The Prom is For Girls and Gays

We’re in Prom season again.

Every year, I note this ritual, which has become another day, along with "Sweet Sixteen" (or other birthdays for certain cultures, at 13, 15, etc.) and wedding days (the the related events) that are all about feeding the narcissism and sense of entitlement of attention-whores and attention-whores-in-training.

Refer back to my "Beware the Prom", and this look at a Dear Abby column, and this look at a different Dear Abby column and this entry on increasingly showy proposals for dates.

Stop it, guys! Unless you're gay or trans and want to rub it into the noses of some uptight school staff or parents by taking someone of the same sex or wearing a dress, you don't really want to go to a dance, do you? You don't really want to take a girl to the prom, do you?

It a nutshell, here are my problems with the prom as it is these days:

Women Need to be Romanced

 

Husbands, how often have you heard that if only you were more sensitive, caring, romantic, did more around the home, and jumped through any number of hoops, your wife would be willing to have sex with you more often? Haven't you heard that women need to be pursued and romanced over the course of the whole day in order to get turned on?

Exhibit A, your Honor: A recent [this entry has been bumped up from April 2018] letter to Dear Abby.

UNWORTHY IN THE MIDWEST wrote:

I am a 17-year-old senior and have been dating the same boy for two years.

High schoolers shouldn't do that. Not exclusively, anyway. Guys, you don't need a girlfriend while you're trying to get educated.

A month ago, he told me he wanted to break up "because he needed some time to figure out what he wanted."

Translation: "I want to figure out if I want to have another girl as my girlfriend, primarily by sticking my penis in her."

I was devastated but agreed. Two weeks later, he told me he was sorry and he loves me.

Translation: "I couldn't get the other girl or she's not as good at sex or sexually compatible with me as you are."

We are back together now, but the weekend after our breakup,

Hours or days after the breakup.

I went to visit a college girlfriend. We went to a party and I ended up having sex with a boy I didn't even know.

Here are the really big questions, men:

How much romancing did that boy do?
How much of her laundry did that boy do?
How much did he prove that he could take care of her, protect her, provide for her?
Did he ever take out the trash?
Did he ever wash the dishes?
Did he ever buy her flowers?
Did he set up a candlelit dinner?
Did he even buy her dinner?
How much money do you think he spent on her?

You get the idea. He didn't do any of that, and yet she did him.

Somehow, she was able to have sex without any of that romance or helping out. And she's not a freak. This is very typical.

I feel guilty and unworthy. What should I do? If I tell my boyfriend, I'm sure I'll lose him for good. If I don't tell him, I'll always worry that he will find out from someone else.

You're 17! Are you going to go to the same college as this boyfriend?

He has a lot to learn if he thinks she wasn't getting some, especially since he was probably getting some or trying really hard to (or had already, when he broke up with her). Guys, expect that within hours after you break up, she's getting some. Come to think of it, you shouldn't assume  or count on her having only been with you while you were a couple anyway.

Surprisingly in this age of "me too", Dear Abby didn't tell the LW she was raped. Even if the age of consent is 16 or 17 where she was (and we don't know it was), she was probably drinking.

"Married People Are Happier" - DON'T FALL FOR THIS

 

 

 

This blog is mostly directed at men. Are married men happier?

Let's assume, as groups, married men are happier than men who aren't married.

Once again, we have to point out:

• Studies that claim this never separated out intentionally unmarried men, many of whom are much happier than the average husband.
  
• Divorced people are counted as unmarried, even if the source of their unhappiness is the marriage that has ended.
• Widowed people, who may experiencing grief, are counted as unmarried.
• People who have been raised to believe they are failures, losers, and sinners if they aren't married might claim to be happy if they're married and unhappy if they're not.
• Happier people are more likely to attracted and retain a spouse (if they want one); it's not necessarily that marriage made them happy.
  

Don’t fall for the trap.

