Important Messages to Young Men - Know Thyself

The intro to this series is here.

Know thyself. Generally, the younger you are, the more about yourself you still have to discover. Also, things might change over time with experiences and with your determination to change something. Know yourself as you are now, and accept that you can and will change to some extent. 

Even though you’re young, what I advise here applies to you and is something you can do many times throughout your life. 

Knowing yourself will inform most of this series. For example, knowing yourself will help with your health and how you spend your time.

Use what you've got.

Develop or buy/rent what you need.

Own your flaws, faults, and shortcomings.

Know what you don't know. You can never know everything, but you can know where to find out or where to find someone who knows what you don't.

You can take calculated risks. What’s a good risk or bad risk might depend on who you are. 

Know what your goals are. For example, having children isn't for everyone, but if you want to truly want to be a father, then that should inform most of what you do. Do you want to work for yourself? Do you want to climb someone else’s ladder? Do you want live on a boat? Only you can figure out your goals. Leaving them up to a parent or partner isn’t good. 

One thing all of you should know is that if you’re an adult male, you ARE a real man. Don’t be manipulated by other people claiming you have to do what they like in order for you to be a real man.

Why Men Send Unsolicited Crotch Shots

There are two basic reasons men send unsolicited crotch shots, or "d--- pics".

1) Exhibitionism has long been a thing. The stereotype used to be of the guy wearing the hat and coat flashing women in a park. Now it can be done with a smart phone.

2) Much more commonly, the "average Joe" (whether he is average down there or not) does it because he has accepted the ridiculous notion that men and women are not different.

It's quite simple, really:

Most heterosexual men would be somewhat aroused by receiving an image of a woman's genitals, even unsolicited, even if he doesn't know her, even more so if he had reason to believe it was an image of the woman who is in contact with him, and she intentionally sent it to him. (We're not talking about injured or diseased genitals, although a few guys probably have a fetish that covers that.)

As these guys would want a woman to send a picture of her genitals, they reason that since women and men are pretty much the same except for certain exterior body parts, she's likely to want to see his genitals as much has he wants to see hers.

A lot of women can't believe men think this is a good way to attract or arouse women. "Don't these men know the truth?" No, they don't, because they've been told over and over again that women are just like men, including when it comes to sex.

But the truth is out there. Extremely, and I mean extremely rare is the woman who likes getting unsolicited crotch shots from men. Heck, most women don't want crotch shots from men they're in love with, and the ones who do are more about liking that they have, according to the picture, aroused a man they care about.

Guys, she's either disgusted or she's laughing at it, and, often, sharing it with her friends so they can make fun of you.

Men and women ARE different, and it isn't just a matter of socialization. Do you think society has socialized men to want to see the genitals of other men? No, but gay males tend to have the same reaction to unsolicited crotch shots of men as heterosexual males have when it comes to those of women.


[Edited to clean up typing mistakes.]

Pledging Marriage For Life Doesn't Make Sense

Life is very different than when our marriage laws where written. Life is very different than when our customs about marriage were solidified.

Most people used to live their entire lives in the same place, unless they got traded away in slavery or were sent off to war. Upward mobility wasn't much of a thing. You grew up working the family farm or in the family business, or you got an apprenticeship in someone else's family business. Usually, everyone in the area shared the same religion. Most people lived in farming villages but even if you lived in a city, your prospects for partners were minimal. If you got paired up with someone, either per your family or your own efforts, you stuck with them because there was a little other choice. If you were a woman, leaving was likely to mean destitution. A man could rape his wife and beat her without running afoul of the law or society, and he could beat his children into submission or kick them out of the home. But for anyone who needed to raise his own help, a fertile wife and resulting children were appreciated. Leisure and recreation were limited and retirement wasn't much of a thing.

Today, we can reach around the world instantly with our communications, and travel to anywhere in the world in a matter of hours. We have the potential to interact with millions of people over our lifetime. Education and career training can take decades, we can take promotions offered from the other side of the planet, and changing jobs, changing entire careers, and moving from one residence to another is quite common. Family law can reward a woman for divorcing her husband, and her friends and other cultural elements might urge her to do so. Leisure and recreation play a much larger role in the lives of most of us, and most people expect to retire with decades left to live.

Why Running Game Works

Running game helps you get what you want for as little cost (money, time, effort, freedom, etc.) as possible. It works.

But why does it work?

