Guys, You Need a Holiday Game Plan

[Bump up: NOW is the time, guys! Halloween is Saturday!]

Free Men, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to the government-imposed lockdowns. 

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the temporary conditions of 2020 cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. 2020 is a bump in the road. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Dating Without Marriage in Sight

Good Catholic Husband Matt Walsh commanded people not to date if they don't want to get married. Dr. Laura has often told men they shouldn't be dating unless they're prepared to pay for a wife and kids. And she's also said people shouldn't marry until their late 20s. So I guess that means no dating for her followers until then. Here's Wash's column at Daily Wire. [This entry has been bumped up.]

It’s no secret that my generation is extremely delayed in the marriage department.

That's the first line. I wasn't aware there was a requirement to be married by a certain age.

The average age of marriage is now 27 for women and almost 30 for men.

That sounds about right.

My Ideal Wife?

If  you don't follow me on Twitter, you really should, or at least bookmark my account.

One of my mutual follows on there came into a back-and-forth I was having with someone else and asked me "What is your ideal wife?"

I now say most men shouldn't marry and that I shouldn't have married. But there was a time I drew up a profile of what I needed in a wife, to help me find my wife[1]. I thought I'd found her. I was wrong, and I should have known it. My wife PRESENTED herself as that person (in that earlier profile I compiled), but she was a fraud.

If my wife were to divorce me or die (Heaven forbid), I'd NEVER remarry, except maybe when I'm 85 years old. Aside from sex, just about everything I like to do is a solitary activity or I enjoy more solitary or with friends. So, I wouldn't remarry, and if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have married at all. 

But, as a thought exercise, knowing what I know now, what would be my ideal wife for me be if I was single, younger, and childfree? Here's the new profile I compiled.

Don't Be This Guy or His Brother

My most popular post on not dating single mothers continues to get a lot of views and comments. This one here (reposted below) is a doozy. Since that entry has so many comments, I recommend leaving your comment on the topic of dating (or not dating) women with minor children here, where it is more likely to be seen. 

I wish both my brother & I would have come up on this article sooner. My brother: Age 48 and has a 2 year old with a divorced mother of a pre-teen. Nothing but drama in that house; arguing over how to discipline the pre-teen to dealing with the bio dad and I'm not even going to reveal that he pays the $3500.00 mortgage on a house that is in her name and he has no claim in.

Oh no. Don't be that guy!

As for me: Age 47 and I'm in a relationship with a divorced mother of 2 pre teens and it sucks. No say what about the BS the kids cause and then dealing with the ex who is a felon. Always being disrespected and cleaning up around the house after them. Not to mention the boat loads of money that I have shelled out for trips and presents for these bastard rats all the while not getting so much as a thank you in return. It has now become the norm that I am no longer the man of the house, rather just a silent castrated financial source that they feel they can withdrawal funds from at any given time they wish to buy the latest stupid expensive thing trending on Tik Tok or FB or the internet; like social welfare, to be taken advantage of and to be abused with no accountability. Man O' man, I could go on for days and days about the crap that goes on here but from reading the previous posts, I think you got a clear picture of the crap that I have to deal with.

Yes! There are so many comments with horror stories from other guys.

As of last month, I'm planned on dumping soon and her nest of rats: I managed to stash away a few dollars and planned my escape, soon to an undisclosed location in another city about 35 miles away. I, at least, am able to escape and reclaim my dignity and reinsert my social status as a man once again in this twisted and deranged society that rewards reckless behavior and enables, better yet encourages the lower class to continue to have these parasitic children and at the same time promoting the view that these women are strong, brave and independent entities that have value and a wealth of knowledge to bring to the table.

Good luck! Keep us updated.

Don't believe me: Just look at all the state welfare programs out there that reward these type of people. Now as for my bother, well let's just say that he's not so lucky; going to have to take one for the team and we'll have to cut our losses. I'll remember him as the fun loving guy that he was once was and not that pansi mangina that waved the white flag and surrendered at the first sign of the enemy.

So, so sad. DON'T DATE WOMEN WITH MINOR OR DEPENDENT CHILDREN, guys! And do not marry, impregnate, live with, co-sign for anything with, or agree to exclusivity with ANY woman. 

