Will Dr. Laura Ever Find Another Man?

One of my favorite authors and radio show hosts, Dr. Laura, is available. It's been a while since she was widowed. [This was originally posted in August 2019. It's still relevant.]

She makes no secret of the fact that she's into her 70s now. It's not easy for any woman in her 70s to find a new man, but it's going to be even more difficult for Dr. Laura, despite the fact that she knows how to keep men happy (she even wrote a book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) and despite the fact that she keeps herself in excellent shape.

For some men, that their potential partner has the level of fame Dr. Laura has, especially of a controversial nature, is a deal breaker.

I have to wonder if Dr. Laura is going to relax her stance on age differences, at least for people who are past the child-bearing years. Given how active she is, I don't see anything wrong with her dating a man in his 50s, as long as doing so would not divert his attention away from minor children. She has railed against callers dating someone more than ten years younger than them, pointing out that the older person was likely to leave their spouse a widow/widower. But... isn't that what has happened to her? Given her health, it is possible she has multiple decades left. What would be wrong with marrying a man in his 50s, and if he's like most men, he passes in his 70s or 80s? Heck, she might outlive him. [At least one recent call indicated she has softened her stance on age differences, at least if the woman is older. Hmmmm]

If her potential suitor has to be in his mid-60s or older, and has to be active enough to keep up with her on hikes and such, that's going to be a very narrow pool. And if Dr. Laura lives out her long-held stances against casual sex and shacking up, which I expect she will, it's going to narrow the pool even further.

I bring this up because she opened her show one day last week describing that someone in her life had "introduced" her to a potential date, and they talked over the phone for a couple of days. He was honest in saying that he was seeing someone, and he also claimed they weren't committed.

Dr. Laura asked if the woman he was seeing was going to know why he was traveling out of town (which would be to see Dr. Laura). He said no. Dr. Laura ended things and said he wasn't an honorable man.

Now, perhaps there was something being left out of her recounting of this interaction, but based on what I heard, I think she made a mistake in not talking with him further and perhaps seeing him. Hey, it's her life and she can do what she wants, but unless there is an engagement ring on a woman's finger or the man and woman have explicitly agreed they are exclusive, they are free to date others and they should EXPECT that the other person is dating others. As Dr. Laura herself points out, even living together isn't an implication of exclusivity; even if they agreed to it! So why is a man expected to tell a woman he's dating he's going out of town to see another woman? Is she expected to say she's going to dinner with another man?

She may have not been fair to herself or him. But again, it's her decision to make.

This isn't just me pontificating. My mother, who was very traditional when it came to dating and marriage, made it clear that unless my ring was on a woman's finger, that woman was free to date others. I never expected the women I dated to only be dating me, nor tell me they were going on dates with others. We had to have a discussion about exclusivity before we could expect it.

These days, men should never assume the woman they are dating is only dating them, even if they claim to be. And men should never imply to the women they are seeing they are only seeing them. But then I'm telling most men they should never marry at all. Dr. Laura is looking for a keeper.


Dr. Laura later explained more about her position on dating.

Unmarried Women and Elections in the USA

This was originally published in September 2012. It still holds up, I think. In 2024, elective abortion has been a big issue, even though plenty of states shave unrestricted abortion and travel to those states isn’t difficult. Follow the money.

*****

Married women are more likely to vote Republican, unmarried women are more likely to vote Democrat.

Why?

Different people have different explanations, because even asking female voters why they vote the way they do won't necessarily get you the truth.

One explanation I think holds a lot of water is that while many unmarried women see themselves as independent, they want someone to promise them security, and they are very much dependent - on taxpayers they don't even know. Another way of putting it is some some women who say, "I don't need a man!" are counting on men (and women) who pay the taxes that fund the government programs on which these women depend. Democrats promise larger (and supposedly bringing more goodies) government. Republicans promise... to slow the rate of increase in expanding of government. So someone who wants the government to take care of them (as opposed to simply protect them from invading armies, terrorists, and criminals) is much more likely to vote Democrat.