Remember, married men are taller. Getting married won't make you taller, guys, and getting married usually won't make you happier.

Stay free!

Important Messages to Young Men - Life is Short

The introduction to this series is here.

Life is short, time is limited, and time is one of the most valuable things you have. It may not look like that now, it might not feel like it, but unless you die young, one day you will look back and marvel at how fast the decades went by. If you get an illness that takes you out earlier, you'll know even harder that life is short.

 

Nobody is guaranteed another day.

Everything is a trade off, everything has a cost, including with time. Actively spending time doing one thing will usually mean you can't spend that time doing another. Keep perspective on what's going to matter tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now, a decade from now.

Value your time. Learn to say no, both to yourself and others.

Avoid pointless timesucks. Rest, relaxation, and recreation are important, but avoid sloth or frittering your life away.

Look for ways to save time. For example, being familiar with trends and events in pop culture can help with socialization and certain lines of work, but there are certain reviews/aggregators of pop culture that give you what you might want to know without wasting your time.

Not all that is valuable is material. Experiences and memories thereof can be worthwhile.

Delayed gratification and saving for the future are necessary, but don't neglect enjoying the moment, smelling the roses, and rewarding yourself for doing well. There are choices to be made.

Most people need to do some things they don't want to do in order to get to where they want to be. Many people dislike exercising, but they like being fit.

Part of being successful is having to do things you don't want to do less and less, especially as you mature. A practical example is that someone who works smart and hard now might be able to take it easy when they're older, rather than having to continue to work in jobs they don't like.

One of the biggest benefits to having wealth and power is that, in theory, you can spend much less time doing things you don't want to do. For example, if you hate shopping, at least for most things, you can pay someone to shop for you. The downside is having to defend your wealth and power from those who want to take it away from you.

Keep in mind that if you're going to be a husband and/or father, and do those things well, those things place enormous demands on your time and you'll be spending much of your life doing things you don't want to do. Running game saves time when it comes to women.

Life it short. Be wise with your time.

Men Should Ask These Questions if They're Considering Marriage

This past Monday, Dr. Laura's opening commentary (and the question posted to her Facebook page) was about questions to ask (and, presumably answer) before marrying. [This was originally posted in December 2015 and I'm bumping it up.]

This inspired me to come up with my own list a man should ask himself if he's thinking about marrying a specific woman. So here they are, in no particular order:

Running Game - What To Do On Dates

When a man is running game, here's how the ideal date goes:

It's dark out. You haven't seen her in a week or more.

You get a text from her that invites you over.

You go to her place.

Within five minutes of arriving, you're doing what you want to do.

After you're done doing what you want to do, you leave. You're not there to stick around to cuddle, snuggle, spoon, move furniture, fix the garbage disposal, or any of that.

To get to that point, though, you'll probably have to have other dates, first.

It's Not Healthy to Sign Terrible Contracts

Delano Squires had a blog entry over at one of my "favorite" blogs. With a title like "Making Boys Into Men" you just know it's going to be ripe.

Editor’s Note: This week, the Family Studies blog is publishing a series of short essays addressing the meaning and purpose of healthy masculinity in today’s world.

By "healthy masculinity" they mean "Men doing what we like." In their case, that's marrying, having children, and being compliant followers to their leadership. Let's get to Squire's contribution.

American boys and men are in a state of crisis. The notion that masculinity and traditional gender roles are “toxic” forces of oppression is a common refrain in our cultural commentary and political discourse.

Yup.

The first lesson is that no man should feel ashamed of being male, because God created him that way.

Good.

I also believe that men function best in environments marked by order, so I will teach my sons that men who want to lead families need to be led by God’s word.

Married men don't lead families. They might be allowed to appear to lead.

What's a Single Mother To Do?

Anonymous left a comment on this blog's most popular entry, which has hundreds of comments, so I wanted to call attention to hers.

I had my son with my now ex fiancé.