Running game works because of how women are.

Boys are often told they need to jump though all sorts of hoops, be successful, hard workers, good earners, romantic, generous, sensitive, sweet, strong, chivalrous... on and on and on... to get a woman. But it's just not true.

How do we know it's not true?

One extreme way of knowing it's not true is that there are women who are sexually attracted to men in prison for being serial killers or for raping children.

A far more common way of knowing it's not true is that we all know young, attractive women who are or were with unreliable jerks and deadbeats; many of them allowed those guys to knock them up. Ever hear women talk about their ex husbands, ex boyfriends, baby daddies, and what terrible guys they are? Those are the guys who turned them on so much, they were willing to have intercourse and do all sorts of other sex acts with them.

The proof is in what women do, not in what they say they want.

There's a very small percentage of men that many women will immediately want to have sex with based solely on his body and face. Many of those men are gay. Other than that, it's about how you carry yourself and what she thinks you can do for her.

Why Did I Get Married?

Why did I ever want to get married?

If you read this blog, you have to have noticed that I now warn most men against marrying. So why did I get married? Why did I want to?

Well, it can probably be explained by several things, including, in no particular order:

• being raised by middle-class married parents
• choosing Evangelicalism (which wasn't my parents doing), which was pushing marrying as one of the central, main goals in a good life
• virtually all media I was exposed to growing up and into my early adulthood portrayed marriage as the goal, as the default, as the happily ever after, and implied that only a loser or freak (or gay person) "couldn't" marry
• as far as I knew, my parents and all of their siblings got married and stay married
• likewise my grandparents stayed married until death
• my older sibling got married and, so far, stayed married
  
• being generally conservative, loyal, affectionate, and a "hopeless romantic" 
• wanting sex, and being hoodwinked into thinking that marriage meant lots of good sex, and I was of the belief that "unmarried" sex was wrong (What really constitutes marriage, from a Biblical perspective, is a whole different matter than I realized.)
• thinking I wanted to raise kids and that having and raising kids what something I was supposed to do, and that being legally married was the best way to do that 
• having had a great relationship with a girlfriend and thinking that it would be possible to have that same kind of relationship with a wife who, unlike the girlfriend, is religiously and politically compatible
• mistakenly thinking I'd found a woman who would be compatible, fit the profile of what I was looking for in a wife, and would be a pleasant, positive, productive influence on my life
  

Does any of that sound familiar to you?

That at least three neighbors and some friends and extended family had divorced parents and that my own parents ended up divorcing should have been a tip off, but it wasn't.

Over the years, my delusions slipped away and my ignorance was reduced. That's why I now realized I shouldn't have married, and most men shouldn't.

Our media, our religions, and often our families call much attention to weddings and marriage, but not to divorce, save for scandalous celebrity divorces. If we could see all the misery in marriages, if every divorce was given as much attention as every wedding, if we were to pile together all of the media that claims to help marriages, if we could line up every divorce lawyer out there in one place, and if more thriving free people were visible, fewer men would be so delusional or ignorant as to think as I did.

This is one reason why it is so important to let men and boys know that they don't have to marry; that they can be great men and live good lives without ever marrying.

I was doing well on my own. My finances were in great shape and I was on track to retire very well off and reach my career goals. I enjoyed my hobbies and friendships. I spent time with my parents (separately), siblings, etc. I traveled. I was healthy. I had a nice residence. That was all without being married.

That I enjoyed my time alone and so many of the activities I most enjoyed where solitary should have been a huge clue to me.

Now I know that:

-Most marriages fail. 

-Most men can get everything they want out of life without ever marrying. 

-Marriage is a bad deal for most men.
-Present-day Evangelical restrictions on sexuality aren't all from extant Biblical commands.

-Men can be great Christians without ever legally marrying.

-I had a great life when I was a Free Man.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Stay free.

Why Some Men Refuse to Interact With Women in the Workplace

In some places in America, sexual harassment laws and polices have gotten so absurd we may look back someday and laugh at our own stupidity. But it isn't funny for people who have to deal with the problems now. It isn't funny for grade school boys who get labeled harassers for hugging grade school girls. [This was posted here in May 2012. It is even more relevant than ever.]


As with so many other things that involve the government, the cure is worse than the problems.

Imagine three workplaces:

1) A workplace where interaction between coworkers is dull and strained, with little socialization; everyone is fearful of acting naturally.

