Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 8

 

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here.


Men don't do well alone.

Some men don't do well alone. Some women don't, too. So what? Why should that compel men who don't want to sign a terrible state contract to do so? How about teaching more people how to thrive independently?

Some men are responsible, happy, thriving, and productive on their own.

Men certainly don't do well in bad marriages or when they are screwed over by the family courts.

Ask the marriage seller where they are getting this idea from. It may be from media, which tends to portray men as bumbling fools who need a woman to run their life. They might try to use statistics, which almost always is a matter that comes down to "which is the cart, and which is the horse" For example, certain crimes tend to be committed by young, unmarried men. But young men are likely to be unmarried, unless they are members of certain religious subgroups, and maybe the fact that they are violent criminals is why they aren't married; implying that signing a terrible state contract magically turns criminals into great citizens is bizarre. Why should any woman be asked to take that on?

When a woman says men don't do well alone, she might be revealing that she has a low opinion of men. When a man says it, he's usually telling on himself. He didn't do well alone, or at least that's how he remembers it. I did great on my own. I was in great financial shape, and doing well physically, professionally, socially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I didn't go hungry, lived in cleanliness, had clean clothes to wear, and had good hygiene. I was dating, I learned not to waste my time or money when I did.

You can probably cite examples of men who have done well on their own. You might be one of them.

Finally, just because someone won't sign a terrible state contract doesn't mean they are alone.

So, some of the ways to answer this include:

A) I'm doing fantastic alone!

B) I'm not married, and yet I'm not alone.

C) It's not a binary choice. Being unmarried doesn't necessarily mean being alone.

D) It's never been easier to thrive being alone. Let's show more people how they can.

E) Would you please explain what you mean by that? (They will likely use statistics in a misleading way, or hallucinate about some poor slob who can't take care of himself. If the latter, ask them if they mean that wives should take care of husbands as if they are their mother.)


It isn't good for man to be alone.

This is either the same thing as the assertion above or citation of Genesis. This assertion has no effect on anyone who doesn't take the first few chapters of Genesis as authoritative for how we live today. It's like trying to order one's life around the understanding that tortoises beat hares in speed.

If someone does consider the early chapters of Genesis to have authority over life today, then they can note that this was a statement made when Adam was completely alone. In that sense, none of us are alone anymore as there are over eight billion people in the world now.

So the answer here is, "We're not alone."

If the person who is trying this on you respects what Christians all the New Testament, point to Paul and Jesus himself (although Mormons believe Jesus married).


Be fruitful and multiply.

As with the statement above, this is a statement in early Genesis. There is no indication that it is directed at all people in all places for all time. It was directed at two people.

Humanity has multiplied. It has been done.

So the answer here is "We have."

Also, we can multiply without a terrible state contract.

You can find Biblical passages about all sorts of activities the person using this verse hasn't done themselves.

In today's world, men can thrive without signing a terrible state contract with a woman. Living in your own residence by yourself does not mean being alone. We have friends, family, neighbors, and we can have companionship.

Part 9

June is Coming

Wedding season, gentlemen. Maybe you’re scheduled to be the groom.

Maybe a man you care about is scheduled to be a groom.

Maybe a woman you’re "seeing" or "with" is expecting you to be her date for a wedding or weddings.

Obviously, the first situation is the most dire.

Practical Advice for Men Avoiding Relationships

Hey all free men! Are you dealing with family, "friends", coworkers, and fellow congregants who insist you should "settle down" or "grow up" or "man up" or "get serious"* and find a "nice woman" and marry her? Are they doing even worse by actually trying to fix you up with someone?

If telling them you never want to get married is either not something you want to do for whatever reason, or hasn't worked, try cutting them off at the knees by insisting any woman you could be with has to fit the following profile:


[NOTE: Are there great women who don't meet the criteria below who can be fun at dinner or parties, or good coworkers, or good friends, or good neighbors, or successful? Yes, but that doesn't mean they'd make a good wife or you'd want her as a girlfriend. That's what we're talking about here. This message is for men who want to avoid marriage and relationships in general.]

Cause and Effect - Rejecting Your Man

Ladies, if you're married or in a relationship with a man in which you are expecting sexual exclusivity, it is important for you to know something in case you haven't picked up on it before or nobody else has told you yet.

If your man has a libido, and you sexually reject him, that rejection will usually have unpleasant consequences unless the rejection is very rare. What counts as "rejection?" It can range from repeatedly delaying or declining some form or all forms of sex to refusing to try things in which he's expressed interest. Rejection includes him not even bothering to ask/try because he has good reason to believe he'll be shot down. It also includes letting yourself go to the point he loses attraction.

The consequences are likely to be one or more of the following, in no particular order:

1. He will be less motivated to do things for you. This ranges from chores you want done that he doesn't care much about to anniversary celebrations, vacations, and expensive gifts.
   
   
2. He will be less open with you about his feelings, desires, fantasies, and thoughts.
   
   
3. He will cut back on other forms of affection and intimacy. This might mean spending less time with you, less touch, fewer compliments, etc.
   
   
4. He will be irritable, grumpy, or snarky.
   
   
5. He will occupy himself or numb the pain with substances (food, alcohol, tobacco, cannabis, etc.) or more hobbies/more time on hobbies that don't involve you.
   
   
6. He will masturbate (more), and that masturbation will be likely to involve porn (visual and written), videos and images of exes or other people he knows, memories and fantasies of exes, fantasies of other people, etc.
   
