A Thought About Regrets

 

You go to buy an automobile. Ads, experts, news stories citing studies, brochures, maybe even friends and family all tell you it’ll be a great purchase.

While you’re at the dealer, you can’t help but overhear a woman, having her car serviced, talking on her phone and it becomes clear her teen daughter is pregnant and in no position to be a mother. You and your spouse strike up a conversation with the grandmother to be, and long story short, she lives in your neighborhood and you end up adopting her newborn grandchild. You always wanted a child, and were having trouble becoming a parent, so you’re happy to adopt.

The automobile purchase turns into a disaster. The vehicle has problems and causes you a lot of grief; years of it. The vehicle needed constant work. The dealer changed terms, turned out to be shady, just a whole bunch of problems. You have to get lawyers involved. In the end, you end up without the use of the vehicle, which cost you a lot of money you’ll never get back.

The vehicle purchase was clearly a mistake, right?

The vehicle was a failure, right?

You regret purchasing the vehicle, right?

You don’t regret adopting the child, and going to that dealer to buy that vehicle was how you ended up adopting that child. But you could have met that woman and adopted the child without purchasing the automobile.

What’s my point?

 

Some people don’t want to publicly admit their marriage was a mistake or that they regret it, if they've divorced (or are still legally married but miserable in the marriage), because they have children from that relationship and they don’t want those children to be hurt. But they could have had those children without marrying. Saying “I wish I hadn’t married” or “I wish I hadn’t married that person” does NOT mean “I wish I didn’t have my kid.”

It’s absurd when you think about it. “I entered into a bad financial deal and things fell apart, but I don’t regret it!” Of course you regret it. You might be happy you have your child, but you regret that marriage.

Remember that statistics about marriage and divorce often include people unwilling to admit they regret marrying, or that marrying was a mistake. Remember that some people who tell you they don’t regret their marriage(s) aren’t being honest with you, and maybe themselves. Some think “Well, I’d never say I don’t want my kid, so I can’t say I regret marrying.” But they can. Also, some do regret having children, too. That’s too long to get into in this post.

Don’t sign a terrible contract, guys. And don’t let the state apply one (common law) to your relationship. Stay free!