It's Too Late

Suzanne Venker, who has been one of the women who has expressed awareness of misandrist elements in our culture, posted an entry on her blog, which is "for a marriage-minded woman", that caught my attention. The title is "An Open Letter to American Men: Here's What Modern Women Want".

Now, before we get into the body of the blog entry, I wanted to address the title.

A growing percentage of men don't care what a modern woman wants.

The MGTOW movement and similar reactions to misandry have men swearing off marriage, shacking up, supposedly exclusive relationships, and, for many, dating at all.

This reminds me of a story Tom Leykis tells about when he was trying to get a woman to move out of his house. And yes, it was his house. She had no claim to it, by design. In his telling, he takes her to a therapist because she's ignoring his statements that he wants her to leave. In session, Leykis explains that it is over and he wants her out, and her reaction is, "What about all of the bad things he does?"

It's not a negotiation!

This is like when someone decides they do not want to buy any car on that car lot at all, and they leave, and the salesperson calls after him and says, "Here's what we're going to need from you."

We're not looking to buy the cow anymore, ladies. We might not even care to drink milk. Heaven forbid my wife leave or die any time soon, but if I were to find myself unmarried again, I would never, ever get into another supposedly exclusive relationship ever again, and thus I wouldn't care what modern women want. And I'm doing what I can so that other men won't care, either.

But let's take a look anyway, shall we?

I received an email the other day from a woman named Jessica who wanted to address why romance novels are such a "booming industry." Namely, because they cater to women's ingrained desire for a dominant male—the subject of a new book I'm writing. 

Yes, women seem to want a dominant male. Unfortunately, marriage these days is emasculating.

When a woman says she wants a dominant male, perhaps she means it. And what she means is, "I want a man who'll take care of everything for me. Except when he does something I don't like. Then I want him to magically know how to make everything turn out the way I like."

Let's get to the letter from "Jessica":

We alpha women are tired. Tired of always feeling like we have to do it all ourselves, tired of feeling like we have to prove that we can handle it all all the time.

So after all of that "We can do it all and we want to do it all" stuff, this is where they are.

We want so badly for the dominant male to just come in and take over and handle things so we can focus on what we really want: to have a loving relationship and to raise our kids while knowing we’re taken care of and protected.

For how many of them does "raise our kids" mean sticking them in daycare?

We want that so badly, but society makes us feel guilty for wanting it so we constantly battle ourselves in an effort to convince ourselves that we don't need those things — which is exhausting since at the end of the day we know, deep down, that’s what we want and need.

Women have had a funny way of showing it.

Reading [romance] novels [like Fifty Shades] is an escape, and a safe way to be dominated and not be judged for it.

How did we get from "raising kids" to BDSM? How many of Venker's readers think the whole "Fifty Shades" thing is evil? How many think their husbands will turn into serial killers of they see pixels depicting a woman's nipples?

That was end of the quote from the letter.

Sadly, our culture of equality undermines this very real human desire by removing the inherent hierarchical structure that exists between the sexes due to their physical and psychological differences.

With talk like that, no wonder the feminists hate Venker.

People also conflate being dominant with being domineering. Those are not the same things, and indeed both men and women are turned off by domineering partners.

Oh, I'll bite. "Dominant" means you take care of everything, but the way she likes. "Domineering" means you take care of everything, but she doesn't like some of the things you do, and you don't seem to care that she doesn't.

A man's dominance merely signals his ability to be a strong provider and protector—to be respected by his peers, to meet life’s challenges, and to defend himself and his loved ones against their enemies.

Pretty much what I said. "Respected by his peers" is interesting. When I hear that a guy has proposed or is getting married, I think he's sacrificing himself for little or not good reason. How much respect is that?

Men who appear weak, lazy, or easily dominated are less able to protect and help women and children and thus make women feel unsafe.

Unfortunately, men lose all of their power when they marry, so we appear weak and dominated.