   
7. He will get it elsewhere.
   
1. Ongoing affairs
2. Flings
3. Hookups/One night stands/Booty calls
4. Sex worker
5. Sexting/Video chat/chats/online forums/apps
    
8. He will leave.
   

He might not think "Because she won't do this, I'm going to do that." Maybe he will, maybe it will just be what happens without him actually thinking it through. I'm not saying these things are all right or justified. Nor am I saying you should do things you don't want to do. I'm not denying some men behave this way even if you're a great lover. I'm simply informing you of reality: men react in these ways to sexual rejection by a woman they expect to be their lover. Don't expect he'll warn you about these things ahead of time or tell you after the fact, even if you ask him directly. What's his incentive to tell you?

You might not care. You might have things the way you want them. But you're most likely delusional if you think there is no consequence you don't like when you reject him.
 
If you can't handle this, it might be a good idea not to ask for, or agree to, a supposedly exclusive relationship. Or, resolve to be a good, enthusiastic, available lover to him, because if you've picked a good man and you treat him right, he's not going to leave or go elsewhere, and he will do what he can to meet your needs and desires.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 7

 


Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here.


Why aren't you married/Why don't you want to be married?

One problem with these questions is that they are asked as though marriage is the default. It isn't. One must do a series of voluntary things in order to be married. If someone doesn't do those things, they won't be married. Once you realize that the default is being unmarried, deflecting these questions becomes easier.

Yet again, there are several ways of answering this, depending on your situation and your interactions with the person who is asking.

A) I was born without a wife.

B) Marriage is voluntary. I am naturally free. The real question is "Why should I get married?"

C) I don't have compelling reasons to marry.

D) I don't voluntarily sign terrible state contracts.

E) I haven't found a compatible woman.

F) I don't want to inflict myself on someone.

G) I have too much respect for the independence of women than to do that.

H) I refuse to perpetuate such misogynistic patriarchy.

I) Just lucky, I guess.

J) (Turn it around.) Why did you marry?/Why are you marrying? (They will usually cite something they could have had without a terrible state contract. It's up to you if you want to point that out or not.)

Most men don't have a good reason to marry. When men stop accepting without question that marriage is a must and a if not married, a man must seek to get married, and flip things around to place the burden where it belongs, which is on the marriage seller, most of the marriage marketing campaign crumbles.

Part 8

What Is the Marriage Strike?

 
The Marriage Strike is refusing to legally marry (or, refusing to legally marry again), and usually it also involves refusing to socially marry. More and more men are refusing to marry. That is a fact.

Why join the marriage strike?

There are many reasons, not all of which need to apply to you:

• You don't want to marry.
  
• Marriage is a bad deal for most men.
• Marriage is a bad state contract.
• Marriage brings the government further into your life. 
• Most marriages fail.
  
• Current marriage culture is misandrist. 
• Most marriage counseling, therapy, and popular advice is misandrist or otherwise terrible.  
• Men are punished for being husbands.
  
• A lack of wife material women.
• A lack of accountability for wives.
• Marriage doesn't help you reach your goals.
• Marriage brings guaranteed limitations, obligations, and risks with no guaranteed benefits you can't get without marrying.
  
• You prefer to retain power over your life. 
• You prefer to live alone.
  
• You prefer to stay free.
• You can't be sure the woman you'd marry isn't being trafficked into marriage. 
• If you're a Bible-following Christian, you can't be sure you wouldn't be unequally yoked if you married.
  
• And many more!
  

Do Married Men Get It More and Better?

Marriage sellers will often say married people have more and better sex than unmarried people.

Unmarried men should not fall for this.

Stop reading now if you don't want the brutal truth.

Are There Really Seven Million American Men Refusing to Work?

Senator Josh Hawley was on Hour 2 of the Tuesday, June 20, 2023 Dennis Prager Show to promote a book.

Senator Hawley and Mr. Prager were lamenting the "crisis" that supposedly seven million able men of employable age are NOT working in the USA, and that is supposedly NOT including men who are on Unemployment. Of course one of the biggest problems they see with this is that women don't want to marry guys who aren't gainfully employed, because Heaven forbid women not get whatever they want and some people NOT marry.

The assumption is that these men are sitting around playing video games, watching adult media, and getting high.

Curiously, there were no figures provided for women who aren't working to provide as a comparison. That's because it is OK for women not to work. It's not OK, in the minds of some people, that a man doesn't work.

It is unlikely that there are really seven million men who are perfectly healthy who are sitting around just doing whatever they want and nothing else even though they're financially dependent on family, a girlfriend, a wife, etc. There might be a few men doing exactly that, but if I was a betting man I'd bet that almost all of those 7 million men have one or more of the following going on:

• Undiagnosed/untreated/unregistered physical and mental disorders
• Homeless
• Retired, even if unofficially and early
  
• Stay at home dad or house husband (yes, some women agree to this, and some men are with other men who agree to it)
• Helping to care for younger or disabled siblings, elderly or disabled parents
• They own enough (investments, real estate, etc.) they don't need employment
• They have their own business but haven't officially registered their business
• They work gigs
• They buy, sell, and trade without being registered as a business
  
• Under the table work
• Work in the family business, off the books 
• They consider themselves artists and are supported by others enough (even if just their parents) they don't need a registered job
  
• They're getting their education
  
• Black market
• Going through the criminal justice system
  

Obviously, men being in some of those categories is a bad thing, but for other categories, it's not a problem at all.

The fact is, the overwhelming majority of men who play games, watch adult media, and/or do drugs are employed. Most of them are married or in some form of romantic or sexual relationship.

If a man has gotten the message that he's not needed or wanted in workplaces and doesn't want to sign a terrible state contract, and he's found a way to stay off the public dole that isn't destructive, good for him. I don't see a need for him to change to please a Senator, a talk show host, or a woman.

The Senator claimed this has been building for fifty years. Now why would that be? What happened 50 years ago? Hmmmm…

He also says America needs you to get a job and start a family. How about... America needs you to not be dependent on government. We don't need every man out there to start a family. Want more men to marry? See what I wrote here.

