I am 35 and a lifelong bachelor.Congrats. Although 35 is hardly "lifelong".
I'd love to get married someday and start a family.Okay, if that's what you really want - go for it.
Am I at the age where I should consider dating women with children?No.
Here's why. If you want to start a family, you should not butt in to an existing one. A woman with minor children should not be dating, especially to find a husband, until the kids are adults. She should be focusing on raising her kids. Plus, you should be seeking women at least a couple of years younger than you, if you really do want to start a family. Fertility and health become issues starting at 35, and you need time to get to know each other. Women 33 years old and younger should not have adult kids, so if she has kids, they are still minors.
The "best" case scenario is that the mother is a widower, and the guy died through little fault of his own. You may, if you try really hard, live up to her idealized memories of him. Still, getting involved with her will change the dynamics between her and her kids, and that could be really bad. It will get worse if you start making new babies with her. You'll never have the authority over her kids that you'd have over your own.
You'd be the third wheel.
Now if she has children and is free to marry you because the father of her children died from suicide, or reckless or otherwise self-destructive behavior, or they are divorced, or were never married... none of those things bode well.
If the father (or fathers) isn't dead, then you'll likely have to deal with him at some point, sometimes often. Do you really want that? Every time she looks at her kids, she's going to see the guy she used to have sex with. Are you ready to deal with that? Are you ready to take on the responsibility of raising someone else's kids, with one hand tied behind your back?
Save yourself a lot of trouble. Only date women without children. That's one of the basic rules for guys who want to get married and have kids. There are some others, too, such as avoiding women with serious inherited degenerative diseases, a history of criminal behavior or mental illness, a substance abuse habit, debt (beyond a mortgage and reasonable car loan)... any red flags.
"Steve" responded with:
Forget whether a gal has kids or not; focus on who she is.Nope - sorry. It is a package deal. That's like telling a woman to forget that a guy is chronically unemployed – focus on who he is. He is chronically unemployed, that is who he is. And she is a mother.
"A woman with minor children should not be dating, especially to find a husband, until the kids are adults."
ReplyDeleteSo, the does same apply to men to?
Not too likely I'll date a woman with kids, even though if it worked out she had needs and I could fulfill them without getting deeply involved with the kids, I would do it.
The Christian garbage about saving sex for marriage is just that, garbage. And no, I'm not advocating irresponsible sex.
Yes, a man with minor children should not be dating, either, for most of the same reasons.
ReplyDeleteThough if someone is just looking for sex, they do not run the same risks in dating a father that they do in dating a mother. A father is never going to call his date back and say, "Uh, guess what... we're pregnant."
Mothers have already proven that they are fertile, and if they're out dating, it usually means they made babies with the wrong guy, and possibly that there are not very good in their use of contraceptives.
As you note, I do believe that sex is best saved for marriage. But there are also reasons why someone who is just looking for sex should not be dating parents.
I do acknowledge children should be take well care of in these situations.
ReplyDeleteHowever, being single and alone is not a practical way to live for many people.
I don't believe I would marry a woman with children unless I were in the same situation, even though I would favor one that was in a relationship for at 5 or more years as opposed to one that had children with a very short relationship.