2) A predominantly male workplace where men talk and bond freely about things like the latest leading lady in the movies and how hot she is, and where women get asked out for dates, and everyone jokes.

3) A predominantly female workplace where women talk and bond freely about things like the latest leading male in the movies, a star male athlete and his physique, PMS, a jerk of an ex, and everyone jokes.

Now, I know those are just three examples and do not exhaust the spectrum, but who really prefers the first option?

Here's where we are in the workplace in some states:

A regular customer comes in, chats with a favorite employee, and hugs that employee before leaving. A different employee, who was on the other side of the room, files a complaint for a "hostile work environment". The customer and the first employee are barred from hugging again.

That is the world that has been created. Normal, harmless (even beneficial) human behavior that has gone on forever in the workplace is now banned. It isn’t by employer choice, really. Since I believe in property rights and freedom of association, I think business owners should generally be able to hire, fire, promote, or demote anyone or any or no reason, and set the tone of the workplace to their liking. Under that policy, if they create a workplace someone finds hostile, that person can take their services or business elsewhere. Guess who loses? The business owner, if that was a good customer or employee. But employers have lost or are losing the freedom to set the terms and conditions and tone in their own workplace, due to laws and court decisions about sexual harassment.

It’s another way trial lawyers and stupid juries are doing some harm. It is another way the Left takes the fun and joy out of life. Yes, this is a Leftist issue. Sexual harassment is something that has been the drumbeat of Leftist feminists. Leftist feminism was, to borrow from El Rushbo, largely about getting less attractive women greater access to the mainstream, and “hostile environment” sexual harassment is their way of punishing men they find unattractive. That is evidenced by the fact that two people can say the exact same thing ("that's a nice blouse") to the same woman in the same tone, and the male who says it is punished while the lesbian who said it isn't. It is also about forcing all workplaces to cater to female sensitivities, even if there are 100 men there and 1 woman. The people who investigate allegations are usually, guess what, women. Leftist women. And men are more prone to violate restrictions because we're visual creatures, we want sex more than women, and we're expected to do the pursuing.

Policy and law about quid quo pro isn't as ridiculous, but even with that, I tend to prefer property rights and freedom of association. If your boss asks for sexual favors, it is time to find a new place to work, if you don’t want to do your boss.

The Left loves to convince people they are victims, and this is just one more way they can be victims.

I know that discrimination and a bad work environment do hurt some people. None of this is to say I think assault, exposure, stalking, or slander/libel should be legal, nor that I think quid pro quo or creating a hostile work environment is morally acceptable. I have a mother, a daughter, sisters, and a wife. I don't want them treated crudely and rudely. However, I'd like to think they all know how to hold their own against rude jerks. But I'm also a man and I have a father, a brother, and a son, and I don't want any of them screwed over with ridiculous laws and polices stacked against men.

Creating a workplace in which nobody will ever be offended in regards to their sex, body, love life, sexual orientation, or delusions about "gender identity" is not possible. I can only conclude that stringent laws and standards regarding "hostile work environment" in regards to sexual harassment are those that everyone knows will not be followed or met most of the time, and are meant to give women an edge over men and to punish employers and reward trial lawyers and government bureaucrats. Employers subject employees to laughable prevention training for the sake of liability issues, though sometimes it doesn’t matter if everyone's been through training – the employer will still get nailed and have to pay out large sums of money.

Why does sexual harassment get special status? If an employee eats bacon in a lunchroom, is that dietary harassment to someone trying to avoid pork products for weight loss, health, or religions reasons? What about if I eat a big, beefy hamburger in front of a devout Hindu? Or if a vegan tells me how wrong I am for eating meat?

Why has the workplace had to conform to female sensitivities, rather than how things used to be when a woman entered a male-dominated workplace or profession: the thickening of her skin, and often sharp wit on her part that disarmed rude men and charmed others? I've personally known women who broke glass ceilings with no help of quotas or sexual harassment polices – they succeeded because they were outstanding employees who knew how to deal with people as adults.

If I invite someone to my home and I want to be a good host, I’ll strive not to offend them. But since when has there been a right to never be offended anywhere, especially if you are a member of a group favored by the Left? (Nobody cares about offending heterosexual white Christian males.)

Why couldn't I run a workplace the way I’d like? As it happens, I would choose to have a policy against quid pro quo harassment and I would have a fairly high standard for decorum. But that should be my choice, not something determined externally and imposed upon me.

