You Might Not Find a Better Relationship

Most relationships are NOT "happily ever after". They end or experience significant misery. Not all relationships are anything close to ideal or healthy. Some are abusive.

That all being said, we should never promise someone they will find a better relationship if they leave the one they're in.

They might not.


Of course nobody should stick around for abuse. But I'm thinking more along the lines when a woman is shacking up and wants that gynocentric state marriage contract, and the guy isn't desperate, delusional, masochistic, or or ignorant enough to agree. People like Dr. Laura would tell her to leave. And maybe she should. But... there's no guarantee she will find a better relationship and will be in a happy, healthy marriage. She could even be dateless the rest of her life.

Maybe she should leave anyway. It can depend on things like standards, a value, a principle, a moral. Especially with older people, Dr. Laura will talk about setting a good example or modeling good behavior. But this presumes that shacking up is in and of itself bad in the first place. Dr. Laura will cite statistics as to why she thinks it's bad, but her statements also indicate she doesn't like the price of sex being lowered for men. I think shacking up is usually a bad idea, too, mostly for other reasons.

But if the woman wants companionship, wants a bedmate, wants to share bills, wants to live with a man, and she enjoys doing all of these things with her shackup honey, she might be willing to keep with what she knows rather than try for the less-than-likely odds that she'll find a lasting, happy marriage if she leaves.

I wouldn't be in such a position, because I refused to shack up. But I was in a bad relationship, and I had to learn that I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than endure more of that relationship. It was a very important message to learn. If someone can learn to be content, happy, and functional living on their own, outside of a relationship, they'll be less likely to stay in a bad relationship or one that isn't close enough to their ideal.

Now, while there's no guarantee that woman shacking up will find a better relationship (and, again, it is more likely than not she won't find a lasting, happy marriage), she is highly unlikely to find one while shacking up. Sure, some women do pull it off though cheating (and yes, if they've agreed to monogamy it IS cheating, even if they haven't married), but relationships that start as affairs have an even lower chance of becoming lasting, happy marriages.

Like with so many things in life, there are tradeoffs. You might not find a better relationship. It can be for the best to leave anyway.