Marriage Sellers Should Start a Fund

There are many reasons people are on a marriage strike, whether they call it that or not.

One big reason is the enormous financial costs, limitations, and risks.

Marriage sellers, like Dennis Prager and so many others, are extremely concerned about plummeting marriage rates. That means they should be motivated to actually do something other than lamenting reality.

Here’s one thing they can do.

They can reduce the financial negatives.

Create a fund. Pledge to cover at least the following:

• The difference between the income the lower earning spouse brings to the marriage and the costs they bring to it
• Marital counseling/therapy
• Family law/divorce attorneys, from prenups to separation agreements and divorces
• The lost income when a someone can’t take a promotion/job because their spouse discourages it
• Any lost income as a result of the spouse wanting/causing someone to miss work
• Replacement costs of assets lost in a divorce and reimbursement for relocation 
• Any alimony/support
• Reimbursement for paternity fraud costs 

This is just dealing with certain financial concerns. It doesn’t address loss of freedom, loss of sex when someone is expected not to have sex with others but is rejected by their spouse, and countless other reasons people are refusing to sign that terrible state contract.

Come on, marriage advocates! Put your money where your mouth is.

Offer this fund to someone reluctant to marry.

Mothers Day is THIS SUNDAY May 12

Don't forget the mothers in your life, unless they've torn up their mother card.

Don't forget people like your stepmother, if you're trying to keep peace with her/your dad and she expects to be celebrated by you, even if she tore up her mother card.

And those of you who are foolish enough to be in a relationship with a woman who is a mother, you'd better do something for her, unless you want a fight.

Don't expect much reciprocation in June if you're a father or have taken on the role of a father.

Are You Worried About Lower Fertility Rates in Your Country?

Then YOU have more children, OK?

Stop trying to convince people who aren't enthusiastically seeking to have (more) children to pop out babies.

If you're so concerned, you have more children. You pay to raise them. You make the sacrifices. After all, it's worth it, right?

See these posts:

We Are Not Going Back

Having A Family Doesn't Guarantee Happiness

Is It Now Irresponsible To Have Children?

Why Are They Surprised?

The Costs of Raising a Child

Oh No! Not Lower Fertility Rates!

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 6

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here.


It sounds better to say "This is my wife" instead of "This is my girlfriend."

This is another assertion of made by marriage sellers that requires you to simply accept and agree in order for it to work. It's based entirely on personal preferences. In contrast, Dr. Laura, herself a marriage seller, has encouraged her married listeners to think of, and call, themselves their husband's girlfriend or their wife's boyfriend.

For people who say this, like Dennis Prager, it is based on his emotional fixation on marriage. My own convictions have me reacting almost entirely in the opposite way, meaning I feel better when a man introduces me to his girlfriend than his wife. When he introduces me to his wife, I usually feel sorry for him, and when he introduces me to his fiancee, I want to pull him aside and warn him.

So, again, there are several ways to respond to this.

A) That's your personal preference. My preference is different.

B) It sounds even better to say "I get to do what I want to do."

C) Men who run game don't introduce their dates at all.

It is amazing that people like Dennis Prager want to you sign a terrible state contract because he thinks it sounds better to say "wife" instead of "girlfriend."

A word of caution. Yes, you can call a woman your "wife" even though you're not legally married to her. Depending on where you live and the other things you do, though, that might put you into the same legal/financial jeopardy as getting legally married. So, "girlfriend" is definitely better.

Part 7

The Sight of Human Skin Doesn't Harm Human Brains

Cathy Reisenwitz has a video and an excellent written commentary about adult media.

A 2020 study showed that ~70% of people watch low amounts of porn with no discernible negative ramifications. Around a quarter of people watch a lot of porn with no measurable downside. And around ~5% of people watch a lot of porn, and it seems to cause or exacerbate problems for them.

Five percent. You can find five percent of people for whom watching a lot of sports is problematic. The problem isn't what they're watching. Compulsive/problematic media viewing is a symptom of a problem. Porn isn't the problem.

Problematic porn consumers are more likely than average to show symptoms of hypersexuality, depression, boredom, and low self-esteem. They’re likely not getting their basic psychological needs met.

They have problems. And they watch porn. Porn isn't the cause.

And this study builds on other research showing that feeling guilty about watching porn is a high predictor of having a “porn addiction.”

"Porn addiction" isn't a scientific term. It's a term used by salespeople and the people they've duped, and people who are trying to shift blame for their problems.

In fact, another study showed that men who look at porn more often who are in relationships have more sex with their partners. Women who look at porn more often have more partnered sex whether or not they’re in relationship, have better sex, and have more sexual flexibility.

Antiporn crusaders count viewing porn itself as misogyny and violence against women, so of course they dispute these findings.

Porn use is associated with decreases in violence against women. Men who look at more porn are actually less sexist than men who look at less of it.

This sort of thing never dissuades the antiporn crusaders. 

Every study I’m aware of that purports to show that porn is harmful either: 

1. Fails to correct for the fact that people who feel ashamed of themselves for watching porn are far more likely to report “problematic” porn use, regardless of how much they watch or how it’s otherwise impacting their lives

2. Misrepresents MRI results to show spurious findings

3. Fails to establish causation. People already at risk of becoming sexual abusers are more likely to watch a lot of violent porn. But there’s no evidence that watching a lot of violent porn causes the average person to be more likely to perpetrate sexual violence. In fact, there’s a lot of evidence in the opposite direction.