What say you?

*****

UPDATE: Post "#MeToo", some men are refusing to mentor or even hire women, or women who are at all attractive. It's sad, but it is an understandable reaction. Saying "Just don't be a jerk" expresses a nice sentiment, but one that doesn't deal with reality. Men could act within the rules of today, only to find in 10 or 20 years that they're being attacked because their behavior or the words they used have since been deemed problematic.

The Costs of Raising a Child

Every once in a while, the news will report on the costs of raising a child, according to the United States Department of Agriculture. My guess is that the USDA does these reports not because children are considered livestock, but to justify welfare programs that ensure food producers get taxpayer money and then the government has programs to feed children.

Some marriage-and-family advocates (the people who try to get everyone to marry and pop out babies) scoff at reports that it costs $250,000 (or even up to $400,000) to raise a child.

But those numbers do not surprise me. Children are very expensive.

Of course we're not supposed to talk that way. "Children are a blessing!" and "How can you put a price on a child?"

But that doesn't change the fact that it costs money to raise children.

Here are some official links that explain how the costs of raising a child are determined:

https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child

https://www.cnpp.usda.gov/sites/default/files/crc2015.pdf

And  here's Wikipedia, which makes it fairly easy to see the basic breakdown:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cost_of_raising_a_child


Let's be generous to people who try to minimize the costs of raising a child. We'll assume that you won't need fertility treatments, IVF, to adopt, or anything else of that sort, all of which can be very expensive, as it can be if your child has special needs, and they won't assault other kids, or destroy the property of others, all of which can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Let's go over the costs that everyone is going to have when raising a child.

Running Game - Who To Date and Where to Find Them

When running game, who do you date, and who do you avoid?

What matters is: 

1) She's of age.
2) She turns you on and will do what you want.
3) She's not "too much work."
4) She doesn't have a history of making allegations about sexual assault, physical abuse, harassment, stalking, etc. or doing those things herself. You don't need to be the target of her next round of allegations, or to be stalked, harassed, or abused yourself.
5) She won't give you a serious STD.
6) She drinks.

7) She's childfree.
8) She has no nexus to your work (unless you don't care about your job) or your family.

9) She is not a virgin.
10) [Insert your other requirements here.]

Remember, these women don't need to be marriage - or even girlfriend - material, so that opens up the possibilities. It doesn't matter if they're dating other men. Assume they are, no matter what they say. It doesn't matter if they lie (except for certain false allegations). It doesn't matter what age they are, as long as they are adults. She can have debt, a bad job or even no job, whatever. She can claim she's unable to have children. She can be a terrible conversationalist and dumb as a post. She can be politically opposite from you (don't let her know!) You're not going to be introducing her to your family, friends, or coworkers, or living with her, or making babies with her, or marrying her, or sharing hobbies with her so none of that matters.

November Requires Evasive Meneuvers For American Men

 

Free Men, hopefully you didn't spend your Halloween catering to a woman.

If you haven't done so already, you need to start implementing your holiday game plan. Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day are on their way.

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Men! Don't Ruin A Woman's Life By Marrying Her!

Haven't you noticed how miserable husbands make wives?

Wives constantly complain about their husbands.

They complain about their husbands to the husbands. They complain about their husbands to their therapists and counselors. They complain about their husbands to their family. They complain about their husbands to their neighbors. They complain about their husbands to their friends. They complain about their husbands on social media. They complain about their husbands on daytime television gabfests. They complain about their husbands in so many television advertisements.

And there's so much to complain about.

According to reports, husbands create an extra seven hours per week of housework for their wives!

You can also find lists of common complaints wives have, like this one.

1. “He never helps around the house.”

So he causes her to have more housework and he doesn't help!

2. “He plays too many video games.” Or something like fantasy football.

Don't burden her with your frivolity, guys. Don't marry her so she doesn't have to see it.

3. “We have the same arguments every day.”

How dare you not just go along with whatever she wants today, guys? If you don't marry her, she won't have to argue with you.

4. “He drinks too much.”

She shouldn't have to see that, guys. Stay unmarried and go drinking with your buddies.

5. “His family drives me nuts.”

Don't give her in-laws to deal with by marrying her, guys.

6. “He brings too much junk food into the house.”

If you're not living with her, you won't be bringing junk food into her house.

7. “He doesn’t know anything about the kids.”

