It's Cold Inside

Recently my wife said we had to talk about our sex life. She  had texted me that from the other room. So I joined her in the room where she was, and then found out she'd been expecting it to be a text conversation. I should have left the room right then and I'd have a verbatim account of the conversation to share with you. My memory is excellent though.

I knew from past conversations that this would be her telling me things and me agreeing. Anything else, such as me disagreeing or me telling her things or making requests would  result in things getting worse.

To briefly recap what's going on as I've previously explained here, we are having sex about once every three weeks or less now, and the sex is generally not as enjoyable for me as it was with a couple of girlfriends and flings I had in my wayward youth. I don't dare tell her that, though.

Thankfully, she didn't take the opportunity of this conversation to state again that she doesn't really like sex or eliminate anything from menu of acceptable elements/acts, which is narrow enough as it is.

Her requests were simple enough:



1) She wants sex two times per week.
2) At least one of those times should involve intercourse.
3) She wants me to initiate more.

From past actions, I'm fairly certain she made that first statement because she thinks it is an obligation for her, not because it is really what she wants. She thinks this should prevent me from having any complaints or desires that things be different. I'll be very surprised if we reach two times per week. I'll be surprised if we get back to once per week. I told her that if it was up to me, it would be every other day.

Regarding the second point, I know most guys like intercourse, and I do, too, but we sometimes don't get there, because I want more foreplay. Yes, me, the man, I want more foreplay. I want more foreplay concentrating on her, and I'd also like a lot more on me. I know that the moment my penis touches her labia, it's "all over". She's not going to do anything with my penis after that, no matter how little she's done with it until then. With our lovemaking being so infrequent, I want it to last as long as possible. I want to do as much as possible. So sometimes, after I've been concentrating on pleasing her, she's unwilling or unable to do anything else, and we don't have intercourse. She likes intercourse. Probably because it means we'll soon be done. I like it too, but I don't want it to be the only thing my penis gets to do.

Finally, she wants me to initiate more. Most women want to feel desired, especially by their husband. I can certainly "initiate" more, and try to not let the frequent "not tonight" rebuffs bother me, but I don't want to make her feel bad. When she rebuffs me, I can either indicate my disappointment or I can act indifferent. Maybe she'll "get off" on the former? The problem with me attempting to initiate more is that the more she rebuffs me, the more difficult it will be for me to get turned on enough to sustain an erection when we do have sex, which will make fulfilling her second request even more difficult.

And so once again I see another example of why some men refuse to stay in exclusive relationships. If we were unmarried, not shacking up, and had no kids, we could go our separate ways and she could find a man more compatible with her and I could find a woman more compatible with me.

But we're supposed to "work it out".

How, exactly?

I am who I am, with my turn-ons and turn-offs. And she is who she is. If you're a new reader, this is just a small part of sexual conflict we have, and of course there are very significant conflicts in the marriage in addition to sexual matters.

As it turns out, her wanting it two times per week went right out the window right away. She asks to delay until another day/night, but of course it isn't a delay. It's a cancellation. That opportunity passes and it will never be "made up". There is no make-up work, no extra credit. It just slips by.

The other night, as she requested I do when we had our talk, I told her I wanted her, that I was going to go prepare (shave, etc.) and she indicated she was agreeable. So what happens? I never fall into a deep sleep because I'm waiting for her. And waiting. And waiting. She waits until the absolute coldest time of the 24-hour day, doesn't adjust the air or anything, and then tells me it's too cold. Not as in "It's too cold, so warm me up." As in "So don't touch me."

Perhaps she gets some sort of sick pleasure out of this?

I would have been better off having masturbated and then falling into a deep sleep. And that is something I could do without being married.