There was the first mistake. Conceiving before being in a stable, healthy, happy marriage.

We ended up breaking things off because he completely lied about who he was and it became a toxic environment.

Well, at least you didn't make more kids with him.

now I am a single mother who is currently picking up the pieces and doing what I can to give my son the best life possible regarding the circumstances.

It would be great if that included living with, or very close to, your nice, loving, married parents.

Despite how things ended, his father is still actively involved and we even hangout as a family periodically. 

If he's not abusive, I guess that's better than nothing.

My question is...if I choose not to get back with his father because of the boundaries that have been crossed..now what? Don’t date until ny son is 18 years old? Date a guy who is also a single father? Forever be alone? 

Good question.

1) Get your tubes "tied". Tubal ligation. Or, depending on your health history and your family health history, consider getting your ovaries and/or uterus removed. We don't need more children brought into this situation. Your son certainly doesn't need it.

2) Be there for your son. He needs parental attention. He doesn't have an intact home.

3) When your son is with his father, or grandparents, or aunts/uncles, you can date. Your son should never meet your new lover(s) until your son is 18, grown, moving out on his own. Even though people like me warn men to never date women with minor children, you can find plenty of dates anyway.

4) After your son is grown and out, you can date, be in relationships, shack up, marry, whatever. If you DO shack up or marry, be sure you get a prenup (marry) or cohabitation agreement (shackup) so that your son will be protected.

If you don't find this ideal, well, that's because your situation is not ideal. My advice is for your son's best interests out of the remaining possibilities.

Women Have Options Now

 

People lamenting the the fact that a smaller percentage of Americans are married now than ever before often will ask what has changed to bring this about.

Life has changed, indeed.

One thing that has changed:

Women have options now.

Do you want to change that?

Most people don’t.

It wasn’t all that long ago that women didn’t have full access to higher education, or the workplace, or financial services. Government was smaller with much less or no “social safety net” provided by government. Women who were abused by their husband had few places, if any, to escape and the social pressure, often from their own parents and siblings, was to stay with or go back to her husband. Being divorced could mean destitution and being ostracized.

A woman’s realistic options were:

• Marry young and pop out/raise children, keep the home, maybe work in her husband’s business/the family farm, and be dependent on her husband 
• Depend on her father, uncle, or brother, helping to raise their children and/or working in their business
• Be a teacher or secretary, which they might be expected to give up if they married 
• Be a prostitute 
• Be a nun 

Of course there were some outliers, but those options were what most women faced.

Women can now thrive without ever marrying. Women can decide to leave a marriage and nobody can stop them. They’ll even be applauded and can take half of the wealth with them and get ongoing payments. They can have government take care of them if they don’t take care of themselves. They can have their own residence.

Many women really don’t want to be wife to a husband. Many women don’t want to be mothers. In the past, many women like that were pressured into taking on a husband and having children. Now that they have options, many women opt to NOT marry. That’s just one reason marriage rates are down.

I’m glad women have options, although I want government much smaller and for private charity to handle the legitimate needs of those who need help. And women having options means lower marriage rates. I don’t see that as a problem, as long as women aren’t intentionally depriving a child of their father.

Do you agree? Disagree? Your comments are welcomes, as always.

When the Attention Thirsty Change Tactics

There are women who get enormous amounts of fame/attention, money, and/or power using their youthful sex appeal. They do it through modeling and/or acting, perhaps in "mainstream" movies and television shows, perhaps in cheesecake, erotica, or porn, whether pictures or video. Maybe their looks allow them to marry men with money, power, and/or fame.

Men tend to think women are at their most physically attractive when they are younger. Things start to decline at 25, and the decline accelerates at 30.

Are there beautiful women in their 40s, 50s, even 70s? Yes! But in general, women are at their most physically attractive when they're younger. That's a fact of life, whether I like it or not, and whether you like it or not.