Of course there are unmarried women who are successful and are part of the 53% paying federal income taxes to support those other women who claim to be independent. One big reason many of them are unmarried is because they will only marry a man who will earn more than they do and will promise them additional financial security. The more successful a woman is, the fewer men there will be who are more successful than she is. (Isn't Oprah still unmarried?) If she has been focused on her education and career and growing her business or climbing the corporate ladder, she may not have had the time or interest in building personal relationship with a marriage-minded, marriage-material man. And, by the time she feels like she has arrived at a level where she feels successful, the men in her age range are married, or divorced with children and nasty ex-wives, and/or dating younger women.

On the other hand, someone could argue that the kind of women more likely to vote Republican are also the kind of women more likely to be married. Not sure how that works, though, given that statistically, almost everyone gets married.

I've also noticed that Democrat operatives, academics, and leaders tend to classify people by their sex, sexual orientation, skin color, religion, income level, etc. and then tell them that if they are Latino, black, homosexual, non-Christian, lower-income, or female they then are victims of hate coming from white, heterosexual, Christian, wealthy men and the only or best way to mitgate such injustice, or course, is new or expanded federal programs and protections. Yes, unless they make the system bigger and more powerful and put the "right" people in charge of it, rich male breeder Bible-thumpin' whitey will deviously take any income, food, or home they arrange for themselves, and force them to be incubators for the new supply of child labor. Well, I'm a white, male, heterosexual, Christian, and my income is higher than average. I want people to have whatever they've earned. I want every person's rights protected. I don't want to oppress anyone. I don't want big corporations or the wealthies to manipulate the system unjustly. That's why I belived in Constitutionally-limited government and, as much as possible, power being decentralized. Congress can't give out corporate welfare if Congress sticks to the Constitution.


There other other explanations, too, as to why there is such a split between unmarried and married women, but I think the dependency/security or "I want someone take care of me but not tell me what to do or hold my accountable" thing makes the most sense, based on what I've heard from the very women in question.

Yes, there are exceptions and outliers and I'm generalizing. Of course I am. And I welcome your disagreement or agreement or citing of exceptions.

===============

Note: If you still come here to read, I am so sorry about my slowdown. Life's been busy.

The Happiest Years of Your Life?

During his Happiness Hour on Friday, November 1, 2024, Dennis Prager asked callers what the happiest years of their life have been. It was prompted by a text he got from a friend saying the happiest years of his life had been when they were in college together, which was a long time ago.

It got me thinking.

I wrote out an autobiographical essay, breaking my life down by certain periods.

Rather than bore you with it, I’ll bottom-line what my trip down memory lane reinforced to me.

• Marrying was a biggest mistake I’ve made, by far.
• Bad thinking is a problem (see immediately above).
• Life is short.
• While it’s good to do things with the future in mind, allow yourself to enjoy the moment and smell the roses sometimes, without worrying too much about the future.
• Perspectives, mindsets, and goals change (which is another reason not to marry).

Beyond the trite “You can choose to be happy!”, what most people mean when they refer to the happiest time in their life is that they had comfort, pleasure, joy, hope, some sense of belonging and security, and they were meeting their obligations well with little frustration and without tough choices; they weren’t dealing with much unpleasantness. If someone has ever had such a time in their life, they’re very fortunate.

That will usually be tied to certain aspects of their life.

Environment. Where they live, where they work and/or go to school, where they spend the rest of their time are what they feel are good places.

Health. Their physical and mental health and abilities are good. Mental health includes accepting themselves; not giving up on improving themselves, but not hating themselves.

Worldview. They feel at peace with, or even joyful, in their worldview and beliefs about reality, the spiritual, and their place in the universe.

Family. Whether their parents/grandparents/siblings or their spouse/kids/grandkids, things are generally well with them or the person is at peace about them/not having them. Family members aren’t dying, being prosecuted or incarcerated for serious crimes, or going through divorce.

Education/Work. They can be proud and feel like they are doing well and doing good.

Finances. They’re not struggling.

Love and Sex. They feel good about their situation as far as dating, relationships, etc. For some people, that’s going to be completely abstaining. For others it will mean playing the field, and for others it will mean what they think is a great marriage.