Keep your independence. Learn to walk away, learn to say "NO!" Let HER walk away rather than giving up your autonomy or money.

Her Dreams Matter, His Dreams Don't

On the Tuesday, September 29, 2020 Dr. Laura show, during the third hour. Dr. Laura took a call from a married woman who wants to leave her position, which has six figures in pay, for something that will be close to minimum wage, at least for a while.

She said her husband was against doing that, mentioning the pay.

Dr. Laura said the caller's husband was "dismissive of her as a human being" and ignoring what would make her feel purposeful and satisfied, the "quality of your life," and it would be all about the money.

Dr. Laura said the marriage probably isn't going to survive. "So what if he things it is the wrong decision?"

Hmmm.

Partisan Politics

I haven't been using this blog as an outlet for my political (USA politics) views lately. If you don't care about my political opinions, especially if you can't handle disagreement, skip right over this.

Wife Is Itching to Tear Down Her Husband

Dear Abby can be a great column to check regularly to be reminded why you don't want to marry. DONE WITH IT IN MAINE wrote to tell the world how awful her husband is. 

I have been married for 14 years to a man a lot of people in our town think has no flaws.

That's how the letter starts. Everyone knows he has flaws. But he's respected. And that's driving his wife nuts!

He helps a lot of people, and he is also a pastor,

Pastors are supposed to help people, yes.

Not All SAHMs Are Made Equal

I do generally believe that married parenting should involve a division of labor in the sense that someone should raising the kids and someone should be considered the breadwinner.

When Dr. Laura paints a portrait of a "stay-at-home" mother, she actually doesn't want them to stay home. It's more like they are "stay-with-kids" mothers. She describes them taking their kids to parks, taking the kids along as they walk, run, or bike, and constantly playing with the kids.

And she tells women who have husbands who aren't convinced those women should quit their jobs to stay with the kids to tell the husbands that they'll be able to prepare more homecooked meals and there will be a lot more sex.

But how many of these women really live up to these things? I applaud those who do, but what about the rest?

[This entry was bumped up from late 2015. We no longer have the other two adults living with us - they were here for a couple of years or so. Most of what they did has reverted to me.]

My wife has been a SAHM since before our first child, who was planned, was conceived.

Today, the kids are in school. My wife is still a SAHM.

When Dr. Laura Tells Moms to Announce Their Switch to SAHM

Children being raised with attention, affection, a sense of security, and morality is one of Dr. Laura's top goals, which is why she condemns the use of day care and insists parents should raise their own children right up until Kindergarten, which is entered into at age 5 or 6 (boys should especially be started later, according to her). She's also big on homeschooling, but any form of daycare (including "preschool") from ages 0-4 is a no-no.

While she doesn't rule out "stay at home fathers", she says mothers are preferable from ages 0-3, and she notes that the "psychobiology" is that women prefer a man be a provider and they tend to lose respect for their husband if they earn more than him or he's home with the kids earning no income at all. Men also tend to like to provide.

So, she gets calls from employed women who are pregnant or have just given birth (again) or even have infants or toddlers who want to switch to being SAHMs, but have husbands who are opposed to that change or are at least reluctant to agree.

This is when Dr. Laura, who usually says big decisions, even getting a dog, have to have mutual agreement and if either spouse is a "no" then the change doesn't happen, leaves that principle aside. It is overruled by the importance of a mother's love. She tells the women to quit their jobs, come up with a one-income budget, to announce to their husband they will be staying home, and tell him that it will mean home-cooked meals, lots of great sex, and a more pleasant home.

That's all good, but only if the caller follows through. And only if the husband accepts the announcement. Will it be better if the family splits up than if they stay together with both parents working outside the home? Dr. Laura says men who aren't eager to be sole support for a wife and kids aren't real men, but would her opinion stop one man who is thinking along these lines from engaging in what he sees as self defense?

