Men You Shouldn't Marry

This post is directed at women. 

I've written a lot here about women men shouldn't marry. But how about men that women shouldn't marry?

I've gathered these from women in general, media by and directed at women, and marriage advocates of both sexes, including Dr. Laura. Plus, as a man, I know how men can be, so I figure I should warn you.

Most of these are reason enough individually to NOT marry him, but if more than one describes him, that's even worse! In no particular order:

1. You're not strongly attracted to him. If he doesn't make you tingle and make you weak in the knees, you can't marry him. It wouldn't be fair to him and you're not going to be happy for very long.

2. He's younger than 28, or older than 40 and has never been married, or more than 10 years older than you, or more than a few years younger than you. If he's younger than 28, he's too young and immature to marry. If he's 41 or older and has never been married, he doesn't really want to be married or there is something else terribly wrong with him. If he's 11 or more years older than you, he just wants a young hardbody he can manipulate. If he's more than a few years younger than you, he wants a Mommy, not a wife.

3. He's proposed in less than 24 months. He's not taking marriage seriously. He doesn't know you and you don't know him. He's desperate.

4. He wants a prenup. That means he's planning to leave you.

5. He asks you about your sexual past. He's an insecure, misogynistic pervert.
 
6. He's not an Alpha Male. You need a stoic REAL MAN who takes charge, can handle himself, and handles business, not some wimpy guy whining a bout his feelings.

7. He's a Momma's Boy. You don't want a guy who cares so much what his mother thinks and is always catering to her, especially if he's lived with her after turning 18.

8. He has a family member in his life who is trouble. He should have distanced himself from any problematic family member.

9. He flirts with other women, like waitresses, receptionists, etc. Smiling at these women, looking them in the eye, joking with them, laughing at their jokes... who needs that?!? You should be the only woman to whom he looks.

10. He's not established in his career and making a lot of money. You can't build a marriage, let alone a family, with a guy who is still trying to figure out what he's going to be when he grows up, who needs to relocate, who is still getting an education.

11. He earns less than you. Why do you need that? You want a man who will take care of you. Plus, it isn't good for his ego.

12. He doesn't have at least as much education as you. You deserve a husband who has at least as much education as you, not some loafer who can't finish anything.

13. He's too focused on work. If he works long hours, or doesn't make it home to have dinner with you, or is texting/calling/emailing his boss, coworkers, or subordinates when he's with you, then he's neglectful and his priorities are screwed up.

14. He's plays video games. Why would he do such a childish thing when he could be watching The Bachelor with you?

15. He has a Facebook account. Did you know people survived for thousands of years without Facebook? A guy shouldn't be on Facebook.

16. He doesn't ask you what you want. He should be seeking your happiness, not being self-centered. 

17. He doesn't share his feelings. If he's not going to open up to you and be vulnerable, you can't have a real relationship.

18. He doesn't discuss things with you. If he's not willing to discuss anything and everything with you, then you can't have a real relationship.

19. He has shacked up. This means he's OK with mistreating and using women and doesn't value marriage.

20. He wont tell you about his sexual past. He's hiding something and has hang-ups, and probably erectile dysfunction. He's quite possibly gay. He's definitely had way too many sex partners. 

21. He's viewed porn. This means he's OK with sex trafficking, objectifying, abusing, and raping women and probably kids as well. He's not going to be satisfied with a real woman. Porn melts brains and turns men into serial killers. It's a public health crisis. Most importantly, his eyes should only be for you.

22. He's divorced. Second marriages have a 70-percent divorce rate, and he probably can't keep a woman happy.

23. He's a widower. A real man protects and takes care of his wife. Fail. 

24. He's had sex. If he's had sex outside of marriage, then he's OK with having sex outside of marriage, which means he's more likely to cheat on you. If he's only had sex inside of marriage, it means he's either divorced or a widower, which we already covered. 

25. He has kids. Maybe he had them within marriage, but remember, he shouldn't have had prior marriages. And if he had them outside of marriage, he's more likely to have them outside of YOUR marriage! And if those kids are minors, he should be focused on raising them, not bringing a stepmother into their life. He's going to choose them over you, and if he doesn't he should!

26. He neglects his mother. If he neglects her, he'll neglect you. A man who isn't warm and doting on his mother won't dote on you.