Friends. They feel like their interaction with friends are going well. Like love and sex, that can look very different depending on the individual.

Hobbies, interests, activities. Basically, what people choose to do outside of their survival obligations. This is their recreation, play, or passion. If they feel like these things are going well, going their way, that can bring happiness.

For me, and I suspect for almost everyone, there was no “golden years” period when “everything” was great. That’s not to say I haven’t had a great life. I’m aware there are billions of people wishing they’d been living a life like mine. But someone can, for example, have an exciting romance and a new job they love, and yet someone close to them is dying. There’s almost certainly going to be “something” that is painful, unpleasant, etc., and hindsight can put things into a context of realizing your happiness was short-sighted or out of ignorance, or that you had it good, even much better than now, and you didn’t appreciate it at the time.

So “happiest” is a relative term. I can tell you when, say, I felt happiest in my family life with the family I created. But it doesn’t mean the other areas of my life were their happiest. Plus, it turned out I was delusional. Ignorance is bliss, right?

Childhood summers were great. I loved being out of school, having freedom, being able to ride my bike all over town, swimming, body surfing, etc. If I had to pick the happiest time in my life it might be; for example, the summer I was 10. The summer I was 16, my last summer of freedom, was pretty good, too. Still hadn’t ever had even a real kiss, though.

Marriage sellers like Dennis Prager and Focus on the Family want you to think you’ll be happiest with a spouse and kids. For some people, that’s probably true.  

With the right wardrobe, lighting, makeup, and photographer, my wife, ours kids, and I could pass for one of those Focus on the Family brochure families in a snapshot, smiling and laughing and everything is HAPPY. But I now realize nobody has that life for more than a few moments here and there. I also realize that the churches I’ve attended in my adulthood and the ministries I’ve attended teach as though the Christian Bible has far more clear limits on relationships and sexuality than it does.

Maybe I could have been happier if I knew “then” what I know now. Maybe I’d be happier now, having made different decisions and taken different actions?

I’m generally happy, or at least content. These days, if my wife gets into one of her “moods” (which risks being a psychotic break) or one of our kids has a meltdown, that’s going to make things miserable for me. I don’t get enough time for my interests, my friends, my parents and siblings. I’m not working my dream job. My home is not even approaching the level of my childhood home in its great location, features, and condition. While my net worth on paper is much higher than it used to be, I was better off financially when I could make my decisions alone and was earning significantly more than I needed for my lifestyle. At this point I doubt I’ll ever have a sex life again that is as good as the sex life I had certain years before I married.

Perhaps the best time of my adult life was in the time between when my last exclusive girlfriend decided we were no longer a couple (but would still call me over for sex) and when my to-be wife and I became a couple. If only I had accepted that I could thrive being free for the rest of my life and orient my life around that. I quite possibly could have bought a better home during the crash and also have landed a dream job.

Overall, life isn’t terrible. But this is not the happiest time in my life. I have many blessings, to be sure. I don’t take them for granted.

When Marriage Sellers Make One of My Points For Me

The Institute for Family Studies, despite being, overall, a marriage seller, is the gift that keeps on giving. There was another round of trying to convince people they're better of having less sex and less sexual variety. Let's take a look at this graph:


 
That graph was used to try to show people that sexual abstinence before means your marriage will be much more stable.

Look closely,  though. Even the best category shows that more than 55 percent of married people in that category believe their marriage may be in trouble of ending. Remember, this is from an organization that is promoting marriage. A minority of married people think their marriage is "very stable."

Do you want to get into a terrible state contract in which, most likely, you will be worried that you are facing what some men call "divorce rape"?

It gets "better," though. Let' look at the next graph.



According to this, 78-80 percent of married people who "saved sex" are NOT very satisfied with their sexual relationship. Sure, the point they were trying to make - that it's even worse for those of you who've had two or more partners - is true... so don't bother to marry!

Why bother to sign a terrible state contract if those are the odds?!?