I'm Not Better Off From Marrying

Over and over again, men are told that marriage is good for men (by people who should admit they have ulterior motives). I maintain that more often than not, it is NOT good for a breadwinning man who has his act together. Most marriages are failures. While individual wives, through their voluntary decisions, can make a man’s life better, that is a minority and is despite, not because of, the general culture as well as family laws and courts; she can do these things without a state marriage license. Plus, you can’t be sure she actually will be net positive in a man’s life until everything has been said and done, but that man can tell if he’s living a miserable life at any given moment.

Recently I considered my own situation. [This entry is bumped up from August 2017. Significant stuff has happened since then, and not for the better.]

Am I better off because I’m married?

Another Round of Whining About Dr. Laura

A mob of "victims" is trying to cancel Dr. Laura again.

You see, ideally, according to Dr. Laura and tradcons and the like, a man and a woman marry and then make babies together and raise those babies to adulthood together.

That's not the controversial part this time.

People Dr. Laura Schlessinger Has Pissed Off

Dr. Laura has pissed off a lot of people. Here's a list that I do not claim to be exhaustive.

[UPDATE November 2019: Per my permission, this list appears in the latest book by Dr. Laura, under the title of something like "96 Kinds of People Who Hate Dr. Laura" or something like that. I'm honored.]

In no particular order:

A New Disqualifier For Wife Material

If you're a guy who is getting pressure to "settle down and marry" from anyone, I've previously told you how to get people off of your back by pointing out that there is no compatible woman for you who is wife material. Although you can eliminate all women already, there's now another disqualifier that will come in handy:

A woman can't be your wife and the mother of your children if she has nudes or sex videos out there. 

This will eliminate most women. Thanks to smart phones, most women in your "acceptable" age range for a wife have those out there. Either she has sent them to at least one person or someone else took such pictures or videos. Either way, once it is out there, it will never go away and it will always exist. Your kids might see them.

I picked this up from Dr. Laura. She warns young women and girls that good guys won't want them if they are sending such pics and videos, and let's prove Dr. Laura right!

"But shouldn't people be forgiven of their past?" Sure. But this isn't about forgiveness. It is about the environment created for your potential marriage and family created by something that will never go away. You have every right to say you don't want a wife who has nudes or sex videos out there. Just like women are free to declare they will never date a guy who watches porn. Standards are good things, right?

Honestly, I wouldn't give a crap if my wife had such media out there. Actually, if she had ever been that sexually adventurous things might be better. And you might not care either. But the important thing is that it is another valid way for you to continue to avoid marriage, so you can pretend to care.

Very, very few women are wife material.

Very few or none of them are compatible with you.

So don't marry.

That Boy Needs the Real Facts of Life

A recent Dear Abby letter from HEAVY-HEARTED MOM shows why parents need to give teen boys and young men the real facts of life.

My son, a high school senior, was in a relationship with a young woman who broke up with him and began dating his best friend.

There's your first problem. A high school guy shouldn't be in a "relationship".

He was heartbroken.

He needs to learn not to care. Seriously. I know he's young. But he should still strive to get to where I was at one point: I was dating a woman for a while... maybe a couple of months. One day she told me that she was going back to her ex-boyfriend. Didn't bother me in the least. Why? I hadn't expected it to last, I had already gotten what I wanted, and there were other women to date. Not dating her simply freed up my time for others. I hadn't made her the center of my world. He shouldn't have made this girl the center of his world.

Revisiting My Revisting of My Series on the Claim Married Men Get More Sex

In December 2016 I wrote:

It's been more like once every three weeks now, although my wife has just agreed to try to get it up to three times per week. The problem is, after everything that's happened and the things she's said repeatedly, including recently, and done, it is difficult for me to be turned on to her. Sex is a burden and chore for her and she deliberately avoids orgasms except for rare times. Yes, I'm still physically attracted to her and want to enjoy her body and treat her well, but treating her well seems to be leaving her alone, and emotionally it's a mess. Like just about every other plan to which she agrees, the plan to at least make out more often will probably be dropped quickly.

Yeah, that didn't even get off the ground. Once every three weeks or less, and usually it is one-sided, as in she will give me some relief while expending as little energy as she can, and that's it, or she will let me do what I can for her (which I enjoy a lot) and she will be "unable" to do anything to me.

I Don't Know Why Dennis Prager Has Been Divorced Twice

People occasionally find this blog because they want to know why talk show host, public speaker, author, and columnist Dennis Prager has been divorced twice.

