Momma's Boy Strikes Out

Poor woman. She means well. I'm going to be brutally blunt about the way things ARE - that doesn't mean they SHOULD be this way - just that they are this way. MOTHER OF A GOOD SON wrote in to Dear Abby:

My son, "Peter," is in college working on a postgraduate degree.

Okay.

He arranged a date with a young woman while they were home over the holidays.

This implies that they wouldn't be able to regularly see each other, because they are only in close proximity during holidays at home.

After accepting the first date and breaking it, she agreed to a second one. As Peter was driving to pick her up, he called to double-check her address only to be told she was still at a previous engagement. Naturally, Peter expected she'd call back when she was free -- but she didn't. There was no explanation, no call or text or any further communication.

Either she doesn't care, or she is one of those women – some of them call themselves old fashioned as an excuse – that expect him to always be the one to call, in addition to being the financier of the date. If I had to wager, I'd put my money on the former - she doesn't care. She was with a guy she either finds hotter (likely, given that your son is going for a graduate degree), or a better pro$pect who has money to spend right now. Why bother pretending to care or otherwise lie?

What is happening to young people today? Do texting and online social networking encourage them to avoid simple human kindness and consideration of others? I think these new devices are giving kids an easy way to get out of difficult and uncomfortable situations. They don't have to hear the hurt of rejection or the sting of their rudeness through a text or a chat page.

But she didn’t even text. So don't blame modern communications. Modern communications have made it even easier for her to contact him, and she didn't. Or, maybe she expected a call from him. Some people advocate that women never call men. But of course, if he did contact her, she might think of him as a stalker. It is a guessing game – kind of like... do you open the car door for her not? I always have. I don't have any reason to believe that any woman I've ever dated was upset that I opened car doors for her. If a woman had been upset by it, I would know two things right away: 1) she's easy, and 2) she wouldn't be right for me.

Meanwhile, my thoughtful, sensitive son sat home thinking he wasn't important enough for an explanation!

The problem is in your statement. Your son is "sensitive". Who was he going to go out with? A girl who he wouldn't be able to see regularly. A girl who agrees to a date under those circumstances, if she is thinking at all, is going to date either for the dinner/entertainment or the sex, or both – not for a relationship. If she wanted sex, she didn't want a sensitive guy - she wanted a guy who was going to take charge and close the deal. She was likely busy with a jerk – an insensitive jerk.

At 26 he's beginning to think he should just focus on finishing school and forget the dating scene.

He should not date to find a partner until he's done with school and established. It is too bad he didn't learn that earlier. If he's going to date for sex, he needs to stop being sensitive. If he had been running game, he could have consoled himself in the arms of his backup date.

No father is mentioned. That's probably part of the problem. A decent father would have his son straightened out about this. Does this guy even know how to pee standing up? And adding to the problem is that his mother is in his business too much. If he was so concerned and wanted Dear Abby’s opinion, he could have written to Dear Abby. His mother's letter should have focused on contrasting the prevailing behaviors of girls/women today as opposed to years past.

Dear Abby replied:

Your son may be thoughtful and sensitive, but he appears to have unfortunate taste in women.

Really? What decent woman is going to go on a real date with a guy who is not available -a guy with a mother who acts like her son is 13? It would be a "friends" thing at best. Your son, instead of focusing on how to get his career going, earning cash at a McJob, or working on homework, would be spending time and money on a woman who would likely give him a goodnight peck at the door and then call over a booty call once your son disappeared from her sight.

As for the woman who stood up your son – if your son does concentrate on getting that graduate degree and putting it to good use (and learns not to let women walk all over him), then he'll be able to get that woman's hotter younger sister... no problem – or maybe, if he waits long enough, her daughter. In a few years, he'll have his pick of attractive women, and the woman who stood him up will be getting too old for the bad boys, who will be moving on to younger women.