When someone implies or outright says that "saving sex" for marriage will mean your marriage will be stable, without fear of it ending, and that your marital sex life will be very satisfying, they are ignoring that for MOST people who marry under those circumstances that's not true! Even just the data from which these graphs come indicate there are many married people who are very dissatisfied with their sex lives, including people who "waited". Those people, and the trade offs and risks shouldn't be ignored.

To be fair, there may be studies that show relationship stability and sexual satisfaction rates are even lower for people who aren't married. That's a "cart and horse" thing, meaning it could be that if people don't think their relationship is stable and the sex isn't great, they're less likely to marry.

But yet again, I must point out that these studies and surveys never distinguish intentionally free men who run game to find out how stable their lives are and how satisfied they are with their sex lives. There are men who are loving life and thriving free of a supposedly exclusive or marital relationship, and some them are also very happy with their sex life.

More Fun With Statistics - Body County and Marriage

It’s Not Too Early To Form Your Holiday Game Plan

Free Men, and men who want to be, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You know how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

The Formula For a Good Marriage

The Prager U account on X asked for the formula for a good marriage.

My reply was

1. Don’t involve expensive rings

2. Don’t have a ceremony

3. Don’t sign a terrible state contract

4. Don’t live together

5. Don’t claim exclusivity

6. Don’t co-mingle finances

7. Don’t conceive kids

That should make it wonderful.

That still leaves some variety. For example, the same two people can see each other every day, if they so choose. They can act as though they are exclusive with each other. They can buy expensive things together or for each other (just not with a shared loan).

But I'd advise most men stay free, meaning They NOT agree to exclusivity. I'd also tell them not to spend much money on any one woman; certainly not more that $60 per date (zero is optimal), including all expenses, and don't see any one woman every day.

What would be a formula for a good marriage that involved actually living together, being monogamous, and maybe even having kids?

• Perpetually shared or compatible goals
• Shared values
• Compatible personalities
• Ongoing shared chemistry and mutual affection, providing all of the romance, sex, and friendship each other need in a partner
• He could stare at her forever, she always feels protected by him
  
• Both are responsible, kind, quality individuals who can handle life
• Effective partnership with division of labor in which they each put the other first on an ongoing basis
• They turn TO each other instead of AGAINST each other
  

Unfortunately, almost nobody is going to have that. They might have what seems like that for a moment, maybe even years. Almost nobody is going to have that for decades. Even most marriage sellers will admit that; they just think people should suffer through marriage anyway.

People do change. One thing that changes is goals, because either they reach them, they give up trying or are denied, and their priorities and desires change. Compatibility is almost never going to last decades unless at least one of them sacrifices much or avoids what they really want.

There are things I used to do and wanted to do that I gave up on because I have obligations to a wife and children. There are things I thought I'd be getting with a wife and children that I didn't.

Resentment builds, especially in wives. She will remember every...single...thing... he ever did she ever thought was wrong or wronged her in some way. What do you think that does to how she feels about him, as time goes by and the list gets longer? And when she reveals it to him, how do you think it makes him feel?

Bedrooms die. Romance dies. Spouses end up merely tolerating each other, at best they “love the one you’re with” or otherwise stay married only on paper, abusing (even killing!) each other, or divorcing.

And, there’s so much more that interferes with things being good on an ongoing basis.

Here's what marriage sellers really think is the formula for a good marriage:

A man and woman marry (often, young) and crank out babies, maybe as many as they can. And then their whole life becomes about raising those kids and "role modeling" a "good marriage" to those kids so those kids will continue the cycle. The man (and maybe the woman, depending) earn money for their family and to pay taxes and give to their religious institution and charity. Sex matters, but only because it takes sex to make the babies. As such, the man and the woman should only ever have sex with each other. He will bust his butt romancing her, and if they only have sex to conceive children, he'll shut up about it and pretend he's happy. Lather, rinse, repeat with each generation. 

So, the formula for a “good” marriage is essentially castration and dual lobotomies, rendering the spouses too fearful, in a rut, unmotivated, or masochistic to leave it.

What a downer.

But there is hope and happiness to be had. Learn to love being free. Thrive. Enjoy life, and not just for a few years. Enjoy life throughout your life. Enjoy it because you do what you truly want to do. Realize that there is no “soul mate” for anyone, and that moments, even years, of good companionship doesn’t have to mean enduring bad companionship for decades. Stay free and encourage others to stay free, too. Don’t try to tie them down, and don’t let them tie you down.