One of the problems for the women who made their living via media based on their attractiveness/sex appeal when they were young is that the media in which they've appeared doesn't go away. Their appearance in Playboy when they were 23 is still around when they are 53. They're not just competing with newly "arrived" 20-somethings, but they are competing against their own younger selves.

Some of these women have decided the way to handle getting older is to attack the way they made a name for themselves.

When you're famous for something and then you switch to being in public opposition or criticism of that thing, you get a lot of attention and become a superstar in your new circles.

That's what some women have decided to do.

Keep in mind that most of the women who do this were very outspoken in defense of their old way of making money, back when they were in the thick of it. They rebuffed critics by insisting they were liberated, empowered, knew exactly what they were doing, in control, winking all the way to the bank, enjoyed what they were doing far more than other jobs.

They insisted they knew better than the critics, who were often accused of being stuck in the past, childish, uptight, simple-minded, trying to control other people. The women assured us they were enlightened, modern, in control of their situation, and doing something they enjoyed and found meaningful, that they understood the critics' positions and that the critics were thoroughly wrong.

And then... further down the line, with their bodies no longer anywhere like they were in their prime, lo and behold, they turn around, join in the criticism they previously assured us they had solidly debunked, and attack the people who helped them gain fame and wealth.

Of course someone has every right to discuss harassment, assault, shady business tactics, terrible people, and the drawbacks of a line of work. But recognize what is going on. Attention whores do what they do for attention (and money). They previously tried to make the very people they align with now look ignorant and inferior while presenting themselves as superior. Now they are working with the very people they used to mock. It isn't because they stumbled upon some new insight. It's because they aged out of the previous way of getting attention. They hit the wall.

They should be called out on it. "What do you know now that you didn't know then?" Just about anything they say will be something someone specifically told them and they scoffed about.

Most who enjoyed their fame don't do this, especially those who age gracefully. They quietly "settle down" or make the most of fan conventions or new roles.

Porn Panic From the Right

Dennis Prager talks about panics from the Left. Here an example of panic from the right, as expressed in two essays, which are very much like countless other essays and commentaries throughout the years.

"Susan" wrote on her blog at the URL https://thesparrowshome.com/pornography-is-destructive/ under the title "Hugh Hefner, Dennis Prager, and the Destructive Nature of Pornography" in October of 2017:

Hugh Hefner died last week. While I don’t revel in his death, the phrase ‘good riddance’ did cross my mind.  Hefner contributed heavily to bringing pornography to the mainstream, making it more easily accessible and normalized. Grieving his death never entered my mind.

If it hadn't been him, it would have been someone. Have you ever taken a real art history course? Or seen early movies, before the "code" days?

Valentine's Day Aftermath

Are you an unmarried guy who just spent a lot of money and effort on Valentine's Day, only to get what you used to get all of the time? Or did you get less than that?

Did you even propose marriage and give her a ring?

If you're not married, and you just made a big deal about Valentine's Day, and especially if you proposed marriage, you need to step back and think about what you've done and you are doing. Are you regretful? Are you doubting? Are you asking yourself "Why did I do that?" If not, you probably should be.

Most men shouldn't be in exclusive relationships, and certainly not marriage!

Most unmarried men, if they play their cards right, can get everything they want without spending a lot of money and energy on Valentine's Day, birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries.

If there is a woman who is planning to marry you this June, or any other time this year, you probably need to put the brakes on the relationship, especially if there are any red flags. If you're shacking up and/or if she has kids, plan your escape!

You don't need to be married. And there's a good chance that, deep down, you don't really want to be.

So, get out. And learn to be scarce so that you won't get trapped into wasting money, effort, and time on things like Valentine's Day or meeting a woman's family or friends for holidays.

Be a Free Man.

Stop Wishing Marriage on People

BEFUDDLED IN FLORIDA wrote in to Dear Abby about the joys of marriage. [This entry has been bumped up.]

I endured an arduous decade-long marriage with a subsequent nasty divorce and custody battle. This was followed by years of contentious child rearing with my ex.