Don't bother her by being around but not knowing the details, guy!

8. “He always wants to have sex.”

Guys, how can you ruin her life by wanting to sex with her so much? Stay unmarried so you can divide your advances among multiple women. And you're not good enough in bed.

9. “The credit card statement is always a surprise.”

You're buying stuff without her approval?!? Don't marry her and she won't get the credit card statements.

10. “A little appreciation would be nice.”

Men, don't marry her and prevent all those other guys from expressing their appreciation for her. Half of your income is NOT demonstrating enough appreciation. You don't show your appreciation, you don't romance her. Let her be romanced and pursued by better men than you.

Husbands do everything wrong! Even your sense of humor becomes less effective once you are a husband. So don't be a husband.

Husbands often don't earn enough.
Husbands often spend too much time at work.
Husbands are too whiny and dramatic when they get sick.

So don't be a husband. Don't marry a woman and ruin her life.

Wives are far more likely to file for divorce than husbands, clearly because husbands are so likely to be burdens on her, and women have so many complaints about their ex husbands.

DON'T DO THAT TO A WOMAN. Be a nice guy by saving her from the hassles and drudgery and annoyances and burdens husbands bring by NOT marrying her, and NOT moving in together. Otherwise, her sighs might give her breathing problems, and eye rolls might give her vision problems.

Show that you respect her, especially as an equal, by honoring the fact that she doesn't need a man, that she can do everything you can do, that she can do it on her own, and that she's strong and independent, by NOT becoming a husband.

DON'T RUIN A WOMAN'S LIFE BY MARRYING HER.

Now, she might still want a wedding. But what is it she really wants? She wants a series of parties that she plans and controls and that are about her. If you want to give that to woman, you can mark a birthday of hers with a series of such parties, and if you really want, you can gift her a diamond ring and a nice vacation, too. You can do that and pay for all of that and you can do it without becoming a husband.

A Thought About Regrets

 

You go to buy an automobile. Ads, experts, news stories citing studies, brochures, maybe even friends and family all tell you it’ll be a great purchase.

While you’re at the dealer, you can’t help but overhear a woman, having her car serviced, talking on her phone and it becomes clear her teen daughter is pregnant and in no position to be a mother. You and your spouse strike up a conversation with the grandmother to be, and long story short, she lives in your neighborhood and you end up adopting her newborn grandchild. You always wanted a child, and were having trouble becoming a parent, so you’re happy to adopt.

The automobile purchase turns into a disaster. The vehicle has problems and causes you a lot of grief; years of it. The vehicle needed constant work. The dealer changed terms, turned out to be shady, just a whole bunch of problems. You have to get lawyers involved. In the end, you end up without the use of the vehicle, which cost you a lot of money you’ll never get back.

The vehicle purchase was clearly a mistake, right?

The vehicle was a failure, right?

You regret purchasing the vehicle, right?

You don’t regret adopting the child, and going to that dealer to buy that vehicle was how you ended up adopting that child. But you could have met that woman and adopted the child without purchasing the automobile.

What’s my point?

 

Some people don’t want to publicly admit their marriage was a mistake or that they regret it, if they've divorced (or are still legally married but miserable in the marriage), because they have children from that relationship and they don’t want those children to be hurt. But they could have had those children without marrying. Saying “I wish I hadn’t married” or “I wish I hadn’t married that person” does NOT mean “I wish I didn’t have my kid.”

It’s absurd when you think about it. “I entered into a bad financial deal and things fell apart, but I don’t regret it!” Of course you regret it. You might be happy you have your child, but you regret that marriage.

Remember that statistics about marriage and divorce often include people unwilling to admit they regret marrying, or that marrying was a mistake. Remember that some people who tell you they don’t regret their marriage(s) aren’t being honest with you, and maybe themselves. Some think “Well, I’d never say I don’t want my kid, so I can’t say I regret marrying.” But they can. Also, some do regret having children, too. That’s too long to get into in this post.

Don’t sign a terrible contract, guys. And don’t let the state apply one (common law) to your relationship. Stay free!

How Many Other Husbands Live Like This?

This past Friday, June 17, 2022, during Hour 3 of the Dr. Laura Program, she took a call from a man who has been married for over 30 years. He and his wife have no kids. 

He has been very frustrated because they only have sex once every month or two, and his wife has never had much sexual passion. They've seen therapists, doctors, pastors, etc. about this.