4. Mislabels porn

5. Is otherwise shown to be faulty. 

 

When you hear of studies that claim to show adult media as physically or mentally harmful, you should keep in mind that there is an abundance and extreme variety of porn, so studies focusing on one particular kind may not be indicative of anything else. Also, such studies usually don't control for masturbation. There's also the very basic consideration that apparent correlation doesn't establish causation.

There are many studies on "both sides," but most people can't sort through the details of studies. Think carefully. Porn is, usually, depictions of nudity and sexuality. Do you really think depictions of human beings in their natural state or engaged in reproductive behavior would be physically or mentally harmful to the observer? How exactly would that make any sense from either a naturalistic, evolutionary perspective, or if you believe in some form of Divine creationism? Wouldn't that mean having sex with your spouse with the lights on would be harmful?

Reisenwitz's commentary is definitely worth a read, and touches on religion. I note that Jesus is never quoted as telling any woman to cover up. Instead, He told his followers to pluck out their own eye or cut off their own hand if they have a problem. Antiporn crusaders claim to be concerned about abuse of women and children but many of them never say one word about churches where women and children have been raped. What do you think Jesus finds more disturbing: an erotic performance on video, or a member of the clergy raping a congregant?

Dennis Prager talks about panics pushed by the Left. These antiporn crusades are a panic pushed largely from the Right (and also from the Left by certain misandrists).

Why Romance Doesn’t Cure Dead Bedrooms

 

When a husband complains about a dead bedroom, chances are he will get advice telling him to be more romantic. Usually, he’s already doing that, or doing it in so far as his wife allows.

Sadly, it usually won’t cure a dead bedroom.

That’s because the reason she is rejecting or sexually starving him isn’t because of a lack of romance.

What does romancing a woman do?

• It signals his interest.
• It signals his willingness to back up his interest with effort and investment.
• It’s one of many ways to create a bond.

A husband has already done those things on an ongoing basis in extremely significant ways.

This isn’t to say a husband shouldn’t romance his wife. If she wants romance, he should romance her. Because spouses should do certain things for and with each other because the other spouse enjoys that.

A wife isn’t rejecting her husband because of his lack of interest, effort/investment, or bonding. If he didn’t have interest, she wouldn’t have the opportunity to reject him!

She’s rejecting him either because she already has a bond with him and figures she doesn’t need to please him anymore or she is trying to severe their bond. She is sabotaging their relationship. What she wants matters, what he wants doesn’t. She’s exerting control. Her motivations to have sex with him are outweighed, in her mind, by reasons to avoid sex with him, no matter how irrational her thinking. 

Some women deny this because they have a high drive. They insist the husband must be a terrible lover. But many women don’t have a high drive, at least not most of the time. There are husbands who are very romantic and great lovers and are still rejected so that they are having sex infrequently if at all. The average husband is more than willing to do what a wife tells or shows him she needs sexually. But she does have to tell him (sweetly/kindly) or show him.

This is not about women who have some condition or injury that has them in a lot of pain. Of course there are certain things they won’t be doing or won’t be doing often. This is referring to women who, for example, collect and store resentments and decide to punish their husband even if he’s a good man. Nobody’s perfect, and as that record of mistakes or wrongs gets longer and longer, his sex life suffers.

Sometimes, a husband and wife in a dead bedroom might have sex after romance. But generally, romancing a rejecting wife will not cure a dead bedroom. Nor will it that the husband takes on more of the chores.

It’s just one of many reasons more men are joining the marriage strike.

Don't Watch Adult Media, Run Game Instead

If we take the claims of professional antiporn crusaders seriously, it is far better to have casual sex, especially if tested for STDs and using contraception, than it is to watch porn.

According to the professional antiporn crusaders, nobody should watch porn because among many other evils, porn:

• Is addictive
• Causes depression
  
• Conditions viewers to prefer images to sex
• Causes misleading expectations about sex
• Causes men to assault partners by beating and choking them
  
• Is often "revenge porn"
  
• Causes ED
  
• Inherently causes trafficking
• Causes child abuse
• Is violence
• Causes rape
  
• Is rape
• Encourages/causes pedophilia/child rape
• Causes brain damage
  

So clearly, the answer is to get tested, get a vasectomy, and have sex instead of watching porn. The best way to get a lot of sex when you want it is to run game.

Of course, many of the antiporn crusaders will tell you they're against premarital sex. I am, too, because if it is premarital, by definition it means they get married, and most men shouldn't marry.

Motivations Against Adult Media

I don't like it when people aren't honest and upfront about their motivations. I'm much more likely to deal with a salesperson who is honest than one that is pretending to do something out of the pure goodness of their heart or claiming a dire disaster will happen to me if I don't buy from them. [This entry has been bumped up.]

You see this sort of thing all of the time. People say they want to "legalize hemp" for medical marijuana or because practical products made from hemp are so much better than using petroleum. But once recreational pot is legalized these people seem to disappear. Or the "Indian gaming" pushes that say it'll be nothing like Las Vegas, and then once the laws are passed they run ads calling themselves the "shortcut to Vegas!"

This happens constantly when people talk about adult media. So many of the complaints are really about media, masturbation, male sexual nature, the nature of sex, etc. but people choose to only apply their complaint to adult media.

Some people breathlessly pronounce that if you watch "porn" you will become addicted, become impotent, rot your brain, and become a serial mass rapist-murderer. That, THEY CLAIM, is why they constantly warn people and call for restrictions ranging from censor/spyware they're selling to incarcerating people for making or watching video of adults having sex or pretending to. They dupe politicians into passing declarations that such material is a "public health crisis" even though it isn't, and offer a “cure” in the form of a book or “rehab” they’re selling. Or stickers and t-shirts.

Let's get honest about why people freak out about porn.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 5

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here.

 

 

Doesn't the woman you're with want to marry?