One Reason You're Not Husband Material

Guys, I often write about how there isn't suitable, compatible wife material for you to marry. But another reason you should avoid marriage (or at least, a reason you can tell others when they ask you why you're not married) is that you aren't husband material. This isn't an insult, mind you.

Below is a list put together through listening to Dr. Laura for many years. She is very pro-marriage and used to do marriage and family therapy.

If a woman is looking for a man to be a husband and father to her children, this is the kind of employment he must have. This is just about his job. This doesn't even cover all of the other qualities he must have. If you don't have a job like this, you're not (first) husband material, and so you shouldn't marry. (And, if you don't marry during the child-raising years, then you're not going to be marriage material later on, because you didn't marry earlier, which means you're not the type to commit to marriage.)

A (first) husband has to have a job that, in no particular order...

Running Game - Young Men Have Time On Their Side

If you're a young man or boy who is frustrated, anxious, or down about your experiences (or lack of them) with women, I want you to know that if you play your cards right, time is on your side.

Media and the rumor mill make it look like "every" guy except you (and a few "incels") are scoring with the ladies. But that's not true. There are many, many men in your situation.

You don't have to be handsome, tall, strong, rich, accomplished, powerful, or famous, or romance them like some guy in a romantic comedy or princess fantasy, to have fun with the ladies.

Time is on your side.

 

Why is that? Because as men get older, they tend to have more of what hot women want, and as women get older, they tend to have less of what most men want. That's true, even if it sounds unfair, sexist, misogynistic, or whatever anyone wants to say about it. Like it or not. It's a demonstrable fact. Look around. Older men, including those who are plain looking for downright ugly, can get young, hot, attractive women. In fact, part of your current struggle might be the result of the attractive women your age being busy with older men. In most relationships and marriages in which there is a age gap of more than few years, it's almost always that the guy is older and the woman younger. To some extent, this can even be seen in high school. There are attractive girls who go to at least one prom for every year of high school, because 11th and 12th grade guys want them. How many 9th or 10th grade guys are going to prom? Not many.

You don't see supermodels dating guys working in a fast food joint. Meanwhile, the sexiest men in the world usually don't care what the women they date do as jobs.

Women seek the man with the most wealth/power/fame their looks can attract, and men get the youngest and hottest women their wealth/power/fame can attract. The bigger the diamond on a woman's finger, the thinner the finger, unless she's a very rare case who was able to buy it herself or inherited it.

There are hot women you want right now, who think they'd never ever go out with you. But as time ticks by, as they age, as their youth slips away, as they gain baggage and lose fertility, the pool of guys they can date gets smaller and smaller. Almost all women, even the most beautiful, "hit the wall." Meanwhile, if you do things right, the pool of women you can date will get larger and larger (the pool will... the women won't.... I mean, the larger ones will wish they could date you, but you'll have your pick).

None of this is to say that poor men or fat or unattractive women can't be great people. Many of them are! This is strictly about the realities of dating.

And you don't actually have to be rich, powerful, or famous. But if you stay free and manage your wealth well, you will have plenty of "disposable" income as you get older.

Guys in their late 30s, their 40s, their 50s who don't have kids, don't have alimony payments, haven't lost their wealth in a divorce, have their act together, and don't have a wife or "exclusive" girlfriend are in high demand.

Time is on your side, young men.

"But what about right now?" Get your presentation together and working for you. And if that doesn't do it, well, more on that another time.

Continuing To Make Our Point For Us

I recently posted this, about an essay claiming to give "Five Reasons Your Wife Doesn't Want Sex."

I pre-emptively wrote:

We already know why.

Either she doesn't want it or she wants to punish or manipulate us.