They married in their mid-twenties and had waited until they married to have sex. Actually, they waited even longer because she was "too tired" on their wedding night.

Dr. Laura gave him what regular listeners would expect her to give him: the choice to either stay and accept it, or leave. 

He said he won't leave, because of his vows.

This call was important for multiple reasons:

1) "Waiting" for marriage is not risk-free. While some people claim they are waiting for moral or religious reasons, some people wait because they aren't interested in having sex, at least not with the person they are marrying. Even people who display some passion before marrying, even engaging in various forms of sex and frequently at that, might pull back after marrying (or having children). But at least in those cases, their spouse knows they are capable of sexually satisfying them.

2) Contrary to what marriage sellers imply and encourage people to infer, there are married men who are extremely dissatisfied with their marital sex life.

3) People who save sex for marriage tend to be the type of person to stay in the marriage even if they're miserable (and they are also the type to say they're not miserable even though they are).

4) Unless they believe otherwise, clergy need to make it clear that, at some point, willful sexual neglect is unfaithfulness or abandonment to the point of a breaking of the vows and releases the other spouse.

This guy is going to go his whole life never having experienced a good sex life.

He bought into "sex is for marriage" without realizing that the Bible (which is likely THE or at least AN authority for his belief system) never says people need to get a terrible marriage contract from a secular state, nor does it specify what makes someone married, but most importantly to his situation, it never specifies that all sexual acts are forbidden before marriage. There may have been ways he could have avoided this situation.

Even after waiting for months/years, it can be understandable that someone is too tired to do anything on the evening after the wedding, although that's an argument for small, simple weddings. Then this poor sap probably thought she just needed some time, or that he was doing things wrong. Nobody wants to admit they made a huge mistake while they are probably still paying off the wedding or sending out thank you cards. As time slipped by, he was deeper and deeper into the mess, not wanting to admit his mistake or be branded with "divorced" or "annulled," wondering if he is undesirable, not wanting to hire lawyers and go to court, probably being told by some he just needs to be more romantic and understanding, and doing more around the home (remember, no kids). That poor man.

Although Dr. Laura didn't bring it up in this call, what she might have told his wife if she had been the one to make the call is she should choose one of the following for her husband:

1) Masturbate to porn
2) Divorce her

3) Frequent prostitutes

4) Have a mistress

My guess is that is wife would reject any of those. If she found him masturbating and/or viewing porn, she'd probably play the martyr and justify mistreating him.

Gee, you unmarried guys, why haven't you rushed to sign a terrible state contract with a woman???

Stay free, men!

Will Dr. Laura Ever Find Another Man?

One of my favorite authors and radio show hosts, Dr. Laura, is available. It's been a while since she was widowed. [This was originally posted in August 2019. It's still relevant.]

She makes no secret of the fact that she's into her 70s now. It's not easy for any woman in her 70s to find a new man, but it's going to be even more difficult for Dr. Laura, despite the fact that she knows how to keep men happy (she even wrote a book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) and despite the fact that she keeps herself in excellent shape.

For some men, that their potential partner has the level of fame Dr. Laura has, especially of a controversial nature, is a deal breaker.

I have to wonder if Dr. Laura is going to relax her stance on age differences, at least for people who are past the child-bearing years. Given how active she is, I don't see anything wrong with her dating a man in his 50s, as long as doing so would not divert his attention away from minor children. She has railed against callers dating someone more than ten years younger than them, pointing out that the older person was likely to leave their spouse a widow/widower. But... isn't that what has happened to her? Given her health, it is possible she has multiple decades left. What would be wrong with marrying a man in his 50s, and if he's like most men, he passes in his 70s or 80s? Heck, she might outlive him. [At least one recent call indicated she has softened her stance on age differences, at least if the woman is older. Hmmmm]

If her potential suitor has to be in his mid-60s or older, and has to be active enough to keep up with her on hikes and such, that's going to be a very narrow pool. And if Dr. Laura lives out her long-held stances against casual sex and shacking up, which I expect she will, it's going to narrow the pool even further.

I bring this up because she opened her show one day last week describing that someone in her life had "introduced" her to a potential date, and they talked over the phone for a couple of days. He was honest in saying that he was seeing someone, and he also claimed they weren't committed.

Dr. Laura asked if the woman he was seeing was going to know why he was traveling out of town (which would be to see Dr. Laura). He said no. Dr. Laura ended things and said he wasn't an honorable man.

