Is He A Masochist?

Today's Dear Abby was a doozy. SCARED OF COURT IN CALIFORNIA wrote:

DEAR ABBY: I went through something that caused me a tremendous amount of pain and most of my wealth. I am still making monthly payments because of this, and will likely have to do so for the rest of my life. Also, about once a year, I go through a lot of additional expense and pain because of this thing I went through.

In addition to this, I am now paying for all the expenses of another able-bodied adult. This other person wants me to legally sign over half of my earnings to them. They also want me to do something that has over a 70-percent chance of resulting in a repeat of that original traumatic event.

What should I do?

OK, that's not the actual letter, but it might as well have been. See for yourself:

I have been dating my partner, "Lizzie," for five years.

Why even have a partner? Play the field!

We are both divorced and have created a blended family of six children (four are hers; two are mine).

She's divorced. He's divorced. They have both children (who don't need any of this chaos). Marriages with that background have a more than 70-percent divorce rate. And the rest aren't exactly peachy.

I'm within 10 years of retirement and have a decent net worth.

He still has a decent net worth despite all that he's lost.

Unfortunately, Lizzie has no savings and is unemployed.

During our time together, I have paid for everything, which I'm OK with.

So she's an able-bodied adult, they aren't married, and he's voluntarily paying her way through life. And you just KNOW he's paying for her four kids, too.

I previously went through a nasty, contentious divorce. It was financially devastating. My ex still brings me back to court every year in an attempt to increase her support, which is a painful process.

Why would he want to go through that again???

Lizzie would like us to get married, primarily for financial stability.

Of COURSE she would like to get married! It's all upside for her. You'll be LEGALLY REQUIRED to pay her way through life no matter what she does! In California, ten years of marriage means LIFETIME alimony. She gets half or more of everything BEFORE the alimony gets applied. Short of ten years, you'll have to pay her for one day for every two days you were married.

I am resistant because I do not want the financial exposure of another divorce. However, this situation creates an inequality in our relationship. Can I address her concern without marrying her, or are we doomed?

You can require she sign a prenup before you set a wedding date, but prenups can be set aside by a court. Heck, thanks to palimony, you might already be somewhat liable. You're best off refusing to further expose yourself. Do talk with a family law attorney, but don't like that attorney sell on doing anything other than protecting yourself. Say NO to marrying again!

Your obligation is to YOUR KIDS. Set up your paperwork so THEY get your estate when you die and they are responsible for you should you become incapacitated. Your estate shouldn't be going to her or her four children. You're already doing more than enough for her.

Stay free, men!