Did Her Needs Change?

This entry is going to explicitly cover some sexual topics. So don't read it if that bothers you.

I've written before how my wife, who says she wants me to initiate more, has many excuses to reject me, including that she needs more nonsexual touch. It's almost like she enjoys rejecting me, which is why she wants me to attempt to initiate more.

She doesn't want me initiating when she comes to bed. She wants me to initiate before she comes to bed, by telling her I want sex, so she'll come to bed and hour or two after I go to bed instead of waiting until she's tired out several hours later. Of course this means I'll either be in deep sleep or I'll be waiting, half asleep, for a couple of hours when I'm not getting enough sleep as it is. But OK. She wants it that way, so I try to accommodate.

On a very recent night, I texted from bed her that if she'd come to bed sooner rather than later, I would want to snuggle, which we never do. She asked if that was it or if I wanted more, so I got explicit and told her I wanted to kiss, play with her nipples (which turns her on), and rub her the right way. I figured, but didn't tell her, that would be the best way of satisfying her because it had been a few days since she'd bathed or showered.

But she pulled out one of the excuses from that previous entry, about how she "needs more nonsexual touch" in order to be in the mood for sexual touch. There are a couple of things that made this funny:

1) She'd made herself scarce all day so I couldn't have touched her.

2) She didn't "need" nonsexual touch when we were dating. We avoided intercourse until marriage and kept things somewhat limited otherwise until close to our wedding. So what I'd told her I wanted was something that could have happened while we were dating. It would have happened without much nonsexual touch at all. So did her needs change?

Ladies, this is one of many reasons why men are avoiding marriage. Hoops for us to jump through keep getting added. Men either figure lackluster sex isn't worth it, or they can get great sex by keeping you women competing with each other to try to get us to buy jewelry and sign on that dotted line.

Some guys online who read this blog or my tweets have given me advice. They want me to seem as though I could possibly have an affair, as in spending time away from her on a regular basis that could be when I'm meeting up with another woman or women. They tell me to up my exercise regimen, wardrobe, automobile, and stuff like that. Disappear for hours without her being able to determine for sure that I'm NOT having sex with some other woman. Obviously, that's a game that plays on the insecurities of a wife. Apparently, in some cases it works.

I'm not sure it would in my case. But it might be worth a try.

I can see women (and some men) saying, "No! Don't play those kinds of games with your wife!" Well, OK, but men wouldn't do those things if they didn't work and those men didn't feel like they had to. Don't want your husband acting that way? Give him enthusiastic sex without him having to play a game. It's supposed to be mutually enjoyable. It's discouraging that you treat lovemaking as a loss leader, as a favor you're doing for us, as something you tolerate.

You're not getting younger, lady. You're going to get more wrinkles, more spots, more stretch marks, more saggy. Be glad if he still wants you, if you still turn him on, and realize that life is short and someday you two might not be able to do much at all with each other.