Now, perhaps there was something being left out of her recounting of this interaction, but based on what I heard, I think she made a mistake in not talking with him further and perhaps seeing him. Hey, it's her life and she can do what she wants, but unless there is an engagement ring on a woman's finger or the man and woman have explicitly agreed they are exclusive, they are free to date others and they should EXPECT that the other person is dating others. As Dr. Laura herself points out, even living together isn't an implication of exclusivity; even if they agreed to it! So why is a man expected to tell a woman he's dating he's going out of town to see another woman? Is she expected to say she's going to dinner with another man?

She may have not been fair to herself or him. But again, it's her decision to make.

This isn't just me pontificating. My mother, who was very traditional when it came to dating and marriage, made it clear that unless my ring was on a woman's finger, that woman was free to date others. I never expected the women I dated to only be dating me, nor tell me they were going on dates with others. We had to have a discussion about exclusivity before we could expect it.

These days, men should never assume the woman they are dating is only dating them, even if they claim to be. And men should never imply to the women they are seeing they are only seeing them. But then I'm telling most men they should never marry at all. Dr. Laura is looking for a keeper.


Dr. Laura later explained more about her position on dating.

Unmarried Women and Elections in the USA

This was originally published in September 2012. It still holds up, I think. In 2024, elective abortion has been a big issue, even though plenty of states shave unrestricted abortion and travel to those states isn’t difficult. Follow the money.

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Married women are more likely to vote Republican, unmarried women are more likely to vote Democrat.

Why?

Different people have different explanations, because even asking female voters why they vote the way they do won't necessarily get you the truth.

One explanation I think holds a lot of water is that while many unmarried women see themselves as independent, they want someone to promise them security, and they are very much dependent - on taxpayers they don't even know. Another way of putting it is some some women who say, "I don't need a man!" are counting on men (and women) who pay the taxes that fund the government programs on which these women depend. Democrats promise larger (and supposedly bringing more goodies) government. Republicans promise... to slow the rate of increase in expanding of government. So someone who wants the government to take care of them (as opposed to simply protect them from invading armies, terrorists, and criminals) is much more likely to vote Democrat.

Of course there are unmarried women who are successful and are part of the 53% paying federal income taxes to support those other women who claim to be independent. One big reason many of them are unmarried is because they will only marry a man who will earn more than they do and will promise them additional financial security. The more successful a woman is, the fewer men there will be who are more successful than she is. (Isn't Oprah still unmarried?) If she has been focused on her education and career and growing her business or climbing the corporate ladder, she may not have had the time or interest in building personal relationship with a marriage-minded, marriage-material man. And, by the time she feels like she has arrived at a level where she feels successful, the men in her age range are married, or divorced with children and nasty ex-wives, and/or dating younger women.

On the other hand, someone could argue that the kind of women more likely to vote Republican are also the kind of women more likely to be married. Not sure how that works, though, given that statistically, almost everyone gets married.

I've also noticed that Democrat operatives, academics, and leaders tend to classify people by their sex, sexual orientation, skin color, religion, income level, etc. and then tell them that if they are Latino, black, homosexual, non-Christian, lower-income, or female they then are victims of hate coming from white, heterosexual, Christian, wealthy men and the only or best way to mitgate such injustice, or course, is new or expanded federal programs and protections. Yes, unless they make the system bigger and more powerful and put the "right" people in charge of it, rich male breeder Bible-thumpin' whitey will deviously take any income, food, or home they arrange for themselves, and force them to be incubators for the new supply of child labor. Well, I'm a white, male, heterosexual, Christian, and my income is higher than average. I want people to have whatever they've earned. I want every person's rights protected. I don't want to oppress anyone. I don't want big corporations or the wealthies to manipulate the system unjustly. That's why I belived in Constitutionally-limited government and, as much as possible, power being decentralized. Congress can't give out corporate welfare if Congress sticks to the Constitution.


There other other explanations, too, as to why there is such a split between unmarried and married women, but I think the dependency/security or "I want someone take care of me but not tell me what to do or hold my accountable" thing makes the most sense, based on what I've heard from the very women in question.

Yes, there are exceptions and outliers and I'm generalizing. Of course I am. And I welcome your disagreement or agreement or citing of exceptions.

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Note: If you still come here to read, I am so sorry about my slowdown. Life's been busy.