, well, wives who earn less than their husbands, which is most, are paid through community property laws within marital law. So, I suppose the argument can be made that a husband is already paying up. But is that true in Malaysia?

Marital lovemaking is supposed to be mutually enjoyable. A wife should not think of it in literal prostitution terms, and neither should her husband. But if you want to use "whore" in the nonliteral sense, then I getchya.

She said wives must go beyond the traditional roles as good cooks or good mothers and learn to "obey, serve and entertain" their husbands to prevent them from straying or misbehaving.

Again, let's be clear. Husband should not stray. However, it is more understandable that a husband will stray if his wife rejects him. After all, if you’re hungry, do you simply not eat if the kitchen is bare? No, you go out and get some food. Wives do have the power to keep their otherwise good husbands from falling to temptation. If the guy is messed up, he's going to cheat regardless. And he may marry a Kennedy.

Indirectly, "disobedient wives are the cause for upheaval in this world" because men are not happy at home and their minds and souls are disturbed, she said.

I would never go that far.

Some of the upheaval in this world, after all, is caused by women being catty towards each other.

Okay, so I kid. But women really do have more power than men, especially when men choose not to control everything through brute strength. That is because men will only do what we can get away with and still get women to have sex with us and make us dinner.