27. He's an only child. He doesn't have any siblings to babysit your children or provide other support. He's used to getting his way and doesn't understand sibling dynamics or what it is like to live with kids. The burden of caring for his parents will fall solely on him.

28. He's never dated a woman with kids. He doesn't like kids! He's unable or unwilling to step up and be a real man and take on a paternal role. He's selfish. He's not attracted to women who've had kids, which will doom your relationship.

29. He abandoned a kid of an ex. He's cold-hearted and doesn't care about children if he didn't keep being a paternal figure to the child of an ex.

30. He's lived on his own for many years. He's used to having his own way. How is he going to live with you?

31. He asks you what you want. He should know already! Why is he adding to your emotional labor???

32. He had a girlfriend or crush when he was in high school or younger. That means he's attracted to minors, which makes him a pedophile. You can verify this whether or not he's admitted to having such a crush by showing him a picture of a model who is is 17 years and 11 months old. Don't tell him her age. Ask if he thinks she's pretty. If he says yes, he's a pedophile. 

33. He has the kids of ex girlfriends in his life. That's going go confuse any kids you have with him and take away time and possibly money from them. What's worse is that it will keep him in touch with his ex girlfriend.

34. He compliments you on your appearance. This means that he's a misogynist who objectifies you. 

35. He's cold to waitresses, receptionists, etc. and will barely look at them. If that's the way he treats them, that's the way he will eventually treat you. He's not a good person.

36. He hasn't had sex. Something must be wrong with him and he's not desired by other women. If they don't want him, you shouldn't either. 

37. He argues with you. He should respect your opinion enough to defer to you, not cause you stress.

38. He yells. This is abuse and will lead to you being battered.  

39. It's been 30 months and he hasn't proposed. Leave. He's wasting your time. Do not accept a proposal from him, because he wouldn't be proposing because he really wants you, just because you decided to leave.  

This isn't an exhaustive list, such as a criminal record, substance abuse, and him not being at least a few inches taller than you.

Don't settle, ladies!!! Refuse to marry or live with a man who is beneath you!!!

Marriage Material Men

Some Free Women Say They Wanted a Family

Melanie Notkin, an apparently free woman, writes about free women who wanted to marry and have kids, and contrasting their situation with women who did marry.

“I was 22 when we met,” Lisa said of her future husband. “We broke up a few times, but I stuck with it. I gave him ultimatums!”

That's a train wreck.

It took the man, 13 years Lisa’s senior, six years to put a ring on it.

The fool.

“You can’t control who you fall in love with and who falls in love with you,” I added, in my defense.

Chemistry matters.

“Love shmove!” Lisa said with a look of disbelief in her eyes as if someone had pulled the wool over mine.

Lisa's poor husband.

Was it better to have never truly loved and gotten married than to have loved and lost it all?

Best to stay free.

What I’d said was true: I had been in love and had my heart broken. A few times. And as the years passed, each disappointment grew as my hope for children dwindled.

This wasn’t my plan. I was ready to get married at age 21, two years after my mother’s early death at age 52. I yearned to recreate her maternal love with my own children.

Yikes.

While I had grown up in a traditional Jewish home, after she died, I became more observant, believing on some level that religious young men were more likely ready to create a family that would gather around the warm glow of the Shabbat table on Friday nights. (Later, I’d learn at least my instincts were right.)

At age 24, I packed up my life in Montreal, Canada, and moved to New York City to find that great Jewish man, the future father of my children. It was surely the best possible plan. 

This month marks 30 years in Manhattan, still single and no chance of becoming a mother. As the old Jewish adage goes: We plan; God laughs.

Now why is that? Not enough Jewish men in the right age range? Did she not put herself in the right places? Did she not give off the right signals?

My second book, a memoir called Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness was published in 2014. Along with my own story, I share the experiences of Generation X and older millennial women who expected the love, marriage, and children our mothers had, along with greater access to higher education and the careers they didn’t have. It wasn’t that most of my generation chose the latter over the former. We simply expected that we would date and pay the rent simultaneously, just like the men we were dating did.

Maybe men and women are different?

I first chose a low-paying non-profit career with greater flexibility to take care of my future children. I invested time and money in online dating sites in my twenties, matchmaking services in my thirties, and singles events (or big ticket charity events where there would be plenty of singles), into my forties.

We don't know how she behaved during her activities, though.