What are the odds this is a man?

With my children now grown, I am free to spend my money the way I want and have absolute freedom. I live alone, and quite frankly, I love my life. I am 100% sure that I want to remain unmarried.

Being free is the way to go!

When people ask me about getting remarried, I tell them "never again," and I mean it. Yet, inevitably, people say, "You never know, you might get married again someday." Abby, I DO know. It's been more than 20 years.

I used to get annoyed, but now I just blow it off. Do you have any retort that doesn't sound rude? I have thought about saying, "I guess you know me better than I know myself," but it sounds snarky.

Unfortunately, no response other than "I sure hope I can remarry!" will be received well. You're going to have to break a few eggs here. Tell them how awesome unmarried life is. Drive that home until they can't stand to hear it anymore. Tell them how much you love the freedom, like having control over your own life, how you don't have to argue with someone in your own home, you don't have to spend your money on things you don't want or don't need. Talk about how everything is less expensive for you.

Guys, check out these posts that deal with this:

How to Just Say No to Giving Up Your Freedom

Keeping Boundaries as a Free Man

Why Aren't You Married?

Practical Advice For Men Avoiding Relationships

Dennis Prager on the "Burned Excuse" For Not Remarrying

Last Minute Reminder: Don't Be A Fool on February 14

This is your last-minute reminder, to any men who aren't married.

DO NOT marry for Valentine's Day.

DO NOT propose for Valentine's Day.

DO NOT even see a woman who thinks you're going to agree to be exclusive, or live together, or marry.

If you're going to spend time with a woman on Valentine's Day, it should be a woman who doesn't know you, who is feeling lonely. DO NOT spend a lot of money. At most, share drinks with her.

You have been warned. Don't waste your money, time, or effort. Don't give a woman the idea that you're going to marry her.

Translating Happy Hubby Talk

[Bumped up.] Recently I considered what I'm sure I've realized before... that many men who say how great and wonderful marriage is either had no game as bachelors or felt guilt about fornicating. A lot of them are, and always have been, nerds. They couldn't get laid when they were younger, but once some woman figured that she'd better cash in her aging chips and look for "security" and a "good provider" (someone who'd actually be able to pay her way through life) and that she could settle for a nerd because he would have a dependable high salary and probably wouldn't whore around.

Annual Marriage Sellers Propaganda Week

February 7-14 is the week that marriage sellers have picked to be their annual publicizing of more propaganda than usual.

DO NOT FALL FOR IT GUYS! Certainly, DO NOT PROPOSE OR MARRY on Valentine's Day!

If you're not currently married, DO NOT let these people fool you.

There is no benefit to you to get legally married (or married again) that you can't get for less cost without legally marrying.

Marriage is a terrible state contract for most men.

Most marriages fail.

You can have an honorable, happy, fulfilled, full, productive, good life without ever legally marrying.

Something you're likely to see:

"Married people are happier."

For the purposes of this blog, I'm more concerned about men. Not "people." Our marriage laws and culture are gynocentric. Women get materially rewarded for marrying. Of course marriage can make women happy. (Don't be fooled, though. Women might like getting married, but many despise and resent their husbands, and don't really want to be wives.)

Briefly, because I've detailed this elsewhere, here's why you shouldn't infer what they are outright saying or trying to imply; getting married will make you happy.

1. Married men aren't always being honest or reality-based when reporting that they are happy. If they aren't assured their answers are anonymous and that their wife won't see their answer, if they don't want to admit "failure," if they think saying they are anything less than thrilled with their marriage would be a sin or a negative confession, they're not going to be honest. Most people in my life, including my wife, think I'm happily married. I'm not. But I don't let on (weekly therapy helps me keep the ruse going) because it would make my life worse if I did. I was VERY happy before I married. Unfortunately, I was ignorant and delusional enough to think I should marry.