There is more than one way to answer this depending on your situation, but this question is based on you having at least one woman you are seeing, which may not be the case. In some cases, more than one of these answers will be useful for you.

A) No.

B) She says she wants to marry, but I know she isn't prepared to be a wife.

C) More than one woman I'm with wants to marry.I treat them equally by not marrying either/any.

D) There are things I want. That doesn't make it her/any woman's obligation to do them.

 

E) So what?

F) I take marriage very seriously and I don't want to enter into it lightly [...or at all].

G) We haven't been seeing each other long enough. [60 years might be enough.]

It is important to remember that you're not holding any woman hostage. Ideally, you haven't made any promises about actually proposing or getting married to any specific woman, nor are you living with any woman. She is continuing to see you AS-IS.

If you have told a woman you will propose to her or you will marry her, you need to invoke your prerogative to change your mind, and the sooner you make that clear, the better. She might leave/stop seeing you, she might not. Even if she does, it is far better than marrying. Living together is usually a very bad idea, but don't make it worse by signing a terrible state contract.

This sort of question by marriage sellers is often followed up with "So you're just using her?" or "You're wasting her time!" You are no more using her than she is using you. Since you're not married, your interactions are entirely voluntary, whereas marrying (even if subsequently divorcing) forces some interactions even if one of you no longer wants to interact in that way. If she doesn't enjoy the time she's spending with you or doesn't otherwise get anything out of it, she is free to NOT see you.

Part 6

Don't Be This Guy

If they didn't have kids together, I'd call for someone to liberate this beaten dog of a man.

Emily Lefroy wrote this article that is somehow at nypost.com and not The Onion.

A mom-of-two has revealed how her husband’s addiction to porn almost ruined their marriage and tore their family apart — and is now desperately warning others to be careful of any secrets their partner may be hiding.

"Porn addiction" is a term used by grifters, charlatans, pushers of porn panic, and people whose partners are angry about them viewing porn. It is not a term used by serious mental health professionals.

Jourdan Kehr shared her story in an effort to warn others about the hidden secrets their spouses may be keeping from their wives, calling her own experience “truly unbearable.”

From the looks of it, she shared her story to try to humiliate at least one other person and to get herself attention.

Kehr had had a hunch something was off with her partner, but what she discovered on his phone, an old video of two people having sex open on his screen, she described, was “truly unbearable.”

“I couldn’t stop shaking and I felt like my soul had left my body,” the photographer, from West Virginia, US, told NeedToKnow.co.uk.

“I didn’t know how to go on and I didn’t know how it was possible for any human to survive being in this much pain,” she admitted. “It made me physically ill for months.”

There was a problem alright. She might be mentally ill or have a personality disorder.

She mistreated her husband.

While Kehr, who shared two children, aged five and one, with her husband of nine years, believes it’s normal to find other people attractive, she deems it “unfaithful” to lust and fantasize after them sexually.

Then just about every married person is unfaithful, by that definition. The only way a healthy man doesn't fantasize about other people is if he is actively, constantly trying to avoid it, and never screws up. Dr. Laura and Dennis Prager, both very strong about marriage, fidelity, and "traditional values" would both say this woman's behavior and standards are problematic.

Now, couples can set their own rules. If they mutually agree that using media can be "unfaithful," then that's up to them. Of course, I would tell a man to never ever agree to such relationships. If he does, however, he should specify what she isn't allowed to look at, too.

Five months after Kehr’s devastating discovery, the couple are now in a much better place, crediting copious sessions with therapists, support groups and sexaholics anonymous as helping them get through.

What a farce. That poor man. I hope he does a better job of hiding it until the kids are grown.

“The porn industry is corrupt and I hope that with time, more men will wake up to the very real dangers of porn on their mind, body and relationships,” she said.

Go ahead and name an industry that isn't "corrupt." The garment industry is "corrupt," but I bet she doesn't make all of her clothes from scratch.

“I don’t want to shame men or women for viewing pornography,” she continued.

"It's cheating and it's corrupt, but I don't want to shame people." Get out of here with that crap.

According to a study by The Recovery Village, 10% of U.S. adults admit to having an addiction to internet pornography. 20% of them are men and 17% women.

I couldn't believe that line was still in the article when I retrieved it. The implication is that 63% of porn "addicts" are not men nor women. They are genderless, or something.

It's too bad the article didn't include comments from some good therapists.

Unmarried ladies: If you can't handle the fact that a man is going to notice other women, depictions of other women, and fantasize about other women, don't marry a man.

Wives: If your reaction to normal male sexual nature in your husband who isn't having an affair is anything close to this woman's reaction, you need some serious help.

Men: Don't be this guy. If you haven't married, don't. If you're married with minor kids, and your wife hasn't indicated she'd be rational about this, hide it from her and don't be careless about it, at least until the kids are grown.

Another Reason For Men to Avoid the Marriage Track

 

Guys, there are many reasons almost none of you are husband material and you should reorient your thinking and efforts away from finding a wife.

I’m adding another one I just heard Dr. Laura give. She has long said men shouldn’t use social media. But recently, relevant to when I’m writing this, she has also said “liking” pictures of women in swimsuits disqualifies you. That’s what she told a young woman who was dating a guy for about half a year.

Heed what she says, guys.

Spend your time, money, and energy doing other than looking for a wife. Want female companionship? Run game. 

Life on the Carousel

In an effort to discourage what they see as unfair competition, people like Dr. Laura will tell unmarried women something like:

 "The more sexual partners a woman has before she marries, the less she'll enjoy marital sex."

How exactly is that determined?

We can't compare people to themselves. No one person has had both experiences - having many sexual partners before marrying and having few or none before marrying. So how can anyone know?