Now I realize you can say in response, "Well, if women hadn't rejected chivalry, insisted upon equality and demoted men in the first place, we wouldn't be in this boat!" And I don’t disagree. But I'm not concerned with the feminists who led this fight and who wouldn't know how to have a real relationship with a man if it were handed to them on a silver platter.  

I'm concerned with women like Jessica, who were fed this false narrative and couldn't help but be affected by it. They are suffering and don't know what to do. So instead they read romance novels and dream about men who are stronger than they are. 

Cry me a river. Obtain cats and batteries. While YOU didn't cause this mess, we all have to deal with it, and refusing to enter into bad contracts with women is a valid way of dealing with it.

1. Grow a spine. What every strong woman wants is to know that the man she's with is stronger than she is. She ultimately wants to be tamed. 

We have no interest in "taming" woman of today. Attempting to do so is fraught with peril, and the potential payoff is minimal. The best way for a man to have a spine is to refuse to allow a woman any access to, or control of, his finances, residence, or his time.

2. Take the lead...You need to be someone who can take initiative and make decisions, as opposed to being a spectator or observer of life. Don't be a follower who lets your woman lead.

In other words, take care of everything for her and received his ingratitude in exchange.

Free men ARE leaders. They lead their lives and don't have a woman telling telling them what to do.

3. Know what you want. 

Oh, we do. We know what we want. And it's freedom.

There is nothing that irks the alpha woman more than a man who's indecisive or who turns the decision-making over to her. It may appear as though she wants to make all the decisions, but she doesn’t.

Funny how she keeps telling us that things may appear a certain way, but they aren't really that way. This is one major reason men have decided to stay free. The reason why men defer to the woman is because they are tired of dealing with nagging, the bitching, the whining, and charges of not caring about what she wants, etc. So especially if it is something we don't really care all that much about, we leave it to you, ladies. Unless we're free men.

4. Get educated. There are a lot brilliant women running around today, which I know can be intimidating. That means you need to be at least as educated as they are because women tend to marry across and up the dominance hierarchy. If a college degree is not in the cards, you can get the equivalent of a degree by simply reading and paying attention to what's going on around you.

Oh, we have. Which is why we're dumping marriage.

But to do this, you have to watch less television and play fewer video games.

Well you knew that had to come up somewhere, didn't you?

5. Be authoritative and reasonably fit. Women are attracted to men in authority who look good. That doesn't mean you have to be rich or svelte, or own a company, or wear a suit all the time. But there's no getting around the fact that how you present yourself matters.

Free men get to wear what they want.

Alpha women take care of themselves and want a man who takes care of himself.

How many of these women stop even trying after they've got the contract and the little babbling annuities?

Be authoritative in whatever you do.

Free men ARE authoritative.

Example:

Woman: Won't you buy me a drink?

Free man: No.

6. Be a gentleman. I can hear what you're thinking now: Men used to be gentleman until women insisted men not be by saying they can open doors for themselves and even pay their own way! This is unquestionably true. But that doesn't mean you have to listen to the message.

Being a gentlemen won't come into play much when fee men avoid women entirely or come over for a booty call. About the only place it will is when he meets a new prospect for drinks AFTER she's had dinner.

It's too late. Too bad, so sad.

Ladies, you're like the manager of a unit in a terrible company that has been awful to employees and we're like the ex employee who has quit and left the premises with a liquid account that's enough to cover a year's expenses and another job lined up, or our own business up and running. And you're calling us up and saying "OK, I need you do these things for me."

We're not interested. We don't care what you say you want. We're done.

Women who want to marry capable, confident men are going to find fewer and fewer willing to marry, because although we're slow to adapt, men are catching on to the fact that, for most of us, marriage is a losing game.

I don't read Venker's blog often enough to know if she's ever explained what she thinks women still have to offer men. I assume it's something along the lines of bearing and raising children, homemaking, and all of that. Thanks, but no thanks.