2. Many of these husbands have no idea how much happier they'd be if unmarried.

3. Men told by their family, their religion, culture, etc. that they're losers if they're not married, and they've bought into it, are going to be happy that they got married.

4. Happier people are more likely to attract and keep a spouse. It isn't that marriage made them happy. They were already happy. If unhappy, they are more likely to get divorced and thus be counted as "unmarried."

5. Studies about this never separate out intentionally unmarried men. Rather, all unmarried men (divorced, widowed, shacking up, hoping to get married, unable to attract a wife, etc.) are lumped together. Men who have decided to be Free Men or have otherwise joined the marriage strike can be much happier than the average husband.

The other "benefits of marriage" can be debunked in the same or a similar way. Alleged correlations might sound great, but don't withstand close scrutiny. Again, these claims that marriage is of benefit to men never separate out men who are able to attract women, but have intentionally avoided marrying,

Feel free to link to, copy and paste, or steal shamelessly from this blog to counter the narratives you'll be seeing this week.

Married men are taller. Did marriage make them taller? No. The same goes for all of the other supposed benefits of legally marrying.

“But what about society? Doesn’t marrying help society?” Compared to what? Yes, if you’re comparing lifelong cooperative parenting compared to popping out babies with different people you don’t get along with. But those aren’t the only two options! And if you legally marry, you can’t stop the other person from ending it, thus hurting society, according to the same thinking. 

Here are just a few other posts on this blog that might help:

My Core Advice to Men

Why You Don't Want to Do That

Reasons For Men to Stay Unmarried

How to Just Say No to Giving Up Your Freedom

How to Keep Your Friends Free

You Don't Need a Wife

Guys: Read This If You're Thinking About Marrying

Quora has some gems. This is one of those gems. Someone asked "What is the brutal truth about life after marriage?"

This is a response from Chris Longford, "married for 13 years."

Sex can become monotonous, masturbation can become preferable at times, and cheating makes you feel horrible. 

I find studies showing that married people have more and better sex suspect, at least for men.

Children can be really annoying sometimes, especially while babies, and you will sometimes secretly regret ever having them (or having as many) and you feel guilty for having these thoughts. 

Yes! There will be times you think that you've ruined your life. For some, that never goes away.

You and your spouse will argue over absolutely pointless and meaningless things and the sight of each other will start annoying you due to built up resentment that neither talks about. You will not want to kiss your spouse passionately after a certain point, it becomes kind of like kissing a sibling. You still have sex, you just stop kissing. Except for the hello and goodbye peck thing.

This is optimistic. Some married people don't have sex.

But you become attached to your spouse, and of course to your children, and there are good moments also so you don’t want to leave. So you tend to be in a perpetual state of unhappiness mixed with what feels like odd contentment. But it’s really just fear of change or what your kids or parents or in-laws (or whoever) will think if you divorce. Plus, nobody likes to admit failure. And most of this stuff you’ll just hold inside and never tell a soul. While you smile for family photos and everyone thinks you’re so happy.

Still thinking marriage might be something you'd do?

There were a lot of additional comments at that link.

Misleading Marriage Statistics

Let’s consider someone I’m making up, but represents no small number of real men: Guy Sontag. Sorry, if that’s your name. It’s a name I made up for this post.

Guy Sontag has been subjected to severe trauma and he has serious health problems. As a result, he’s miserable, struggling with his finances, and isn’t motivated to pursue sex. And as a result of all of this, he hasn’t attracted a woman who will be a wife to him.

Marriage sellers want you to believe that Guy is sickly, miserable, poor, lonely, and having no or little sex because he’s not married, as if taking on a woman in a secular state legal contract would make him happy, healthy, wealthy, and give him a great sex life. It’s the other way around: he’s not married because a man in his condition is unlikely to attract a quality wife who wouldn’t be another burden on him.

