Why Do Women Have Sex?

Despite what certain activists and college professors say, men and women are different, and some of the significant differences are inborn. So the answer to "Why do women have sex?" isn't the same as the answer to "Why do men have sex?" We have different reasons, and even the reasons that sound the same can be different when prioritization or emphasis is considered.

Each reason only applies to some women. Some women who have sex have many reasons to have sex, some only a few or one.

I'm not a woman. This list is based on what women have said and done, and what I know about biology and sociology. If you know additional reasons, especially if you're a woman, tell me in the comments and maybe they will be added (you can also mention in the comment whether or not you want the comment published). This list is in no particular order.

It feels good. This isn't just about physical pleasure, and even the physical pleasure isn't just about "the sexual organs." It can also be about feeling powerful, feeling powerless, feeling connected, feeling rebellious, feeling wanted, feeling close to her partner, and many other feelings a woman might want to experience. But yes, having certain body parts touched, rubbed, licked, etc. can feel great to some women. Skin-on-skin contact, even if that skin is the stomach or forearms, can feel good. Sex can be fun, like play for grown ups, hence the phrase "recreational sex."

It feels good to her partner. Again, "feels good" can be many things in addition to physical pleasure. Sex is both physically and emotionally a release for men. It can soothe a man, significantly improve his mood, and take his worries away. This is a major, even primary way, a woman can express her love for a man.

Her partner initiated/asked for it. Some people do things because they were asked to, and for some women, that's the or a reason they have sex.

For money. This goes way beyond honest, upfront professional prostitution/escort work. Admittedly or not, this applies to many supposedly social and romantic relationships, including many if not most marriages. There doesn't have to be much gold for someone to dig for it. Casual dates can, stripped of their games, boil down to trading sex for dinner, entertainment, protection, and attention, even though sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable. Many of the the other reasons women have sex are subsets of this or overlap with it.

For status/access. This is often tied into having sex for money. Countless women throughout history have benefited in ways that would otherwise take decades of hard work and shrewd thinking, if even possible, simply by having sex with certain men.

For attention. A man who is having sex with you is almost always paying close attention to you during the sex. But having sex can also get attention from others who aren't having sex with you. This is one reason why even heterosexual women might make out with each other in front of men.

To satisfy raging hormones or curiosity. This mostly applies to young, inexperienced females, but women of any age can be motivated this way, especially for brief moments. The inexperienced wonder what all the fuss is about, or what it is like to have someone do certain things with or to them. Maybe they're curious about being with someone of a certain race or nationality, a man known for his sexual prowess or penis size, or a man of status.

Peer pressure. Again, this is mostly in younger years, although there are subcultures in which wives of childbearing age pressure each other to have sex with their husbands.

To manipulate men. It's not a coincidence that espionage can be conducted through sex. One of the most simple ways to manipulate men is with sex, including hinting about it, offering it, withholding it, and threatening to withhold it. Some women have sex to try to keep a man from leaving. Some women have sex with one man to send messages to other men.

To upset someone. Having sex with one man can upset other men and/or other women. This is one reason my some women are so willing to have sex with men who are supposedly in monogamous relationships/marriage.

To mark her territory. Women want men who are wanted. They want other women to know when they get such a man.

To bond. While men who want a relationship or want an existing relationship to get stronger might bond primarily through sex, women seek to bond mostly through other means, like conversation, but some do still appreciate the ability of sex to form a bond.

Baby Fever/primal instinct. The easiest way for most women to get pregnant is the natural way. There are many reasons a woman might want a baby, including just a simple feeling that she should have one. One of many other reasons include treating the child like an annuity.

Out of perceived duty or obligation.This can include a duty to have children and a duty to her husband, at least as she perceives it.


Some men reading this already see a problem. What happens if she no longer has, or no longer cares about, those reasons, or they are past, or what she considers the inconvenience outweighs the benefit to her? When a woman figures she has a man, or at least his wallet, locked in, and she has all the children she wants or can have (which may be zero), she might have almost no motivation to have sex, and this is why women cut back on the frequency of sex or stop having sex entirely.

"Don't women want to have fun/feel good, too?"

There are many things we enjoy or feel good but we don't go through with the effort of getting there or we have different priorities. There are many things we enjoy once we are doing them, but we're not thinking about doing them or driven to do them by our own initiative. We're busy doing other things. That's how sex is for some women, far more women than men, especially those in stabilized relationships. There are homemade foods I enjoy a lot. But I might not feel like going through the effort of making them first, and even more so if I have to cooperate with my spouse to make it.

It's easy to say "Men are bad at sex. If they weren't so bad women would want it more." But most good husbands are eager to please their wife, and will enthusiastically do so if she will show/tell him how. In fact, some women fault men for this, saying it's just about the man's own ego! In many of these relationships, the woman seemed very eager to have a lot of sex with the guy before the relationship was put under a state contract, or into a lease, or before they had their kids.

How is all of above different than why men have sex? We can address that more/again in another post, but male sexual nature is such that most men want to have sex frequently, men consider most women to be disirable as sexual partners, and the stars don't have to align. He could have had a terrible day, that's all the more reason to have sex, not less. If the average woman got naked in front of the average man, and neither one of them was exclusive with others, he'd want to have sex with her. Not so if the sexes were reversed.

I've followed the Dr. Laura program closely or a long time. I've read some of her books. The way she talks about certain male celebrities and the way she talks to wives about sex make her sound like a very horny woman. "Why turn down a perfectly good orgasm?" she has frequently asked. Yet when she talks to women who aren't wives, she makes it sound like there is nothing in it for them to have sex. She encourages wives to have sex for the sake of pleasing the husband, saving the marriage, and thereby keeping the home of their kids intact.

Men who ponder these things see marriage as a killjoy, realize that it is best not to reveal they've had a vasectomy unless they're certain the woman they are trying to get with really does want to stay childfree, and see why running game works.