And later, in conclusion:

OK, so the essay tells men all of these hoops they have to jump through, all this additional effort to put in, and that mothers are going to want sex less. And yet, it is AMAZING how far more women want to have more sex with free men, including guys they hardly know and who hardly know them, and that includes mothers. Plenty of women with children are banging every day, acting like they're in the circus act or a sexual stunt show. They even seem to be enthusiastic about it, eager to go whenever and wherever. That includes women in their 40s and 50s, with guys who haven't jumped through a bunch of hoops.

Maybe it's because they feel like they have to? Whatever the reason, clearly women can be sexual at a high level; it's when the man has signed a terrible state contract, and especially when he's has a child with her or as many more as she wanted, that things change.

Learn from this, guys. You like sex? You want a robust sex life? If that's important, get a vasectomy. Believe women. Move on when a woman is clearly no longer feeling it for you. Don't burden her! Move on to a woman who wants you. Consider running game. Don't marry. Definitely stay free.

A comment has been left that backs up my point:

Clearly written by a man only concerned with the primal urges of his penis! Ladies, Move On! This type of man is not worth your time nor energy and most probably is diseased from his many exploits. Double full body rubber required should you decide to allow him into your body. Disgusting!

Pay attention, guys! Notice she didn't dispute anything I wrote. Rather, she falsely accuses me of 1) having a disease, and 2) only being concerned about my penis. Neither is true, but notice that if you want a healthy sex life, you are presented as being a problem.

So again, men, stay free. See women who either want you, or are still convincingly pretending to. When they are done pretending or their minds/feelings change, you can move on.

Part of Running Game is Saying No

 
Men who think they have to jump through hoops for women in order to get what they want from women, saying "yes" to what a woman asks of them, have been misled.

In general, NO works much better.

Who Tells You to Get Married?

Dennis Prager urges men to marry, and marry young, and if they get divorced, to marry again. This sadistic and/or masochistic call is something he seems to bring up as often as he can.

But after all of this time of paying attention to him, it finally occurred to me he must not spend much time with his wife.

Yes, his radio show is only three hours [update: two hours], Monday-Friday. However, there's preparation for that, and he is usually not doing the show from home, which means there's commute time.

We also know that he:

• Meets with sponsors of his show 
• Records advertisements
• Has involvement with Prager University, including recording "1 every 10 of the videos"
• Meets with Prager U donors
  
• Does "fireside chat" videos
• Does a podcast with a 22 year-old woman, as he frequently reminds us
• Does other media appearances, such as radio and television
  
• Travels frequently, as in just about every week or multiple times per week, and his wife is likely not with him for all of his travels 
• Gives speeches and other in-person appearances (one of the reasons he travels so much)
• Writes a regular columns
• Writes books
• Reads books (granted, some of these can be done on his flights)
  
• Responds to some messages he gets at his website
• Exercises regularly at a gym and has a personal trainer
  

And we don't know what work/activities his wife has that take her away from him.

To me, this looks like a situation in which Dr. Laura would say "You don't have a marriage because you're not spending enough time together." But regardless of Dr. Laura's opinion, men who are told by Dennis Prager to get married (or, married again) must keep in mind Dennis Prager probably isn't spending all that much time with his wife.

It reminds me of when Roman Catholic priests, all unmarried, urge men to marry.

Very few husbands are going to be doing the amount of traveling Dennis Prager does. They're going to come home from work and have to deal with orders, nagging, complaints. Most will not amass the amount of wealth he has. Good for him for traveling and amassing the wealth he has. But when he tells men to do something that's going to mean dealing with a wife much more than he deals with his, those men need to be aware of where he's coming from: he's not spending as much time with his wife as they will with theirs, and he had an early indoctrination into an emotional conviction that all men should aspire to be husbands and they are somehow failing if they aren't a husband.

UPDATE: Dennis Prager has said on his radio program he prefers to go to restaurants than eat at home. Most listeners of his aren't going to be eating out nearly as often as he does.

Time

 
Time is limited.

Life goes by fast.

Memento mori.

I knew this from an early age. Unlike many other people my age when I was a kid, I wasn't always looking forward to being older. I knew that I was only going to be 11, 12, 13, etc. once. I knew that time moves in one direction. I suppose part of it is that I had a generally good childhood. My parents, for the most part, were really great parents. It wasn't all a bed or roses. But I look back on it mostly fondly, and I think my parents generally gave me a better childhood than my kids are getting.