Also consider another man who just went through a bitter divorce initiated by his now ex-wife; there was no lawful way for him to have stopped it. As a result, he’s wiped out financially, he had to move and his life has been completely disrupted, he’s feeling awful, his blood pressure is through the roof, and he hasn’t been having sex.

Both of those men are in the very broad “unmarried” category in the statistics marriage sellers are using.

Don’t you think it’s a bit misleading to lump men like that together with men who are enjoying life, have their act together, want sex and know how to get it, and have intentionally avoided marriage and conceiving children?

There are many men in this latter group who are happier and better off than the average husband or divorced man. You can choose to be one; you have much more control over your life, much more freedom if you’re a Free Man.

The marriage sellers want you to think signing a terrible state contract will make your life better. But there are plenty of miserable husbands who don’t have the money for things they want or even need, are getting little or no sex and “mercy sex” when they get it, and have little control over their own life if they choose to focus on their obligations.

Signing a terrible state contract doesn’t guarantee YOU a better life. Instead, it assigns you costs and obligations you don’t need.

Don’t fall for the trap.

Stay free.

Reasons For Men to Stay Unmarried

You were not born with a wife. You don't naturally acquire a wife by growing up, going through puberty, and living out your life. You have DO a series of things to get married.

Being a Free Man is the default. Do not buy into the marketing that implies EVERYONE gets married. Marriage sellers don't want you stop and question, "Is this a good idea? How will this benefit me? How will this enable me to accomplish my goals? Is this what I really want?"

Watch out when someone says "You're being selfish! It isn't all about you! Stop with the 'I' and the 'me' stuff." Marriage involves a contract. Would you sign a rental or lease agreement, a mortgage or other loan, or an employment contract without being aware of what the contract does and if that contract had little or no benefit to you, while placing significant obligations on you?

Imagine someone from the government hands you a stack of papers and says, "Sign this."

And you say, "Hold on! How will signing this benefit me?"

And they say, "Don't be selfish! Sign it!"

Would you sign that???

No? Well, most men sign the state marriage contract anyway, although more and more men are refusing to do so. That's right. FEWER PEOPLE ARE MARRYING. You will be part of a growing trend if you stay the course as a Free Man.

See here for what the state marriage contract does.

So, it's a bad contract, and that's reason enough to refuse to sign it. "But what what about 1) marrying without the state contract, and 2) the benefits of marriage?" In many places (check with a local family law attorney!), the state contract can be applied even if you never signed one, depending on your actions. Also, prenuptial agreements and cohabitation agreements can be thrown out by judges. There's no benefit to marrying that a man can't get otherwise at less risk or cost.

In no particular order, and perhaps to be updated and expanded, here are the reasons for men to stay unmarried:

It's the default.

There's no good reason to marry.

Marrying shifts your power to the woman.

Staying a Free Man allows you to do what you want, when you want, how you want, with whom want.

You want to be free to make decisions without having to defer to someone else.

You don't want someone else's interference in your professional and personal (family, friends) life.

You want control over your own earnings and your own spending decisions.

Marriage Week Propaganda Incoming

 

Remember guys, don’t fall for the misleading media that will be trying to fool you into signing a terrible state contract.

Don’t fall for pressure from family or “friends” or church staff.

See this:

https://tunasafedolphin.blogspot.com/2025/01/february-is-fast-approaching.html

Preparing For Marriage

Recently, I saw a tweet about preparing for marriage.

That got me to think... How could a man prepare for marriage?

If you're a man who thinks you want to get married, either to someone in particular or "someday", take these steps to prepare:

1) Throw out everything you own. Give some woman who isn't a professional decorator or stylist total control over buying everything to replace what you had, using your money. This includes just about everything from clothes to furniture to your vehicle.


2) Beyond that, literally throw away enough additional money that most of your earnings are lost. 


3) When you're horny, take a cold shower or hide in the bathroom to masturbate. Pretend like someone is standing outside the door and you don't want them to hear you.

