Don't Be This Guy

Reading the Dear Abby column an result in daily facepalms. Just check out this recent letter by HUNG UP ON THE RING IN RENO:

My girlfriend and I love each other very much and have been living together with our children for five years. 

Ugh. Either they have children together, they brought in children from other relationships, or both. He doesn't say. If she already had minor kids he shouldn't have dated her. If he already had minor kids, he shouldn't have introduced his new lover to his kids. Shacking up is a terrible idea in general, but even more so with kids. And then if they had kids together outside of marriage, that was a horrible thing to do.

We intend to get married soon.

Why bother?

Here is the rub: She's "old school." She believes she should receive a diamond ring as part of the marriage proposal.

MUHUHUHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Old school?!? That's a good one. Old school.

OLD SCHOOL WOMEN DON'T SHACK UP!!!

Like many other people, she wants the benefits of "tradition" without holding herself to traditional behaviors.

I would marry her tomorrow,

Why??? Of what benefit would signing a legal contract with the state be to you?

but I don't believe in spending thousands of dollars on a piece of carbon.

Right there, that should settle it. Because you don't recognize the symbolism of the ring (marketing ploy as it was), that would make it meaningless for you to give one to her. However, if she's all about appearances, she'll still want it.

I understand that somehow she equates her value/social status with the size of her wedding ring ("I deserve a nice ring"),

As Tom Leykis correctly says, the size of the diamond is going to be inversely proportional to the size of the finger on which the ring goes.

but I don't agree. I think the expense is unwarranted and, quite frankly, as the person paying for most of it, unfair.

Then don't do it. The worst she can do is leave you and force you to pay child support. Which she might do anyway. Except that if you don't marry her, you won't have alimony (although you might still have palimony).

Dear Abby replied:

Give her the ring. It will be cheaper in the long run. Trust me on that. And in the future, when she asks what you would like for a gift, tell her your fantasy is that she'll make a comparable down payment on your next car. That way, she can make your dream come true.

Yeah, sure.

Guys, don't put yourself into situations that are anything like this.