I don't know why, other than the fact that he married.

You can't be divorced if you never marry.

These days, it sounds like he's happy in his third marriage, which, if it holds, will beat the odds.

You can read his columns mentioning marriage, view Prager University videos about marriage and female-male interactions, and listen to his weekly "male/female" hour to get some clues, but I've done those things and I really don't know why he's twice divorced. Maybe he wanted more sex. Maybe he was too kinky. Maybe his exes couldn't abide his honesty that husbands still enjoy looking at other women. Don't know.

If I recall correctly, he sees marriage as a contract (as does the law, by the way, but Prager thinks it has some different terms than the law), and if one spouse refuses to live up to the contract, divorce is not only acceptable, but often the right thing to do.

I don't know if he filed or his two ex-wives filed.

Maybe he doesn't think it is fair to talk about why his marriages ended, given that his ex-wives don't have the media soapboxes he does. Maybe he's ashamed or embarrassed. Or maybe he thinks he's entitled to a private life, which he is.

Still, I am curious and so are others. My curiosity is based on his consistent insistence that a guy must marry to be a man and his marriage-selling. It sure would be interesting to know why his two divorces happened and what the terms were.

As a bit of an aside, he maintains that divorce isn't really bad for the children, it is about how the spouses-then-ex-spouses behave that an be bad. But by the same logic, marriage doesn't make a man mature or better. It is how he behaves. So men can display all of the character traits he values without signing a bad state contract.

An Unique Escape Hatch For Engaged Men

Sir, are you engaged to be married?

The National Emergency and global pandemic we're dealing with right now gives you an unique escape hatch to avoid marriage, especially if your wedding is scheduled and rapidly approaching.

Service providers are shutting down. Venues are closing down. People aren't traveling.

How can you have or even plan a wedding in these circumstances?

Tell your fiancée that the wedding needs to be delayed. Most likely, she will agree, because she wants the big party, and the series of associated parties, and those just can't happen with things like this.

Now, there's a chance she'll say she wants to go to the courthouse or the county office and have a small legal ceremony, and she will probably include that the big formal wedding, or at least reception, can be later.

Try to convince her that it would be best to wait and keep the legal wedding as the same thing as the big ceremony.

Then, while the wedding is "delayed," you can plan your escape. No, you can't keep the relationship. She's going to want to get married.

Desperate situations call for desperate measures.

Congrats to the Guys Who Avoided the Prom and Promposals

If you were enjoying your time in high school, you might be bummed that it was abruptly ended for you, especially if you were a Senior.

But guys, at least you have avoided The Prom and, hopefully, an embarrassing Promposal.

You're better off.

Shut In

Today, Dennis Prager wondered on his radio program if the shutdown, and having to stay home, is causing unmarried guys to think they should've married.

I'm confident far more husbands are regretting that they married than there are unmarried guys wishing they were married.

I would be much better off right now if I was living alone.

Meanwhile, on yesterday's Dr. Laura show, there was a woman complaining that with the shutdown, her husband wanted too much sex.

Stay free, guys.

Valentine's Day Aftermath

Are you an unmarried guy who just spent a lot of money and effort on Valentine's Day, only to get what you used to get all of the time? Or did you get less than that?

Did you even propose marriage and give her a ring?

If you're not married, and you just made a big deal about Valentine's Day, and especially if you proposed marriage, you need to step back and think about what you've done and you are doing. Are you regretful? Are you doubting? Are you asking yourself "Why did I do that?" If not, you probably should be.

Most men shouldn't be in exclusive relationships, and certainly not marriage!

Most unmarried men, if they play their cards right, can get everything they want without spending a lot of money and energy on Valentine's Day, birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries.

If there is a woman who is planning to marry you this June, or any other time this year, you probably need to put the breaks on the relationship, especially if there are any red flags. If you're shacking up and/or if she has kids, plan your escape!

You don't need to be married. And there's a good chance that, deep down, you don't really want to be.

So, get out. And learn to be scarce so that you won't get trapped into wasting money, effort, and time on things like Valentine's Day or meeting a woman's family or friends for holidays.