Selling Marriage Because of Claimed Correlations

Marriage sellers claim that the problem with declining marriage rates include, among other things:

• Married men live longer
• Marriage matures people, especially men
• Unmarried women are dependent on government
• Unmarried women push destructive ideas
• Married people are more likely to own homes
• Married people are more likely to have more children
  

Assuming marriage does help men to live longer, and that's not certain, the longevity isn't the result of signing a terrible state contract or having a ceremony. It would be because of nagging to go the the doctor, and perhaps receiving care. But these things can be done without marriage. Why not cut out the "middle man"?

Likewise, women can be taught to avoid government dependence without making her dependent on a husband. Cut out the middle man!

As far as maturity, men and women can be encouraged to be mature without marriage. There are great, mature people who never married. So if you're concerned about maturity, figure out how to encourage people to mature even if they're not married.

If unmarried women push destructive ideas (a claim of Dennis Prager), perhaps it was their tendency to do so that have caused her to avoid marrying or caused others to avoid marrying her?

Married people are more likely to own a home because they're stuck. They don't have the freedom to move when they'd like. What's the alternative to married people owning the homes? Investors? So what's the difference to society? Someone's going to own the homes, and the owner has an incentive to take care of it.

I'm not opposed to there being more children, but what's really going on here? I've written about this already.

People are less likely to marry when they see that marriage won't improve their life. Fewer people are seeing marriage as worth it.

If you want people to behave a certain way, you just might have to encourage those behaviors directly, instead of counting on marriage to make people behave as you prefer.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 3

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Two can live together for less than separately.

What this means is if you're paying $3,000 per month and a woman is paying $2,500 per month, if you marry and move in together, she can stop paying rent or a mortgage and some redundancies will be eliminated, and the overall cost of living for the two of you will be less. Allegedly.

That benefits her. Unless you're already paying her way through life, which you shouldn't, how does that benefit you? IT DOESN'T. Even if she plans to contribute to rent or the mortgage, she will likely push to live in a bigger/more expensive place, there's no guarantee she will even keep working and financially contributing, and you're better of NOT allowing her to develop a claim to a home you owned.

Having her move in to your place puts your place at risk. She can have you kicked out of your own place, compel you to keep paying for her to live there, and claim at least some ownership. Don't allow that! DON'T MARRY! Don't let her move into your place!

Having her move in with you or you moving in with her will also will increase your utility bills and grocery bills, and she will likely insist on removing and replacing many items (especially if she thinks another woman touched them), and that will be costly.

Always keep in mind that divorce is very expensive, and even without divorce, at least half of your earnings are legally shifted to your wife. Wives make 80 percent of the spending decisions.

Stay free and keep control over your own assets and finances. Don't pay a woman's way through life. Respect their independence, their capability, their girl power. Believe women who say women don't need a husband.

Part 4

We Are Not a Project

I found a column by Suzanne Fields at conservative site Townhall. With a headline of "A Good Man Is Still Hard to Find" I took notice. [This entry has been bumped up.]

Women have been complaining since the original Adams family was evicted from the Garden of Eden that "A good man is hard to find."

Whining, complaining, nagging... yep.

Despite radical feminist mockery of the very idea of manliness, that men are natural sexual predators, most women -- with very few exceptions -- still want one.

Of course they do! It's nice to have the cash flow, the bodyguard, an errand boy, and a receptacle for your whines and gripes and thoughts.

The #MeToo movement has nevertheless changed a lot of things in the wake of the sexual harassment-scandal season. One of them is the regard in which men are universally held by women. It often seems we're back to the '80s, when there was a similar assault on the idea of manhood and some women decried all sex as rape.

Radical feminist activists Catherine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin were widely credited with saying that "all sex is rape" and "all men are rapists." They both deny the statements, but Dworkin conceded that she did say, "Penetrative intercourse is, by its nature, violent."

No wonder men are choosing to To Their Own Way (see MGTOW).