Now, age 54, I am among the 25% percent of Americans who by age 40 have never married. And I have surpassed the 46.7% of never-married women ages 40-50 who are childless.

Keep up the good work, guys!

It’s not that we did not want to marry. We did.

Wanting to marry isn't the same thing as wanting to be a wife, though.

The breadth of women who did everything they were supposed to do to prepare themselves for the life they imagined now stretches to the younger cohort who land on the college campus of their choice only to have few men to choose from. Or, they’ve graduated and moved to the big city, only to find it just as hard to meet someone. Childless women in their twenties out-earn their male peers in 20 metropolitan areas. For these women, meeting a man who is also ready to meet their match is more challenging than ever.

Why does it matter if she earns more, hmm?

Nonetheless, this narrative assumes women don’t plan well, make poor choices, put our careers first, are too picky, or believe love is a fairytale. And for those of us who didn’t find love in time for the children we yearn(ed) for and who grieve our loss, it’s often assumed we were too naive to understand our fertility would end. We waited too long, they say. Left it too late, they admonish. As if we didn’t have painful monthly reminders. For most of us, it wasn’t our choice.

I can believe that there are women who did "everything" right and still never married even though they wanted to marry. Better they not have married than to have had a bad marriage, though.

While more young women today say they are remaining single and childless by choice, I have my doubts that it’s what most of them truly want.

Believe women.

Perhaps she would have been more likely to marry if family law and courts weren't so terrible? Something to think about. Because we can change laws and courts.

Daycare is Almost Always Voluntary and is Generally a Bad Choice

One of the most repeated sentiments in parenting conversations these days is parents claiming that they "had no choice" but to put their kid(s) into daycare or that it is a GOOD thing for the kids.

In almost every case, this is a big, stinking pile of dung.


Putting a child in daycare comes at the end of a series of CHOICES that the parent(s) made. By the way, day care is anything before the kid is 5, whatever it is called... nursery school, pre-K, transitional K, pre-school... it's all daycare.

If you aren't "able" to raise your own child, don't have one!

"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 2

Part 1 of This Series

Short answer: Because that doesn't get them what they want. 

Longer answer:

Letting things go unspoken, letting women continue with their self-created delusions and misperceptions, engaging women by running game gets men what they want.

Let's consider a very familiar scenario.

Use This Neat Trick to Have More Free Time, Money, and Happiness

DO NOT MARRY! Don't live with a woman. Do not promise exclusivity to a woman. Do not spend money on women (at least not more than $40 per date.)

That will leave you with more free time, more money, and happiness as you'll have a peaceful home and get to do what you want, when you want, how you want.

Stay free. Stay a Free Man.

You can have a full, happy, productive life without ever marrying.

Most men shouldn't marry.

You weren't born with a wife.

You don't need a wife.

There's a lack of marriageable women. Red flags abound.

Marriage is a bad deal for most men.

Most marriages fail.

Here's my open letter to Dennis Prager countering his encouragement of men to marry.

Men Need To Protect Themselves In the Workplace

 

Don't be fooled, guys.

It doesn't matter how relaxed your workplace feels or seems. It doesn't matter what your boss does, what other men do, or what the women do there.

You must always remember that normal adult behavior, including harmless behavior that has gone on in workplaces for as long as workplaces have been a thing, can now get you in deep trouble. Normal behaviors, normal conversations, can lose you your job, your entire career, and more.

Your job, your workplace, is not a place to find a date, or a lay, or a girlfriend, or a wife. It doesn't matter that people have done that for as long as there have been workplaces and are still doing it now. It is far too much of a risk for you. You need to think about you, and covering your donkey.

No, it's not just crude jokes, or lingering hugs, or cheesecake screensavers, or trading favors. The way you look at a woman, even if she is fine with it, can get you into trouble.

So, how do you prevent accusations?

The best way is to work for yourself, or for very small business at which no women work and no women will ever work. Even then a woman who interacts with you as a customer or supplier or whatever can make accusations, but you have more control and protection than if you're working for a large employer, especially one where misandrist feminists are in control, or at least in control of dealing with alleged sexual harassment.

But if you do work somewhere that women also work, you need to be very careful, deliberate, and consistent in what you do:

Keep your interaction with women strictly professional and to the minimum that is absolutely necessary.

What does this mean in practice?