A Detrimental Partnership

Some things in your life, you do well. You know a lot about those things, maybe from experience, maybe from formal education and training, maybe from educating yourself. You do those things well and will likely be able to do those things well until you die or unless you get serious dementia.

Imagine if someone came into your life who clearly, objectively, provably, wasn't very good at doing one of those things, or at least nowhere near as good as you, yet you now were compelled to partner with them in the matter, meaning they would get to make a lot of the decisions, or you were expected to clear every significant decision with them.

This is what can happen when a man who has his financial act together marries.

Getting Married Was the Biggest Mistake of My Life

Marrying is the biggest mistake I've made. It's not even close. It isn't like it just beats out another mistake. No, getting married has turned out to be my biggest mistake by far.

It's not just that I shouldn't have married my wife.

I shouldn't have married.

There's no woman on Earth who should have been my wife.

If you think you're different than me, chances are you're not. Man, if you're considering marriage, even if you're set to get married later today, DON'T DO IT. Legally marrying burdens a breadwinning man with enormous risks and obligations with no guaranteed benefit. You don't need a wife.

And that's just the "successful" marriages.

Literally most marriages are failures. Most!

Unmarried Men, You Need to Get or Stay Scarce Until at Least February 15

Unmarried men, if you've been staying scarce for the last month or two when it comes to any woman who was thinking of you as husband material, keep up the good work!

For those of you who spent December and the holidays with such woman, you really need to get with the program NOW!!!

You DO NOT want a woman trying to make you her husband, and so you need to get or stay scarce. Be busy. Be "sick."

There are ads on television, radio, and websites/apps right now trying to get men to plan romantic evenings and buy expensive items because February 14 exists. NO NO NO!!!

Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

When Guys Who Avoid Marriage Tell Others to Marry

Dr Laura read this during Hour 2 of her program on Tuesday, February 8, 2022. It's titled "What Are the Social Benefits of Marriage?"

Please note that all of the supposed social benefits for marriage for men can be obtained without legally marrying.

Also note that the website is owned by "United States Conference of Catholic Bishops." If marriage is so great, why don't any of them get married??? This is like men who all vow to eat steak on a regular basis telling everyone else how great being a vegan is. Roman Catholic bishops rely on Catholics having more children so that those children will fill their churches and schools.

Shame on Him For Trying to Please His Wife

Dr. Laura usually gets it right and helps a lot of people, especially the people listening to her program.

Six minutes into the podcast of her program for Friday, February 4, 2022, her first caller was "Peggy."

Peggy sounded nervous, she said she was nervous, and when the call started she couldn't hear Dr. Laura well at first, but that was soon corrected.

PEGGY: I've been married for 25 years. I'm 66 years old, it's my second marriage. My husband is 72. In the beginning of our relationship we fell in love really fast[1], we had great sexual chemistry, and really will still do have great sexual chemistry. The problem is, when I was much younger, I could be multiorgasmic. Over the years that has waned, as I think is a normal type of thing. But my husband still thinks I'm multiorgasmic, and I've faked orgasms, because-

DR. LAURA INTERRUPTING: I don't really understand that. Both of you don't look as good as you used to look when you were younger, nor when you first met. [Dr. Laura continues to talk about looks, skin, etc., to try to make the point that they've "adapted" to that.] You've decided to play a game and not trust your man. You've not explained to him that "My sexuality has changed, one, on the outside, two, I'm good, I'm really good. I feel great. I don't need to have the 82 while you're still up. It just doesn't work that way anymore because I'm sixty-something." Tell the truth. You don't have to tell him you've been faking it. Just start telling him the truth from now on.

PEGGY: I've left this one little piece out. I-

DR. LAURA INTERRUPTING: WHY? Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! I KNOW you're hearing "shush." I know you're hearing that. Why should I listen to the thing you're going to drop in that you didn't think was important enough to put up front?[2]

PEGGY: [Apologizes]

DR. LAURA: Why did you hold it back? "I held it back because..."

PEGGY: I held it back because I should have started with that instead of trying to add it at the end. I should have started with what I was going to say to you. 

DR. LAURA: And the reason you didn't start with it is...?

PEGGY: Because I'm nervous-

[Eventually Peggy is allowed to continue.]

PEGGY: I'm going to say recently, without the last six to eight months, we just made a move. We moved from one state to another state and we're in the middle of building a house. Sometimes we don't have time for sex because we're very busy.[3] My husband started buying these toys for me, like vibrators and so on. Because I did tell him, you know "I am getting older, I'm tired, I'm good with one or two orgasms" and if we don't do it every night for him he seems so disappointed. And last week he was pushing pushing pushing- 

DR. LAURA INTERRUPTING: SHHHH SHHHHH SHHH "Honey, I love you. Pushing is not sexy. It's not romantic, and it's not loving. It's treating me like a prostitute.[4] You've decided you need a sexual release every day and I should do it no matter how I feel. That's not loving." It's called truth. [Dr. Laura repeats how it's not sexy, not romantic, the truth, etc. - PLEASE NOTE that it is her program and she can repeat as much as she wants, even though she tells callers not to repeat.] Is he taking pills or testosterone?