Ask any lucid old person who isn't in constant unbearable pain, even someone on their death bed, and they'll tell you that life is short.

I'm at the age where I most likely have fewer years ahead of me than behind me.

I bring this up because it is one reason I encourage men (and women!) to be, stay, and enjoy independence. Enjoy life. Stay free. Don't waste your time.

There are things we must do even if we don't want. Others, not so much. For most men, what we now call marriage isn't what they really want to do, and they shouldn't. But this doesn't have to be about marriage. It can be about staying in a job when you are able to survive without it. Or putting up with a "friend" who brings more bad than good to our life, or trying to keep a relationship with a relative who isn't a good person, or continuing an activity that has lost overall benefit to you.

It's why you shouldn't put give scam calls/texts/emails or door-knocking salespeople or a movie you find lacking in purpose to you a second more time than absolutely necessary.

Time is slipping by. Each of us has less time in this life every second that goes by.

Life is short. Time is precious. Don't waste your time.

Running Game - Should You Reveal Your Vasectomy?

In general, the less truth about yourself you reveal to the women you see/date, the better, because anything you say can and will be used against you, meaning it could turn her off or be used to track you down when you're done dealing with her.

If she wants children (no matter how far into the future), and especially if she's looking to get pregnant soon and/or by you (which she might not reveal), you being snipped is NOT something you want her to know, at least not at first.

On the other hand, if you have good reason to be certain she really, truly, sincerely doesn't want to get pregnant now or at any time in the future (and remember, women change their minds on this sort of thing, especially if they don't have any children), you might want to let her know.

If you don't tell the women you've had a vasectomy, and you know for sure you're shooting blanks, there may come a time when one of them tells you "we're pregnant." If that happens, you might want to get tested again if it has been a while. Once confirmed that the vasectomy is still effective, it is up to you how long you wait to tell her, but DO NOT pay for anything or sign anything that would imply you are the father. Do not buy any baby items. Do not pay for prenatal care. This will likely force the issue, but either way, when the time is right, produce a printout of your lab results and something indicating when you had your vasectomy. You should probably ghost her after that, and you may even need a letter from a lawyer or a restraining order against her.

Keep in mind, if she's trying to get you to think you're the father, it is because whomever really knocked her up isn't as successful as you (or, as she thinks you are), or she doesn't have any way to track him down. She's trying to get you to put your time, money, and sweat into raising someone else's kid for twenty years. So don't feel bad about shattering that game plan by confronting her with the facts, and then having nothing more to do with her.

Vasectomies are highly recommended for any man who wants to run game.

If you know anyone who has been subjected to paternity fraud, or attempted paternity fraud, or bogus pregnancy tests, comment below. Or comment if you have anything else relevant to say about this entry.

Keeping Boundaries As a Free Man

If you are a Free Man, meaning you don't have a wife and don't live with a woman, I implore you to enjoy your freedom. I also urge you to keep your freedom. 

That might sound easy. I mean, don't you have to decide to move in together and don't you have to ask a woman to marry you?

Sure, but it gets more complicated than that.

Some women literally scheme to get pregnant even though you've made it clear you don't want to have children. Some women incrementally move-in-by-stealth. Some women nag and nag and nag (and even get your family to join in) to get you to "propose".

You need to keep boundaries in order to stay a Free Man.

AVOID POP DNA TESTS. Don't buy them for your family, either. You can't stop them being foolish and taking them, but avoid taking one yourself. No good will come from one of those. The only time you should take a DNA test is through the advice and arrangement of your lawyer.


Monk or Ghost

This is the the most extreme way of staying a Free Man without literally going off to be an isolated hermit. Some men decide to avoid women as much as possible. They don't date, they don't have female friends, they don't work for or with women, and they don't have any professional or financial connections to women (for example, they refuse to have a woman as an accountant or doctor). That is extreme, but for some it works.


Stay Present But Independent

This is the less extreme way. You can still participate in society and interact with women. You just need to be persistent and firm in keeping yourself independent. Let's consider how to do this.