This is how it is determined. Usually among other questions, they ask women who are or were married:

• How satisfied they are/were with their marital sex life
• How many partners they had before they married

Then, they notice that there appears to be some correlation.

Let's be clear about a few things though.

1) This is based on self reporting. People who have had few or no sex partners before their marriage have nothing for comparison. It's like giving a starving person plain rice. How happy is that person going to be with rice? Very! As far as sex, it's basically saying "I like sex" or "I'm happy with our sex life" even if they're having sex four times per year.

2) Who has few or no sex partners before marrying? Very religious people. Many of them consider it a sin or even a "negative confession" to say that they are anything less than thrilled with their marital sex life. Also, some unattractive women don't attract many sex partners. Of those who do marry, they're probably going to be happy.

3) There are many women who saved sex for marriage and then had a terrible sex life.

4) There are women who had "many" sex partners before marriage and have a great marital sex life. They tend to be women who like sex a lot and have a high drive.

5) What people who use this tactic are advocating is that you make vows and sign a state contract with someone before finding out if you're sexually compatible. It is VERY different to have no sex at all before marrying and to get very sexual with one person before marrying them. The latter often get lumped together with the former, even though with the latter, if they realize they're not sexually compatible, they are far less likely to marry in the first place.

6) It means something that the people who use this tactic don't apply to anything else. If a woman never goes to a nice restaurant before she marries, won't that make the experience of going to one with her husband that much more special? So an unmarried woman should decline offers to go to a nice restaurant, right?

There are many women who get bored of sex. If those women have had many sex partners before they married, then they might hit that wall of boredom earlier in their marriage. Incels and some others (like Dr. Laura, "purity" purveyors) say a woman's ability to bond, and thus enjoy sex more, gets damaged more the more sex partners she has (like a piece of tape that gets reused and reused loses effectiveness). But for any individual woman, there's no assurance that she'll enjoy sex a lot if she's waits and she won't enjoy it much if she doesn't.

Again, these studies never separate out women who have decided not to marry at all, are enthusiastic about sex, and don't have moral qualms about unmarried sex. Some of them enjoy sex very much. I know my first serious girlfriend enjoyed sex a lot even after having many partners. Or at least she was very effective at pretending to.

Running Game - Why Not Be a Romantic Gentleman?

Most of running game involves going AGAINST what you might think, what you've been told, works.

Don't go on dates arranged by coworkers or family members.
Don't buy her gifts.
Don't bring her flowers.
Don't meet her for lunch or coffee.
Don't take her out to a nice dinner.
Don't call her the next day.
Don't shower her with compliments.
Don't make holidays, her birthday, and anniversaries special for her.
Don't seek to make a good impression on her family and friends.
Don't be yourself or be your best self.

It works better for you if you don't show that you care, if you don't tell her everything about you, if you're not agreeable to everything she wants, if you don't show much effort, if you're not available most of the time, if you don't agree to see only her. Refusing to help her with her problems, compromise, or jump through hoops to impress her; acting like you have better things to do; and going after what you really want works.

Why would media lie to you? Because most media tries to appeal to what women want to see.

Why would your mother, grandmother, stepmother, aunt, sister, female coworkers, female neighbors, female friends lie to you?

Few, if any, of them are intentionally lying to you. They will say what they think sounds nice, or think they're supposed to say. But their goal isn't to get you laid, unless you have a very unusual relationship with them. Their goal is to get you paired up with a "nice", agreeable (to them) woman who will be their ally, their friend. The women in your life will tell you what they want men to do when they use those men for finance, labor, status, access, attention. Of course they want to be put on a pedestal and treated well. Oh, sure, they like it a lot when a man takes them out to a nice, expensive restaurant. Wouldn't you like it if someone paid for your nice dinner? Wouldn't you like someone to signal they will make your life financially easier? But that doesn't mean they'll be a great lover to the guy who does those things; usually quite the opposite. Even most articles, books, videos, or forum threads with women giving men advice on how to get laid will tell you what they WISH worked. But what actually works to get you what you want with as little trouble as possible is running game.

Romantic Gentlemen spend a lot of time, money, and effort, and what they get - if anything - is waiting for one woman until she's done "having her fun," is jaded and saddled, often, with debt, diseases, and kids. This woman might be available to him sometimes when it comes to what he wants. She'll always be available to let him pay for things and do chores for her, though.

Meanwhile, the guys running game enjoy the company of many different women without doing or dealing with much they don't want to. They don't spend much time, money, or effort to get what they want, and they do get what they want. Ask me how I know.

Running game works. Being the Romantic Gentlemen might work, if you want to be a doormat, a butler, and walking wallet.

Husbands Are Well Aware Adult Media is Fantasy

Antiporn crusaders will often say that porn gives unrealistic expectations, or that men don't consider that there's a difference between what's depicted in porn and real life. But THAT'S EXACTLY WHY THEY WATCH - because there is a difference between porn and real life.

What media has realistic portrayals of men, women, or relationships?

Professional sports coverage? How many people look like that and can perform like that?

Action movies in which men and women both withstand severe beatings but are still able to function like not much has happened to them?

Marvel and DC movies? Romantic comedies? Sitcoms? Advertisements, especially for jewelry and engagement rings? "Reality" shows? Princess fantasies? Church/ministry brochures, websites, and social media depicting gorgeous couples and their perfect children, all perpetually smiling and laughing?

Husbands are VERY aware porn is fantasy. They know all too well that wives are rarely that enthusiastic about sex.

Here's where someone retorts with, "Well maybe you're a lousy lover."

That might work on guys who "waited" or "saved sex" for marriage. Those of us who didn't know better.

"You should do more around the house."

Some of these husbands, myself included, do more around the house than their wife. But many of us did NOTHING around the home of our girlfriends, at least when we first started getting together with them, and yet they were enthusiastic lovers.