PEGGY: No, and he doesn't always take care himself. He wants to please me, because he thinks I need to be pleased that much. 

DR. LAURA: Then you need to tell him the truth. Your drop-in precludes him caring about you. It doesn't sound like he cares about you. If he doesn't do it every night he's disappointed. That's not caring about you. You've been misinterpreting that dear.[5]

Since Dr. Laura encouraged Peggy to say "the truth" to her husband, Peggy said he was on a business trip, apparently to indicate that she'd talk to him when she could do so face-to-face. Dr. Laura cut her off and said "and there's no such thing as a phone."[6] Then hung up on her before she could say more on the air, as she was trying.

Notes:

1. Dr. Laura will often stop callers and ask how fast things happened. She also usually asks what happened to the first marriage. It might be relevant. She wasn't interested enough to ask this time, probably because the marriage has lasted so long.

2. The real answer is that she didn't include that because Dr. Laura cut her off. The stuff Peggy had said was all necessary background. Dr. Laura had cut her off and didn't let her include everything. But Peggy can't say that because Dr. Laura will get irritated at least, and might hang up. So for a couple of minutes, the call is going to be critiquing HOW the caller has done the call so far and trying to get the caller to say WHY it happened that way, making the caller make something up.

3. Dr. Laura has told many other callers they have to make time and energy for sex. The have to drop something else, or get help with other things, to make their marriage their priority. That went unsaid this time.

4. Got that, guys? "Pushing" for sex is treating your wife like a prostitute. Prostitutes get paid for sex. Wives get paid, period.

5. This is Dr. Laura trying to save face. Peggy made it very clear, even though she was cut off more than once, that her husband isn't trying to get himself off, he's trying to make sure his wife, who apparently had a high drive and has previously enjoyed multiple orgasms each time, is satisfied. That's why he bought vibrators. What Peggy was looking for was how to tell him she is no longer able to orgasm as much and that there's nothing wrong with that and he's not letting her down.

6. Dr. Laura has, in other situations, urged people to talk face-to-face.

It's possible there was something on her screen or Peggy had sent an email and Dr. Laura was taking that into account, but we can only evaluate the call based on what was said on the program.

Guys, avoid these problems. Stay free!!!

Annual Marriage Sellers Propaganda Week

It's the week that marriage sellers have picked to be their annual publicizing of more propaganda than usual.

DO NOT FALL FOR IT GUYS! Certainly, DO NOT PROPOSE OR MARRY on Valentine's Day!

If you're not currently married, DO NOT let these people fool you.

There is no benefit to you to get legally married (or married again) that you can't get for less cost without legally marrying.

Marriage is a terrible state contract for most men.

Most marriages fail.

You can have an honorable, happy, fulfilled, full, productive, good life without ever legally marrying.

Something I've seen already today:

"Married people are happier."

For the purposes of this blog, I'm more concerned about men. Not "people." Our marriage laws and culture are gynocentric. Women get materially rewarded for marrying. Of course marriage can make women happy. (Don't be fooled, though. Women might like getting married, but many despise and resent their husbands, and don't really want to be wives.)

Briefly, because I've detailed this elsewhere, here's why you shouldn't infer what they are outright saying or trying to imply; getting married will make you happy.

1. Married men aren't always being honest or reality-based when reporting that they are happy. If they aren't assured their answers are anonymous and that their wife won't see their answer, if they don't want to admit "failure," if they think saying they are anything less than thrilled with their marriage would be a sin or a negative confession, they're not going to be honest. Most people in my life, including my wife, think I'm happily married. I'm not. But I don't let on (weekly therapy helps me keep the ruse going) because it would make my life worse if I did. I was VERY happy before I married. Unfortunately, I was ignorant and delusional enough to think I should marry.

2. Many of these husbands have no idea how much happier they'd be if unmarried.

3. Men told by their family, their religion, culture, etc. that they're losers if they're not married are going to be happy that they got married.

4. Happier people are more likely to attract and keep a spouse. It isn't that marriage made them happy. They were already happy. If unhappy, they are more likely to get divorced and thus be counted as "unmarried."

5. Studies about this never separate out intentionally unmarried men. Rather, all unmarried men (divorced, widowed, shacking up, hoping to get married, unable to attract a wife, etc.) are lumped together. Men who have decided to be Free Men or have otherwise joined the marriage strike can be much happier than the average husband.

Feel free to link to, copy and paste, or steal shamelessly from this blog to counter the narratives you'll be seeing this week.

Here are just a few other posts on this blog that might help:

My Core Advice to Men

Why You Don't Want to Do That

Reasons For Men to Stay Unmarried

How to Just Say No to Giving Up Your Freedom

How to Keep Your Friends Free

You Don't Need a Wife