"That's just your wife. You should have picked better."

Picked better how exactly, if you don't want people having sex before they sign a terrible state contract? And nope, it isn't just my wife or his wife. We have seen the same story from many other husbands and ex husbands. Consider the old joke about why a bride is smiling so much.

Finally, any time an antiporn crusader says "Porn depicts___" or "Porn has____"  or "Porn is___" ...and finishes those statements with anything other than "...material someone finds arousing," they are misleading people. Adult media is very diverse. "Porn teaches" or "Porn says" or anything of the like is a statement as silly as saying "Books teach" or "Books say."

It's OK to say "I don't like nudity or sex in media." Criticizing adult media with criticisms that you can also apply to other media, but don't, reveals that you are desperate to persuade people to adopt your opinion through double standards.

A False Dichotomy About Society

We are frequently presented with a false dichotomy for society:

A) Husband and wife, blissfully and legally married, raising their well-behaved children, nicely maintaining a suburban or rural home, attending religious services multiple times per month, active in their community, law-abiding, building wealth. 

B) Miserable men abusing substances, eating mostly fast food, out of shape, playing video games and watching adult media all day, either living dependently in a parent’s basement and/or shacking up with a woman, or in squalor, conceiving children and then abandoning them, maybe living a life of crime. Women dependent on government, pining away for a good husband she’d lavish with her heart of gold. Children troubled because they weren’t raised in Situation A.

Those aren’t the only options. And we know they aren’t because there are examples of people living great lives who aren’t legally married. And there are people who are legally married who live terrible lives and/or are terrible parents.

There are never-married men who have lived great, honorable, productive lives.

There are never-married women who are thriving and happy.

There are children whose parents aren’t legally married who are being raised well and are thriving.

Most married people will either go through a divorce if they haven’t already or will be in a marriage with significant problems, such as separation, contempt, indifference, quiet desperation, abuse, dead bedrooms, affairs, and other miseries. Most divorced men didn’t file for the divorce. There are married women who complain frequently about their husband and reveal him to be a burden.

Let’s learn from, and hold up as positive examples, men and women who’ve done well unmarried. 

We can teach and encourage more people to:

• Take care of themselves through their own work and good habits, voluntary transactions, and voluntary associations
• Avoid aggressive violence 
• Have relationships they enjoy 
• Avoid conceiving children they won’t parent well

…without having them sign a terrible state contract

Reject the false dichotomy. A terrible state contract is not what makes anything better overall.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 4

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here.


It's not a commitment without marriage.

There is more than one way to answer this.

A) I don't want a commitment.

B) That's your assertion. Your opinion doesn't make it true.

People make commitments, including in romantic relationships, all of the time without a bad state contract.

Legally marrying isn't a commitment to anything other than default paternity and the spouse who earns more paying the other spouse.

It's very clear some people commit without legally marrying and some people legally marry but aren't committed to caring for, or staying with, the other person.

Commitment is demonstrated in behavior.

Let's consider two couples. The first couple never marries, but they take care of each other with love, kindness, and affection for decades, until death. The second couple gets married, cheat on each other, generally treat each other like crap, and break up. Who was truly committed?

Part 5

How To Avoid Single Women With Kids

Someone came here by searching "how to avoid single women with kids."

The most popular entry here is a warning not to date single mothers. You can see for yourself there are hundreds of comments on it.

Of course, you can avoid single women with kids by avoiding women entirely. That fail-safe solution isn't for everyone, though, especially if your a self-destructive masochist who actually wants to get married.

So how does a guy avoid single women with kids (single mothers), especially since more and more women are mothers the older they get?

Hang out in the pet store by the cat supplies.

But seriously, simply pay attention. Most single mothers won't stop talking about their kids, or will badmouth "the father of my kid(s)". In online dating profiles, their kids will often be in their pictures, even though there really isn't a good reason to show complete strangers pictures of their kids unless they're trying to attract pedophiles.

Any woman who hides the fact she has kids is definitely bad news. If you're just looking for sex, there's a chance a woman who hides or omits that she has children is also just looking for sex, and so you might think that's a good thing. But ask yourself... how did she become a single mother in the first place? By other men who were just getting together with her for sex? Stay away, unless you have had a vasectomy, and even then, you should probably heed the warning against dating single mothers.

How do you smoke out a single mother who is hiding the fact that she's a mother?

Perhaps by moving things to her place as soon as you can. You don't want her coming back to your place, anyway. If she's reluctant to let you see her place, she might also be thinking about her safety and convenience, or it might be a mess, or she might live with her husband(!), or she might have kids.

It would take a lot of work for her to remove signs of being a mother from around her place. She could try to pass off the other bedrooms as roommates' rooms.

It doesn't matter how things are going, or how attractive you find her. Once you realize she has kids, especially if she hid it, and especially if you haven't had a vasectomy, you need to drop her immediately. Leave. Ghost her.

If you have any tactics that work for you, please do share them in the comments.

What Newly Divorced or Freed Men Should Do

"Divorce is expensive because it is worth it." -Modern Proverb

So you're newly divorced or about to be divorced, or out of a long/live-in relationship.

What should you do?

This is all about minimizing risks, damage, and pain, and getting you to thrive and enjoy your life.

1) Reject the idea that you are a failure, or this is just about you or just about her. Most marriages fail; even more so for relationships that don't marry. It was likely a bad idea to get married or so deep into the relationship in the first place. Resist the notion that you should try this again or you should have shame for the divorce/breakup. If anything, it's a shame people have been pressured into these situations.

Minimize Hostility

Most women don't like men.

There are some who genuinely like men.

But for the most part, most women don't like men, even if they like what men can do for them.

Even women who like and appreciate what men can do for them might grow entitled, demanding, and  then resentful.

Contempt and disrespect pervade.

What men do is never enough. Women in "committed" relationships think they settled.

Many men simply don't grasp this. For example, most heterosexual men are physically attracted to a wide variety of women, and like seeing a woman's genitals, even if he doesn't know her. Conversely, most women don't even like their own husband's penis and don't care to see it. There's a good chance even your newlywed wife isn't physically attracted to you.

Consider gays and lesbians. Most gay men, who have no interest in women sexually, do not hate women. In fact, they often have women as best friends. But a lot of lesbians openly hate men. Because they aren't attracted to any men, they have no reason to pretend to like them.

For most of human history, women depended on men directly. That's no longer the case. Women can earn money in white collar or service jobs, and have full access to financial services, asset ownership, etc. Gun ownership can physically protect her.

Even though women no longer need men, there are still "kept" women, far more than men. But even many kept women grow to despise and resent the men who provide their lifestyle.

There are women who prefer male bosses and/or like hanging around men. But that's not necessarily because they like men. In some cases it is because women are so bad to each other or because these women believe they can manipulate these men.

Perhaps nothing is more amusing to a woman than when a man gets hurt or injured.

 

Pay attention to how women talk about men in spaces and platforms that cater to women. Notice the advertisements that effectively appeal to women, and how men are usually portrayed as helpless, pathetic, stupid, ignorant, annoying, disgusting, etc.

In addition, women who appreciate men or at least their man can be poisoned by their mother, sisters, friends, media, etc. into being hostile.

What's my point?

My point is DO NOT BURDEN WOMEN. Respect their independence and autonomy. Stay free. Do not enter into a terrible state contract with someone who, chances are, isn't attracted to you and doesn't like you, or at least soon won't.


She Feels Differently Than You

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 3

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Two can live together for less than separately.

What this means is if you're paying $3,000 per month and a woman is paying $2,500 per month, if you marry and move in together, she can stop paying rent or a mortgage and some redundancies will be eliminated, and the overall cost of living for the two of you will be less. Allegedly.

That benefits her. Unless you're already paying her way through life, which you shouldn't, how does that benefit you? IT DOESN'T. Even if she plans to contribute to rent or the mortgage, she will likely push to live in a bigger/more expensive place, there's no guarantee she will even keep working and financially contributing, and you're better of NOT allowing her to develop a claim to a home you owned.

Having her move in to your place puts your place at risk. She can have you kicked out of your own place, compel you to keep paying for her to live there, and claim at least some ownership. Don't allow that! DON'T MARRY! Don't let her move into your place!

Having her move in with you or you moving in with her will also will increase your utility bills and grocery bills, and she will likely insist on removing and replacing many items (especially if she thinks another woman touched them), and that will be costly.

Always keep in mind that divorce is very expensive, and even without divorce, at least half of your earnings are legally shifted to your wife. Wives make 80 percent of the spending decisions.

Stay free and keep control over your own assets and finances. Don't pay a woman's way through life. Respect their independence, their capability, their girl power. Believe women who say women don't need a husband.

Part 4

Oh No! Men Enjoying Technology!

I'd probably like most of what Barak Lurie has to say on his weekly radio show. I've never heard it. I'm thinking the vast majority of people in the greater Los Angeles radio market haven't either. That's not a knock on him, but it's just the reality of weekend AM talk radio, especially any English station in this market not named KFI. He was fortunate enough to get on Dennis Prager's national daily show today (Wednesday, October 2, 2019), during the Male-Female Hour, to promote his book Rise of the Sex Machines. [This entry has been bumped up.]

Like Prager, Lurie sells marriage and parenting. These guys want you to get married and crank out babies. They see doing those things as an obligation. Doesn't that sound appealing?

So they are worried about "sex machines", meaning sexbots or sex robots, as if the only choice a man has is being in a marriage with a woman, or having a sexbot, and if we warn against the latter, men will be forced into the former.

Right off of the bat, Lurie said it's much easier not to have a relationship. Exactly! Why make life more difficult if you don't have to???

Prager, for his part, started off saying he was worried about sexbots and he mentioned incels. Again, incels are involuntarily celibate (unmarried). Robots/dolls could disappear and incels would still exist. Most incels don't have one. Very few do.

Prager went to say that loneliness is an epidemic and that the only cures are traditional. However, it is possible to be unmarried and childfree, and not be lonely. As Dr. Laura tells the children of older adults who are worried about those older adults being lonely: Loneliness is a choice.

They didn't ignore the part women are playing in this. Prager said that feminism today means disdain for men. But he quickly went back to saying that he was raised to believe that "being a man" meant taking care of a family, and that getting married was the most important thing to do.

That was a long time ago, sir. And just because someone raised you that way doesn't make it right, especially today.

Lurie did cite that relationships today are considered minefields, false allegations of rape, me too, and all of that. He lamented that the Japanese view children (realistically, I note) as liabilities and that it makes no sense to have children, but Lurie thinks having children is a duty. How nice!

Closer to the end of the hour, Prager said that "winner men" will still seek women instead of sex machines. Sure, if he defines winners as those who seek marriage, but that's circular. The fact is, there are men who are successful, healthy, attractive, and having great lives who are not seeking women, at least not to marry, live with, or to join in an exclusive relationship. Winner men have the most to lose by signing that terrible state contract and engaging in that conflated cultural train wreck.

It says a lot that these guys think men might eschew women because of the availability of sex dolls, including that they think men will perceive that women have less to offer as overall positives in a man's life than a robot. They can't stop progress, so if they're worried, perhaps the answer is working on changing the things that are getting men to avoid marriage (and no, it isn't dolls, robots, or pixels).